The epic question: does he like me?????

[plop]

Alright. I'm in huge dilemma. So there is this guy from church who is 9 years older than me that I have fallen head over heels for.

The problem with this guy is he is very nice and has amazing manners with girls on top of being very attractive and smart. He's 33. And his friends have told me he "broke a lot of hearts" because of him being so nice and girls misunderstanding.

 

Anyway so initially I tried to not even try getting to know him because he seemed like a headachr. But as we went on couple trips (with other ppl) i got to know him more and yes I fell for him...pretty hard.

 

We were having a goodbye dinner for our friend and I was going but had a 2 hour gap before dinner and my work which I had nothing to do. So he asks me to help him study and that he'd buy me coffee during that 2 hour break. Although it felt uneasy I said yes and we met up. I was excited as heck and the coffee study thing was spent discussing coffee and him actually studying. Nothing more nothing less. And then we went to dinner and met up with other peeps where he sat next to me and kept leaning over. But then to give u an idea he would cut up food for other girls to eat. And then his friends kept saying he liked tall girls (5'7) . I'm 5'3 and he is 6. And he was obviously nice to me as well but it didn't feel super special...

 

Basically what do I do? I'm actually freaking out. HH's just so nice and polite whenever I talk to him which keeps making me fall over and over.

[missmarple]

How come that very attractive, smart and polite guy is still single? Are you sure he's not gay? I don't know why I'm getting that vibe.

[plop]

You know everybody wonders this and this is the mystery question. But I can tell you that he is 100% straight and I think he has very specific standards. In a girl

[SpottiOtti]

I think that in situations like these, the best thing you can do, for your own peace of mind, is to follow the advice given in the book "He's just not that into you". I know people have mixed opinions of the book, but the one thing I got out of it is that there is no point in agonizing over a guy whose actions indicate that he is not willing/able to move things forward. So the piece of advice I'm talking about in particular is: "If he doesn't ask you out on a date, he's just not that into you." Helping him study - not a date. Might have been an audition of sorts, but not a date. This guy sounds like he has standards that are unrealistic of women, which is why he's single. I would stay away from him.

[amipushy]

Sounds like he goes out of his way to get girls to like him for no particular reason than to to flatter his own ego (hence his comment about being nice and breaking hearts). You are just another one of those girls.

 

Keep your heart off your sleeve and your feet on the floor.

[weathergirl]

Re bold, I would just go with that. When a man really likes a woman, she KNOWS it, trust me. You wouldn't be questioning it like this and the fact you felt it wasn't super special when you were alone together...indicates he sees you as a friend only.

 

I am sure he knows his kindness and friendliness causes many woman to become attracted to him which I am sure is a HUGE ego boost for him. Whether or not he intends to ask any of them out is another story. Since he's not doing that, my guess is that he is sort of a tease, although it may be innocent. But my gut tells me it's not. Or, as missmarple suggested, he "may" be gay.

 

Do you know of any women he "has" gone out with? Has he ever talked about having a girlfriend? Ever?

[plop]

I appreciate the replies guys. He has mentioned nnumerous times that he is lonely and wants to date

[BigKK]

He either likes you and is playing the aloof card (doubtful) or he wants to be your colleague/friend. In either case, I wouldn't be investing much more time if you're falling for him.

[sophie274]

If you've fallen head over heels for him, I'm sure he can tell. It's usually pretty obvious when someone has such a big crush on you. So I would wait for him to ask you out.

 

By the way, cutting up food for girls?! Like, cutting their steak for them? I hope I'm misunderstanding that!

[plop]

Aside from me helping him study I've done a good job of keeping a Poker Face and pretending to be oblivious to him. We were eating lobsters and this girl.had trouble eating and so he was helping her dissect it.

Ughhh I don't know. I like him too much right now.

[BentGattling]

You need to create alittle spark, friction, (ghast) drama to knock him off his polite, in control facade.

[plop]

And how shall I do that

[BentGattling]

Something like have a study session and then do a no-show. I'll bet no one ever no shows Mr.Polite. Eventually trust has to be established to be a real relationship but this guy needs a kick in the ass or he'll go thru life playing lonely Mr.Wonderful.

[BentGattling]

Guys want a challenge. Give him one. And don't let him cut your meat.

[abitbroken]

I think you should not play games like not showing.

 

He is not interested unless he asks you out on a real date. If you study with him a couple of times, then maybe hint at things you like to do besides Bible study. You really like to run on the trails. Or you really like live theater. This gives him the opening to ask you out and if he does never do so after you gave the green light, he isn't interested. The fact that he was cutting other girls' food up at dinner though, I think perhaps that he just intends friendship. That is just really weird to do unless they are 90 year olds or have limited use of their hands.

 

I think also that honestly, he should be studying with other men, but likes the attention from the women.

 

I would stop studying with him, though. If he is really interested, he will ask you out. But honestly, I would not want to go out with a guy who is cutting up every girls' food.

[ParisPaulette]

Sure and everyone else too from the sounds of it. Please don't take this the wrong way, but just because someone isn't mean to you does not signal interest. I had to learn the hard way a long time ago that as much as I might be crushing on some guy unless and until he asked me out on a real date there was nothing there emotionally or relationship-wise no matter how much I wanted it to be. His actions indicate he sees you as a pleasant girl to pass the time with if you two end up in the same place, nothing more. Accept that and keep your crush to yourself, enjoy it even, but stop looking for signs that it may be more that just aren't there. Nothing you wrote indicates he sees you any differently than all of the other people he's nice to.

 

If he asks you out on a real date then you have concrete proof he is interested in more. And that's something you need to learn early on. Unless they ask you out on dates there really is no potential anything that is going to develop outside of pleansantries exchanged over coffee at best, being used for sex at worst. (Yes, I'm telling you not to go to some guy's house to "hang out" when he hasn't even bothered to ask you out on a date and/or you barely know each other.)

 

That said I do think this is still a positive, because this guy shows you that someone can treat you with respect and good manners and that's sexy. If nothing else use this guy as a model for the way you want to be treated by someone who is interested in you for more than just a hang out. It's a good thing to have someone like this in your life and crushes can actually be positive things if you let them regardless of whether it ever goes beyond anything more than that. You like guys who treat you well and that's a huge plus for you, simply huge.

[BentGattling]

As a principal I'm generally against drama, but the fact that this guy claims to be lonely and doesn't have a GF/date says to me he's still scared to pull the trigger even if all the lights are green. Never underestimate a guys ability to fear rejection or commitment.

[SooSad33]

Hmm.. lonely and wants to date?

 

He's probably a player. being 33, trying to impress the girls? Wanting an ego boost? Awww

[SoulTaker]

I appreciate the replies guys. He has mentioned numerous times that he is lonely and wants to date

 

Who has he mentioned this to? Was it to you? How do you know he has specific standards? He has all these women falling for him, and yet is lonely and wants to date. It doesn't add up. Is his friends running interference for him?

 

It looks like you're following the herd, doing just what the other women have done (e.g "2 hour coffee break", instead of a "2 hour coffee date"). Don't play his game. If you want to pursue this endeavor, then make him date you.

[weathergirl]

I appreciate the replies guys. He has mentioned nnumerous times that he is lonely and wants to date

 

Women?

[ParisPaulette]

He has mentioned numerous times that he is lonely and wants to date.

 

Did he say that directly, to you? I find it odd that statement would be made and yet this is a man who thinks nothing of getting involved with women's food--i.e. cutting things up, lobster eating etc. I'm not sure how to read that statement, because I don't know the context it was done in--to you, looking at you hopefully, to others, you overheard him or what?

 

If he says it to you then laugh and step forward and say, "Well, here I am!" He will either then light up like a Christmas tree and ask you out, or he'll fumble and it'll be awkward and obvious he doesn't mean you. At which point you laugh and say it was a joke then move on.

 

Either way it can't hurt to be a bit forward. The worst he can say is no. And while that sounds scary you need to keep in mind that as a guy he risks rejection all the time, so why shouldn't you put yourself on equal footing. It can't hurt anyways, sure beats waiting around for something to happen or not.