fed up Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Hi there - I am a returning poster. If you want to read my original story please do so. Just broke up - again - and final time. with boyfriend. I was afraid the relationship was going nowhere. I loved him...very very much but I was turning into a neurotic ball of anxiety from never knowing what to expect. Need unbiased input as to whether these behaviours are legit deal breakers: a. since day one of our illegitimate relationship, he would allude to threesomes - although I figured he was joking and did not get bent out of shape, I was firm with him knowing that I was not interested, and if that was what he wanted, he could move on and find someone willing. b. very judgemental of everyone's appearance. would meet my girlfriends and always had a critique on the size of their ass, boobs whatever. I always felt he was comparing. c. every woman he spoke to, even if for the first time, was babe, or Girl, or whatever. It turns out these special pet names I thought he was calling only me, were quite liberally thrown around to all cute women. d. had a very annoying habit of befriending other women and communicating with them by text, facebook, whatever. This particularly irked me because that was his lure to get me, while he was with someone else. he claimed he and her weren't happy, so he was in touch with me because he liked me right away. My question to him was...so, if you and I go through normal patches of rough times, will you be contacting this other chicks behind my back. as the months passed, he became increasingly mad at me for asking these types of questions. I got particularly upset when he befriended new women even months after our relationship was deemed exclusive and long term. This started to erode my trust. e. this type of behaviour spilled over into facebook , where he would cat-call other women, with comments like Gorgeous, Hot, Yummy, etc. Once again, I would bring this up, I would say those comments should be reserved for me, not other women. he would yell at me, get very mad then make me feel like I was out of line I broke up with him twice over this. Finally, he seemed to stop, or just hid it better. f. the texts continued. he always said they were female friends,. I believe he was loyal but I also believe he kept women in his back pocket. this started to drive my insecurity through the roof. I feel I was feeding right into his emotional abuse. h. would refer to me as his neurotic nerd I. does not like to work. always broke. between jobs. inconsistent. big promises. very deliveries. sweet talker. easy to anger. drinks alone and I started seeing towards the end (10 months later0 that many times when he picked a fight with me - because I don't eat steak, for example, it was in hopes that I would leave him alone to drink and watch tv j. used to try putting things on my credit card a lot. but I am good with money so I would ask for his share back. he got the hint. but also had no problem asking me for $1250 for legal fees. k. was on probation for one year before meeting me for harassing previous girlfriend after she dumped him for another man. l although he has been dealing with a lot (his mother died, legal battle with estate where he may lose his house which his mother was making payments on until she died) etc etc. I TRIED, with all the goodness of my heart, to be there for him. he was pushing me away with more frequency, his angry outburst were becoming greater, my anxiety was growing because his words did not match his actions (Of us having a normal future). he hated talking about the future and said we shoud go with the flow and just live. I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART BUT HAD TO CHOSSE MY SANITY OVER THE EVER GROWING VOLATILTY. He kept making promises and asking for patience. Guess I ran out. Thoughts anyone....thank you Link to comment
HappyGal78 Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Run and don't look back. His issues have issues, and honestly he sounds like a douchebag. I can only say that because I just got out of a relationship with one. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Can't imagine how you stayed past ©. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Thoughts anyone....thank you My one and only thought is, "Good riddance." Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Most of these would be dealbreakers for me in and of themselves, so the combo plate is a no-brainer. Head high--you did the right thing. Link to comment
fed up Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 thanks everyone. I also have to add that he often told me I "talk too much". Yet he talked constantly about every bit of gossip from everyone in his town. I knew all the faults of every one of his exes...he was doing what, who was dying, who was sleeping with whom. Useless gossip..yet talking about our future was too much for him. He also had his wonderful qualities, which is what kept me hooked. And clarification, e had been put on one year probation two weeks before he started "dating" me. I went into this knowing. he didn't keep anything from me, in fact I knew too much about everything, which created insecurity in me. Glad I walked. But I will miss him terribly! Link to comment
newgirlhere Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Oh my goodness. Reading all of this with so much pain for you - i can feel that agonizing "can I trust him?? / I need to leave NOW" energy in your posts and I know it well. You know what to do, the hardest part is doing it, but you MUST take your power back. He is an insecure and very immature man, and you would be very well rid of him. You have given this absolutely everything you can. Take your power back, woman!! With much love. Link to comment
fed up Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 at age 46, being told by an immature guy who does not work, his sister basically supports him, that I "talk too much" was almost my biggest deal breaker!!! LOL Link to comment
fed up Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 thank you! That is exactly what my ex husband said "take your power back". Thanks so much. Link to comment
newgirlhere Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Oh yes, God forbid you communicate!! The WORST! Ha. He sounds like such a prince, I'm not sure what the problem is! You are clearly a very strong and intelligent person. I always hate using the word 'deserve' in terms of relationships because it is my personal belief that no one person 'deserves' love or a partner -- that we should all love and support one another and bonds develop organically and not because they are earned. But yeah. You deserve a hell of a lot better, and it sounds like you are well on your way to that. Link to comment
fed up Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 thank you newgirlhere....I am working on being the type of person I would like to eventually attract into my life. I like your point about not using the word deserve...bonds developing organically is much simpler Link to comment
newgirlhere Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Well, your putting it that way is giving me a lot to think about tonight... I've been hearing over and over how I have really chosen the wrong guys and "WHY??" and all that madness, but I haven't actually been as focused on trying to be like the person I want to attract -- and maybe that's where I should shift MY focus these next few months. Anyway thanks for that perspective... it helps. Link to comment
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