staypositive1 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I never thought I would post on here. However, over the last 3.5 months I have been coming back to this site over again in order to find at least a few people who are/were in the same situation and could share insights/give advice. I have been together with him for 1.5 years when he broke up with me. I am 28 and he is 31 (if that makes any difference). I will try to keep it as short as possible but given the amount of details, it is most likely going to be a long post. Sorry for that and please be patient with me. I met my now ex-bf through friends and we fell for each other instantly. We had the most amazing time together. Few month into the relationship I had to move to a different country (not by choice) and we have agreed to stay together as I was already looking for a different job to move back to where he lives even before I met him. We knew that long distance was a temporary thing. This guy made me laugh like no one else before and although I have had previous LT relationships before, I have never felt this feeling for anyone. We shared the same values, same views on relationship and we genuinely had fun together. He introduced me to his family (they loved me) and out of his own initiative bought tickets to fly and meet my family who live 3500km away after about 1 year of relationship. He met everyone except my father (he was travelling at the time) and a month before the breakup he insisted to meet him. He kept on insisting and I finally introduced him to my dad (he loved my family and they liked him). Everything seemed perfect. We have barely had a fight, there was a lot of passion between us and we became each others’ best friends. 3 weeks before the break up he was at a bachelor party. He tried MDMA there for the first time. For the next week he was being very weird (saying he wants to be 18 again and acting cold) and I couldn’t figure out what it was. Eventually, I thought it was due to the after effects of the drug. A weekend before he broke up with me we were at a friends’ wedding. Although he was acting a bit volatile (being periodically cold and distant and saying he wants to be 18 again), overall things seemed to be going great. He told to everyone we met at the wedding that he wants me to move to the country he lives in and to live together with him. He kept on saying how lucky he is to have me. For the first time in the relationship he spoke about marriage and kids. I thought we were moving forward...After the wedding we were at the airport and the last thing he told me was: “I love you more than anything. You will never have to worry about us. I will show this to you with my actions”. Three days later he became distant and sent me a text saying he needs to think about this relationship. Another two days later, he came for 5-10min to see me, said he wants to be alone and left. I have never got the reason why or some sort of closure. That was it. I didn’t beg, didn’t cry (I only did the crying after he left)…I just asked whether he was 100% sure and he said “yes”. Then he walked away. I know the breakup wasn’t easy on him as I heard from friends that he was very upset. I know that there was no one else. It has been 3.5 months of NC for me and although I am keeping busy with friends, doing sports, started a course to improve my qualifications and continue to look for other job opportunities, I feel like my body has moved on, buy my heart is still 120% in it. I have even started to see a therapist to help me through this. I am lost and I don’t know what to do and how to move on. On one hand I feel like this is not over, that he will be back. But on the other – I think that he just wants to move on and be free and there is nothing I can do. I am so scared that I won’t be able to get over him. I haven’t heard from him and I feel lost. My feelings for him are still there and they are still so very strong. I would be grateful for any advice you can give, or any insight as to what has happened. Is it the drug? Did he get cold feet? Maybe so many of you will have a different view on things. Thank you! Link to comment
WithLove Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Wow, this is rough. I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with you that it could be the drug. I'm thinking maybe he decided he liked it and has had it after that bachelor party. It's hard to believe he would change so much in such a short space of time. Had you ever talked about that drug with him? Link to comment
Clinton Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It's not the drug People make the decision to leave a long term relationship long before they pull the trigger It may seem like things were great between you, but from his point of view, they weren't Keep doing what you are doing and move on. Only you can give yourself closure, no one else can It's tough, but healing takes time Hang in and you will eventually get there Link to comment
Monkey ai Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It's not the drug People make the decision to leave a long term before they pull the trigger It may seem like things were great between you, but from his point of view, they weren't Keep doing what you are doing and move on. Only you can give yourself closure, no one else can It's tough, but healing takes time Hang in and you will eventually get there Agree, I know it must be hard, but your closure is clear, he decide to end this relationship, and he has somewhat mislead you, but best thing is move on, it does matter if he will comeback or not. What you feel now it is normal, give sometime… Always take care and love yourself, you will meet someone who want be with you and love you. Be strong and looking forward not back!! Good luck! Link to comment
staypositive1 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 ----------- Link to comment
staypositive1 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 ---------- Link to comment
staypositive1 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Wow, this is rough. I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with you that it could be the drug. I'm thinking maybe he decided he liked it and has had it after that bachelor party. It's hard to believe he would change so much in such a short space of time. Had you ever talked about that drug with him? I had a chat with him after he took it. I have a family member who died because of drugs and hence it was a very sensitive topic for me. He said he understood how dangerous it is and that he is not interested in doing it any more, he just wanted to try. After trying it he keps on saying he wants to be 18 again. I never tried any drugs, can it completely mess with your mind? Link to comment
staypositive1 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Agree, I know it must be hard, but your closure is clear, he decide to end this relationship, and he has somewhat mislead you, but best thing is move on, it does matter if he will comeback or not. What you feel now it is normal, give sometime… Always take care and love yourself, you will meet someone who want be with you and love you. Be strong and looking forward not back!! Good luck! I spoke to his best friend, who told me that my ex said that he has started feeling unsure about his relationship after that bachelor weekend. Prior to that he felt 100% sure about us. This is why I thought it may have been the drug. I am so lost and hurt. This break has really hit me so hard, I have never felt like that before. Link to comment
Clinton Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Seriously, it's not the drug. Link to comment
WithLove Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It just seems odd that everything seemed fine up until that point, from what you've posted. Are you sure there's nothing you've left out? An argument you had before that he might have been considering for awhile? Something must have happened for him to have wanted out of the relationship. I think if he felt like you guys just didn't have any compatibility, you would both be aware of it. Link to comment
Clio Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It's not the drug. It sounds like some kind of early "middle-age" crisis. He changed. Some people sadly change for the worse. For some reason, this bachelor party made him realize that he is approaching the age where society says that he needs to settle. He took a look within and decided that he is not ready to settle and/or you are not the one who he sees himself settling with. Psychologically he has regressed to being 18. He is immature. He got scared of the idea of your relationship leading to marriage (he doesn't want marriage yet, he wants a life with no responsibilities hence his repeating that he wants to be 18 again). It's like some 50 year olds who leave their family/wives and chase after 20 year old girls. Plus, he may have cheated on you on that bachelor or at least wanted to. My advice to you is to give up on him and move on because he sure as hell NOT a quality guy. For whatever reason, he didn't see you as the ONE but he has nothing to pin on you hence the nonsense way he broke up with you. Please do yourself a favour and loose the loser. The way he broke up with you shows lack of integrity and shows that you lost nobody special. He doesn't love you. I am sorry for your loss. Please move on. This is NOT a reflection in you. This is ALL him being immature. You deserve so much better. Good luck with your healing. Link to comment
Monkey ai Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I spoke to his best friend, who told me that my ex said that he has started feeling unsure about his relationship after that bachelor weekend. Prior to that he felt 100% sure about us. This is why I thought it may have been the drug. I am so lost and hurt. This break has really hit me so hard, I have never felt like that before. it doesn’t matter if cause by drug or not, it is not excuse, the fact he BU with you it says a lot, you are not accept it yet, which it is understand, you need take this is end of this relationship, force yourself to move on, you don’t need someone that not respect your feeling and change his mind in this way. Many people don’t know what they want, that is why he is misleading you, he might love you but he do not see the future with you at this moment. You will find someone, believe me , soon you move on, soon you can see the beauty in life!! Link to comment
staypositive1 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 It just seems odd that everything seemed fine up until that point, from what you've posted. Are you sure there's nothing you've left out? An argument you had before that he might have been considering for awhile? Something must have happened for him to have wanted out of the relationship. I think if he felt like you guys just didn't have any compatibility, you would both be aware of it. we had an argument after he took drugs as he knows how I feel about it. he just kept on repeating that he wants to be 18 again and when we would be out he would suddenly behave like a teenager. I confronted him about this asking what was going on he said nothing. We barely fought as we had a lot of harmony in the relationship and most of the little fights would just end up in us laughing together. About 10 days after the BU he wrote me a chain of whatsapp messages. he said he loves me more than anything but whats to live his life in full with no doubts and he took this decision because he felt unsure about us.I didn't reply. I think it is too easy to sit on the couch and send whatsapps. I think I deserve more than that after 1.5 years of relationship. I was so hurt that I didn't reply. I cried for days. About 2-2.5 months after the breakup I spoke to his friend. His friend said my ex was crying when he was with his friends, he was very confused. He would say that he has made the biggest mistake of his life by breaking up with me and in the same sentence that it was the right thing to do. He said that I was the most amazing and the most beautiful woman he has ever seen/met...his best friend said he doesn't understand my ex and doesn't recognise him anymore. he says he is very confused. All this was end of August-mid September. Since then haven't heard anything, so I don't know whether he has moved on or not Link to comment
staypositive1 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you so much for your reply. I think you might be right about the mid-life crisis. sounds like it. Link to comment
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