He's back

[jennylove]

I just don't get him. A couple months after we began dating, he became distant, stopped calling, stopped texting, etc. I didn't understand, things were going so well. And besides, we've known each other since our diaper days, how could he treat me like this? After not hearing from him for 1 week, I told him it was over and I announced that I would be blocking him completely from ever getting in touch with me. A little dramatic? Yes, but I was hurting. He back-peddled, apologized, said he wanted to work things out. I didn't follow through with they BU or blocking him. Our 2nd attempt at this lasted 2 weeks, and then he went back to ignoring me. Mind you, everything was fine in his life. This wasn't a case of him being stressed about anything. And when I tried to tell him how awful it makes me feel to get ignored, his response would always be the infamous "k k". Yes , his response to me if I was lucky to get a response was always "k k" . K k was his answer no matter what I'd ask him or say to him.

 

So finally, 6 weeks ago, I had enough. I blocked him from email, phone, text, social media - everything. It was time to move on. I didn't tell him it was over, I didn't tell him I was blocking him. I just blocked him and went on with life.

 

Well, he must miss me. I got a card in the mail last week and flowers delivered to my house. I sent the card back to sender without opening, and I told the flower guy to take the flowers back to the shop, I did not want them. It was empowering. But now, I've gotten a couple of facebook requests from people I've never heard of, yet, their profile indicates we live in the same city, but have no mutual friends. And their account was recently made and they only have a few "friends" on their list. This has got to be him, but who knows.

 

At any rate, why would he treat me like I didn't exist after dating? He even told me during our first date that he has always loved me and thought of me a lot over the years. And now that I've cut him off, he is making an effort. I won't take him back, but I just don't get it. Why didn't he make an effort when we were together?? It's too late now!! I mean, We are grown up here. We are in our 30s!

[ParisPaulette]

You are making a grave mistake in assuming this man feels, thinks and acts from the same impulses and morals and values that you have. Bluntly speaking, he doesn't. And the sooner you stop trying to see and understand him from your point of view and simply honestly look at the guy in front of you, what he's doing, how he's acting, the BS game he's running here, the sooner you will be able to close the door and walk away forever.

 

Why does he do it? There are entire books and websites devoted to the topic. I suggest you head on over to Natalie Lue's website at http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. for more information on that whole "why is he doing this to me" topic.

 

I don't know the guy at all, but I think it's safe to say what he's doing to you is neither emotionally sane or healthy or even normal. When someone genuinely loves you and has the courage to love you and want to be a part of your life they don't seagull the relationship--you know, fly in after you, make a bunch of noise, then crap on everything and leave. And then rinse and repeat. Over and over and over again.

 

And this is the voice of experience talking--he's done this twice, you let him come back, now he's doing it a third time and the pattern is set. This will never change and if you stick with him this is exactly what you're getting--a guy who is never there when you need him, who has you walking on eggshells waiting for that next time he disappears. A guy who will only ever want you when you don't want him. If you're okay with that then by all means let him come back a third time, but understand this is who he is. All the wishing it was different in the world won't make it so, because he's broken in some very vital way and obviously not willing to fix it or he would have already.

[AutumnBorn]

Paris, it seems you didn't actually read her post from your response. She dumped him. Done deal. Read it again.

 

Jenny, he didn't make the effort because he didn't think it was necessary. He took your presence and feelings for granted. And, as you can obviously see, he's not relationship material. Good for you for dumping him. You deserve so much better.

[jennylove]

My title is slightly misleading, I should have entitled this thread , "he's trying to come back". He is just a part of my past now, someone I will never see or talk to again. I'm fine and all, but I just don't understand why it transpired the way it did. Why wouldn't he talk to me? Why was he always replying with "k k" if at all? I've known him my whole life, why would he intentionally hurt me?

[ThatwasThen]

I would have dumped him the first time he disappeared and his explanation for that was "k k" What does that even mean? Anyway, he's not worth wondering about.

 

I will say it's quite nice to read that you've blocked and deleted him and he's now gone for good. Too often we read that he/she's been allowed to come back and do it yet again... so good on you.

[jennylove]

Lol. Trust me, I wasn't always this way. I've learned a lot from this website over the years, and Ive read a lot of self help books on rships, drawing the line, etc. Not sure when I joined this place, but I discovered it a few years ago when I was in the midst of a terrible BU, like, the 10th BU with the same guy in 18 mos. Live n Learn....

 

Oh, I suspected K K meant "ok" butvI googled it since I wasn't sure. It means Ok or Whatever. To me, it means: childish and dumb.

[ThatwasThen]

It means that to me too.

 

Cheers... onward and UPward, Jenny.