chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Hi all. I have been dating a girl for about two months now. During the first month and a half, we used to chat constantly. She works and goes to school, she would text me at school, at work, before and after, etc... During these past two weeks are what has me concerned. She says that she has been extremely busy. At work, she says her corporate bosses are there, so she is unable to text and at school, she has been doing schoolwork and she has her midterms coming up. She says still wants the relationship to work. I am lucky to get one text every other day. I understand and respect that she is busy. But where to go from here? We truly like one another and enjoy each other's company. But would it hurt to try to make an effort to keep communication open and make an effort to hang out? Every time I have asked her, she has plans. Should I be worried? I have asked her if she would like to put a relationship on hold to focus on things, and she said no. Something in my gut tells me otherwise, I know I shouldn't think otherwise. We went from talking constantly to pretty much nothing. Am I just over-thinking or should I have cause for some type of concern? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Is this a relationship or just dating? Have you been intimate yet? Are you exclusive? Because it truly sounds like you aren't that high on the.priority list and she has a very full life. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 It sounds like maybe she is feeling overwhelmed right now and as MHowe says, you are the one thing that is optional for her to cut back on. You could wait and see if things get better after midterms . . . How often do you guys see each other, in person, for dates or whatever? Has the frequency of that changed, or is it just the text thing? Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 @mhowe - We are in a relationship, no intimacy yet and as far as I know, we are exclusive. We have been in a mutual agreement over that. My opinion and the way I perceieve it, she has time for everything in the world and she is making no time for us. @SpottiOtti - I want to hang on to what we had/could have. I have no clue what is going on in her mind, other than what I have been told. I know she is overwhelmed with school work. We had been spending time together every weekend and before she had to go to work. I havent seen her in a couple of weeks. We were planning on spending the weekend together two weeks ago, but she had something come up every day. Since then, the texting even has pretty much come to a halt. She texts me for about five minutes every other day and if I'm lucky, once a day. Link to comment
simply Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Give her space and don't be needy. Be as helpful and supportive whenever she does contact you. Being in this position can be incredibly overwhelming. I've been through this lifestyle and I can tell you that survival comes first before anyone or anything. Family included. So if you two have only been seeing each other for two months, you cannot realistically expect to be a top priority. Whatever you do, don't pester her with guilt trips about feeling unwanted, unappreciated or neglected. She calls you to get away from the stress of the everyday grind. Be her escape rather than adding to that stress. If you start asking her to pay more attention to you, and that she's not putting in enough effort, and so on, then you will no doubt drive her away. She has far more pressing issues to deal with, and you have to support her and make her feel good about being with you. Eventually, you will become a top priority. Give it time. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Well, this depends. First, you say you ask her out and she says she has plans--so what plans and with who? If "plans" means "I have to study all night to pass those finals tomorrow" or even "I have to attend a mandatory team-building exercise this weekend" then you can relax. Life has just gotten crazy all busy most likely. But if those plans are "I'm going out with friends" and you are never invited or she is vague about said "plans" then yeah, it's time to worry. And maybe spend a little bit of time finding out what's going on. And either way, this is where you need to make your own plans, tell her she knows where to find you when she's free, then go out and have a good time with friends. If she cares at all about you sooner or later she's turn back up and make an effort to be more available. And if she never does that's pretty much your answer. The wrong thing to do always is to cling, chase, beg, plead or try to force things. There's something to be said about the power of having a life outside of your partner. And if you are simply the type of person who needs a more active partner and this "once in a blue moon" isn't enough for you then it's time to end things and let her go. Not everyone has the same needs in how often or when or where they see each other and it's one of the biggest areas that can cause the most conflicts. Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Is this a relationship or just dating? Have you been intimate yet? Are you exclusive? Because it truly sounds like you aren't that high on the.priority list and she has a very full life. We are a couple, we haven't been intimate. She admits she is extremely busy. Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 @SpottiOtti - She says she is extremely overwhelmed by schoolwork, trying to get her grades up and study for midterms. We were seeing each other almost every other day before she worked, and every weekend at least one day up until two weeks ago. We were planning on spending the whole weekend together, but something happened, that we couldn't, every single day. Since then, communication has dwindled also. She says the relationship is something she wants, and it is going to be hard for awhile, and her busy schedule will die down. My point being, she has time in-between, before and after work, she can quickly even send me a text or something, like she used to...I don't know whether to hang on or hang up. In a way, I want to see where this goes, but in a way, some aspects of this relationship doesn't make it feel like it's a real thing. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Could you maybe run it by her what the next month, two months, some approximate time frame is going to look like for you two as a couple practically? As in, ask her straight out what you can reasonably expect from her? It sounds like she is being honest. She is flooded with work and school. But she wants to see where things go with you too. You just have to see if this is workable for you in the practical sense. Better to find out now than stay and just hope she can magically meet your expectations, IMO. And once you've cleared the air together about coming up with a basic plan of action about expectations, then you have something you can decide when she is actually flaking out versus she already made those other commitments. Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Could you maybe run it by her what the next month, two months, some approximate time frame is going to look like for you two as a couple practically? As in, ask her straight out what you can reasonably expect from her? It sounds like she is being honest. She is flooded with work and school. But she wants to see where things go with you too. You just have to see if this is workable for you in the practical sense. Better to find out now than stay and just hope she can magically meet your expectations, IMO. And once you've cleared the air together about coming up with a basic plan of action about expectations, then you have something you can decide when she is actually flaking out versus she already made those other commitments. That is a very good option. I might see if she can discuss with me about what the future holds and if she can see the relationship going any further. thank you for your input. Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Well, it could be the beginning of the slow dump. I've known quite a few people who get dumped this way by cowards who don't want to come out and say they want out, so they find lots of excuses to just dwindle away and hope that you won't care/won't notice they're sneaking off. The bottom line is that she can text you or talk to you a couple times a day if she really wants to keep things going while she is legitimately busy with school or work. And even if she is busy, she can prioritize and give you a little time every day and should WANT to give you a little time every day for a call or some texts if she is really interested in you. So at worst she is starting a slow dump and will just slip away and find excuses to never get together while communicating less and less, and at best she is just not prioritizing you and/or isn't really available to be in a relationship right now because she is focusing on other things. So what would I do in this situation? I'd just let her go... as in, don't initiate any form of contact and see what she does... if she doesn't show some interest soon or try to schedule time with you, then you need to decide whether you are willing to have a GF who is never around and who stays out of contact, or whether you want to waste a lot of time waiting for a girl who may be in the process of dumping you. Ask her long long she expects this to go on, and leave her alone until that point hits, then if she still is not coming around, then dump her. This is also common behavior if she has met someone new and is giving him a spin to see if she likes him better while keeping you in the background in case he doesn't pan out. There is no way to know 100% what is going on here, but it is up to you to decide how long you are willing to live with a GF who just isn't available to you much for whatever reason. Mid-terms in theorry shouldn't last more than a couple weeks, so if she's still singing this song or doesn't contact you when you stop contacting her, then i'd assume she is doing the slow dump. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 That is a very good option. I might see if she can discuss with me about what the future holds and if she can see the relationship going any further. thank you for your input. Just my experience.....when someone's ready for a relationship, they'll be able (and be happy to) give some specifics. Example: I'll be doing X in school, X in work, and plan on making sure we see each other at least twice a week, talking at least every other day (just as an example). Sometimes I may have to take a few days to work on a project without interruptions, but on those times we'll make sure to make time during the rest of the week! Someone not so ready, it'll be a lot more vague. Example: Well of course I see this working out - I really like you, care about you, want to make time for you! But with everything going on, we'll have to see how it all plays out. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 That is a very good option. I might see if she can discuss with me about what the future holds and if she can see the relationship going any further. thank you for your input. Be careful not to lose sight of what your future holds, based on her actions at this time. Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 This is what I am truly afraid of. I have little to no communication with her anymore. Based on our communication in the past, this is not like her, even when she is extremely busy. Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Just my experience.....when someone's ready for a relationship, they'll be able (and be happy to) give some specifics. Example: I'll be doing X in school, X in work, and plan on making sure we see each other at least twice a week, talking at least every other day (just as an example). Sometimes I may have to take a few days to work on a project without interruptions, but on those times we'll make sure to make time during the rest of the week! Someone not so ready, it'll be a lot more vague. Example: Well of course I see this working out - I really like you, care about you, want to make time for you! But with everything going on, we'll have to see how it all plays out. It's the latter. Not so ready. She says, "I do see us working, I do want this, just extremely busy. it'll all slow down soon." Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Be careful not to lose sight of what your future holds, based on her actions at this time. That's my downfall, actually. I'm trying to base my future on her, I feel like I'm getting in too deep. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 You really need to pump the brakes. You have been dating for 2 months and she is no where near as in loved as you are. You are infatuated...not in love. Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 You really need to pump the brakes. You have been dating for 2 months and she is no where near as in loved as you are. You are infatuated...not in love. I did fall for her hard, unlike any other girl I have ever known. That's what makes it so hard. What's even harder is that I'm not so sure that the feeling is mutual anymore. I just don't feel it from her, in all honesty. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Do you see the inequity in you thinking of basing your future on someone who is too busy to text you? Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 I have just texted her. I pretty much said that I feel like we're drifing apart, we hardly talk anymore. I understand that she's busy and she has plans, but it seems like she isn't willing to make any time for us, and that is very hard on me. I just asked her if she still wants a relationship (I told her to be completely honest). Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Do you see the inequity in you thinking of basing your future on someone who is too busy to text you? Yes I do. It's not fair to me at all. I just want an answer whether she wants this or not. If not, I just want her to be honest with me and at least have the decency to tell me no, she doesn't. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I have just texted her. I pretty much said that I feel like we're drifing apart, we hardly talk anymore. I understand that she's busy and she has plans, but it seems like she isn't willing to make any time for us, and that is very hard on me. I just asked her if she still wants a relationship (I told her to be completely honest). Seriously? This is not a text conversation. It is face to face. Link to comment
chedge05 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Seriously? This is not a text conversation. It is face to face. I have no clue when I'll see her face to face honestly. I'm contemplating just ending it if I don't get a reply, no matter how. Like I have said, I understand she is busy. But on my end, I don't feel like I am even in a relationship with her and, on her end, I don't feel like she cares. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 It is dating...not a relationship. Link to comment
chedge05 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 It is dating...not a relationship. You may be right. It seemed as though we were a couple. I'm not so sure anymore, that's sad to say. I don't know whether to keep hanging on or let go? I haven't even gotten so little as a TEXT from her in a three days. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.