Betteralready Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I'm not really asking. It's just the question underlying my current struggle with my religion and healing. I'll try not to go on and on, but here's an example of my confusion: Should I have faith that God (or the universe, or the law of attraction, whatever you believe) is going to send me a partner that is perfect for me? I'd like to. That would make all of this so much easier. But I've been reading, looking for stories that reveal such. I guess there are some, but there are also stories about people who always wanted to be married and have kids, prayed, stayed faithful to God... And are still waiting, 20 to 30 years later. I guess I'm being disobedient to God just by questioning how those people could be left without something so valued and supported in the Bible... But I can't help but try to be somewhat logical. So if God doesn't send everyone love, what am I being faithful for? That I'll become okay with being alone forever? Sounds awful, but okay. I just want to know WHAT I'm supposed to be coming to terms with so I can start working on it. Hmm. Writing this actually made me feel worse and not better. Is anyone else trying to use faith to grow and heal but struggling? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Since not everyone believes in a supreme being and yet are in happy relationships....that would seem that it isn't God or the universe that makes this happen. Also...religious threads are not allowed, so you might want to reframe your question. However...luck favors the prepared. Are you the best partner you could be...even though you are single? Link to comment
No1 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Perhaps the powers that be removed this person from your life to prevent them from hurting you and you now have room for someone better. If you think you are going sit on your couch and watch TV and he/she is going to send your dream guy knocking on your door youll be very disappointed. I think he/she is giving you an opportunity for you to go out and make yourself available and assist them in your own search for love. Life can only provide you with the tools, he is not going to build your house for you. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 your question Have faith? Okay, but in what exactly? in yourself Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 your question Have faith? Okay, but in what exactly? in yourself Well aren't you the smart one... Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 God helps those who help themselves. In other words, faith is not about passively sitting around waiting for something to happen. In no time in the history of mankind has any Deity reached into someone's living room and planted a spouse there. Sooo....point is that you have to put forth whatever effort is necessary to get what and who you want. It's an active process on your part which involves growth, learning, adjustments, etc. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Well aren't you the smart one... hehe It was the dinnertime marley that did it Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 hehe It was the dinnertime marley that did it The universe powers its engines in all ways! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 The universe powers its engines in all ways! it certainly does .... op , are you interested in the law of attraction ...if you havent read about it , I highly reccomend it ..I am trying to stay away from religion for the sake of the rules ... the law of attraction is interesting and a real "feel good" read ..it makes you feel positive and motivated . Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 God or the universe has the same interest in you finding a girlfriend as it does in your team winning the Superbowl. I know, I'm a Denver fan. If you want a girlfriend get off your butt and go find one. Dating is work just like anything else Link to comment
Deciduous Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Hi Betteralready, Can I be honest? At the age of 46 years of age, I have not been in a formal marriage. And it is something that I wanted from the age of 17 years of age. APPARENTLY!!! But when I look back over the last 29 years, I do not see a person who has been denied marriage by a punitive and punishing God. (And I devoutly believe in God, BTW) I see a person who has been very much loved at times, but has not addressed her own issues and own neuroses, call them what you will, and has prohibited the building of a healthy and productive relationship. I do feel God has given me those opportunities, I can see them quite clearly now and I do not have a bitter bone in my body. I see deep prayer and mediation as a Team work endeavor. God brings you the correct opportunities...at times! You make good on them. Or not. I'm always slightly suspicious when some-one tells me that they have been doing all the right things to bring the right partner to them, and the right relationship - but gee whizz- it never happened. REALLY??? When you start digging, there are always reasons why, even if the individual has not sub-consciously discovered them or admitted to them. I think those who sit back praying for a healthy relationship - whilst not addressing those personal issues that may prohibit it - such as low self-esteem or expectations - are blocking God given opportunities. And that is their choice, their free will. It is always down to free-will. But sadly free-will takes it's orders from your subconscious - always has, always will. In my 30's I felt terribly unfairly treated. In my mid 40's, I realised I was a person who was terrified of commitment and investment - didn't matter who God throw in my path, I wasn't going to sign up for marriage. In fact I could be relied upon to trot after some very dubious choices, which meant I didn't have to invest. I could just go after the role-models demonstrated in my childhood. I have had a wonderful and happy life, because it has been what I have chosen through my own free-will. Let me tell you. If you what you want a healthy marriage - both consciously and subconsciously - then I devoutly believe you will get it. Stop worrying. Stop taking these stories of devout single females - still unmarried and forlorn - to heart. At the age of 46 I see nooooo evidence of emotionally healthy individuals who have just had a bit of bad luck. I do see people who are struggling with shockingly poor role-models, or who have made one poor choice too many times and have given up. It is always down to something, either conscious or subconscious that majorly blocks the union of a healthy relationship. I do believe God always gives you another chance. It really is up to you to ensure you are in a mentally healthy place to make good on that great opportunity and you are also willing to bounce back and learn from negative relationships. I suspect any psychiatrist worth their salt will you similar. As for me? I'm very happy being single right now. If this changes then it is down to me to do the work. OR NOT! Do you see what I'm saying? Finally I realise that the ball lies in my court. I suspect the same is true of you. So, yes - have faith...Have faith in yourself and make sure you are doing the work on yourself, and have faith in God that he will bring you the opportunities - and lets face it - that is all he can do - what you choose to do with that opportunity is on you. Deci Link to comment
Betteralready Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 (lol at dinnertime marley) Hmm, that's the second time I've broken the rules here, oops. No cursing and no religion. Got it. In terms of the law of attraction: I've read the Secret and recently watched it to refresh- it's helpful in theory but it's also the hardest thing in the world to put into practice when your energy is so negative and depressed! I don't want a girlfriend- I'm heterosexual . . . and my post wasn't really about that. I date, and I'm generally uninterested in the men I meet. It's about having something to believe in every day- either believing that one day I'll have someone, or believing that one day my desire to share my life with someone will fade. If I didn't believe in God or a higher power, I'd be less inclined to stick around at all- the only reason I press on is because I believe something greater than myself is working in my favor. Trying to work in my own favor has been a disaster! So yes, I'm working harder at being a well-rounded, healthy person. I thought I was always a really good partner, but I wasn't being that great to myself. I see these phrases a lot in this forum: "don't worry, one day you'll meet someone better for you than your ex, who respects and loves and appreciates you . . . etc." I wonder, how do you know? Maybe that won't happen for all of us. Then what? Link to comment
Betteralready Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 @ Deciduous: Thanks for taking the time to respond so thoroughly! I hesitate to go further or I might get us both in trouble for talking about religion! Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 My 30's were spent in a relationship that had no future...and it wasn't until I realized that I was using that to my dubious benefit that I also realized it needed to end in order for me to grow. So my 40's were spent in development of those parts of me that I had let languish, those parts that I sought in partners so I didn't need to work on them. And as my 40's drew to a close...I was single, happy, involved with family and friends... And a man who had known me as a casual friend...asked if we could take our friendship to the next level. Now...he had watched me search...and stumble..and get back on my feet. He had been involved with someone...but had been out of the relationship for 2 years. And when I asked him what made him want to be a couple..his answer was: You seem so happy with your life and I want to be a part of that. Link to comment
Betteralready Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 You seem so happy with your life and I want to be a part of that. Love that. Link to comment
Deciduous Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 (lol at dinnertime marley)I was always a really good partner, but I wasn't being that great to myself. Hiya Better, I suspect the sentence above is an oxymoron when seeking a healthy and balanced relationship, and mhowe's post #14 explains why this is so. No?? Deci Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 No one "sends" you anyone to be your mate. We meet a lot of different people and it is up to us to be in the right frame of mind to connect with them and possibly pursue them, and to make that connection. There are a number of people we can "choose". No, there are not 5 specific people in the world and it is up to us to find them and only them, but relationships are what you make of them - they are about how ready we are to be in a relationship when we meet someone and the same on the other side. You have the power. I have a strong faith, but know that God is not Santa Claus. It's all up to me, my attitudes and how much I am willing to be "all in" with a boyfriend or potential husband and being selective about choosing in the first place. Link to comment
Betteralready Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Hiya Better, I suspect the sentence above is an oxymoron when seeking a healthy and balanced relationship, and mhowe's post #14 explains why this is so. No?? Deci Totally! But it took several months of therapy for me to recognize that. I didn't know that I wasn't taking care of myself, of course. I go to work, pay my bills on time, dress nicely, buckle my seat belt, avoid getting too drunk or too high . . . I didn't realize how I was neglecting myself emotionally. I was constantly talking myself out of my own feelings in order to make the relationship fit. Shout-out to my therapist, love you girl! Hahaha Also, I looked at the rules again- we seem safe to discuss religion as long as it's not for the purposes of debate or proselytizing. That makes more sense, because I had to wonder: what kind of forum that promotes self-love and healing completely prohibits talking about faith? It's okay for us to discuss faith in terms of our healing and relationship issues. So, I'm definitely on a healing path with therapy. But at the end of each day, when I'm trying to think forward instead of backward, I need to believe that my self-work won't be in vain. Maybe in six months I'll stop wanting to be a mother. I only became interested in motherhood about a year-and-a-half ago, anyway. But I've always wanted to be a wife. I appreciate needing to get myself together so I can be ready for a husband. I'm not saying I'm ready for one today. But what if one never comes? People around me always say that God doesn't put the desire to marry in your heart if he doesn't plan to fulfill it. I'd like to believe that's true, but I don't know. I know I'm going in circles now- thanks to all who have thoughtfully replied. I think sometimes it's good to just bounce ideas, get support, and see if anyone else has been down a similar rabbit hole : ) Link to comment
Fresh Air Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 First it is important to note the ambiguity and personal experience of what you ask. It will elicit all kinds of responses, but none of these mean anything unless it resonates with you. Through my life I've transitioned from ideals of ultimate truths into understanding that much of spirituality is what is true to us and what we choose to hold as truth. I'd first share my opinion that God is not a Genie. The idea that I ask for something and thus I get it places me as the god and God as the servant. I think if God as akin to a creator or parent. Do my parents want me to have love? Yes, and certainly they will be cheering for me to find it, but there is importance in a degree of allowing me to have my own life and make my own choices and seek my own path. I see this as something that would be important to God also. Wishing for love without taking actions to bring love to ourselves wouldn't be something that I would find worthy of blaming on God. It'd be like blaming my parents if I didn't have a job. Think team, not taxi service. You are autonomous with or without a God. G-notalone? Link to comment
Fresh Air Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Since not everyone believes in a supreme being and yet are in happy relationships....that would seem that it isn't God or the universe that makes this happen. Also...religious threads are not allowed, so you might want to reframe your question. However...luck favors the prepared. Are you the best partner you could be...even though you are single? Your logic seems a bit Post hoc ergo propter hoc . I don't think anyone has to believe in God. But truly a lack of belief shouldn't be adopted as becoming an expert on belief. The involvement or lack there of, of the universe or a God could seemingly be dependent or independent of our happiness. Meaning my happiness when viewed in light of my belief does not lend any evidence to the existence of lack of anything but my own perceptions. Link to comment
Fresh Air Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I think a greater god here to doubt, ponder, and question might be Biology. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Thread closed. (Religious threads not allowed). Link to comment
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