Girlfriend told her friend that i'm fat and ugly.

[jamie123]

Wasn't entirely sure where to post this...

 

Me and my girlfriend have only been together just over a month, and we were friends for a couple of months before we got together.

 

Recently one of her friends has shown me a message from my girlfriend on the day we first met, saying "she didn't like me, I was fat, and a bit ugly, and I was 'too nice', just generally not her type, and I'm so fat that I'd crush her".

 

 

It's fair if someone doesn't like someone else's personality, and I know I'm a biggish chap, and not especially good lucking, but calling me ugly and fat is a little harsh? Fortunately she's only said good things about me to this same friend since (how happy she is etc)

 

She has no idea that I know about this, so I don't really know what to do.

 

Do I bring it up and risk ruining things anyway?

do I ditch her? (I really like her.... other than the fact she said this)

or do I just carry on and try and forget about it?

 

She appears to be really into me, and we spend lots of time together and really get on.

I know were only 5minutes into the relationship, but other than this it's been nothing but good.

 

Any thoughts and opinions are welcome.

Thanks.

[lerenard]

The question I would have is

-what made her change her mind about you, and why suddenly she is really into you, when apparently you weren't her type at all?

 

I would ask. You're been together for 1 month, not one year. And honestly, I wouldn't date somebody who said I was ugly/fat. She sounds immature, and her friend as well, by the way. Showing you their conversation??? How old are you guys?

[Fudgie]

Ouch. I would ask, yeah. What made her change her mind?

I would tread carefully, it seems like you have just seen a side of her that isn't pretty - it's judgmental and superficial.

[Starshine]

Hi jamie123

I suggest you ask her about this and also mention (the friend) that showed you this message and she said so and so. I mean honesty is one of the most important things between two people. Ask her and see what she has to say regarding it. I think it'd be the best approach.

[missmarple]

Oh, the things I've said in the past about guys I had just met...and how often I changed my mind once I got to know them better!

I understand you feel hurt but it's happened to me too many times to consider it important. I would tell her about it, though..and, basically, tell her to lose that friend. They had no business whatsoever showing you a message from months ago...they only wanted to cause problems, who knows why.

[jamie123]

How old are you guys?

 

I'm 27, she's 26.

[IAmFCA]

I wouldn't bring it up. I don't even think it's insulting, when you hear it differently.

 

She said she's really happy.

 

What your gf was doing was speaking in hyperbolic terms to prove her point. "He isn't anything like i would choose, physically, yet I am so happy I see that the looks aren't even relevant anymore.

 

I fell in love for 5 years with a man I would describe, and I have, as not the slightest bit good looking in any way. He was old, unhealthy, not handsome of face, had a paunch and his limbs were free of muscle. So, I could say he was old, ugly, and fat. But he had a character I respected enormously, and we were together 5 years till his death.

 

Her friend should not have told you this. There was nothing constructive about it.

[annie24]

I've met some people who are not attractive, but as I got to know them and their beautiful personalities, they became more attractive. and vice versa for "attractive people" with ugly hearts. I guess she got to know the real you and fell for that.

 

Either that or you buy her so many things that she's deciding to overlook it.

[jamie123]

Thanks for that advice guys.... a few different opinions there.

 

I do find it odd that she seems so into me, yet has said what she said in the past.

I guess I've got some thinking to do.... i'm hoping it is just like IThinkICan said, and I've got nothing to worry about.

 

I'd rather not bring it up, I just hope I can let it go.

[annie24]

I'm also really wondering why this "friend" decided to show you that text message. That seems very hurtful and unnecessary. Was she trying to break you up?

[agent1607307371]

I think there is more to your gf saying those things than her actually meaning them, and I think there is more to her friend showing you that message than her being concerned for your feelings.

[notalady]

Thanks for that advice guys.... a few different opinions there.

 

I do find it odd that she seems so into me, yet has said what she said in the past.

I guess I've got some thinking to do.... i'm hoping it is just like IThinkICan said, and I've got nothing to worry about.

 

I'd rather not bring it up, I just hope I can let it go.

 

I've been on several dates with a guy that I didn't initial consider good looking at all but have really grown to like his personality as I got to know him and became attracted to him. If you were to see one of my messages to my friends initially, it wouldn't have been what he wanted to see either (though not saying ugly or fat), point is that people do change their views about someone as they get to know them, and they become less superficial and start to like you as a person despite maybe initially didn't like your physical attributes.

[notalady]

Also agree with others, I would question in the first instance what's this friend's intention of showing you this. It seems malicious and deliberate. None of my friends would have done that, zero.

[HollyDolly]

Ask yourself can you get passed this?

If you can forget what she said in the beginning and accept she is with you & you make eachother happy then why rock the boat.

On the other hand if this is going to hang over you then ask her in a calm manner - you dont need to mention the friend, your girlfriend will already known who she sent that to.

Your aim isnt to cause an issue between her and her friend its to establish why she said the things she did in the first place.