The old fling.. that has always been at the back of my mind

[SteelJM1]

Hey people,

 

So. Lets get this going. About shoot, two years ago, an ex of mine and I had a really terrible breakup. Terrible for me at least. The whole breakup, she started with my best friend within a couple weeks, laa le laa. It tore me up and perhaps changed me as a person a bit in the process. Anyway a few months after that breakup when I was very much NOT looking for anything I met this one woman who saw something in me.. perhaps I hid my hurt well enough at the beginning but she was into me. And I her. It wasn't hard, she's stunning, a bit weird, and very very very independent like me. We ended up having a 2-3 week fling in which she broke it off with me amicably. I blame a lot of that to 'scaring her away' because I was very very much not over the ex and it showed. Try as I might to hide it, it shows as it always does.

 

So after that.. lo and behold, the ex and I got back together. Twice... but this one woman never left the back of my mind. For good or bad, that's for a different discussion, it is what it is. And now the ex and I are broken up again, for good.. almost amicably, suddenly my fling talked to me again by coincidence, because she has no idea of the ex. And that has stirred up a whole host of of emotions in me.

 

A lot of "If only more time had passed before I met her" thoughts and "She seems to be still as funloving and awesome as I remember her" thoughts and finally "She wants to hang out... perhaps I can make something of this" thoughts.

 

Now I know what you're thinking "poor boy, he's just looking for a rebound". I'm not. But I really want to try again. With version 2.1 of me. I'm just not exactly sure about how to go about this. She wants to get a drink and catch up in a few weeks and of course I want to see her, but a lot of times I feel that since she put the kibosh on our fledgling relationship (if you can even call it that) in the first place, that her mind is set in stone. And I don't want another 3 week fling, if that's even on the table. If not a relationship with her, then right now I'd rather just be single, and not looking.

 

Bascially in that wall of words what I'm asking of the female population here is; Have you ever had a fling with a guy and figured out he was very much emotionally damaged at the time so decided to end it with the unspoken possibility of getting back wth him if he got his s*** together and you were both in the right spots in life, the universe, and everything? I can't go into this with NO confidence. She just turns my screws, and at some point I hers so.. you think it's possible again with a newer.. slightly older but more mature version of me? Is the fact that I'm even asking a warning sign to just hold the F off? Am I crazy and this is just a dream?

 

thanks

[mhowe]

I would think a conversation with her as opposed to the internet would provide you with the information you seek.

[SteelJM1]

I would think a conversation with her as opposed to the internet would provide you with the information you seek.

 

Heh, Well yes, you're right. Perhaps this was just more of a vent post, but I'm not really sure how to approach said conversation from the start. I don't want to give off the vibe of "heyyyyyyyyy... I'm single, so what are YOU doin hot stuff?", because that's really not how I'm feeling.

 

I dunno, I guess I'm overthinking this.

[mhowe]

Meet for a drink...catch up...and listen. Take your cue from what she has to say.

[faraday]

I have ended things with men who are still hung up on their exes...and when I was single, I would have been open to perhaps revisiting when they are truly healed.

[fed up]

here's my two cents...go meet with her...go into it with fresh energy and a willingness to be open. who knows, maybe you never did actually scare her away, maybe she is into flings...too many unknowns. If I were her, and you had scared me away, yet we met up again and the sparks were still there, I wold totally give it another try. Remember, its about being able to pu our hearts out there, despite having been hurt in the past. When conversation comes up, see where it goes. Go for it...I am excited for you

[SteelJM1]

Meet for a drink...catch up...and listen. Take your cue from what she has to say.

 

Ok. I suppose that's always what happens in the end.

 

I have ended things with men who are still hung up on their exes...and when I was single, I would have been open to perhaps revisiting when they are truly healed.

 

I am. We both are. It's one of those "We shouldn't have gotten back together" deals but neither of us regret it. Hindsight is 20/20. But I'm ready to move forward, and for me that means being a single man for a long while unless this one woman is interested in really getting to know me, and I her.

[happpybear]

A few years ago, I walked away from a guy because of bad timing. We never had a fling or anything, we were friends in the same social circle and there was a huge palpable spark between us, but he had just ended an LTR and was a mess, I didn't want to be his rebound. I eventually ended up moving far away from him and I have never seen him since. If I ever run into him again and am single, and he is single and the timing is actually right, then ya I would definitely want to catch-up and see what happens.

 

You really have nothing to lose, but don't go in with any expectations other than to have a good time and some laughs with someone you used to know.

[SteelJM1]

 

You really have nothing to lose, but don't go in with any expectations other than to have a good time and some laughs with someone you used to know.

 

Well shoot. I guess you're right, I don't have anything to lose. I guess I overthink things sometimes.

[Ms Darcy]

Go have a drink and see what she wants.

 

I will say though you should be careful not to recycle girls. You have done that with the ex and now this fling. Recycling is easier than starting over and looking for someone new.

[SteelJM1]

Go have a drink and see what she wants.

 

I will say though you should be careful not to recycle girls. You have done that with the ex and now this fling. Recycling is easier than starting over and looking for someone new.

 

My ex that I speak of was the first time I have ever gone back... for better or worse. The fling woman I think we could have a good chance, only because we didn't really get to know each other very well during our fling. I had others during that time but the other women didn't leave near the impression that this one did on me.

 

Honestly I don't know what I'm so afraid of. In the end if she wants nothing to do with it, I'm ok with that. And if she does, then obviously I'm more than ok with. Just psyching myself out I suppose.

[4everinfinate]

Look this girl obviously has had you onher mind for sometime to just contact you out of the blue. She may be just as nervous as you. I had a fling persay with my now current bf. Well we had many flings but timing was never right. So we kwpt in touch and then went ghost for a while and then kept in touch. Because well i couldnt get him off my mind nor me off his. But timing was never right. When it was we took it slow, constantly discussed how we felt or we even made a one night a week to ask eachother if there was anything on our minds we wanted to discuss.

 

Meet with her, dont gush out all your feelings in oneday though. Make her know youre still interested but in a subtle way. But not too subtle. Lol

Ask her things about herself, how shes been doing, etc. Just dont ask the one question women hate which is, so whyd you wanna meet up? That makes us think you just want something.

[lavenderdove]

Sometimes the timing is just off... who knows, maybe at the time she was hung up on some other guy too.

 

Go, have fun, enjoy. If she seems receptive, ask her out again.