notsosure2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 ive been going out with Paul (example) since sept (example) and he asked to make it bf/gf in oct (example) and still going strong. i have been staying with him for about a month now ( not perm i have my own home) so we are together alot and we always do things together and have a great time. Problem i have is he still has his online dating profile active ( and he knows i know ) in the early stages i didnt mind because i felt as though well maybe he just needs time so i was good with it, now we are almost 4 months in (bf/gf). there were several occasions the L word has almost came out and once he made the comment he was falling in love with me. I Know i love him with all my heart but havent spoken the words to him because i dont want him to feel forced to say it. Am i over thinking this whole online dating site profile? i'm just very fearful because i know his past gfs have been partiers (drinkers) and very "dont take crap" kinda girls. he has made comments about me being so nice, and im not quite sure how to take that. thank you for any and all advice Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Talk to him about it. Best thing to do. If you can't communicate you're done anyway. I'm sure he'd take it down if he knew it bugged you. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 He says he likes you because you are `so nice' and his other gf's were the `don't take any crap' kinda girls? So . . are you taking this as a queue to not to speak up, because after all that's what he likes about you? How about you? What do you want and what is important to you? You are giving the most precious parts of yourself to a man and afraid to tell him what you need? Tell him you are uncomfortable with his active dating profile at this point in your relationship. If he has a problem with it then you need to make a decision. I would rather want to know now what I am dealing with rather than later. . . Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I don't understand why you're not talking to him about it! You've been together for 4 months! Tell him either the profile goes or you go...he can't have it both ways. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I don't understand why he still has an active online profile if you two are bf/gf & spending so much time together. Maybe he is keeping his options open in case things don't work out with you, but that is a very bad sign. I would ask him to take it down or you are gone. There is no compromise with this. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Is it possible that's even though the profile exists, that he's still even paying attention to it? Or has he simply not thought of deleting it? 4/5 months in, I can tell you it's a scary thing to tell a girl that you thin you're falling for them. It puts yourself completely out there and vulnerable. Especially if you haven't hinted at the L word yet. If you aren't comfortable with the profile existing, absolutely let that be known, but it takes a lot, at least for me, to say that to someone. He must be really into you. You sound like you may be doing what I've been doing in my current situation, focusing more on the negative(s), and seeing those more than the positives. Link to comment
mbee Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Okay being called "so nice" is never a negative. Trust me, I'm that girl as well. The very "so nice" girl. However, you need to have respect and make demands for yourself. Telling a guy "this bothers me" doesn't mean he's always going to do what you ask. Tell him straight up, "look we are serious now. Delete your profile since it makes me uncomfortable." He's not a mind reader. Tell him what you want. I'm sure he hasn't deleted it because he forgot. I'm guilty of this. I leave my dating profiles as active. With my last ex (who I didn't even meet on the dating site), I left my profile active for maybe a year until I remembered to delete it. Just tell him what you want and looks like you both are heading somewhere serious. Enjoy it! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 you can be nice and have a backbone. just ask him straight up - why he still has an account and that you want it gone if this relationship is going to move forward. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Being "nice" doesn't mean tolerating/accepting "crap." Not that having his profile still up is crap necessarily...but it might be if he refuses to take it down knowing how you feel. Problem is he doesn't know how you feel and until you speak up, he will never know. Hell...he could have forgotten all about the profile being up for all you know...does it say he has been recently active? You can be nice and still have a backbone and stand up for what you want... like annie said. Talk to him! Link to comment
notsosure2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 Being "nice" doesn't mean tolerating/accepting "crap." Not that having his profile still up is crap necessarily...but it might be if he refuses to take it down knowing how you feel. Problem is he doesn't know how you feel and until you speak up, he will never know. Hell...he could have forgotten all about the profile being up for all you know...does it say he has been recently active? You can be nice and still have a backbone and stand up for what you want... like annie said. Talk to him! Lots of great advice everyone, and yes he is active on it and he has even made comments as to one of the emails he had received. i just really think its an ego thing i think, but i am going to talk to him about it this weekend. thanks everyone Link to comment
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