Diary Of A Redhead

[mylolita]

On 2/17/2024 at 5:25 PM, dias said:

1923 is not on the same level with 1883 and yellowstone. The only part I liked was those scenes with Spencer and Alex. 

 

I’ve never seen any of them Dias but it looks catchy!! 
 

Something about moody, brooding, rugged men sat at bars alone! 
 

And I totally agree with you Dias! I don’t agree with her fully either. A man’s world, you could say it’s a woman’s world and in the end, we call the shots to some extent. We’re both needed in it, that’s for sure. I think the masculine and female power dynamic shifts continually, in society and at a micro level in relationships - I feel this first hand within my own marriage. Sometimes, I have the upper hand and hold all the power, sometimes, he does. Often it’s a bit of both. The key is, to always have him think he’s on the back foot and not I - HA!!!

 

I like the romantic idea of old society. I like the idea of women waiting before marriage, settling down younger. I like the intensity of the hunt when marriage is at stake and both sides know what they are entering into is not just some temporary fling. I like something to happen. 
 

As corny as that line was, about death being the closest thing to being alive? It’s true. I do believe that. I would say giving birth was the closest I have come to really feeling like something exciting and important and tremendous was happening! Like I was, for once, being put to the test. The other time, was giving my husband CPR for half an hour because he had stopped breathing. A million things ran through my head and all at the same time my thoughts were exceptionally staggered and clear. I remember realising once the paramedics came and took over that I had been in complete, awake, hysteria, with tunnel vision. I could smell the adrenaline sweat off me when I closed the door on him being wheeled out into the back of the ambulance. I threw those pyjamas out in the rubbish a week later. I couldn’t look at them. 
 

To back track as well on the feminism male and female argument - that women have natural skills and power at their disposal as well as men, and although we are weaker, vulnerable in so many more ways, the female essence contains great strength, that is unique to male energy. Basically, I feel no shame in my stereotypical female traits, and don’t wish to adopt male ones, or be forced to act like a man. 
 

I think a lot of women would find themselves happier in a more traditional role, and rarely women are happy being workaholic corporate ladder climbers. This is, of course, highly controversial. Lately, with the cost of living crisis, I have observed a curious shift in the attitude towards D. A few years ago, he was seen as oppressive by some, controlling - one of those “probably chauvinistic traditional men”. Now, now times are tough and money is exceptionally tight for more and more people, and women are feeling financial stress more than ever as prices hike, the fact he supports me fully whilst I still get to stay at home has reversed the general consensus on him! Now he receives pats on the back from women, and then repeating in awe, “You work and she stays home?! Where do I sign up?!” And all this! He’s gone from feeling quite hated to being some hot commodity. 
 

I’ve always admired and appreciated what he does for me and our kids, but I’ve seen lately, he’s on a whole new hero level. It’s nice to see, because in my opinion he was always wrongly accused and underappreciated, but a funny thing has happened! As his approval rating shall we say has flipped up, mine has plummeted! Now the female vibe towards me is, “Don’t you feel guilty having him work while you stay at home?” Or, “Can’t you even help out a little financially to give him a break?” Even my own father who I think secretly took some peace of mind that his daughter was married to a man who financially provided for her will sometimes add, “Could you do one day a week for him?” (Meaning, admin work). It was never like that before all the price hikes. Now I’m the villain! HA! I guess more people than ever are having to work and struggling and me having a leisurely lifestyle while things get tough leaves a bad taste in other peoples mouths. 
 

Gender roles!!!

 

x

[mylolita]

On 2/17/2024 at 5:24 PM, dias said:

She is partially correct. In the first video I don't agree. I see where is she coming from, however, it's not because it's a man's world, it's because when we are talking about business, work and money, efficiency comes first. Yes, by nature women have a disadvantage there indeed. Blame nature! Although I don't get it, is it a race or competition between genders? 

As for the second video this is in fact very true. Especially when you talk about more ambitious men. Even in my brother's case where his wife was/is very driven and achieved many things alone, she still has to "follow" the my brother's lead. In return, she gets a lot of help from my brother to get better jobs/more money (and vice versa of course). Personally, there was no way on this earth I would "follow" a gal's lead. I don't follow anybody's lead, certainly not a gal's lead. It's not prejudice, it's an instinct. I do know guys though who are more passive and don't have a problem following the gal's lead. Nature has for everyone.

 

By the way Dias,

 

I just had to add, you make an interesting and true point. About the men not wanting to have the woman lead? 
 

I’ve noticed in the 15 years I’ve been with D, he hardly ever tells me his problems. I think this is quite typically a guy thing. I’ll even presume everything is ticking along nicely. It’s only if it gets real hairy that he’ll casually mention something, or slip a comment in and then he expects to chat for five minutes then be done with it. 
 

I think most women still want the man to lead, myself included. We discuss most things, but it’s like this unspoken rule that I don’t get involved in his business. I don’t want to, either. But I never have. I leave him to it and I think he appreciates the fact I don’t constantly ask or nag or suggest how he could do things better. And vice versa. My domain is the house and now and then, if he starts poking around asking me about the most minor things about how I run things round here, it actually gets my back up. The laundry gets done, so let me do it my way. Our bills get paid, so I let you do it your way. It’s this mutual understanding. I think if he was nit picking everything I did about the house, and I was asking for a run down at the end of everyday and trying to inject my opinion on all the deals he might have on the back burners, it would drive us both insane.

 

I realise each couple does things differently but, this seems to work for us. It is traditional because my authority lies within the home, his work, and we both have a mutual say about the kids and principles, discipline, etc. 

 

I’m always curious about relationships that work and their dynamics, it fascinates me, and I wonder if they all share something in common?

 

x

[mylolita]

——-

Spent the day in bed 
Very happy I did, yes 
I spent the day in bed 
As the workers stay enslaved 
I spent the day in bed 
I'm not my type, but 
I love my bed

And I recommend that you

Stop (stop) watching the news 
Because the news contrives to frighten you 
To make you feel small and alone 
To make you feel that your mind isn't your own

I spent the day in bed 
It's a consolation 
When all my dreams 
Are perfectly legal 
In sheets for which I paid 
I am now laid

And I recommend to all of my friends that they

Stop (stop) watching the news! 
Because the news contrives to frighten you 
To make you feel small and alone 
To make you feel that your mind isn't your own

Oh time, do as I wish 
Time, do as I wish 
Oh time, do as I wish 
Time, do as I wish 
Oh time, do as I wish 
Time, do as I wish 
Oh time, do as I wish 
Do as I wish

I spent the day in bed 
You can please yourself 
But I spent the day in bed 
Pillows like pillars 
Life ends in death 
So, there's nothing wrong with being good to yourself 
Be good to yourself for once

And no bus (no bus) no boss (no patron) no rain, no train 

No bus, no BOSS, no rain no train

——-

 

x

[mylolita]

I know it’s only Wednesday, but…!

 

x

 

[mylolita]

Part of me is still so teenage, I don’t think I’ll ever really shake it.

 

The posters hidden on the inside of my sophisticated walnut wardrobe. Going for long drives with music on a night. Wanting to rest alone in my bedroom. Mood swings. Obsession with fashion.

 

There was a hipster time in my vintage youth, where, I went through a crossroads stage of skipping college and walking. Walking, and walking, in teetering wooden wedge heels, high waisted 70s inspired jeans, and open flounce shirts, tucked in, no bra. Taking trains by myself when I should have been sitting in a classroom. My empty seat always there. Working night jobs in cocktail bars and velvet stooled clubs. Listening to Kings of Leon in my headphones until my drums rang and I finally called it a day come 4am.

 

I’ve never changed. This is a blessing, and a curse, and why people I think still tell me I look so young. Because I act it, I suppose.

 

Mothers Day is coming up and I still don’t give it a second thought for myself. Since when did I become a mother?! And of three babies as well! So tightly packed together?! I think of my own Mum, my mother in law, what to do for them… but for some reason, I don’t yet plonk myself in that oh so vital category of “MOTHER”. 
 

I’m still 19, flicking through a clothes rack in a vintage shop debating how I can flirt with the boy behind the till to reduce the dress from £60 to £40 because I only have £42 in my purse and I will also blag the train fare home as well.

 

Doing things just for the thrill and the pleasure and the turmoil of it, because your mind is travelling to space and back, and you have nowhere to go.

 

So you dress up happily for a night cruising around alone, and watch the sun come up. 
 

x

 

 

—-

It's a big thing 
Everything her heart desires 
And now I have to 
Try to out-do the fight

I caught a big break 
When I played in the road 
I saw you laughing 
Even though you know it's so 
Even though you know it's so 
Even though you know it's so

Even when you're on the run 
Even when you're on the run 
Even when you're on the run

Even when you're on the run

Even though you know it's so

——

 

 

[mylolita]

It must be so ghastly, beyond tedious, and trudging, to do what everyone wants you to do. 
 

It must be manically horrible to always obey the rules?! To people please? To watch what you say? To care what people think? To, heaven forbid, want people to like you?! 
 

Terrible! A tepid business. Glad I never was one.

 

Yes ma’am no ma’am yes Sir three bags full Sir hot or cold Sir? 
 

No thank you. 
 

I’m as close to freedom as you can get in this shuttered, caged world. 
 

And if you do anything for yourself, and think, for yourself? By GOD will they hate you and love you for it, all at the same time. They will, crucify you, for it. Just like Jesus. 
 

He was a sh*t stirrer, after all. A right pesk. What a little trouble causer! 
 

He would have been banned and logged off today. The ol’ PayPal frozen, I suspect. So funny! It’s really so pathetic and funny. I don’t know some days whether to laugh, or cry.

 

x

[mylolita]

Y’know, the offence I just can’t forgive, through all of it, is being a bore. 
 

The world is full of boring people. Robots, basically. Flocks of sheep. 
 

We fear AI but we’re already here. Robotic Ms Smith and Bionic Brained Mr Jones up in here, so simple and parroting the same tripe over and over that you feel you’re living through Groundhog Day.

 

Gimme a break will ya!

 

SHOCK ME. We want to be ENTERTAINED! If I want to be put to sleep and demoralised; I’d turn in for the night. 
 

DON’T YOU DO THIS! 
 

Just try, just a little! Brush off the grey matter and ask yourself how you really feel. Not what you’re supposed to feel.

 

It’s tosh. Pish. Bollocks. A waste of our time. For Pete’s sake! Get it together! 
 

x

 

 

[mylolita]

To edit and edit and backtrack and re-do and plan and schedule and structure and organise and stage and exhume is SO not my personality.

 

I do it quick, rapid, in an un-thinking flurry and after one look back and a touch up rarely, it’s done, sent out, stacked up, finished produce. 
 

You want to keep the original passion, flow, and spontaneity. If you go back and reassess constantly, you suck whatever bit of frantic, vibrant, honest life there was out of it.
 

We are seeking perfection when we need to leave it be. Perfect is so ultimately boring, anyway. Who really wants it? With perfection, comes nothing else to strive for, comes eternity, comes stagnation. Comes no change, no movement, no aspiration.

 

Hence the reason why the concept of eternity and a paradise heaven is so bl*ody terrifying to me. Who even wants it? Truthfully? Who wants to hear harp music played till the end of time?! You wanna get into some gossip about the angel who’s up on cloud 9. You wanna be able to flirt with the Big G. What age would you be, anyway? Floating around at like, everyone’s 21 or something but with eternal heavenly wisdom? What a nightmare! Everyone’s right all the time? Laughing or smiling or singing? 
 

We were built for tension and struggle. Without any of it, we turn to flaccid diseased mush. If it hurts you a little, sometimes that’s not such a bad thing. 
 

This concept has all been created by the flawed, silly human brain. A very human concept. A very, human idea. 
 

When some of the great philosophers were asked if they would like to live forever, they all had to pause and take time before answering, because, when thought about truly, it isn’t an obvious answer. Forever starts to seem more like hell. 
 

Love and beauty are loved and beautiful because they are finite. That is why it is so special, and so precious. If love was never ending, and beauty always present, we wouldn’t give it a second glance and by God we wouldn’t be singing about it. We’d probably throw it out with the trash like a crinkled up snickers bar. Junk, common place, discarded - until we consume the next one.

 

x

[mylolita]

Tedious. Tedium. Bothered. Botheration.

 

Don’t care was made to care.

 

Ciao for now! 
 

x

[mylolita]

Follow orders and keep your head down and be good little people and you too can retire at 95 with a £400 pension, thanking you!

 

x

[mylolita]

A sniffle, grey, chilly, don’t want to do anything but have to kinda day.

 

It’s all good. All good.

 

Just mellowed out.

 

x

[mylolita]

I’m an exception to the rule.

 

x
 

 

[mylolita]

x

[mylolita]

This is just, straight up, ENFP stuff 🤣🥂 

 

A Myers Briggs personality analysis psychologist whatever needs to extract from this! 

 

Welcome to officially never being on topic because, on topic is where the rules are and the rules are a bothersome BORE! 
 

There is nothing worse than boring bore some tedium jobs-worth’s snore festiums. I hope when they are all at their death beds they can find comfort for toeing the company line and keeping their boss chipper. Efficient, reliable, and consistent are words I hope to never have engraved on my tomb stone. “A Team Player” would be like a knife to the heart.

 

My catch phase seems to be, all my life, “One second!” I called it out today after dinner whilst frantically washing up with Stan Getz jazz playing out full blast and everyone else in the dining room waiting for me so they could get started playing the card game New Market. 
 

After about half an hour when I did get back, cocktail in hand OF COURSE GIRL, they all joked, “On your gravestone you’ll have “Just one sec!” scribed there!”

 

I was laughing and seriously considering it all at the same time.

“I’ll only be one sec! Just drying my hair.” I added. I imagined it. I think I want something like that. Or “Don’t Rush Me.” HA! Do I have a dark sense of humour that that kinda thing totally appeals to me embossed into a hopefully extremely expensive and classy headstone? 🤣
 

x

[mylolita]

GOD me and my mother in law are like chalk and CHEESE! 
 

Sometimes I wonder why my husband even picked me if this was his female model?! 
 

We’re the opposite in every little thing, mind and body, morals and goals. Our personalities; I don’t know what hers is but it must be like the super villain to mine or just, the really annoying one to mine. The irritant one. Terrible to admit it, but always glad after the cooking and the drinks and the entertaining to have her leave. 
 

I have to run upstairs and inject my eyeballs with fantasy and glamour after either my side or his side of the family leave. They drain all the exuberance right outta me. 
 

I knew it explained the whole darn thing when she loved - adored! - without knowing it, a girl I had completely clashed with in a work environment, would sing her praises, take her out to dinners and coffee! She thought this girl was amazing! Maybe she had a personality transplant but by God did we feud whilst I was a waitress. She’d been given a 1.69p pay rise per hour and a “supervisor” title and the little megalomaniac played baby Jesus from heaven above when the real boss was gone. She reminded me of a female empower Nero. She would have totally let the soldiers get that lobster and prep your skin off with the claws over and over at her feet for her sheer delight. She caught me and a friend one day sneaking a tiny wafer biscuit out of the “biscuit with a coffee” pile and from then on, by God did she hate me. Rabble rouser I was, apparently. She arranged for cctv to be installed over the bar area after that; which at the time, I think was borderline illegal due to privacy concerns from the patrons. Anyway, what she didn’t know was after that incident I had a red bull pretty much free on them every other day I worked there for about 8 months until I left. And she was concerned about her 4p biscuit the huge chain restaurants bought in mass. 
 

I used to nip to the loo and read a book in there for 20 minutes or as long as I could get away with instead. 
 

Such a terrible young employee! But she treat us like dirt so we all got her back I think in our own way! HA! Revenge of the poles! 
 

x

[mylolita]

I came down to the kids all playing so beautifully together, sun pouring through the front bay window.

 

My boy had folded up pieces of A4 paper in his hand, my obvious frantic scrawl in kids purple felt tip pen all over it. Fantasy shopping lists. Little phases that had popped into my head. A few spur of the moment ideas, names and titles of new songs and artists I wanted to remember or look into. Little ditties the kids had come up with on a certain day.
 

I’d pushed them deep under our low slung, traditional lookin’ couch a few weeks ago and forgotten about them. He waved them at me playfully then glanced, turning the hap hazard diy diary pages in his little white hands.

 

”Mam?” He asked, head cocked in his curious, sweet way! “Do you write poetry?”

 

His question struck me so, and I felt an unexpectedly lump gather instantly in my throat. I laughed and brushed it off.

 

”Oh! No son.” I paused. He was handing me the papers he could tell were probably kinda private, even to a 6 year olds emotive senses. Which are darn better than any adults you’ll meet. “I write a bit.”

 

”Oh.” He said. “That’s good.” And he got back to his drawing.

 

x

[mylolita]

——

There's a voice I always trust 
It's friendly helping hand tells me leave, I must 
'Cause I can't stay forever, ah-ah-ah 
'Cause I can't stay forever, ah-ah-ah 
By my window


'Cause I can't stay forever 
'Cause I can't stay forever 


Rather chase a gentle breeze 
Set my thoughts by taller trees 
'Cause I can't stay forever, ah-ah-ah 
'Cause I can't stay forever, ah-ah-ah 
By my window


'Cause I can't stay forever 
'Cause I can't stay forever 
Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

I need whispers that make me move 
(I need whispers that make me move) 
Riding the country for driving's sake 
(Riding the country for driving's sake) 
Sync me within the outside world 
(Sync me within the outside world) 
So, I can better miss my home 
(So, I can better miss my home)

—-

 

‘Lauren’ 

- Men I Trust

 

x

[mylolita]

People often get the impression I’m retro. Or vintage. This is kinda true. I guess they don’t expect the now and the months of the year from winter velvet to plunging v wrap tops and summer prints we dip into my fave era of the 70s for FASHION.

 

And always, always my husbands sunglasses on holiday.

 

Plus a book. All my photos seem to be, reading? Being climbed on by the kids. Reading. Lounging. Resting. Dressing. And being cheeky. And some more reading.

 

My last exotic beach holiday felt like a million yaaaars ago. 
 

Shout out for all the small chested, women with a French kinda gap tooth inbetween their front teeth. I will never change it and as high strung and self obsessed as I sometimes come across, I wouldn’t touch Botox, a treadmill, or plastic surgery if you paid me. 
 

The curls are big to keep the secrets in.
 

x

[Jibralta]

On 2/7/2024 at 9:11 AM, mylolita said:

I want to wear an emerald green, satin Bardot top and even though this pair is very small, I don’t want to be on constant alert and restricting my movement because of a potential NIP SLIP! 

Watch out. You can seriously injure someone with those.

[mylolita]

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Watch out. You can seriously injure someone with those.

JIBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🫨 🎉 🎉 🎉 

 

So good to hear from you! I think I’m past modesty now - LOL! My old French neighbour saw me naked this morning in my front living room whilst I was cleaning and I rushed out when I realised HAHAHAHA 

 

I went upstairs, walked past then back in front of my floor mirror, checked myself out and then said; “Not too bad” and realised I wasn’t bothered anymore 🤣🤣

 

x

[yogacat]

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

——

There's a voice I always trust 
It's friendly helping hand tells me leave, I must 
'Cause I can't stay forever, ah-ah-ah 
'Cause I can't stay forever, ah-ah-ah 
By my window


'Cause I can't stay forever 
'Cause I can't stay forever 


Rather chase a gentle breeze 
Set my thoughts by taller trees 
'Cause I can't stay forever, ah-ah-ah 
'Cause I can't stay forever, ah-ah-ah 
By my window


'Cause I can't stay forever 
'Cause I can't stay forever 
Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

I need whispers that make me move 
(I need whispers that make me move) 
Riding the country for driving's sake 
(Riding the country for driving's sake) 
Sync me within the outside world 
(Sync me within the outside world) 
So, I can better miss my home 
(So, I can better miss my home)

—-

 

‘Lauren’ 

- Men I Trust

 

x

I just discovered this gem. Beautiful melody! Thanks for posting it!!

[mylolita]

17 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I just discovered this gem. Beautiful melody! Thanks for posting it!!

No probs yoga! 
 

I love that band! Love dreamy romantic melodies! Glad you like! 
 

I’ve played it on repeat all this morning and on my drive with the girls! They both fell asleep to it! 
 

x

[yogacat]

5 hours ago, mylolita said:

No probs yoga! 
 

I love that band! Love dreamy romantic melodies! Glad you like! 
 

I’ve played it on repeat all this morning and on my drive with the girls! They both fell asleep to it! 
 

x

I did. 

Where did you happen to come across it? I love finding fresh music. I usually look for new songs through music blogs and websites. Sometimes I discover new artists through recommendations from friends, or by hearing songs on TV shows.

I really enjoy the 1975. Not indieish but found it through a cover song.

 

[mylolita]

Evening @yogacat! 
 

I can’t quite remember but I think it might have been in the background of a YouTube video short! And I will have quickly google searched a brief line of lyrics! 
 

Thanks for sending on a tune! I’ll give it a listen now!

 

And I‘m exactly the same! I don’t have friends who suggest music to me, my husband does though! He’s a drummer, was in a band when I met him 15 years ago! I love talking music! I love hearing new stuff! Even if it’s technically “old!” 
 

When I’m in that mellow, slightly sultry vibe, like ‘Lauren’ or ‘Show Me How’ is by Men I Trust - bands like The Marias are pretty close as well! I can send you a few of their tracks on if you’ve never heard anything by them!

 

I could talk about music for decades yoga so please stop me 🤣 I’m about to go full fan girl right now and I’m trying to hold back - LOLZ! 
 

I think this song by Sade called ‘Cherish The Day’ might be your taste if you like Men I Trust! 
 

 

And The Marias…

 

 

And Kali Uchis is one of my newer discoveries! Only known about her for a year or two but am absolutely obsessed! ‘I Wish You Rose’s’ and this one is one of my faves!

 

I’m a big sultry, smooth jazz fan. Stan Getz especially. I love his song Misty. My Dad used to play it to us girls on rainy days when I was about 4 years old on his saxophone! I love soul music from my Mum - so many bands there, and the funky stuff! Like The Delphonics, Charelle, Chic, SOS Band, Mary Jane Girls (All Night Long!) Nile Rogers, basically 🤣 And I’m a massive Ray Charles fan. I love ‘I Wonder Who’s Kissing You Now!’ 
 

Also a bit of a RnB fan for sure - and I have always loved beachy house, chilled house - house music! Miguel Migs, I went through all his albums over and over for a few years!! Ahhhh I could just go on into those but basically, I wake up to music, have to have it on, drive to music! Go for drives on a night to listen to music! 
 

I was a lapdancer/pole dancer/stripper and used to dance to some maybe more unusual and not so typical strip club stuff but to be honest, I also did the straight up raunchy RnB stuff and I do love it, I’m not a music snob at all. 
 

A few reggae songs I love are ‘Waiting In Vain’ by Bob Marley. ‘Girlie Girlie’ by Sophia George and ‘Bam Bam’ by Sister Nancy! 
 

Also love The New York Dolls, Morrissey (HUGE FAN) Dire Straits, Kings of Leon, Lana Del Rey, Stone Roses (I wanna be adddorrreeeddd!!!) oh it’s so hard to think! Anyway, I’m not sure what you’re into or if you have a broad spread! 
 

Always looking for new stuff myself! 
 

I really sometimes like putting on lofi chill hop mix beats on the livestreams on YouTube some days and discovering tracks that way. Same goes for asking the Siri speaker I have about the house for a genre like “chill jazz” and if I heard something I’ll note it. 
 

Recently in the past year or two I also got into a few tracks by MoonBoots, Troye Sivan, FKA Twigs and more on the chill house side Midnight Hour, Medsound Music (Nobody Like You!) Upu might like the band The War On Drugs especially maybe the song ‘Under The Pressure’. I need to shut up! 
 

You might also really like this but I’m not sure! Discovered this band last year; they only put out a few pieces but oh so pretty, just so pretty!!!

 

 

I play this late on an evening when the fire is going out! 
 

All the best x

 

 

 

 

[dias]

10 hours ago, mylolita said:

And always, always my husbands sunglasses on holiday.

Old school gangsta 😎

10 hours ago, mylolita said:

Plus a book. All my photos seem to be, reading?

Stephen King. I expected it lol

 

10 hours ago, mylolita said:

My last exotic beach holiday felt like a million yaaaars ago. 

Where was it?

10 hours ago, mylolita said:

I wouldn’t touch Botox, a treadmill, or plastic surgery if you paid me. 

HAHAHAHAHA

 

I am sure you know your strength is your midsection!

One like because we are ENA friends so many years and one because I click like when I see a hot chick.