Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Today I recieved my workingpapers (ex is also ex boss now) and with that was a personal letter to me: "I'm sorry it had to end this way, you realized way too late what our Relationship was about and put effort in it too late .. I can not see you as the princess I once did after all this ... after all we've been through together ... I loved you more then you will ever know ... You have my phone number, you know I will always answer you, even if it's hard for you because the break up is all your fault and it hurts you, but I am hurting too xx" By the way, he can't contact me since I've deleted FB, and changed number. So all I see here is that he just keeps blaming me while I know he actually broke up for someone else, I never cheated on him, so did nothing wrong to et dumped like that, and effort ? Please he realizes that after 1 year and 8 months and changes all of a sudden ? He left me after an operation (curretage - miscarriage) and still is trying to blame me Yesterday he asked to drive me to the doctor, today this letter. Is it NC that is starting to work ? Last week he was pissed as hell and today I get "xx" kisses on my letter ... Advice me please ? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Yes he is blaming you. No, NC isn't working. He has said it is over. And now he is trying to make you take the blame and make himself feel better. "xx" preceeded by "it had to end this way", ""the break up is all your fault". Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 Someone could give me advice please ? He did wrote me that I could always call him, and he will always answer ... Last week he was aggressive and now he is being really kind, I think reality is catching up with him and he is hoping for me to contact him ... Link to comment
and so it goes Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 For you, the best response is no response. No offense but the dude sounds like a azz. I mean, if the relationship is over then why is he trying to make you feel bad for this and that. Kinda immature in my book. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 Yes he is blaming you. No, NC isn't working. He has said it is over. And now he is trying to make you take the blame and make himself feel better. "xx" preceeded by "it had to end this way", ""the break up is all your fault". Blaming someone is typical for someone who is guilty to put the blame off of themselves, he insists I am the cause because he feels bad and knows I have done nothing wrong. If I would have, I would know, believe me. NC is working, last week he was aggressive and didn't want to pay me the money he owed me, today he is doing everything to pay me the right way as he is my ex boss. You're being very fast in judging, and it's always sooo negative. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 For you, the best response is no response. No offense but the dude sounds like a azz. I mean, if the relationship is over then why is he trying to make you feel bad for this and that. Kinda immature in my book. He is kind of an azz too I think he wasn't expecting me to go into NC and now he is feeling and realizing what he did and lost ... I'm not a back up plan ... This isn't the kind of letter you write to someone you don't care about, it was pretty long and written with the hand, it means something. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Blaming someone is typical for someone who is guilty to put the blame off of themselves, he insists I am the cause because he feels bad and knows I have done nothing wrong. If I would have, I would know, believe me. NC is working, last week he was aggressive and didn't want to pay me the money he owed me, today he is doing everything to pay me the right way as he is my ex boss. You're being very fast in judging, and it's always sooo negative. I am realistic and you are in denial. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 I am realistic and you are in denial. Well that's just your opinion. You don't write a letter to someone you don't care about nore do you ask to drive them to the doctor, not in my world anyways. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Nor do you ask for presents that you have given them. Nor do you ignore them after a hospital procedure. Nor do you "threaten" their mother. Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Oh Lolitaaa, so what do you want us to tell you? This guy who is a complete a$$hat, writes you letters, blames you, yes...your "no contact is working" and this AMAZING man will be yours again. Stick to No contact for a little bit longer, and he will write another letter, probably blame you even harder, and then want you more. You're doing it the right way, make sure to keep the No Contact, you want to make sure this perfect boyfriend doesn't slip away. I have a younger sister, and let me tell you...if she ever was unfortunate to have a miscarriage I truly wish she has someone by her side like you did, and does everything in her power to win him back, no contact, or not. She deserves someone like your ex, he obviously cares about you. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 Oh Lolitaaa, so what do you want us to tell you? This guy who is a complete a$$hat, writes you letters, blames you, yes...your "no contact is working" and this AMAZING man will be yours again. Stick to No contact for a little bit longer, and he will write another letter, probably blame you even harder, and then want you more. You're doing it the right way, make sure to keep the No Contact, you want to make sure this perfect boyfriend doesn't slip away. I have a younger sister, and let me tell you...if she ever was unfortunate to have a miscarriage I truly wish she has someone by her side like you did, and does everything in her power to win him back, no contact, or not. She deserves someone like your ex, he obviously cares about you. Wow, what is this ? I am asking for an opinion here, not to go all against me again, my heart is broken and I just can't see how much of an #### he is yet, but why do you have to keep coming at me ? What about a little support ? I'm just wondering what he's thinking and if it has something to do with NC, is that so weird ? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 We cannot support you thinking he is coming back. And NC clearly isn't working because going NC is for you to heal. Not to bring him back. So ---- you are not healing. And he isn't coming back. He is trying to feel less guilty. Period. And yet --- blames you 100% for the break up. He is an idiot. Link to comment
fed up Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I'm going through a very similar thing. Contacte moi si tu veux par message privee Link to comment
JayCho Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 You're providing an out for him - just let it go, I know it's hard, trust me I KNOW, but be the bigger person take it on the chin and keep up your NC. Remember NC is for you, not for the relationship, not for him, not for anyone but you. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 I'm going through a very similar thing. Contacte moi si tu veux par message privee Je pense que c'est mieux Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 You're providing an out for him - just let it go, I know it's hard, trust me I KNOW, but be the bigger person take it on the chin and keep up your NC. Remember NC is for you, not for the relationship, not for him, not for anyone but you. Providing an out ? How do you mean ? Sorry English isn't my mothertongue And sure I'll stay in NC, just wanted an opinion since he completely changed, I'm sure he was thinking I would stay in touch after NC, now he's realizing it's not the case ... And i'm doing NC for me, but would like to know what he is thinking by contacting me ... They can say all they want how big of a #### up he is, and he is, but I LOVED this person, so I do care to know what he is feeling and thinking ... Link to comment
JayCho Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Maybe the better word is an outlet? A way for him to alleviate himself of all blame. Remember THE ONLY positive contact from an ex is this: "I made a mistake, I want another chance." And it has to be almost verbatim, no reading between the lines! Link to comment
JayCho Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I want you to think about this. You say you loved him and care about him, right? Would you do what he is doing to you to him... would you say those things?? You may fully love him and care about him but part of him doesn't feel that way towards you or he wouldn't blame you 100%. I don't even do that to my family members... sorry to say. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 I want you to think about this. You say you loved him and care about him, right? Would you do what he is doing to you to him... would you say those things?? You may fully love him and care about him but part of him doesn't feel that way towards you or he wouldn't blame you 100%. I don't even do that to my family members... sorry to say. I get that, and I know he does that because he doesn't want me to find out there's someone else behind his whole mascarade ... He just never expected me to cut off contact and he is reaching out now hoping I will give him sign of life ... I know you're right about everything in your last message, but I need to understand ... Link to comment
JayCho Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 The healing process is a long gradual one it's not something you can just snap your fingers at and be done with. There's going to be a ton more What If's in store for you, but the main thing you need to remind yourself (over and over if need be) is that until he admits he made a mistake and asks for another shot, you're moving on. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Yesterday he asked to drive me to the doctor, today this letter. How did he contact you yesterday after you deleted Facebook, and changed your number? Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 The healing process is a long gradual one it's not something you can just snap your fingers at and be done with. There's going to be a ton more What If's in store for you, but the main thing you need to remind yourself (over and over if need be) is that until he admits he made a mistake and asks for another shot, you're moving on. That is the plan ... I'm never contacting him unless like you said he asks me for another shot, that's for damn sure .. Hoping that when he does if it takes too long I won't want him back by then after all he's done to me ... To move on, one needs to understand, (well I do) and I've been though this already, I can do it again, but the thought of him wanting contact (like he wrote) kinda makes me feel better about myself and proud I kept this up. Nothing wrong with that. If he wouldn't me to contact him he wouldn't write it down since he hasn't got my new number. It's an invitation I am going to pass, I am the one in the stronger position now. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 How did he contact you yesterday after you deleted Facebook, and changed your number? He contacted my mom, he told my mom he could drive me to the doctor if I wanted to, my mom needed to keep contact with him for my workingpapers since I didn't want to talk to him and changed number ... I deleted FB and changed my number as long as I've been doing NC, 10 days now. Link to comment
freewill1234 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 So all I see here is that he just keeps blaming me while I know he actually broke up for someone else, I never cheated on him, so did nothing wrong to et dumped like that, and effort ? Please he realizes that after 1 year and 8 months and changes all of a sudden ? So he's blaming you for the break up although he left you for someone else and you believe he still cares for you? The letter wasn't about you, it was about him being selfish - 'Wanting his cake and eating it too' You deleted your FB and changed your number for a reason, stay NC. This is about you now, not him. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 So he's blaming you for the break up although he left you for someone else and you believe he still cares for you? The letter wasn't about you, it was about him being selfish - 'Wanting his cake and eating it too' You deleted your FB and changed your number for a reason, stay NC. This is about you now, not him. I do believe that yes, he is a selfish #### but you don't just stop loving someone, we had a lot of stress due to my miscarriage and he wanted out, thought that was the solution. Once again I KNOW NC is about ME, but it does affect the EX too when you disappear since I'm sure my ex thought I would always be around for him since before the BU I begged and pleaded ... Link to comment
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