Redabc123 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Good afternoon, Its been awhile since I have been on here, I tried swearing off men this year as they have bought me nothing but grief and heartache which brings me to my next situation. I met this guy through tinder a few months ago ( before the whole swearing off men) He seemed nice, we chatted for a few weeks then exchanged numbers. We texted everyday and then met in person 2 weeks later. We hit it off great chemistry. We saw each other again the following week and then again this past weekend. We had dinner and then we stayed at my place to watch movies. We didn't sleep together but we did kiss a lot. I told him that I don't sleep with people Im not in relationship with he respected it ( well at least he said he did) We fell asleep on the couch and we woke up and had coffee and said our goodbyes. After each date we have had he usually text or call to say he had a great time or something sweet. This time it was nothing. We usually talk everyday through text or phone so I thought it was a little weird, I knew he was spending time with his mother for her birthday so I went on with the rest of my day. The next day I heard nothing either. Kind of bummed and assuming he wasn't interested I left it alone. Until Monday morning when I received a text that he was sorry he didn't text all weekend and that I must think he is awful. I replied back with "its ok" and went on with the rest of my day. Im slightly turned off that I didn't hear from him. There have been no communication since then. Im still a little interested as we did have a plan to hang out this Saturday ( we made these plans before he came over ) I don't plan on texting him or calling as I think the ball is in his court, am I wrong? Any advice? Thanks in advance Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Tinder is not known for being a place to find "relationship" material. You texted, you met. Met again. Around date #3, you invited him to your place to watch movies....and watched movies. I would guess that while he accepted your announcement, it wasn't what he was hoping for. And his short apology text with no follow up nor no plans signals disinterest. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 "Im still a little interested as we did have a plan to hang out ( we made these plans before he came over ) I don't plan on texting him or calling as I think the ball is in his court, am I wrong? Any advice? " Does this plan to hang out have a date and time or is it up in the air? You two are just dating and getting to know each other. It's a slippery slope when you start of pattern of communication early on and then it changes. I tends to set off alarms. He was MIA all weekend, yet apologized. Neither of you are obligated to each other in any way so for that matter his lack of communication over the weekend is a mute point. He may be thinking that you might be upset or curious as to his whereabouts and that's why you haven't heard from him since his apology. I would reach out once and confirm the date if you haven't already done so and then leave it alone and see if he steps up. If not, then you have your answer. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Tinder is not known for being a place to find "relationship" material. You texted, you met. Met again. Around date #3, you invited him to your place to watch movies....and watched movies. I would guess that while he accepted your announcement, it wasn't what he was hoping for. And his short apology text with no follow up nor no plans signals disinterest. Thats what I thought but why even send a text at all? Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 To see if you would respond. And your "it ok" didn't need a reply. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 The date was up in the air. Shouldn't he be the one to confirm? I texted him back but I guess it was kind of short. I don't want him thinking that Im upset since thats kind of dramatic should I have texted something longer? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 To see if you would respond. And your "it ok" didn't need a reply. Was that a bad reply? Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 No. And I wouldn't bother texting any more. He is the one that disappeared. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Was that a bad reply? I am a lot like you thinking that it's the guys place to initiate and what I have learned here on ENA is that it's not always the case. Most men appreciate it when it's reciprocal. Not to be confused with chasing someone and being over eager. But I sense a little bit of tension here and I think if you don't reach out he will assume that you are upset. If you do so in a casual upbeat manner he may think otherwise. If he doesn't respond then you have your answer. I wouldn't contact him more than once though. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Thats what I thought but why even send a text at all? Guilt. Sounds like his goal was sex, but after finding out you only have sex within the context of a relationship, he backed off . He doesn't want a relationship...so in his mind there is no point in pursing anything further. He sent the text apologizing to alleviate his guilt about leading you to believe there could be more, when all he really wanted was sex. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 I am a lot like you thinking that it's the guys place to initiate and what I have learned here on ENA is that it's not always the case. Most men appreciate it when it's reciprocal. Not to be confused with chasing someone and being over eager. But I sense a little bit of tension here and I think if you don't reach out he will assume that you are upset. If you do so in a casual upbeat manner he may think otherwise. If he doesn't respond then you have your answer. I wouldn't contact him more than once though. Oh goodness I'm confused now lol. I think I'll feel worse if I text and he doesn't reply. I said "its ok" so he shouldn't feel like I'm mad right? I say he put the tension there so he should be the one take make it better right? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Guilt. Sounds like his goal was sex, but after finding out you only have sex within the context of a relationship, he backed off . He doesn't want a relationship...so in his mind there is no point in pursing anything further. He sent the text apologizing to alleviate his guilt about leading you to believe there could be more, when all he really wanted was sex. That is so disappointing.. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 unfortunately that's called dating. . You have two choices now. . either way, shake it off and don't take it personally. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 unfortunately that's called dating. . You have two choices now. . either way, shake it off and don't take it personally. Yeah I guess your right. I guess Im a little afraid that I will be making the wrong choice. My first instinct was like everyone else's that he was looking for sex even though he told me he water a relationship, but when I got the text I thought" well maybe something came up, he did apologize" But now you guys have my mind going. My gut is telling me not to do anything. Im not sure if my short answer was dramatic I was trying not to give a reaction and I really didn't know what to say Link to comment
indea08 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I think you're WAY overthinking this. You didn't text him any more than he did you, so why is this his fault? It's a two way street...if you want to talk to him, text him. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 I think you're WAY overthinking this. You didn't text him any more than he did you, so why is this his fault? It's a two way street...if you want to talk to him, text him. I asked him to text me or call when he got home so I know he made it safe and I got nothing and the way it makes it look is that he isn't interested. I guess I don't want to come off desperate or looking like a fool Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I asked him to text me or call when he got home so I know he made it safe and I got nothing and the way it makes it look is that he isn't interested. I guess I don't want to come off desperate or looking like a fool Well if he doesn't respond then you at least you have your answer. I am sorry if it didn't go the way you had hoped. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 After just a few dates, you really don't owe each other relationship level communication. By that I mean talking daily and informing each other of plans and whereabouts. On top of that, you don't know each other well enough to know what your communication needs actually are. You have to date and get to know each other a bit more first. As for the text, you didn't leave him an opening to respond. It was curt and via text difficult to interpret. It's ok as in I'm angry or it's really ok. "It's ok, fun weekend?" would at least give him something to respond to. As in you are actively inviting a conversation. As for making a fool out of yourself, you'll never make a fool out of yourself by showing interest and inviting a conversation. However you will be a fool every time when you are interested but hiding it. People are not mind readers. If you act disinterested, they'll go with someone else. You are the one left behind loosing out on that deal. Think about it - a simple text would resolve all this anguish you are feeling about him and where you are at with him. Instead you are posting on boards, wondering, trying to infer what his behavior possibly means and otherwise spending a lot of energy on nothing. Ask him. It's really less painful than what you are going through right now. Hey are we still up for date on x day is not really that difficult to text. Or even "so how was your weekend?" His response or silence will tell you all you need to know and you can get on with your life accordingly. Either you have a date or you don't. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Don't text again... Just let it go and chalk it up to experience... Cliche I know..but it's true. There "will" be other men.... Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 WOW! What did he do wrong? If you are still interested what do you have to loose by sending a quick text "are we still on for Saturday" and see what happens. Six words sent electronically that will take seconds. It isn't like you have to actually go to his house and ask him right? If you are still on Tinder delete your account. It is true that you may find someone on there for a relationship but the odds are very low since it is widely known as a hook up app. He may or may not still be interested but you will never know if you don't give it at least six words worth of a chance. Anyone that puts their fate in interpreting what he or she meant in a text or the lack of a text in ____ amount of hours/days has short changed themselves greatly. Everything to gain and nothing to loose makes it a pretty simple choice for me. Lost Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Good point. Walk away = you have nothing Send a text, he may not respond = you have nothing. You have nothing to lose. . Maybe something to gain. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 You wouldn't go to a butcher shop to buy fish. Don't use a hook up site to find relatioship worthy men. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Thanks for the advice, I did text him asking how his weekend was and he did respond with " good and yours" I responded. My main excuse for texting is that I didn't want to seem like I was mad. We did have a good time and he could really be sorry There wasn't much of a conversation. I was sick all weekend so I replied with that. He replied really late with " what was wrong" and Indeed responded with no response back. I probably way overthinking this but should even say anything about Saturday? Im still semi interested. I don't know him that well so I don't really know if any of this is worth it. Any advice? Yes, I do understand the stipulations regarding Tinder but my friend used it and met a great guy which is why I decided to try it. He is only person I have met from there. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 He replied really late with " what was wrong" and Indeed responded with no response back. He asked you what was wrong and you didn't answer? If so why? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 He replied really late with " what was wrong" and Indeed responded with no response back. He asked you what was wrong and you didn't answer? If so why? I did respond and he didn't reply back. Not to mention he was sick all last week which probably got me sick Link to comment
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