Never Thought A Dog Would Interfere

[redhotchilipepper]

My gf bought a dog 2 weeks ago but she didnt tell me she was going to get it. She told me it was a spurr of the moment thing. I have been with her for 6 months but now that she has this puppy I feel neglected. Ever since I have been to her place 99% of the focus is on the dog and I just sit there and help her if she needs it. We arent affectionate with eachother at all.. if I even try she just doesnt seem interested and always brings up the dog and how much she loves it and how cute it is but I feel like I have been put on the back burner. We would txt eachother very often every day and now I am lucky if I get one txt during the day.

 

I am trying really hard to keep my cool and act like nothing is bothering me and support her and her decision to get the dog but it bugs me. My friends tell me to wait it out and that it is just a phase because the dog is a puppy but once it gets older things will get back to normal. Any advice would be great.

 

We were supposed to go away on vacay too and now those plans are screwed.

[sadchick83]

Not sure how old your girlfriend is, but if I had to guess she is nurturing the dog like she would her child. She will love that dog in a special way, so I would not bother trying to come between the two of them. Trust me I know because I've had many dogs. She may tone it down a bit, but she will love that dog like her child.

 

Why don't you try to love the dog as well?? If you really like this girl, this is the only way. Offer to take the dog for walks or buy it some treats. She will love you for this. And honestly, I hate to say if but is push came to shove, and she had to choose. She might chose the dog over you.

[MonkeyInATree]

Love me, love my dog. Period.

 

Maybe plan a new vacation that can include the dog?

 

sadchick83 is quite correct. It'll pass, it's a maternal type thing. Tell her how much you like how she loves the dog, how her face lights up, etc. This can be an opportunity to connect with her in a different way.. if you let it.

[lilypadgirl]

Generally I would agree with the above posters, but some things you mentioned bothered me and I can see why it bothered you.

 

First, it bothers me that she didn't talk to you beforehand about getting the dog. 6 months is a short time in a relationship to be discussing getting a pet together, in my opinion. However, raising a dog is a long-term commitment. By not even discussing it with you almost makes me wonder if either she is not thinking of you or the relationship in the long term as it did not seem to factor into her long term planning/considerations or that it really was spur of the moment and she's not someone who thinks things through and consider the consequences. At the minimum, she didn't consider the impact it would have on the vacation.

 

Second, you mentioned that you guys are less affectionate now. Is she typically an affectionate person or someone that easily opens up? I ask because I almost wonder if consciously or subconsciously she is replacing you with the dog. I suspect that is what you are worried about as well. Some people have trouble with intimacy and rather express it to a pet than a person. What is her relationship history?

 

I think trying to bond with the dog as the other posters mentioned is a great idea and you can see whether she is happy to involve you with her dog or whether she wants to keep you two separate. I also think you should talk to her (in a non-accusing way) and express your concerns. It will help her realize and understand your concerns.

 

Good luck.

[zentoCC]

Have you mentioned this to her? Sometimes people can get so wrapped up in there 'new, shiny thing' that they neglect everything else. Kind of like in the honeymoon stage where you want to be together all the time and possibly see your friends less.

 

Tell her and see what her reaction is.

[Iggy5129]

Get over yourself. She got a new puppy and is excited about it. Let herhave her fun, the novelty will wear off soon.

[lerenard]

I think you are overreacting a bit to the whole puppy thing, still she should have told you and spoke with you first, especially if you had plans that are now ruined.

Speak to her, Tell her how you feel and ask her about your vacation. I agree that 6 months into a relationship is not that serious, but it all depends on a couple. But I guess she isn't serious if she got a puppy without telling you and she couldn't care less about your failed trip together.

[lavenderdove]

OK, if she is only your GF of 6 months and you are not even living together, so her choices are her own in terms of things like how she spends her money or whether she gets a pet etc.

 

So this may be a situation where you are really serious about her whereas she just sees you as a BF who may or may not be a permanent fixture in future, hence she gets to make her own decisions without reference to you.

 

If you are jealous of a dog, how would you feel if kids arrive in the picture? I think you are saying you don't like to 'share' your GF at this point, which either means you are really young (teens/early 20s) or you are someone who probably doesn't want kids or wants to be the center of her attention all the time (which isn't healthy).

 

so I suggest you lighten up if you love your GF, or you keep your dating life lighter and date other girls rather than expecting to control your GF's choices such as whether she gets a dog or not. She will love that dog like a child (already does), so it is not going anywhere for the next 10+ years, so you either adapt to the dog, or decide you don't want that responsibility now and date other girls who don't have pets.

[bulletproof]

My gf bought a dog 2 weeks ago but she didnt tell me she was going to get it. She told me it was a spurr of the moment thing. I have been with her for 6 months but now that she has this puppy I feel neglected. Ever since I have been to her place 99% of the focus is on the dog and I just sit there and help her if she needs it.

 

If you are unhappy with the state of things, it's up to you to change it.

When you go over there, do you ask her to leave the house and go to dinner? To the movies? Out with friends?

You don't have to just sit there and not suggest anything.

 

You should also show an interest in the dog and suggest things to do like take him for a walk or out to play at a park.

 

It doesn't have to be this way but you sound like you're just resentful and therefore not willing to make an effort.

 

However, I think she is wrong to cancel vacation plans. Ask her why she's doing that. Is it because there's no one to watch the dog, or is it because she doesn't want to leave the dog?

[Ms Darcy]

OP, I agree that something is off here, especially with the behavior change of less affection. I say just talk to her about how you feel about the decrease in affection. Don't mention the dog. It'll seem like blame.

[redhotchilipepper]

Get over yourself. She got a new puppy and is excited about it. Let herhave her fun, the novelty will wear off soon.

 

I told her I was happy for her because I knew she wanted a dog when she was a young child. I am 28 years old and I consider myself a mature adult. I never told her to return it or anything.. I want her to be happy but I don't want her to completely negate me in the process. I believe in having a balance with people in your life and that means making time for everyone. If she cant then she shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

[redhotchilipepper]

If you are unhappy with the state of things, it's up to you to change it.

When you go over there, do you ask her to leave the house and go to dinner? To the movies? Out with friends?

You don't have to just sit there and not suggest anything.

 

You should also show an interest in the dog and suggest things to do like take him for a walk or out to play at a park.

 

It doesn't have to be this way but you sound like you're just resentful and therefore not willing to make an effort.

 

However, I think she is wrong to cancel vacation plans. Ask her why she's doing that. Is it because there's no one to watch the dog, or is it because she doesn't want to leave the dog?

 

We are supposed to go out for dinner and a movie this Sat night (my idea) and she seemed really excited about it last week but not as much this week ha. Oh well lets see what happens. Fingers crossed.

 

I appreciate everyone's input here. I take everything into consideration.