reinventmyself Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 ok. . got it. You've done your part, took the high road and made a respectful effort. It's on him now and if he doesn't respond then he's just not the right guy for you. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 ok. . got it. You've done your part, took the high road and made a respectful effort. It's on him now and if he doesn't respond then he's just not the right guy for you. I kind of wish I wouldn't have because now I'm more confused. So I should ask about Saturday right? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I kind of wish I wouldn't have because now I'm more confused. So I should ask about Saturday right? If it were me, no. You've reached out a couple times. He's either given luke warm responses or none at all. You want to a man who can't wait to see you and makes the effort to do so. Not one that leaves you wondering and giving mixed messages. Imagine now if you did ask him and he agreed. Would you be convinced that he was doing so with enthusiasm or still wondering if he was going about half hearted? I would make other plans. . put this one out of your mind. He may surprise you and follow through. . but I would not count on it. "I'm more confused" Allowing him to make the effort (or not making the effort) would clear up the confusion Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 If there's no time and place set for a 4th date, there is no 4th date. And since he didn't reference the plan in his only text to you since the sleep over, even more so you can assume there is no 4th date. If you want a long term relationship Tinder isn't known as a good site for that from what I hear. I think it was not nice of him to tell you he was looking for a relationship when he wasn't if that was not true. But, maybe it was true at the time and then he changed his mind. It was only 3 dates after all -so much can change with first impressions. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 If there's no time and place set for a 4th date, there is no 4th date. And since he didn't reference the plan in his only text to you since the sleep over, even more so you can assume there is no 4th date. If you want a long term relationship Tinder isn't known as a good site for that from what I hear. I think it was not nice of him to tell you he was looking for a relationship when he wasn't if that was not true. But, maybe it was true at the time and then he changed his mind. It was only 3 dates after all -so much can change with first impressions. Thank you. There was a time,date and place set but that was before the last date. I kind of mentioned it before he left that morning he said something about yes and going to go get food for it. but then didn't hear from him that weekend. This sucks again... Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 If it were me, no. You've reached out a couple times. He's either given luke warm responses or none at all. You want to a man who can't wait to see you and makes the effort to do so. Not one that leaves you wondering and giving mixed messages. Imagine now if you did ask him and he agreed. Would you be convinced that he was doing so with enthusiasm or still wondering if he was going about half hearted? I would make other plans. . put this one out of your mind. He may surprise you and follow through. . but I would not count on it. "I'm more confused" Allowing him to make the effort (or not making the effort) would clear up the confusion Ugh thank you Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Thank you. There was a time,date and place set but that was before the last date. I kind of mentioned it before he left that morning he said something about yes and going to go get food for it. but then didn't hear from him that weekend. This sucks again... Sure then you could ask if it's still on but given his response I personally would not. If he contacts you and the plan is still on and you are available you can tell him (not text!) that you felt that his last response was odd. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Sure then you could ask if it's still on but given his response I personally would not. If he contacts you and the plan is still on and you are available you can tell him (not text!) that you felt that his last response was odd. Because I'm curious I want to know but I have already sent a text last night that he didn't respond to Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I think you have two options. 1. Call him (don't text) to ask about the fourth date. Or 2. Don't do anything to contact him. Let him reach out to you. Either way, stop using Tinder if you want a long-term relationship. I don't suspect that you do though. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Because I'm curious I want to know but I have already sent a text last night that he didn't respond to Just because you're curious or want to know doesn't mean it's the right choice to text a person. I think his silence is all the information you need (sorry). Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Just because you're curious or want to know doesn't mean it's the right choice to text a person. I think his silence is all the information you need (sorry). ^^This.....his not responding back to your text IS his response. And it's no. Move on he's just not interested. Sorry... Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 If I understand correctly, you met him when he was sick, and you later became sick. He knew you that were sick, and didn't inquire further after you told him about it? I hope that isn't the case, because if true, it means that he comes accross as insensitive, and callous. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Two options: Call him and ask him straight out if he is interested in getting to know each other better. Drop it and move on. It does suck not getting a concrete answer though. It is nice to have it all tied up in a bow one way or the other. This is why I don't like texting. To much grey area... Lost Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 If I understand correctly, you met him when he was sick, and you later became sick. He knew you that were sick, and didn't inquire further after you told him about it? I hope that isn't the case, because if true, it means that he comes accross as insensitive, and callous. Its been a pretty confusing week. He never inquired if I got better which is weird. I did however stupidly text him the next day after not hearing from him asking if "everything was ok?" He replied with a "hiiii" and That he had been so busy this week" he asked me how I was, I replied and said I was looking forward to the weekend hoping we were still on for saturday and I got nothing, no response. I officially feel stupid because deep down I know I shouldn't have said anything. or texted I haven't heard from him since this going on day two. He did warn me that he is in school but can get really busy between school and work because he studying to be an EMT, but I have been talking to him for almost 2 mon. everyday and this hasn't happened to this extent. I may be overthinking it but at least I tried. Im not sure if he really is busy or blowing me off. I swore to myself not to text him or call anymore Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 ^^This.....his not responding back to your text IS his response. And it's no. Move on he's just not interested. Sorry... I figured that out too late lol Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 I think you have two options. 1. Call him (don't text) to ask about the fourth date. Or 2. Don't do anything to contact him. Let him reach out to you. Either way, stop using Tinder if you want a long-term relationship. I don't suspect that you do though. I got off Tinder after a week, but I thought I would try since my friend had a good luck Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Two options: Call him and ask him straight out if he is interested in getting to know each other better. Drop it and move on. It does suck not getting a concrete answer though. It is nice to have it all tied up in a bow one way or the other. This is why I don't like texting. To much grey area... Lost I agree, I hate texting but sometimes its a faster way of communication. In my case its never been good for me. Should I ask him this even though I already texted him Tuesday asking "everything was ok"? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I agree, I hate texting but sometimes its a faster way of communication. In my case its never been good for me. Should I ask him this even though I already texted him Tuesday asking "everything was ok"? Silence is your answer at this stage of dating. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Sorry but if he was interested he would have made more of an effort by now. Leave it be and move on. Have you tried Match to meet guys? Lost Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Sorry but if he was interested he would have made more of an effort by now. Leave it be and move on. Have you tried Match to meet guys? Lost My gut was telling me to reach out one more time, I texted and asked if we were still on for Saturday? He replied that we were, we could get together after he got off work. I texted him back and told him Id be free after 5 and what time worked for him? He didn't reply ...at all not even the day were supposed to hang out. Needless to say I spent the entire day crying as I am so sick of this happening to me. Why wouldn't he just say no I don't want to hang out, rather than blowing me off? Was it me? something I did? I am so confused. I don't ever plan on reaching out again, but completely bummed by the situation any advice on getting over it Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Oh goodness I'm confused now lol. I think I'll feel worse if I text and he doesn't reply. You posted ^^ this last week...but I am quoting it again today cause it's important. *This** keeps happening to you because YOU set it up so it keeps happening to you!! You were given ALL the signals from this guy that he was NOT interested... including not responding to your text last Tuesday...yet for some reason unbeknownst to me and probably everyone else...you felt compelled to text him AGAIN asking about Saturday! And look what happened...AGAIN....he doesn't follow through and blows you off.. What I would like to ask you is...what did you expect??? Read what is in quoted above...which YOU wrote. Why did you contact him again knowing he would probably not respond and/or blow you off...and knowing that if (no when) he didn't respond or follow through, you would feel worse?? You walked right into it... and you're wondering why it keeps happening? You should have pulled back and gone no contact the FIRST time he blew you (or your texts) off and/or otherwise gave clear signals that he just wasn't interested. If you do that...*this* won't keep happening to you... Lesson learned though right?? ETA: he didn't say no initially figuring if nothing else came up...he'd get together with you, figuring maybe you'd be open for sex this time.. which is all he ever wanted from the get go.. Next time..don't continue to chase a guy who is pulling back/ignoring you/sending mixed messages or otherwise confusing you. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 As they say the truth hurts, Your right did walk into this one and should known a lot better, Ugh how can people be so mean, I don't think I could have done this to someone. At 30 years old I would have hoped people would be way more mature Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 As they say the truth hurts, Your right did walk into this one and should known a lot better, Ugh how can people be so mean, I don't think I could have done this to someone. At 30 years old I would have hoped people would be way more mature I hear ya sweetie...I would never do that to someone either... but people can be cruel and not give a shyt about hurting others...and like you, I learned that the hard way! By taking stupid risks when I should have known better...just like you did here. I am sorry my post was harsh...but now hopefully you get it, and will learn to be more self-protective next time... ((hugs)) Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 My gut was telling me to reach out one more time, I texted and asked if we were still on for Saturday? He replied that we were, we could get together after he got off work. I texted him back and told him Id be free after 5 and what time worked for him? He didn't reply ...at all not even the day were supposed to hang out. Needless to say I spent the entire day crying as I am so sick of this happening to me. Why wouldn't he just say no I don't want to hang out, rather than blowing me off? Was it me? something I did? I am so confused. I don't ever plan on reaching out again, but completely bummed by the situation any advice on getting over it Because he is not a person who values those kinds of manners and thoughtfulness. But you already knew that before you texted him. It wasn't "your gut" - you made the choice to text him again. Take full responsibility for it which blaming it on your "gut" doesn't completely do. Our "guts" often give us wrong information especially when you're feeling vulnerable -then what your gut is telling you is likely not your gut but it's tempting to indulge yourself and tell yourself "well I couldn't help it". My advice is keep distracting yourself and learn from this - stop all the pursuing of men who are not that into you. It should be at least 50/50 from the beginning and typically the guy is contacting and asking out more than the gal. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 If you want to continue dating then you'll need to work on your self esteem some. With internet dating the odds are you'll be crossing paths with several men and most of them will not be the right one for you. Taking a head dive after each one doesn't work out will take it's toll as you are currently experiencing. Take a little break and shore up your resources before you try again. Go into it with low or no expectations and when something does work out be pleasantly surprised. Not to mention it will change your energy. I suspect this last guy sensed your over eagerness. Use this experience as a great tool to learn to read queues from men. He gave you plenty early on that you chose to ignore which caused you much more grief than necessary. Had you cut this one lose early on your self esteem wouldn't have taken such a hit. This guy was probably just looking for sex and you should be able to acknowledge this not let it take anything away from you personally. If it does that's your queue that you need to step back and check yourself. "At 30 years old I would have hoped people would be way more mature " I don't know if this makes him immature. It only makes him someone that is looking for something different than you are. Don't personalize this. .either way. Link to comment
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