Idiot of the Month goes to...ME! any suggestions? (Mixed up wedding dates)

[BigKK]

So I am at a loss this Monday morning.

 

Very simply, I confused weekend dates for my cousin's wedding. Last week, my girlfriend and I spent a few evenings finding a good suit for me, a dress for her, etc. I said the wedding is this weekend, it's not, it's next. This weekend family arrives...next weekend is the wedding.

 

I feel terrible, she was supposed to meet my parents, family, excited to wear her new dress...see me in a suit. And now next weekend she has a friend visiting for 4 or 5 days.

 

I told her immediately when I found out and she said she can't be a +1 anymore. I know I'm in the wrong if I ask her to leave her friend alone for 5-6 hours on a Friday Night (ugh the weddings on a Friday) but I'm so bummed she will miss this event due to my idiocy. I guess I just swallow this, I know she's sad as well...I feel so guilty and really bad. I know it's not the end of the world and life goes on, but this was going to be a step for us and our relationship and I am trying to figure out how to rectify it.

 

Any suggestions?

 

I almost considered asking my cousin for a +2 and suggesting it to my girlfriend, but I think that would be overstepping? Do I just cut my loss and leave it alone?

 

 

 

[DancingFool]

Making too much of a big deal out of this. Let it go and file it under carp happens sometimes, that's life.

[mhowe]

Yup ---- time for mea culpa's and nothing more.

No asking either woman for a change up --- not your cousin, and not your gf.

[beingawesome]

I would definitely say no to asking your cousin for +2 to fix a mistake you made. You may have been looking forward to it, but this is your cousin's wedding, and there are a lot of things the couple is juggling to make it happen. Think of the couple, and don't throw a wrench in their plans to try to make the situation better for yourself.

[tattoobunnie]

It happens!! What you do, tell her that you are gonna take her and the friend out to lunch and dinner the next day, and you will have an amazing time together. The problem, just a reminder, between the ceremony and reception, weddings can be like 14 hours.

 

The other option is to BEG your cousin, and ask if someone cancelled last minute (which AlWAYS Happens!), and ask if you girl's friend can come, and you'll totally give an even more amazing gift than what you were originally planning to give!!

 

Do it ASAP too! Trust me, you have two weeks to get this all done. TBH, plenty of time for the caterers and your cousin to get it in. That is of course, you're not really close to your cousin, haven't seen her in 10 years, and not even sure what she looks like. If you are somewhat close, I don't see why she can't make the exception. And plus mention, you think this girl is the ONE - girls love being able to aid in love.

 

Good luck. And go buy some flowers for her - now.

[BigKK]

Get my girlfriend flowers or my cousin?

 

 

I actually asked my cousin very gently over the phone and she interrupted me and said "bring them both!" we have plenty of room. I said are you sure? And she said no, it's perfect we need more estrogen. Apparently they had 2 cancellations.

 

 

So it's in my girlfriend and her friend's court now.

 

 

Now that I think about it, and how my girlfriend is, she'll probably still say no to not overstep. But we have a very welcoming family and free drinks and dinner could be a fun Friday night. (trying to console myself here)

 

 

 

I'll keep everyone posted

[BigKK]

Just as I thought, she doesn't want to spring it on her friend, and wants her to have a relaxing weekend.

 

I goofed and made a mistake, now I live with it.

 

 

I asked my girlfriend if I could take her out on a really nice date where we could wear what we planned to wear

 

she agreed and said it'd sound lovely, so I will come up with a nice date

[tattoobunnie]

Well, if she asks her friend now, it's not springing anything on her - just a suggestion - free food, booze, dancing, dress-up, meet some awesome people! I smell test! I'd like ask one more time when you see you later today - "I'm sorry I made a mistake on the dates. I was really looking forward to having you meet my family. Is it possible you could ask your friend, and see she if she'd be interested in going? I guarantee it's gonna be a lot of fun, and I would love to have you both there."

 

The flowers are for your girl silly.

 

And don't text the question. Ask her directly - face to face.

[BigKK]

Well, if she asks her friend now, it's not springing anything on her - just a suggestion - free food, booze, dancing, dress-up, meet some awesome people! I smell test! I'd like ask one more time when you see you later today - "I'm sorry I made a mistake on the dates. I was really looking forward to having you meet my family. Is it possible you could ask your friend, and see she if she'd be interested in going? I guarantee it's gonna be a lot of fun, and I would love to have you both there."

 

The flowers are for your girl silly.

 

And don't text the question. Ask her directly - face to face.

 

I will try one more time, but I think I might just let this ship sail. I was really upset this morning and kind of "okay" with it. *shrug* whatever.

 

I do agree with you bunnie, that she could at least suggest it. Free booze, free gourmet dinner, at a really nice country club isn't necessarily a TERRIBLE way to spend a Friday evening. She said that if the tables were turned she wouldn't want "her friend to obligate her to go to a wedding if she didn't want to" which she could obviously just throw it out as a suggestion...and she could say no. I know that they were mostly going to do beach days and drink wine in the evenings, so a free event could be a good alternative. If it was me personally, I'd jump all over going to a wedding (see: wedding crashers) especially since it'll be a little unique since we're not American, so it could be an "experience."

 

I was really surprised how inviting and warm my cousin was, it was actually really nice. I want my cake and eat it too, even though I dropped it on the floor! But I don't wanna push it =)

[mhowe]

a FREE event where the only person your gf knows is you, and the only person the gf's friend knows is your gf ---- isn't fun.

You will feel like you should entertain them.

She (your gf) will feel like she has to entertain her gf.

 

And they have catching up to do and beach vs. getting all dolled up.

 

I think you need to let this go. She had plans -- and she is keeping them.

[DancingFool]

Different perspective - personally, I'd rather not be a third wheel in a wedding where my friend is going with her date to meet his family, etc. etc. etc. Awkward written all over this and usually I'm one who is easily up for things. It sounds fun to you because this is your family and friends. It's really not much fun when you are a stranger and a third wheel to boot. In this situation, I'd just insist that my friend go and enjoy the wedding and I can fend for myself for that one afternoon/evening since I'm there for more than one day. Tagging along would not even make it on my priority list.

 

As for your gf, having to juggle meeting your family, making a good impression and making sure her friend is happy, sounds like more stress than fun. A rather exhausting evening.

[BigKK]

She is hyper-sensitive to being fair to her friends. So perhaps I am sensitive to this as well because early on in dating her I once got burned by her in which she later apologized, (she invited me to a party, and then uninvited me to a party "to make her friend not feel like a third wheel" and then REinvited me to the party after her friend was wondering why I wasn't there) but it still makes me look at every friend vs. me event with a different eye. It was almost a complete deal breaker for me but I let it slide because she explained her conflict of being good to her friend and me, but in that case she picked her friend, even when her friend didn't care... to be "protected" by her. This particular friend is incredibly selfish anyways, but that's a different thread of its own.

 

 

a FREE event where the only person your gf knows is you, and the only person the gf's friend knows is your gf ---- isn't fun.

You will feel like you should entertain them.

She (your gf) will feel like she has to entertain her gf.

 

And they have catching up to do and beach vs. getting all dolled up.

 

I think you need to let this go. She had plans -- and she is keeping them.

I am going to let it go. I know she had plans, I know it's my mistake, so I will just deal with it.

 

 

Different perspective - personally, I'd rather not be a third wheel in a wedding where my friend is going with her date to meet his family, etc. etc. etc. Awkward written all over this and usually I'm one who is easily up for things. It sounds fun to you because this is your family and friends. It's really not much fun when you are a stranger and a third wheel to boot. In this situation, I'd just insist that my friend go and enjoy the wedding and I can fend for myself for that one afternoon/evening since I'm there for more than one day. Tagging along would not even make it on my priority list.

 

As for your gf, having to juggle meeting your family, making a good impression and making sure her friend is happy, sounds like more stress than fun. A rather exhausting evening.

 

 

a FREE event where the only person your gf knows is you, and the only person the gf's friend knows is your gf ---- isn't fun.

You will feel like you should entertain them.

She (your gf) will feel like she has to entertain her gf.

 

And they have catching up to do and beach vs. getting all dolled up.

 

I think you need to let this go. She had plans -- and she is keeping them.

 

It's not like her friend is there for one night, so yeah, in my eyes she could fend for herself, (She knows other people in San Diego as well) but my girlfriend is loyalty to friends and I will respect that rather than challenge it.

[Flyer79]

Yeah I can't see why the 'friend' can't spend a few hours on her own, I am sure she would understand, seems like you are making a big deal out of nothing really.

[BigKK]

Ok, so I had a talk with her last night.

 

Friend flies in Thursday night out Sunday night, hasn't seen her in a year, doesn't know anyone in San Diego, doesn't dare to mention the wedding to her, once I heard the details I just let it go. Friend is married, so 'meeting guys' at the wedding is out completely.

 

I wish she'd ask but I know she's right not to, she says her friend would probably agree just to be "a good friend" to her. Not happy about it, but oh well.