K's Dating Journal

[WithLove]

He texted me this morning, asking how I was, etc. I said I had been thinking a lot about what he told me about moving to another city. He said that it is something he really wants to do, but not something that is possible right now. So, I told him that I don't want to move to that city, and that I was struggling with reasons to keep this relationship going since we don't share the same goal. He asked to speak to me in person about it. Not sure when.

 

At least it's a start towards a new beginning.

[faraday]

It's best not to give reasons for a break up, then he can refute them. It's just best to say that you don't see a future with him...anything else, he can try to negotiate or "change".

[WithLove]

Whatever he says, it won't change my decision. Like you said, I know that he isn't what I'm looking for. I'm taking comfort in that. He is a good guy, just not my "the one".

[faraday]

I know that you will do the right thing for you...stay strong. There's someone better for you...that'll get you off

[faraday]

That would make me so mad lol. You're way more laid back than me, I would have been all over him

[WithLove]

I know that you will do the right thing for you...stay strong. There's someone better for you...that'll get you off

 

Ha, this is true. I'm glad it's not the only reason though. I would hate to break up with someone based solely on sex.

[faraday]

Yeah, but even this sex thing...it's bigger. He's selfish that will come out a lot more the longer you date.

[WithLove]

Oh, and he's coming over tomorrow after I get out of work. I'm okay with it. He's classy. I don't have anything to worry about.

[faraday]

Good. Keep us updated and talk if you need to...it's not easy. We got your back!

[WithLove]

Yeah, but even this sex thing...it's bigger. He's selfish that will come out a lot more the longer you date.

 

Yes, and I've noticed it already in other areas too. It's just that he's so dang nice about everything. I'm glad I saw it early on.

[faraday]

"Nice" is nice...but it isn't enough. I think you'll bounce back pretty quick after this one.

[WithLove]

I think so as well. I never loved him, which helps. Now that my mind is set, and I know it's not going to happen, I'm looking forward to taking shelter in the silence of my home for a bit. Don't have to feel obligated to call or text a "significant other". I can ignore the world at large and not feel guilty.

[faraday]

I think that feeling of obligation is the biggest "this isn't the right guy" sign there is...because...when you really like someone...calling isn't an obligation, you're excited to talk to them. Especially in the beginning...you can't wait to see them again.

 

Enjoy your single time...it's good to have time off.

[reinventmyself]

I'm probably going to get some hate for saying this...but I would do it over the phone. Not over text...but in a phone call. I would just say, "Tyler, I'm dating to find my future husband, and it recently occurred to me that we won't make it to that point. I don't want to waste your time." And you can say nice things about him if it makes you feel better...but I would just get it over with.

 

I've never been a fan of in person break ups. If a guy is breaking up with me, I don't want to go through the motions of preparing for a fake date, only to have it end before it begins. But that's just my preference. If it must be in person, cancel your date tonight and rebook for when his mom isn't there....because that's awkward.

 

 

I agree with this one. . If I am on the receiving end. .just tell me and get it over with. I think going over and sitting down is very respectable but at the same time I think it makes you feel good because

you did it `right' way. . It doesn't address how it makes him feel.

 

I think we've all been taught this is the right way to do it. . But really? Is it. .who does it benefit?

My last relationship. . we broke up a couple times, the first time him breaking up with me. Over the phone he tells but he kept trying to keep me on the phone to talk about it. I think maybe the more he explained himself the better I would understand? But basically I just wanted off the phone. All his talking didn't help and honestly I think it just made him feel better. I cut him off midsentence and said I needed to go. .

[WithLove]

I think this is going to hurt him far more than it hurts me. I don't feel bad about talking to him about it in person at his request. I've known him long enough that he deserves the honest truth rather than "you're just not the right guy for me".

 

And by truth, I don't mean that he doesn't satisfy me sexually. I would likely never tell that to a man.

[mhowe]

Smart thinking!:sorrow:

[notalady]

He came over to spend the night. Tried being intimate, got as far as him getting his and apparently we were done. Then he left because his back was hurting him, instead of staying the whole night.

 

I'm over it. I'm done. I'm just tired. I want to be alone now.

 

Second time for the same offence. Yep I'd be done too.

 

I also vote for ending it on the phone but looks like he wants to meet. I'd try not to link it to a specific reason, as others have pointed out, he can refute it if it's a specific reason. I'd just say after dating for a while now, you don't see a future with him / don't think you are compatible (including your goals).

[WithLove]

Haven't heard from him since lunchtime yesterday. No good night or good morning from either of us. Guess that's pretty telling, huh?

 

He's supposed to come over to talk today after I get home from work. I'm just looking forward to moving past this.

[faraday]

Maybe he'll be prepared for this and it won't be too awkward of an ending.

[WithLove]

Looks like we aren't meeting after all. After I texted him asking if he's still coming over this evening to talk, we got to texting and shared what we were feeling. He agreed that he doesn't want any of the heartache that will be ours when the time comes for him to move. So we decided to call it a day, through text. I was willing to end it in person, but it appears that we're both okay with it being this way. We're both sad that it's ending, but each understand why it needs to. Don't think I've ever had such an amicable break up.

[mhowe]

Sort of anticlimactic. Sigh.

Next.

[faraday]

((((Hugs)))))

[WithLove]

Sort of anticlimactic. Sigh.

Next.

 

LOL, made me chuckle. I'm glad it's this way.

[faraday]

Definitely easier than when there's a hysterical crying person trying to renegotiate your lack of feelings

[mhowe]

LOL, made me chuckle. I'm glad it's this way.

 

Sure, easier for you. I had just poured a nice glass of wine and was sitting down to read your post about how awful it was and offer comforting words....and now I got nuthin.