sophieantaion Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 So this guy asked me out for a dinner. I said yes and we had a really good time. Nothing happened (I mean not even a kiss) but it was really good. I really tought he's into me or at least he liked me and that it was a date. But in the middle of the dinner he started to talk about a girl he just met and who is perfect for him. That was 2 weeks ago and now this girl disappeard, she didn't have a crush on him and no longer willing to talk to him, and now he is very said and i'm kind of his psychologist. Why is he doing this to me? Previously he really acted like he had a crush on me and in his opinion I have the right qualities (i guess this is the right word for it) for him that matters in a relationship, that's why I started thinking about him and after that he did this to me.. (sorry for my English! ) Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 He took you to dinner and talked about another girl. That makes you a friend...not a date. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 He isn't doing anything to you. No one if forcing you to talk to him and be his listening post. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 I think he realized during the meal that you are not a good fit for him, that's why he started talking about another girl. If your date went well, he wouldn't have done that. It's like that movie, 10 ways to lose a guy. If she wasn't interested in a guy she would immediately start talking about marriage and babies. Same psychology. Your date was going well to you, but not to him, so he brought up another girl and didn't kiss you. He's not interested in you romantically. Link to comment
Jean-Luc Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 You're not his psychologist and you don't owe or have to put up with anything. It sounds like his trying to get over this girl as quickly as possible by going out with someone else. I'm sorry but maybe you could give this guy another chance otherwise I would just drop him and move on to someone else. Its not you its him. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Do not give this guy another chance. At any rate, I would call him on it say, "You asked me out to dinner, which I assumed had been a date, and you started talking about another girl. Even if you had a crush on somebody else and wanted to see it play out, its tacky to be on a date and talk about another woman. Please don't call me anymore. I want to find someone who wants to date me." Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 He's doing it to you, because you let him. He wants a therapist? Tell him to stop being a cheap jerk and go hire one already. And cut him off. Come on girl, it was one date. You shouldn't even be deciding you are anything to the guy for at least a dozen dates. Jeez, and definitely not playing doormat out of the gate. He doesn't want you, you've been friendzoned and now you think this is an unrequited relationship where you must suffer in silence while he pines for some other woman. My advice: grow a spine, stop being a doormat, block and delete this guy and tell him to go see a damn therapist already instead of oversharing his woes with a girl he pretended to date that he barely even knows. You do not have to put up with jerks like this who happily use people like they're kleenex to be blown on then thrown away. The guy's an idiot and as harsh as this is going to be, if you stick around for this you are too. P.S. Go date a ton of guys before you decide anything--a ton of guys. That way you won't have any scarcity on "I must abase myself for the first guy who says anything to me" and you'll get a good base of behaviors from a variety of men you can compare. More importantly you'll realize what is you want and need, not them, and what it is you won't put up with. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 I think he realized during the meal that you are not a good fit for him, that's why he started talking about another girl. If your date went well, he wouldn't have done that. It's like that movie, 10 ways to lose a guy. If she wasn't interested in a guy she would immediately start talking about marriage and babies. Same psychology. Your date was going well to you, but not to him, so he brought up another girl and didn't kiss you. He's not interested in you romantically. I agree. This was a first date, he showed his true colors, time for her to move on and date someone else. That's what dating is all about. Hopefully, he paid for dinner and she got a good meal out of it. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 I think he realized during the meal that you are not a good fit for him, that's why he started talking about another girl. If your date went well, he wouldn't have done that. It's like that movie, 10 ways to lose a guy. If she wasn't interested in a guy she would immediately start talking about marriage and babies. Same psychology. Your date was going well to you, but not to him, so he brought up another girl and didn't kiss you. He's not interested in you romantically. ^^This! Completely agree. Link to comment
missmarple Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Not enough information there. How long have you known this guy? It's one thing if you just met him, for example, and totally different if you've been friends for a while. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 You're not his psychologist and you don't owe or have to put up with anything. It sounds like his trying to get over this girl as quickly as possible by going out with someone else. I'm sorry but maybe you could give this guy another chance otherwise I would just drop him and move on to someone else. Its not you its him. LOL, yeah I definitely think you need to read the book I referenced in another thread entitled "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. Your intuition definitely needs some fine tuning. In case you don't know what I am referring to, heck NO, she should not give this bozo another chance, what for? He is obviously not interested in her, that is as clear as a bright sunny day. I respect your opinion, as we are all entitled to, but it's bad advice. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 "I really thought he's into me or at least he liked me and that it was a date. But in the middle of the dinner he started to talk about a girl he just met and who is perfect for him. That was 2 weeks ago and now this girl disappeard, she didn't have a crush on him and no longer willing to talk to him, and now he is very sad" - Red flag. This should tell you enough. Move on. Link to comment
Jean-Luc Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 LOL, yeah I definitely think you need to read the book I referenced in another thread entitled "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. Your intuition definitely needs some fine tuning. In case you don't know what I am referring to, heck NO, she should not give this bozo another chance, what for? He is obviously not interested in her, that is as clear as a bright sunny day. I respect your opinion, as we are all entitled to, but it's bad advice. I don't really have enough information to say exactly what kind of person this guy is. It seems strange that he would do all that but you never know what exactly is going on and sometimes giving someone another chance will let them redeem themselves(or not). I did say that she should probably just move on from the whole thing because I think from what I know(which isn't the whole story probably) that he is a waste of time. I think the fact that you take a couple of my post's and try to act like you know what I need is very arrogant of you. I don't think we can know any situation or person or anything based on words on a computer screen or from what little we know. Get over yourself. Link to comment
sophieantaion Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Not enough information there. How long have you known this guy? It's one thing if you just met him, for example, and totally different if you've been friends for a while. I've known him for almost two years as we go to the same university. We're closer to eachother since march (since he told me that he is going to spend a year abroad. And he told me despite that it was a secret) So it was not the first time to be alone together, but the first time he invited me somewhere. Previously we only met outside the university for a reason (e.g. beacuse study-help, because he got me a job, or we met at university parties... ) The very first semester when we get to know eachother he used to chase girls a lot, but I never wanted to be just one of these girls, so when he asked me to go home with him after a party I said no. (he asked me only once). After that we were kind of friends or something like that but I always felt something between us, some kind of desire (I guess I saw it on him too: wanted to touch me when he sat next to me at class, heavy breathing, couldn't talk to me despite that he is very extrovert person - I never asked him about it, it could be funny to mention, but I don't think I just imagine these). So I wanted to wait until he would be able to start a normal relationship with a normal girl. And then finally he asked me out for a dinner just two of us , before we went to a university program, and he also paid there a lot. But then he mentioned that girl and you already know the end of the story. (and again sorry for my english) Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 In his mind you were two friends chatting, hence the reason he confided in you about the other girl. Based on this new info, there's nothing to indicate he likes you (heavy breathing and all) so I think you got yourself excited thinking it was a date and he figured it was just a hang out. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Re the bold, you actually may have been imagining that it was there for him too. It's called projection. We all do it. We really like someone and we project our feelings on to them and assume they feel the same. When in reality, that's not the case at all. It's human nature to project so don't beat yourself up about it. JMO of course, but I think t1lersmOm is right on...he always viewed you as just a friend. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Maybe he has asthma or a sinus problem, because heavy breathing aside ---- he doesn't have a romantic interest in you. You grabbed dinner before a function at school --- and he paid, That wasn't a date. Link to comment
eskimobobseal Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Obviously somewhere during the date he realized he wasn't romantically interested anymore and started talking about other women. This is a clear sign that you're just a "friend", not what you want to be. So just move on, you'll find someone that wants you romantically one day and its clearly not this guy Link to comment
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