Skinny Girl

[LoLo22]

Hey everyone,

 

This has been bothering me for most of my life and recently I've gained enough courage to post this and ask for help.

 

Ever since I could remember, I was the skinniest in my family, amongst my friends and in my class. In grade 7, I started getting bullied for it. All my "friends" were developing and I was a late bloomer. All the boys and my so called "friends" made fun of my flat chest and said things like "you're shaped like a boy" or "no guys will like a flat girl like you". Back then, I never had that much self esteem to begin with, it was never instilled in me at a young age. All I ever wanted was to be accepted, so I hung out with the "cool" kids despite their bullying. From grade 7-12 I hated my body and was depressed.

 

Now that those years are behind me, my hatred toward my body isn't as strong and I don't get as depressed, but I've still been fighting this seemingly never ending battle to gain some self-esteem. I'm still scarred from all the name calling. When I turned 20, I tried gaining weight: protein powders, Ensure, working out, calorie counting and eating more. For 3 years I've been trying with no results that I could ever be satisfied with. The most I ever gained from all that was 5 pounds.

 

To this day I don't like my body. People tell me that I have a nice body, but I never believe them. I've never felt sexy. I've never felt attractive because I feel that curvy, thick women are sexy. I know appearance and having an amazing body isn't everything, but I'm human and I'd like to feel attractive every now and then. I know it's strange because we live in a world where being skinny is "ideal", but I look at women like Beyonce, Kim K, Amber Rose & Christina Hendricks and I see their body types as being ideal. I feel that most men aren't attracted to me and wouldn't be. I don't have trouble meeting guys, it just takes me a little long because of how small I am. My discomfort with my own body is so bad that I wouldn't let my last boyfriend grab my bum, i told him that "there isn't much to grab".

 

I'm not sick and I don't have any eating disorders, I'm just naturally thin and most likely high metabolism stops me from gaining weight the way I want to. I'm tired of being afraid to wear dresses because my legs are too skinny or t-shirts because my arms are twigs. I'm tired of hearing comments like "you're too skinny","How much do you eat?", "Do you even eat?","you look 16" and the saddest part is...I'm 23...Plus, we live in a world where we can't uplift a body type without tearing down another and where things like "real women have curves" and all that crap gets thrown at me.

 

I guess I'm slowly coming to terms with my size and now I need a way to gain self-esteem, but I don't know where to start. Please help me finally accept me for me because I'm sick and tired of being uncomfortable in my own skin.

[ParisPaulette]

Oh hon, I do feel for you. Truly I do, because I had the same problem when I was younger. I was skinny, everyone felt free to comment on it and it was just never a good thing, right?

 

Here's the truth though--there are guys who love a petite woman. Men don't love just one body type, they generally love women, and for every guy out there who wants a Beyonce there's a guy out there who wants an Emma Watson, a Keira Knightly or some other actress who is slender and elegant. Find other people you admire who have a similar body build, focus on playing up your good features, stop worrying about the negative and if you need help get into therapy to help.

 

The fact is when I relaxed somewhat about my looks, when I dressed to my body and the heck with what anyone else thought, I started to get curvy women who told me they envied me and my figure. And people responded to me, because I was simply interested in them and didn't care what they thought of my chest size or lack of it. When you're self-conscious and focused in on yourself others pick up on that and read it as you not being interested in them, not that you're shy or feel bad about yourself.

 

Also focus on accomplishments, real skills and real experiences that you go out and have. It's a whole lot harder to feel bad about your appearance when you just aced that test or ran a marathon, when you stand on a mountain top that you just hiked or yes took that trip to someplace you always wanted to go. Those things help. And in time your metabolism will even out and yes, as hard as it is to believe now the day will come when you look back at pictures of yourself and wonder why you never thought yourself beautiful then.

[alli]

It is hard to be satisfied with your body in a society where your very own skin is public domain for ridicule and criticism. I think most women at some point have wished that their body was different in some way so you aren't alone there. On one hand, overweight people are seemingly systematically discriminated against. People try to overcome this by saying things like "real women have curves!" which is great to be accepting of one body type if you aren't simultaneously putting down another. No, real women are real women regardless of their body shape. For some reason people think it's ok to ridicule skinny girls.

 

Your appearance is no one's business but your own and I wouldn't even address those questions. I can't think of any polite ways to respond that would shut them down. I would be tempted to answer with sometime like "tell me about your last bowel movement" or "what is your least favorite sex position?". You know, since we are apparently asking each other personal questions.

 

Over time I've grown more comfortable in my own skin. I hope you do, too.

[LoLo22]

Thanks you two!

[toby17]

So, a couple of things strike me about your post:

(1) you don't like your body

(2) other people tell you you look nice

(3) you're convinced that men aren't attracted to you.

 

First, you're naturally disposed to be skinny but you fight it. You would prefer to spend a lifetime in a never-ending battle with your body rather than accept it for what it is. It reminds me of the the book "If Life is a Game, these are the Rules". Rule No 1: You will receive a body - the challenge is to make peace with that body.

 

It goes without saying of course that there are other people who would love to have your problem (myself included).

 

But other people tell you that you're attractive. You're the one who tells yourself that your body isn't attractive and that men don't find your body-type attractive.

 

Again, this strikes me of a problem largely of your own making and one only you can solve - not by fixing your body but by accepting it.

 

Finally, your criteria for whether your body is attractive is what you think men will think. So it seems like you want to put your self-esteem in the hands of other people.

 

My advice is:

(i) accept your body;

(ii) dress for your body type;

(iii) wear clothes that accentuate your attributes.

 

I think this is likely to be more successful than trying to gain weight.

[1a1a]

My advice is:

(i) accept your body;

(ii) dress for your body type;

(iii) wear clothes that accentuate your attributes.

 

These, and

 

(iv) Be a person who does interesting things and is interesting (aka pursue your passions!!!!)

 

Also, read the stories on mybodygallery and then get angry at this society that produces So Many Women who hate their bodies. Angry, feel Anger!!

[lerenard]

I am the same, always was. Was bullied, called a plank, an dystrophic and so on. I don't want to hate on others, or to seem like I am spiteful, but most girls that were bullying me are overweight now and look 10 years older than their actual age.)) I look 16 at almost 25 and feel amazing)

And as for me - I had so much compliments and adoration for my petite body, small breasts, the lack of that big booty, that at some point I stopped worrying. I feel very cute and delicate, and honestly, I never really wanted to be bigger, to have bigger boobs or bigger booty. It will look strange on my frame.

 

So honey, some of us were there too. And it OK to be different, and I really feel your pain, especially with the amount of propaganda going on right now for giant booties and big breasts. You are beautiful!

[LoLo22]

Thanks everyone. Reading your replies made my day a bit brighter, but i still have work to do on myself. I will follow all of your advice throughout this battle. Thanks again.