Redabc123 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Because he is not a person who values those kinds of manners and thoughtfulness. But you already knew that before you texted him. It wasn't "your gut" - you made the choice to text him again. Take full responsibility for it which blaming it on your "gut" doesn't completely do. Our "guts" often give us wrong information especially when you're feeling vulnerable -then what your gut is telling you is likely not your gut but it's tempting to indulge yourself and tell yourself "well I couldn't help it". My advice is keep distracting yourself and learn from this - stop all the pursuing of men who are not that into you. It should be at least 50/50 from the beginning and typically the guy is contacting and asking out more than the gal. Thank you for the advice, I do take full responsibility for my actions as I went into this wide eyed. He did all the perusing...calling, texting, asking out. Of course I would reply. I was way thrown off . This person and I had many discussions about relationships and he told me constantly that he wanted one. He would also tell me how much he thinks of me everyday and how much he liked me. I tried not to let this consume me but with all the signs I just wanted to believe he was busy as he stated. Although my feelings shouldn't be hurt they are. I told him about my past and how I didn't want that happening again and he felt for some reason this wouldn't work out we would tell one another. I guess it was my fault for believing him/ Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you so much for your advice, but I don't nessarrily think it was myself esteem with this one. He did all the pursuing in the beginning calling, texting, everyday I soon let it be 50/50 but I told him on numerous occasions I was looking for a relationship and he assured me time and time again that he was too. I can't help but to take it personal when he told how much he likes me and how really sees this going somewhere and how much he thinks of me. I tried not to let it get to my head but I did which is why I reached out again really thinking he was busy. I feel completely stupid and thrown off. He was immature to not tell me he wasn't interested when told me if he felt like it would work he would tell me. Sorry Im just venting Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you so much for your advice, but I don't nessarrily think it was myself esteem with this one. He did all the pursuing in the beginning calling, texting, everyday I soon let it be 50/50 but I told him on numerous occasions I was looking for a relationship and he assured me time and time again that he was too. I can't help but to take it personal when he told how much he likes me and how really sees this going somewhere and how much he thinks of me. I tried not to let it get to my head but I did which is why I reached out again really thinking he was busy. I feel completely stupid and thrown off. He was immature to not tell me he wasn't interested when told me if he felt like it would work he would tell me. Sorry Im just venting You only met this person 3 times in person and he posted a profile on a hook up site. Many people change their minds after three dates. It was jerky of him to tell you that Saturday was a go and then behave unreliably. You knew it wan't about busy. You just chose to indulge your impatience at waiting and wouldn't accept that silence is lack of interest in this case. You took the easy way out and you are suffering the downside. If you had done the harder thing and resisted temptation then you would have repeated to yourself that silence is lack of interest and eventually moved on without having to feel this way yet again. It's worth it to resist temptation. I had to do it many many times. I am doing it now in an analogous situation and it's really hard. So what that he behaved immaturely. You barely knew this person. Anyone can pursue someone for 3 dates -that's easy and means nothing as far as long term potential. Watch the feet, not the lips -for that you get to know someone over time and go on many dates before judging relationship potential. I wouldn't indulge in the "how stupid I am" - just tell yourself that you'll make a different choice next time. And do it. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you! Your right it is hard and I should I have known. Thank you for your advice I wished I had followed it to begin with. It seems my ego took over on this one. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you for the advice, I do take full responsibility for my actions as I went into this wide eyed. He did all the perusing...calling, texting, asking out. Of course I would reply. I was way thrown off . This person and I had many discussions about relationships and he told me constantly that he wanted one. He would also tell me how much he thinks of me everyday and how much he liked me. I tried not to let this consume me but with all the signs I just wanted to believe he was busy as he stated. Although my feelings shouldn't be hurt they are. I told him about my past and how I didn't want that happening again and he felt for some reason this wouldn't work out we would tell one another. I guess it was my fault for believing him/ "BUSY", is the new dreaded 4 letter word in dating. If anyone ever tells you that they're too busy to contact you, then be prepared to move on (red flag). It doesn't mean that you have to cut them off completely, but take it that they don't have the high interest level, or same goals to be with you. It's about self-respect. You need to project a persona in dating in which the man will know after that first date (limit communications to only set up the 1st date), that any level of "low interest" (busy, no contact for days, cancelling with no make-up date,...) will not be tolerated. Men, know which women they can play games with, and which ones they need to be "on point" with. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 "BUSY", is the new dreaded 4 letter word in dating. If anyone ever tells you that they're too busy to contact you, then be prepared to move on (red flag). It doesn't mean that you have to cut them off completely, but take it that they don't have the high interest level, or same goals to be with you. It's about self-respect. You need to project a persona in dating in which the man will know after that first date (limit communications to only set up the 1st date), that any level of "low interest" (busy, no contact for days, cancelling with no make-up date,...) will not be tolerated. Men, know which women they can play games with, and which ones they need to be "on point" with. Thank you for the post, Yeah I should have probably caught that one. Its sad that he didn't even apologize. He completely blew me off and didn't cancel. Do men really turn on and off like that. Going from talking to someone everyday to not even caring or a thought to cancel? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Thank you for the post, Yeah I should have probably caught that one. Its sad that he didn't even apologize. He completely blew me off and didn't cancel. Do men really turn on and off like that. Going from talking to someone everyday to not even caring or a thought to cancel? Nothing to do with gender or "men" or "women". The error in your thinking is that you interpreted his typing to you every day (or talking?) as meaning that he was very interested in dating you. It doesn't, not necessarily. It means he enjoyed talking with you. If he was very interested in dating you he would have asked you out on another date or accepted your invitation to go on another date with enthusiasm. When my husband courted me the second time around I really didn't care if he called me every day or every other (and he didn't until we actually got back together -then he did) - I just wanted him to call me and ask me out on a date -time and place. Which he did (and he did that the first time around too). It doesn't necessarily mean he didn't care - just like his calling you every day didn't mean he saw potential for a romantic relationship. He simply might not have the type of manners where he reliably follows up to cancel a date or a plan. I wouldn't take it personally. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Thank so much for all your advice it has really helped. For some reason I woke up still pretty upset about the situation any advice on getting over it? Do you think I didn't stand up for myself by send one last text? Did I make the right choice not text again? I know Im beating a dead horse but for some reason I can't stop thinking about it. Thanks in advance Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 There is no point in sending another text. It will just prolong you looking for him to answer it....and when he doesn't, the cycle continues. To stand up for yourself, you simply stop contacting him. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 There is no point in sending another text. It will just prolong you looking for him to answer it....and when he doesn't, the cycle continues. To stand up for yourself, you simply stop contacting him. Thank you that helps a lot Link to comment
notalady Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Thank so much for all your advice it has really helped. For some reason I woke up still pretty upset about the situation any advice on getting over it? Do you think I didn't stand up for myself by send one last text? Did I make the right choice not text again? I know Im beating a dead horse but for some reason I can't stop thinking about it. Thanks in advance That's just your ego talking now. You feel rejected and you feel like you didn't walk away with dignity because you sent that one last text and got no response. You're still thinking about how to redeem yourself. Unfortunately the more and longer you try, the more dignity you'll lose. It's not about him. Actually it never was. It's about you and how you let yourself get so involved and concerned, and upset after a week had now gone by, about someone you've only met a few times. I would think about why that is and what I can do in the future to not be in this position and not feel this way again. The only person is judging you is you, not this guy (who is a stranger that most probably isn't even thinking about you right now), and here you sit still upset about it. The only person who can change that is you, not this guy. Learn from this experience and next time you'll know what to do. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Thank so much for all your advice it has really helped. For some reason I woke up still pretty upset about the situation any advice on getting over it? Do you think I didn't stand up for myself by send one last text? Did I make the right choice not text again? I know Im beating a dead horse but for some reason I can't stop thinking about it. Thanks in advance It doesn't matter if you can't stop thinking about it. You have the choice not to act on your thoughts. Make that choice is my suggestion. You never know -he might know a great guy for you but if you harass him with texts he won't want anything to do with you. Try not to burn bridges. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 Thank you so much for this post it really gave me the smack in my face that I needed. I will chalk it up as a learning experience and I hope I can better point out red flags next time Thanks again Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I wouldn't look at it as a red flag. You went out a few times with someone who didn't want to see you again for whatever reason. He did not handle it with the epitome of etiquette. Doesn't make him a bad person in any way just perhaps lacking in the manners department in this situation. No biggie. Link to comment
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