Sense of abandonment

[rose2summer]

Not only is going through a divorce and custody battle emotionally draining and disheartening, I've had a few friends disappear from my life, not answer my calls/texts, delete me from Facebook since my divorce started. I don't spend time discussing divorce details with them, and they were not mutual friends with my ex, but I am the first person out of all my friends to divorce, so I guess just being friends with someone going through a divorce was too much. anyone else deal with this? As much as I try to pretend it doesn't hurt, I realize it does, because Ive lost a spouse, don't see my son as much due to visitation, and friends are disappearing. It gets very lonely.

[mhowe]

Back in the day, a divorced woman was like a skunk at a lawn party ---- an available woman with no partner. I guess not much has changed.

If it makes you feel any better, widows are treated the same way....

[rose2summer]

Thanks mhowe. That makes sense. It's sad that people still think that way. I wish some of these people were more open minded.

[One08Chick]

When I divorced people suddenly thought I would try to seduce their partner. NO THANKS!

It will pass with time. I know that doesn't help now but know that things will change when the newness wears off.

[Batya33]

I think you're probably right about the correlation but I would avoid jumping to conclusions. Maybe at least one of the people feels awkward given your situation and doesn't know what to say, etc. I have a friend going through a divorce and have the opposite situation -she called me a lot last spring when she was first served but then went MIA -I reached out to her a few times -one voice mail, one Facebook message, about 2 months apart. No response. From my perspective since this is a complicated divorce/custody situation I would rather not get too involved in the details so I am not calling again. But, on her end I would expect that if she really wants to speak to me she would respond to one of my messages.

[annie24]

ugh, i am sorry. if it makes you feel better, maybe you can try to seek out new friends? I know there are meetup groups around here, things like Sunday brunch for women, or whatever. it might be a fun way for you to meet some new people?

 

I don't know if these women are avoiding you because of the divorce, or if they have other things going on in their lives and they are not able to give out much time or energy?

 

hugs

[waffle]

Anyone who "unfriends" you, be it social media or in real life, simply because of your marital status, was never your friend to begin with.

 

In that spirit, I didn't lose any true friends with my divorce. Yes, there are people no longer speaking to me because of it. But it's their loss.

[shellyf62]

When I divorced people suddenly thought I would try to seduce their partner. NO THANKS!

It will pass with time. I know that doesn't help now but know that things will change when the newness wears off.

 

Exact same thing happened to me. It hurts, especially when you had a good social life doing lots of bbqs, outings etc.

[rose2summer]

Thanks everyone! It really made me feel a lot better. I was starting to really take it personally but it sounds like a very situational problem.

 

I'll definitely check out the meet up groups Annie. I had moved back to my hometown after being away for 15 years, so I definitely need to meet people in this area.

[Jeffbobo]

Interesting topic rose. I don't think it's really that much different going through it whether you're a man or woman. There were "so called" friends whom I'd had for a very long time that once I was divorced, avoided me like the plague. They either didn't want to hear my BS, realized their marriage sucked or both. Still others whom once I was divorced, lived vicariously through me. One person in particular, had multiple secret affairs on his wife and is a major flirt and womanizer. Interesting that I was none of those things yet he's still married. I have my core set of friends that have stuck by my side and supported me. I've also reconnected with old friends, some I've not seen in 20 or more years. I've also made a lot of new friends as well. You have a chance and opportunity now to start from scratch. An opportunity that you may not have had or sought out otherwise in your marriage. To me, it is an awakening and exciting time. Embrace it.