Ex-boyfriend won't let go won't stop calling or texting!!!!!

[hrtdkaren]

I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 yrs about 2 weeks ago and he is not taking the break up good. We started dating since I was 14 and he was 16, we are now 25 and 27.

I broke things off because in the past 2 yrs he has been controlling and abusive, he has slapped me 3 times in the past 2 yrs and insults me every time we have an

argument. He threatens my family and threatens to hit me every time we fight, I always thought he would change but has not shown signs of doing so, he also has no

goals or the desired to be successful in life. For the past 3 yrs he has gone from job to job, quitting jobs or getting fired, he was living with me the past yr until one of my brothers

kicked him out after he heard us arguing. Out of the 1yr he lived with me and my family he was unemployed for at least 5 months, I tried to help him get back on his feet

but I did not see the desired in him to better him self. I decided to break up with him because I am afraid of him blowing up for whatever reason and I no longer love him or am I happy

in the relationship. Ever since I broke up with him he calls and text me every day, he cries to me on the phone begging me to get back with him and promising everything will get better.

He sometimes threatens to hurt himself and tells me how he hasn't been eating or sleeping for a couple days now. At first I would just yell at him and beg him to stop calling me but now I'm

starting to feel guilty. I feel like I can't handle this situation anymore and don't know what to do. Help please!

[CraigHowes]

Block his number, simple as that

[hurtinheart]

Yes, and nothing to feel guilty about. Don't let him manipulate you. What he chooses to do or not to do to himself is on him. From what I've heard, these type of abusive men don't go easy. Also consider counseling for yourself and a restraining order for him.

[agent1607307371]

Block him. Manipulation is a favourite tactic of the abusive.

[ParisPaulette]

You need to read Gavin de Becker's book "The Gift of Fear" and specifically the chapter on "I was trying to let him down easy." You need to block and delete him and stop talking to him. Have your family help you and do not respond to anything he says, no matter what he says. He's upset that his meal ticket is gone and he's frantic at the idea that he'll have to pull his own weight. And if he threatens suicide if he somehow gets through to you again you tell him you're hanging up to get him some help, then you call 9-1-1 or his family to go help him.

 

The fact is he doesn't believe that after ten years of putting up with him you will now stick to your guns, so you are going to have to show him, not tell him, that's the case. And you show him by not responding at all, ever. Read that book, read that chapter of the book, it tells you how and why to do this. And every abuser promises it will get better if you come back. Yeah, for them sure it does. Just not for you, but they tend to leave that little part out.

[lavenderdove]

Just block him on your phone and any other avenue he might have to contact you. Most phones all that these days, and if you can't figure out how to do it, call your phone service provider and have them help you. Block him also on email and social media, any avenue with which to contact you. You can also change your phone number if you can't figure out how to block him, and keep that phone number unlisted and only give it to people you trust and tell them not to give your number to him (or just buy a phone that allows blocking and use it).

 

When you break up with someone, it means it is over and he doesn't have the right to intrude himself into your life. This is just more of the same bullying and abuse and drama you got from him before. You need him out of your life, and you need to be the one who draws that line. If he continually tries to approach you in person or keeps discovering your number and using it, then get a restraining order against him.

 

btw the WORST thing you can do is indulge him and talk to him. He needs to get over you, and the only way he'll do that is having NO contact with you. So no matter what he says or does, refuse to talk to him. Not one word. If he calls you from blocked numbers, the second you hear his voice, hang up. Not one word! That is the advice from professional stalker experts, that the only way to get people like this to stop this harassment is to have absolutely no contact with him to feed his fire. Right now he is trying to worm his way back in, and even negative contact with him is better than no contact in his own mind, so you can't even give him that. Don't yell, scream, engage, anything at all, just silence! You need to cut him off entirely so that he'll stop focusing on wearing you down.

 

You also might call a women's shelter/abuse hotline and ask them for advice on dealing with someone like him. They are used to dealing with men who behave this way and can give you advice and connect you with a pro bono attorney if that is what you need to get him out of your life.

[lavenderdove]

btw, there may be a chance if he threatens you and your family that he could be physically dangerous to you. So you should contact that women's hotline and get help on evaluating how dangerous he might be and whether you need to get the police involved in getting him to leave you alone.

 

Sometimes all he may need is a warning from the police to leave you alone, and you also may need to document his behavior with them if this drama keeps escalating.

 

But start by cutting him off and having no contact. You might want to send him one email that says, 'Please do not contact me again. I am 100% sure that our relationship is over and that I will never be interested in being with you again, so I will not be responding to any future contact from you. You need to turn your attention elsewhere, and if you do not leave me alone I will need to contact the police and take legal action to ensure that you do. So do not contact me again in any form at all.'

 

Then if he does continue to bother you, that is when you get the police and a lawyer involved. But first contact that women's shelter/hot line to get professional advice if you feel he is dangerous and that you might need to consider more protection and profession intervention to help you rid yourself of him.

[Ms Darcy]

Another vote for blocking him.

[hrtdkaren]

Thanks for all your advice guys, I will definitely look into blocking him or even changing my number if I had to. Sad to say but a part of me still cares for him and feels horrible that his taking this so hard =(. I hope things don't get bad enough were I have to call the police I would hate to see him go to jail. I do know I have to do what's best for me to be safe and happy and all the advice from you guys has just reassure me that I made the right choice. I definitely think counselling is a good idea for me since I feel like I can be totally honest with my family and friends about what a hell of a relationship I been in for the last couple of yrs. Im a strong and independent girl idk how I let it get to this point. I am pretty ashamed.

[agent1607307371]

You have nothing to be ashamed of. It really can happen to anyone and you had been with him for most of your formative years. All that matters now is how you go forward.