What do you bring to the table?

[Dougie_D]

This was mentioned in one of my long threads of course, but it got me thinking. I'm a single male and apparently in order for me to be in a relationship, I'm suppose to bring bla,bla, bla, to the table.

 

What am I suppose to be bringing?

[Man with Dog]

No hard and fast rules because all women are different. The sort of thing that most girls like are:

 

1. Trust

2. You are interesting to them. Knowing the latest chart music and fashion trends helps if they're under 30

3. You don't have to be drop-dead gorgeous but excessive weight or lack of it is a turn-off

4. Nothing odd about your appearance, such as uncombed hair or odd socks

5. General manners

6. No mouth or body odour

7. In education or employment

 

Sure there's a few more but that's a start

[agent1607307371]

and apparently in order for me to be in a relationship, I'm suppose to bring bla,bla, bla, to the table.

 

Everyone is supposed to bring something to the table Dougie. No one wants to be with someone who'se only talent and amibition is using air.

 

Treat people right.

Shared interest/education

Finances (nobody wants to be with someone who is going to strip their bank account)

Chemistry (the most elusive, sadly).

 

It's not like everyone is demanding a phd in rocket science or brain surgery.

[quirky]

I think this depends on the individual and what they are looking for. You might be bringing on the table traits x y z that are considered good but not what the woman is after. As a basic though I would assume most people need to bring intelligence, politeness, consideration, loyalty and a job to be considered desirable.

[PeopleOfTheSun]

1- Self Respect

2- Compassionate

3- Caring

4- Ambition In Life

5- Good Career Prospects

6- Intelligence

7- Educated

8- Good Attitude

9- Good Lover

10- Good Kisser

11- Good In Bed/Good At Making Love & Having Hot Sex

12- Liberal

13- Spiritual

14- Clean (No bad smells/No Dirty clothes)

15- Has a heart/ Helps Out People

16- Artistic

17- Humanitarian

18- Loves Life

19- Is Not Desperate/ For Attention Or Love Or Sex

20- Attractive/ Both inside And Outside

21- Loves Themselves

22- Sense Of Humor

23- Politeness

24- Considerate

25- Loyal

[bulletproof]

This was mentioned in one of my long threads of course, but it got me thinking. I'm a single male and apparently in order for me to be in a relationship, I'm suppose to bring bla,bla, bla, to the table.

 

It isn't really about a list of items you're bringing. You should be thinking about what you as an individual are willing and able to give a partner instead of what you would get from one. Your focus has been primarily on what women can give/do for you, not the other way around.

[Ayanokōji]

I've got a pretty good post regarding this

 

 

 

In summary, after reading the replies you will see that men are more logical in that we think if we do x or y, improve ourselves in this way or that way then we can find the woman of our dreams or at least become closer to it.

 

Women seem to think that theres no correlation between attraction and concrete evidence of doing x or y will secure your chances, what I see from most women's replies is to ugh "be yourself" and find the right girl for you...

 

Good luck with figuring that one out lol...

[Fudgie]

Bulletproof is spot on.

 

Everyone, I repeat, everyone should want a partner who has things to offer as well as wanting to offer things to a partner. It's a two way street here.

 

Stop thinking about what you can get, and what you can give.

 

I know for me, it's important to find a partner who is very intelligent, kind, moral, loyal, monogamous, hard working, wanting to learn new things with me, wanting the same lifestyle as me, and is educated or is obtaining an education so he can have a decent career so we aren't in the poorhouse together. That's what I want a man to bring to the table in a relationship. That's just part of having standards and knowing who you will match up well with.

 

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[laninaperdida]

I'll answer this more specifically.

 

The top 3 things I, personally, bring to any relationship that I (and my partner) value are:

 

1. Emotional stability - I'm tough sh1t in that I can handle a financial crisis, sick loved one, etc., without throwing myself in front of a bus. I function well in chaos.

 

2. I don't know what an all encompassing word would be to describe it, but I'm a bit of a loner without being socially awkward. I can be the Queen Bee, but I'm most happy being by myself and I find men really appreciate a girl who doesn't need a gaggle of other girls to feel validated. It also gives them security that when things get rough, I'm not out flirting it up with my single b1tches to make myself feel better... I'm at home reading.

 

3. Anticipation of needs - I'm really good at figuring out what needs to be said/done to make another person feel better. I don't give fluff ("It'll be OK, honey"), I give results ("Do this and that will happen").

[jak3]

What am I suppose to be bringing?

The version of you that you love and respect. That's the only thing that you need to bring to the table.

 

When you find someone who fits with that person then everything else will get sorted on its own and all of these lists will mean jack squat.

[tiredofvampires]

Being able to follow through on something, stick to something you start

Keeping going when the going gets tough

Not making excuses for being mediocre or flakey in any respect

Having a hard-working ethic

Being self-aware in situations, being appropriate

Being aware of someone else in situations, having social sensitivity; being appropriate

Not having the sense of humor of an adolescent boy; maturity

Not behaving like an adolescent boy; maturity

Being responsible, taking responsibility for oneself

Demonstrating independence practically AND emotionally from one's parents (this is somewhat age-related; in the 30's, yes)

Having a wide range of things to talk about, being interesting

Being a good conversationalist

Being thoughtful, tactful, not just shooting one's mouth off

Treating sex as an interaction, not a commodity

Having goals that are realistic

Caring about other people and showing compassion/kind heart

Not being desperate

 

And everything bulletproof said.

[Capricorn3]

Being able to follow through on something, stick to something you start

Keeping going when the going gets tough

Not making excuses for being mediocre or flakey

Being self-aware in situations

Having a hard-working ethic

Being aware of someone else in situations, having social sensitivity

Not having the sense of humor of an adolescent boy

Not behaving like an adolescent boy

Being responsible, taking responsibility for oneself

Having a wide range of things to talk about, being interesting

Being a good conversationalist

Treating sex as an interaction, not a commodity

Having goals that are realistic

Caring about other people and showing compassion/kind heart

 

And everything bulletproof said.

I second this post.

 

And also, to quote agent above: "No one wants to be with someone who's only talent and ambition is using air."

[Dougie_D]

Many are saying what they want brought to the table..but what do you bring to the table too?

[tiredofvampires]

People who are capable of a healthy relationship want to bring to the table what they want brought to the table.

 

It goes both ways. So the lists would essentially be the same.

 

We're talking about the main things. Not the trivial things, like, "I bring taking out the trash at night." That's part of a bigger quality like "dependable" or "responsible", and both parties should be bringing those major qualities equally.

 

But the reason people are telling you what they want brought to the table is because that's what you asked in your OP:

 

I'm a single male and apparently in order for me to be in a relationship, I'm suppose to bring bla,bla, bla, to the table.

 

What am I suppose to be bringing?

 

Isn't this thread about what YOU need/want to bring to the table?

[SpottiOtti]

I think a better question is: Dougie, what do you feel like you bring to the table??

[Fudgie]

Dougie, I wrote down what I want brought to the table and in truth, I expect the same.

 

I think overall, it's important to expect what you can also give. If you want an ambitious partner, be ambitious yourself. If you want a fit partner, be fit yourself.

 

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[Dougie_D]

I think a better question is: Dougie, what do you feel like you bring to the table??

 

I've answered that in another thread and it got shut down. Apparently emotional support is not good enough.

[Dougie_D]

I just think people can be picky at first. I look at like this... In order for someone to bring something to the table, they have to agree to at least meet at this table. Which I would consider a date or something. How do you know someone doesn't bring what you want without engaging with them? And how quickly? I think people, girls and guys, get judge WAY too quick.

[Fudgie]

I've answered that in another thread and it got shut down. Apparently emotional support is not good enough.

 

Emotional support alone isn't enough.

 

We all get emotional support from different places, friends, family, even our pets. So no, it's not enough alone. There has to be more. There is more to being in a relationship than just emotional support. It goes deeper. There's intimacy (physical and emotional), mutual interests, a shared vision of the future, trust, loyalty, all of that. Oh, and if you're going to be in a LTR and live with a person eventually, you need to be able to have a decent job (or working towards it) and have your personal things together.

 

You know, to be honest, if I JUST wanted emotional support in my life and that alone, I would stay single. What's the point of getting into a relationship if that's it? Not much reason if you ask me.

[Fudgie]

I just think people can be picky at first. I look at like this... In order for someone to bring something to the table, they have to agree to at least meet at this table. Which I would consider a date or something. How do you know someone doesn't bring what you want without engaging with them? And how quickly? I think people, girls and guys, get judge WAY too quick.

 

I agree that judgment happens too quickly sometimes but sometimes, you can make a judgement quickly. I am overweight (although I'm working on that, used to be a total whale) and I know that it's not every man's cup of tea. That's okay, they'll look at me, not be interested and move on, fine by me. I don't consider that bad because I'd rather be with someone who finds me attractive. Oh, or when guys are really super flirty/PUA-y. That's a big turn off to me. And yes, I will not engage a guy who does that sort of nonsense.

 

The reality is, people judge. Sometimes too quickly. but they judge. First impressions are really important. All you can do is try to put your best foot forward and highlight your best qualities and try to put yourself in places where you can find like-minded people.

[bulletproof]

I just think people can be picky at first. I look at like this... In order for someone to bring something to the table, they have to agree to at least meet at this table. Which I would consider a date or something. How do you know someone doesn't bring what you want without engaging with them? And how quickly? I think people, girls and guys, get judge WAY too quick.

 

This goes back to your refusal to consider meeting women anywhere but a bar. Put yourself in a superficial situation, and you'll get superficial results. Meeting people cold or on the internet is going to lead to more judging of looks, etc., because that's all anyone has to go on in those scenarios. Whereas getting to know people through work, school, shared interests, mutual friends, etc., will allow people to get to know the real you.

[Batya33]

Many are saying what they want brought to the table..but what do you bring to the table too?

 

I brought my positive attitude (well I work hard on it!), a healthy, fit lifestyle, passion for my work and strong goals that I was working hard on bringing to reality, a great sense of humor (or at least to some people), an active life full of friends, activities, volunteer work, good chocolate chip cookie baking and being generous and other-centered without being a doormat.

 

I also brought my fair share or more of flaws to the table so I'm not meaning to say I even approached perfection in a potential spouse!!

[John John]

As jak3 already said, all of the extensive lists that everyone has listed above I believe are essentially unimportant, except to illustrate that you should only seek in a partner what you yourself bring to the table (i.e. if you want a fit partner, you should be fit yourself).

 

I think the most important thing that anyone should bring to the table (in all relationships, not just romantic) is simply being at peace with and genuinely liking yourself. This is highly critical. And I can tell you that this is sometimes MUCH easier said than done. I've personally removed myself from dating altogether (haven't been on a single date this year, through my own choice) until I achieve this. I believe that once I get to this point, everything else will fall into place.

 

And Dougie, I think the same can be said for you. Try to improve yourself where you can (perhaps, become more fit or learn some skills that may make you more interesting), and also work to make strides in liking yourself. Only then will you have success with datding.

[radiohead20]

I bring pretty much everything That women are attracted too (high paying job I am passionate about, fun, can cook, dress well, in extremely good shape, plays instruments etc etc) however I have a feminine face and look young for my age (in the face) and that one factor prevents me from dating women I am actually attracted too. I am still coming to terms with it.

[radiohead20]

unfortunately, the things you bring to the table in a relationship are completely different than what people use to decide to start to date people. People today place too much emphasis on qualities such as looks, image, extroversion when deciding to date someone. So those of us who do bring a lot to the table but don't flail our arms about, are bad at telling jokes, or don't go to parties and events 24/7 face a lot of trouble. Ironically, I would almost say that the people that focus on things other than looks/image/extroversion/partying usually end up bringing MORE to the table since their priorities are shifted a little. Unfortunately they go unnoticed.