ChellyV Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 To the married people around here....I am newly married, 7 months but dated on and off for the past 4 years prior to marriage. While everyone I have consulted with, including ENAers, suggest open communication, I find myself in difficult unresolved arguments with my husband over these things, and I do need to know if I should just let it go or assert my right. My husband used to take his ex's to fancy out of town trips that involved huge expenses. These occurred while we were "off". Right now he is paying them off, and I do understand the limited resources. I have been requesting an out of town trip and offered to split the cost for a relaxing 2 days of fishing, hiking and perhaps a stroll in the beach. For the past 4 years of our lives together, we have never done such a thing. I have always been turned down. I thought I have let it go until recently I realized he would arrange for such activities with friends and his family, but never with me. I have kept quiet about it and never said a word. Hoping one day he will just realize. Am I being unreasonable? Do I just want the trip because he did so with ex's? I don't know. Suggestions how to handle are most welcomed. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Is this the extent of your issues or is this a symptom of underlying issues? Link to comment
ChellyV Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Is this the extent of your issues or is this a symptom of underlying issues? Ms Darcy....hmmm, I guess I should sit down for a moment and think about what you said. Perhaps I have a vision of marriage, seeing how my male married friends handled their own time with their wives. Underlying issues, there are in fact a few that perhaps I should think and ponder about. Right now I just feel taken for granted. On sidenote, how is 90 hour sleep? He is my FB friend but no activity there. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Your right to what? Spending money you don't have? A cornerstone of a marriage is shared expectations...not uncommunicated expectations. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I have kept quiet about it and never said a word. Hoping one day he will just realize. I think there's your first mistake. Lack of communication and hoping he's a mind reader. Many many people do this and not even aware of it. Good communication is absolute KEY in a marriage if you want things to run well and smoothly. As long as you don't say how you feel, he is probably blissfully unaware that it upsets you and you feel hurt and bitter about this particular issue. And as long as he is not aware how you feel about it, he's not going to be making any constructive changes. Learn to communicate well in your marriage (not being accusatory). Tell him what's on your mind. Link to comment
ChellyV Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 I think there's your first mistake. Lack of communication and hoping he's a mind reader. Many many people do this and not even aware of it. Good communication is absolute KEY in a marriage if you want things to run well and smoothly. As long as you don't say how you feel, he is probably blissfully unaware that it upsets you and you feel hurt and bitter about this particular issue. And as long as he is not aware how you feel about it, he's not going to be making any constructive changes. Learn to communicate well in your marriage (not being accusatory). Tell him what's on your mind. Ok, I will do so. I wish he would consider it this time. The trip I was suggesting was just 64 miles south of our town, free cottage as provided by my church and it doesn't entail too much expenses. Its simply just like going to the movies type of expense. He rebuffed me twice in the past about it and so I chose to be quiet. But this time I will try. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 A couple, by all means, should be doing some things together. It's not like you're asking him to take you around the World! Sheesh. Have a decent, respectful talk with him about this. Ask for a 'mental break' for the both of you get away for a cpl of days. Say you two need this. I don't see why he'd disgree? Link to comment
ChellyV Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Exactly SooSad33! We both could use a break as we both have had very busy and stressful months. Kids growing up. Sometimes I ask myself what could be the best way to approach him with his. Surely, it can't be that hard? This week I will bring it up. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Right. You think there'd be some 'understanding' and agreement here. Or you'd hope so. I think you both deserve that getaway. Link to comment
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