Six month Break-up "anniversary" - Recovering from being left by someone else

[Charlotte12]

Hello there! I am about to reach the six month anniversary from my break-up. It has been a life changing experience for me. I suffered from panic attacks when my boyfriend of six years left me and it was like being hit by a bus. I suffered terribly. I think in a way I hit rock bottom and felt like I needed to come back stronger than ever from the experience.

Along these six months I experienced many changes in my life...I changed jobs, started therapy to take care of my panic, I started working out and many other different things that have helped me a lot to move on. I tried to embrace positivity and feel better for myself but I still cry about him. At this point, it hurts me to know that I will never see him again, and that he couldn't care less about me or my life. It hurts me to know that he is still with the person he left me for, and that he never even questioned himself about leaving me. (If you have read my previous posts, you will remember everything was pretty sudden, I couldn't do much to prevent anything from happening).

Now I will have to go through surgery to remove a cyst in my ovary in the upcoming months. My birthday is also next month so...a lot of firsts I had to go through this year.

As for dating...I like some guys but I am a little scared. I know I need to have fun and stop worrying, especially after what I have been through but at the same time I feel like this will always upset me because it is not a closed story. Too much damage has been done, I have felt humiliated and I don't think there's any way he would ever communicate with me again, still...I miss him. I want to shut my head for a while and stop thinking about him. I need to stop thinking about him and the other woman because I feel I am only empowering what they have, while I feel miserable. In other words, I need to let go, but I don't know how. I blocked him in fb, and hidden his family from my news feed so I don't need to see him. I deleted him from my phone and I know there is no way that I would contact him. But still...I think of him. I dream about him. I wish things hadn't ended this way.

Any advice? Any people who has been left by someone else and is better now?

Thank you for reading.

[janut1]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through the pain of your breakup. Its the WORST isn't it! I don't wish this on anyone. Im 3 months into mine and just found out that my X is already in a relationship, he met her before we broke up, which is really hard to deal with. I found out because I unblocked him from Facebook.... NEVER DO THAT! I wish I never did. Seeing them together devastated me and I feel like I'm back at day 1. Also, FB makes you wait 48 hours before you can block them again. YIKES

 

So anyway. You seem to be doing everything you can to move forward, but you were in this relationship for six years, so 6 months is still really soon after such a long relationship. Just be good to your self. Cry if you have to, punch pillows, write him a letter and burn it. I'm sure you have had this advice already.

 

Big HUGS to you. I know you will make it through. One day at a time!

[star554]

Hi Charlotte! One and a half month post breakup here and it's really heartbreaking still. I was kinda also left for someone else - I say "kinda" because I know there was another girl involved but I'm not sure if she was the main purpose of the breakup nor do I know if they are still together. I think it'd be really painful to figure that out "definitely".

Anyways, I think you're doing really well judging from your post. I think taking the steps you've taken, the fact they've been concrete actions to change and grow as a person... these are so essential post-breakup. If nothing else, I'm looking forward to changing myself for the better, my "transformation" if you call it - THAT is what's keeping me going strong.

I don't think I can offer you any new advice but just that keep on keeping on. You're doing great given that it's a long process! From all the break up stories I've read, there isn't really a hard and fast rule from when you're suppose to be able to date or forget about your ex. Go at your own pace... no rush. Good luck!

[Ms Darcy]

Six years is going to take time to get over. How has therapy been going?

[SooSad33]

Hi Charlotte,

 

6 months in. It is still rough at this time, with it being a long term relationship. Can take a few more months to actually start seeing the light.

Was a good 9+ months before I started to feel things ease off.

 

As for dating, do not feel you need to go there. Not until you know you're feeling 'right' to go there.

Remember, it's only been 6 months. Maybe think about trying it in another 3+ months?

 

It all takes time. Remember, this is something that puts us through a LOT of turmoil and deep emotions. It does take time to accept & heal.

So, don't feel you have to rush into anything again, until you 'feel' it.

 

Many here understand how it is... yes, it's awful

 

Thinking of you... you're doing well.

 

tc

[sophie274]

When my first serious boyfriend (of 3.5 years) broke up with me, it took me a year and a half to start feeling normal again. But I didn't handle it as well as you - he and I were in touch and that definitely dragged out my healing process. You're doing all the right things, but unfortunately it's normal for you to still be feeling this way 6 months out. Keep on doing what you've been doing (and based on how you're feeling, I don't think you should try to date yet).

 

Oh, that first serious boyfriend ... I don't know if I'd say he "left" me for someone else, but we had to be long-distance for some months, he was never available to talk, didn't want to visit ... I was so hurt and frustrated I broke up with him. I found out later he had cheated on me with this girl and started seeing her regularly as soon as we broke up (I don't know exactly what was going on before). For a year it was just sex, and now 5.5 years later they are still together! They've moved together a couple of times.

 

Meanwhile, I'm so glad I'm not with him. I would be miserable. I've gotten to go on so many adventures and do so many things that I couldn't have done with him. Suffering through that break-up almost killed me - I was so so so heartbroken and miserable - but once I was through I could see we weren't right for each other. And I'm now with someone else who makes me very happy.

 

Almost everyone I know has gone through a break-up with someone they thought might be the love of their life, and thought they would never heal, and woken up one day to realize they were really truly 100% well, and found someone else they fell madly in love with. I don't want to minimize or trivialize what you're going through. It's horrendous. But you WILL be happy again.

[siegfri333]

I think for long relationships that went mostly well, the pain will mend slowly over time, but the melancholy will always be there, because it's a part of your life, of your youth, full of what if and why not.

 

In my opinion, it's important to have "flings" some time after a breakup; it will help you realize that the world goes on, that new people are out there waiting to be met.

After a long RS it's a bit traumatic and sad to have sex with someone else for reasons you can imagine, but it also makes you more "ready" for the next serious relationship you'll have at some point.

[Brotherhood67]

At this point, it hurts me to know that I will never see him again, and that he couldn't care less about me or my life. It hurts me to know that he is still with the person he left me for, and that he never even questioned himself about leaving me. (If you have read my previous posts, you will remember everything was pretty sudden, I couldn't do much to prevent anything from happening).

 

I underwent the same process of thought as you. I can tell you this, and mean it.

 

NEVER, EVER, EVER in a million years allow yourself to suffer for someone who doesn't care about you. NEVER, EVER, EVER regret being with someone and not talking to someone who hurt you and doesn't care about you.

 

Life is short and those people simply deserve to be put in their rightful place : a drawer in your heart, with a lost key.

[miss_sunshine]

Hi Charlotte

 

It sounds like you are doing so well. You sound like such a lovely person and I am very sorry that this has happened to you. I too do not understand how they just leave and do not care anymore and we are left here loving someone who just does not deserve it. I am having a bit of a tough night and having a bit of a cry. It is just so weird that this person who you thought was everything to you and they felt the same, was really never that person. I look back on all the sweet letters and cards and think what happened? I still have no idea what I did wrong and why he does not love me anymore and it hurts to much. Keep smiling and remember - If you could love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right person. If that does not help then put on some music to cheer you up. My secret shameful songs are Michael Buble, Haven't met you yet and Taylor Swift , Begin Again. They always give me hope that one day when I am ready I will love and be loved again even though I don't really believe it haha.

[Lucha]

Me too! I have a box put away with letters and cards and lovenotes: "you are my everything, my world", "i love you so incredibly much", "i never felt this way before", "this is unique", "cant wait to live with you",... Well isnt it ironic.

 

I should prob burn those letters and leftover pictures and maybe I will. I just don't understand how easily people can say these words like they mean it and then act the exact opposite only a few months/weeks later. Awful!

 

And like you I also have trouble believing I will love someone again so deeply.

 

Nice songs btw!

 

 

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[Brotherhood67]

Me too! I have a box put away with letters and cards and lovenotes: "you are my everything, my world", "i love you so incredibly much", "i never felt this way before", "this is unique", "cant wait to live with you",... Well isnt it ironic.

 

I should prob burn those letters and leftover pictures and maybe I will. I just don't understand how easily people can say these words like they mean it and then act the exact opposite only a few months/weeks later. Awful!

 

And like you I also have trouble believing I will love someone again so deeply.

 

Nice songs btw!

 

 

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Yep. Or take your gifts, the ones you gave them with all your heart and sell them on Craigslist in order to finance a new relationshp with someone.

 

*Sigh*

 

Anyway, words are cheap and few people are actually able to distinguish love from lust hence this kind of reactions, fewer people are capable of knowing what love truly is and even fewer know that love is actually more of a choice than something which is imposed on you. You impose it on yourself, and going through a break-up is about learning how to un-do this choice in my opinion, whatever the cost.

[Lucha]

Yep. Or take your gifts, the ones you gave them with all your heart and sell them on Craigslist in order to finance a new relationshp with someone.

 

*Sigh*

 

Anyway, words are cheap and few people are actually able to distinguish love from lust hence this kind of reactions, fewer people are capable of knowing what love truly is and even fewer know that love is actually more of a choice than something which is imposed on you. You impose it on yourself, and going through a break-up is about learning how to un-do this choice in my opinion, whatever the cost.

 

Totally agree!! Love is a choice. I do respect her choice to not want to continue her life with me as a partner. But it is true love is not about being and staying infatuated. It is more a way of feeling compatible and appreciatibg the other person being in your life

 

 

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[Charlotte12]

It is...I have my ups and downs but luckily today is a good day. I know it hasn't been that long since my break-up but I am a happy person no matter what. I will never unblock him...well...never say never, but not now. He is with the person he left me for, so I don't want to know anything about him. I have to talk to his family every now and then because my godson is his nephew, but I hid their posts so I don't have to see them regularly.

Thank you for taking the time to read me =) Big hugs to you too janut!

[Charlotte12]

Sweetie, I am sorry about your BU! I think I started feeling better only after the shock of the first month. Thank you for your sharing your thoughts with me...YES, what you are doing is exactly what I did, and it helped a lot! (I mean, getting strength from a "transformation") I figured that if I had to experience this great great pain in my life, it had to mean something.

No, there's no rush to dating...but I like many guys and after being with someone for so long, there's a big party of me that wants to explore a bit (I guess it won't harm).

Good luck to you and contact me whenever you want!

[Charlotte12]

Six years is going to take time to get over. How has therapy been going?

 

 

Hi Ms Darcy! It has been great, in fact I have to go to therapy in a few hours. I still miss him though...and sometimes I feel replaced all over again, even though now I think way different than a few months ago.

[Charlotte12]

Thank you for your words Sophie. I really thought he was the love of my life. I guess we all think that every now and then along our lives. I loved this guy a lot, I think I have made him very happy and he also did the same with me but...the pain in my heart is mainly due to him choosing not to fight for our relationship. It is not the fact that he left me, it is the fact that he didn't care to turn around and think "Hey, I have been building a relationship with this human for six years, why not tell her I am not happy or whatever to try to save us?" My life fell apart. But then I am a really positive person and I wasn't going to let my life be destroyed just because he didn't decide to continue in my life.

I know someday I will be fully happy and complete, just like I felt when I met him. It just makes me sad that I put so much effort into this relationship and I was not worthy of a second thought. It makes me feel...worthless sometimes.