Why does it seem there are more male late bloomers than female late bloomers?

[chickadeedee]

Wow, just wow. This is really simpler than you think. Do you really expect to attract women to date with bitter and sexist and angry rants like this? the problem for you isn't 'how the world works' (which frankly you have quite wrong in terms of your assumptions), it is in your attitude and expectations and analysis of why you are not being successful (which is quite wrong and based on false assumptions).

 

I suggest you get some therapy to straighten yourself out if you want to be successful in life and find a partner and have a loving relationship. You can choose you can sit around scratching your mad spot and inflaming yourself with sexist rants that have no basis in how relationships really work, but that won't make your happy or get yourself a girl.

 

You are just shadow boxing here my friend!

[happy_snapper]

While it may be true that a shy girl has more chance of being asked out than a shy guy... what's the point of ranting and raving about it.

If it really is just a fact of life, then complaining isn't going to help. You've got to live with it one way or another.

If it isn't a fact of life, then you need to find the exceptions.

 

But of course, complaining on the internet is very comforting and you don't have to do anything difficult.

[Wayfara]

Not for being a "good person" you should be the same regardless. Things like love and sex or even simply being physical with someone such as a hug or a touch is a biological need that every human (even animals) need to function and grow into healthy beings.

 

I think many times when we say everyone deserve a relationship it is meant in a nonliteral sense, a way of saying we hope everyone finds mutual love, just as we hope everyone finds happiness. But when it goes from hoping to find a partner to thinking we deserve one literally I think it's damaging as it breeds anger and contempt over men/women not giving us what we "deserve". We can't deserve a partner as that would mean someone out there owe us a partner in form of themselves which would be slavery. We can never deserve another person, they have to come willingly, when we get angry when they don't come willingly we don't truly respect their choice not to, a red flag in my opinion.

 

Sex and romantic relationships aren't human rights, we have right to pursue it but not get it, luckily we can live long healthy lives without sex and romantic relationships (statistically nuns live longer than the rest of us), it's not essential as food or water. You mention hugs and touch, love comes in many forms, parental love, platonic love, altruistic love, you don't need a romantic partner to get a hug, so not having someone to hug isn't a dating problem but a social one.

 

It pisses me off when a girl (who most likely gets all her physical and emotional needs met) says its too bad when someone else who barely or never experienced it steps up and asks why.

 

I don't think it's bad to ask why. It's anger/bitterness/resentment toward the romantic targets for not giving them sex and romance I think is bad. I do happen to be in a relationship but I'm not owed it and as much it would hurt to be left I don't think it changes the fact it would be my partner's right leave me if my partner wanted to. So what I mean, I understand it sucks not have someone and I empathize with that pain, I just don't think pain gives someone right to a relationship.

 

As to why is it hard for some to find someone:

 

Well, sometimes it's just bad luck, it sucks but it is what it is, attraction is not guaranteed even when the one in front of you is model with an amazing personality and a billion on the bank. There are many amazing guys out there I feel nothing for and there is nothing wrong with them, just not my type. This is why I think one shouldn't measure one's self worth on how desirable one is as being a good person doesn't guarantee one will have men/women fighting over them.

 

Sometimes it is social awkwardness, someone who has hard making friends has probably hard time with dating too, both requires social interaction.

 

It could be the vibe they send out. Maybe they had bad luck in dating and that made them angry and now it's angry vibe that makes people keep their distance. Or maybe it made them overly desperate and a desperate vibe isn't much better.

 

It could be that they seem boring or unhappy. People want to be with someone that makes the work of relationship worth it and if your partner bores you then you are going to bored a lot, not because it's your partner's job to entertain you (it isn't) but because most relationships require you to spend a lot of time with your partner which stops you from using that time to do fun things on your own. So when the prospect of spending time with the date feels more boring than spending that time alone most move on. Dating someone unhappy or insecure isn't that fun either, you will spend a lot of time and energy reassuring them, trying to make them smile, it will feel like a job in the long run.

 

It could be that they are not physically looking their best, bad hygiene, clothes with holes, overweight etc.

 

You will never be guaranteed romantic love, you can only increase the chances of it. You increase the chance to find a healthy relationship by leading a fulfilling life (and I don't think a partner is necessary for that), looking clean and healthy, meeting new people and not letting resentment or desperation corrupt you.

 

Its sad that women are the gatekeepers of the physical world and therefore can have the love they want whenever they want.

 

Can a woman make you have a relationship with her against your will? No (not lawfully anway), because you are a gatekeeper, you only open your gate to those you choose. We are all gatekeepers. Some choose to have their gate open to everyone, and that is their choice, and some choose to open their gate to no one, and that is their choice, some choose to open their gate to many, some to few, all choices are valid, and no matter the choice we make we are all gatekeeper as we all can, at any point we want, close the gate. I think this is good, we are never forced to have relationships we don't want. And it's good for you too I hope, you wouldn't want your partner to be with you unwillingly, and, with the assumption you are a heterosexual man, wouldn't you want the choice to say no when a man or a woman you are not attracted to wants a relationship with you? Men have the same right to say no to women as women have to them, and if all women can get love whenever they want, as you say, it would mean they would all be so irresistible that no one they get interested in could possibly say no to them. Are you really irresistibly attracted all women you meet?

[sidburn]

Because guys are expected to do the "hard part" of making the first move. A girl can be shy and still be asked out/propositioned for sex, and all she has to do is say yes.

 

To put things in perspective, I'm currently dating a bisexual girl, and she has as many ex-girlfriends as I do.

[H8Reality217]

Wow, just wow. This is really simpler than you think. Do you really expect to attract women to date with bitter and sexist and angry rants like this? the problem for you isn't 'how the world works' (which frankly you have quite wrong in terms of your assumptions), it is in your attitude and expectations and analysis of why you are not being successful (which is quite wrong and based on false assumptions).

 

I suggest you get some therapy to straighten yourself out if you want to be successful in life and find a partner and have a loving relationship. You can choose you can sit around scratching your mad spot and inflaming yourself with sexist rants that have no basis in how relationships really work, but that won't make your happy or get yourself a girl.

 

You are just shadow boxing here my friend!

 

Yes, sadly, unfortunately, being bitter, resentful is a thousand, million, billion times worse if you are a guy, which is why I hate, despise, loathe masculine-feminine polarity with a burning raging passion. Someone told me that he thinks it is because being bitter and resentful is similar to being y and are unappealing feminine traits. David Deida writes about the importance of masculine & feminine polarity in relationships. A bitter and resentful man isn't going to turn on today's straight woman who responds to mature masculinity.

 

Yes, I know and am aware of the fact that women do not owe me anything, I am not entitled or owed a date or relationship, sex from a woman, no man has the divine right to have a woman in his life, although it feels women are more entitled, owed dating, relationships and sex than men are since all they have to do is either accept or reject at the whim, welcome or deny advances.

[Wayfara]

being bitter, resentful is a thousand, million, billion times worse if you are a guy

 

A bitter and resentful man isn't going to turn on today's straight woman who responds to mature masculinity

 

Why would would those traits be more attractive in a woman, I would like to think bitterness and resentment would be a turn off not only to females, would you want to date a man-hater? Or maybe you mean you think there are more men than women who feel desperate enough to date the angry bitter ones?

 

it feels women are more entitled, owed dating, relationships and sex than men are since all they have to do is either accept or reject at the whim, welcome or deny advances

 

A woman who accepts and rejects men at the whim is clearly not into any of them. Personally I think it's better to wait with dating until you find someone you like instead of accepting dates at the whim, just as I think those who hit on anything, at the whim too, would be better off waiting until they find someone they like before they put on the moves, but that's a personal opinion.

 

Anyway, there are entitled women just as there are entitled men, they will get angry when the men they want won't have them. I don't support that, men have right to say no too. I disagree though that having people hit on you out is a sign of entitlement as you can't control what other people do thus you can't be responsible for their actions.

[Capricorn3]

Thread had run its course.