10 years behind in life NOT worth catch up anymore?

[Dougie_D]

I'm in my early 30's. I just now got a full time job. I didn't even have my first job until mid-twenties. I've only been on a couple of dates.

 

I'm just not happy with my "life experiences". What I'm experiencing now seems to be what most early 20 somethings are feeling and experiencing.

 

I feel lost and stupid. I have friends with the careers they want. I have friends that even have kids. I am still in the V-club!

 

I'm only realizing now, how important money is in general. How much time I wasted all those years just sitting around.

 

I would like to be in a level where my friends and mutual ages are at.

 

But has my time in life gone? Has my opportunity to change gone? Anybody else in the same position or was? What did you do to change so "fast" to get to the level you are expected to be at a certain age?

[1a1a]

It's not too late to get where you want to go. Where Do you want to go? How do you get there? Break it down into smaller, achievable tasks, execute them.

[Seraphim]

You know that life is not a race right? You do know that comparing your life against everybody else will always bring you grave disappointment? If you compare yourself to other people there will always be somebody who's done more than you. True happiness is found within yourself.

[t1lersm0m1]

It's never too late. Stop settling for what you've been settling for. Find the motivation and go out and get what you want.

 

Stop with the negative talk. If you keep up the negative talk (is it too late, is my life over, I'll never have what I want) then you'll never get what you want.

[icecreamaddict]

It's never too late, but stop comparing yourself to your friends! There are others in your situation too, but if you want to change you have to do something about it - it won't just happen on its own. With dating, try to put in more effort and try different ways of meeting people. As far as jobs go, make a list of goals or where you want to be and think of small changes you can make to get yourself there.

 

I don't think there is a level 'expected' of you. Everyone moves at different paces in life. My boyfriend is in his mid 30s (I'm in my late 20's) and all of his friends are married, with at least 1 kid. My bf had never even dated anyone until he met me. I really wouldn't worry about it. Use the time to work on yourself and have fun, being single has its advantages.

[oitnb]

It's never to late to get your life started. If you keep telling yourself that, you'll be in this same position ten years from now and saying the same thing. "It's too late now! Im 40! Omg!"

 

Quit panicking. Focus on small goals one at a time. Keep this job and do your very best at it. Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to completely change everything about your life at once.

[blueidealist24]

No, it's not too late.. if you give up now, you'll be at what you feel is the 20s-stage forever, right? Better 10 years late having a career than never.

 

ETA: Btw, it's not really 10 years late. There are a lot of people who don't start careers until the late 20s and you're not the only one to start one up in your early 30s, either (using the term career synonymously with FT job here, even though I know that isn't always the case).

[RainyCoast]

Dougie I distinctly remember you whining and complaining in a very defeatist manner just a little while ago and look at you now! Good work landing yourself with a full time job!

The pace of life isn't the same for everyone. People had different starting positions and circumstance, they made different choices and landed in different places, no biggy- not everyone in the same age group can or has to follow the same path at the same pace.

I don't think it's rare to start at 30 and I don't think there's anything or anyone to catch up with. It's your career and your life, wield it so it serves your goals, not those of others.

Well done, you made the first and very important move (claps )!

[Dougie_D]

Dougie I distinctly remember you whining and complaining in a very defeatist manner just a little while ago and look at you now! Good work landing yourself with a full time job!

The pace of life isn't the same for everyone. People had different starting positions and circumstance, they made different choices and landed in different places, no biggy- not everyone in the same age group can or has to follow the same path at the same pace.

I don't think it's rare to start at 30 and I don't think there's anything or anyone to catch up with. It's your career and your life, wield it so it serves your goals, not those of others.

Well done, you made the first and very important move (claps )!

 

Thank you for the encouragement. My job is definitely not my career choice though. It's just a stable job that I needed. Yes, I have a full time job, but my friends make more money and work less hours than me as part-timers. Making minimum wage in California doesn't really cut it. That kind of brings me down.

 

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I used to have a full time job about 4 years ago with the same amount of pay. It was a better company that provided health insurance too. Right now, my rent is 3x as much before and it's considered cheap where I live.

 

So technically, I feel like I'm regressing in life. Not exactly progressing. I feel extremely stuck.

[renaissancewoman101]

Living in LA is hard to make it on minimum wage. I know, I live in CA. Things are soo expensive out here, housing, insurance, etc.

 

I know many people have said this to you time and time again, maybe it might be better for you to move to a different city with a lower cost of living and better job opportunities. I know you want to make it in the music business, but it is so cutthroat out here.

[Dougie_D]

Living in LA is hard to make it on minimum wage. I know, I live in CA. Things are soo expensive out here, housing, insurance, etc.

 

I know many people have said this to you time and time again, maybe it might be better for you to move to a different city with a lower cost of living and better job opportunities. I know you want to make it in the music business, but it is so cutthroat out here.

 

I don't know what better job opportunities I would have if I ever went elsewhere. NYC is actually more expensive to live than LA. Nashville is full of recording studios and hired musicians. All the major labels have a west coast division in LA.

 

My biggest fear is to move somewhere else but somehow I ended up getting a job where I would have to move back to LA. Plus, I made every single music connection by being out here. Before, it was extremely hard to get those connections. Also, when talking to bands and other people, they have the sense that you are much bigger because you live in LA. That is very helpful when convincing bands to trust you.

 

Plus, I created an LLC in the state of California. I am slowly saving up money to open up my biz account for my record label. I realized that in this industry, they only want you if you have something they want.

[blueidealist24]

I think this record label could be a success for you, it could be what you need to climb up to the next rung on the ladder in life, so I think you should stick it out at this job in LA for now, yeah. If you move somewhere else it could be cheaper to live but you'd just be back at square one looking for any decent FT job, unless the company you work for has other branches you could transfer to (and I think you said it was a startup, so I'm guessing it doesn't).

[Nala]

You are still young. Make it happen. Do what you want in life. You can still have a very fulfilling career.

[lonelyd00d]

I didn't read the entire thread. Just wanted to chime in with my experience.

 

I also feel like I have fallen behind in life compared to my peers. This was due to a depression that set on in my adolescence, and having several personality disorders. On an emotional level I kinda got stuck at age 12, and didn't start growing again until my early 20s. Because of this, I flunked college twice, didn't go out, couldn't hold on to a job, didn't have any friends in the end, and definitely did not know how to connect with people or communicate my thoughts and feelings (especially towards girls).

 

I did land a steady, hard working, honest job in my early 20s, and start making some new friends over the internet and IRL, and slowly I started moving away from the abyss. It wasn't until I moved out on my own at age 27 that I got back into trouble again. I did not have the basic skills to deal with life and my demons. After a couple of tries with psychiatric help, I ended up a at a psych office at age 30 that did an in depth analysis, and offered me treatment (no meds tho). After roughly 2 years of psychotherapy, a lot of my problems are gone.

 

However, compared to most of my friends (whom are about 5 years younger than me), I'm still the odd one out. No steady job, no relationship, no fancy clothes or whatever. But i do have peace of mind, and I'm happy where I am right now. Very few things faze me anymore. Life isn't a race.. and if you do start comparing, try to look at the positive things you have that others don't. I.e. I'm pretty tech savvy, which I always took for granted.. turns out I'm able to help a lot of people out, and do some pretty cool stuff online.

 

Just hang in there. In a few years, things might be totally different for you. But you gotta work for it. You won't grow by being a couchpotato.

[Man with Dog]

If you read my "Late Career Blues" thread, you'll see that these sorts of issues can hit in later life as well. Financially, I'm quite well behind, too, as I divorced in my late 20s and had to start again.

 

A parallel between us is your record label and my writing. Ideally, I prefer to not need a "day job" but I'm making 000s of pounds a year, whilst I need to be at least £30 000 per year to keep the roof over our head.

 

The fact is (at least in the UK) that only 11% of people reach their career goals. The job market is here because we are losing well-paid "professional" jobs and gaining part-time minimum wage jobs.

 

Even those people of you age who have "established" careers are not safe until retirement and Heaven help the 40% who will face a major relationship break-up and the 50%+ who will face being laid off at some stage.

 

Trouble is most people don't "make it", so don't beat yourself up for your situation.

 

Reminder to self: Follow your own advice!

[journeynow]

I'm in my early 30's...

 

But has my time in life gone? Has my opportunity to change gone? Anybody else in the same position or was? What did you do to change so "fast" to get to the level you are expected to be at a certain age?

 

We can all change and learn and grow, not matter what age. Our paths and experiences are unique, and it's fruitless to think that being a certain age means you should be at a certain "level". The only area I can think of where age/level might be an important factor would be certain professional sports. But in other fields, age and experience can be tapped into and be seen as an asset, even if your experience seems unrelated to you. Look for ways to make your unique experience a positive for the path your are interested in.

[Maverick2097]

Hi Dougie_D

 

I know exactly how you feel as I'm going to turn 30 soon and have no career path of my own due to not having much luck in the workforce.

You have a lot of skills and value to give, so my advice would be to keep going as its never too late to make a change of direction. 30 in relative terms, is still very young. Most 50 year olds will look at you and say that you still have your whole life ahead of you, which you do.

 

I can give you examples of famous people who didn't get started in life until their 30's:

 

- Sylvester Stallone becoming famous after filming Rocky at 30 years old

 

- Harrison Ford not getting famous until he was 35 when he filmed Star Wars.

 

- Colonel Sanders forming Kentucky Fried Chicken at 60.

 

- Simon Cowell who lost everything at the age of 30 and moved back into his mum's house, started all over by building his own music label and is now one of the richest and most famous people on Television.

 

Just a few examples.

 

It's never too late to turn your life around. I would advise spending all of your time learning new skills and becoming the best you can at them. Because the more you know, the more marketable you'll become in the long term, which you could potentially turn into your own online business.

 

You don't have to start a career if that doesn't satisfy you. I know a lot of people now who have built websites around their skills and turning it into a real business, making more money than they've ever made working for a company.

 

I hope what i've said has given you at least some inspiration.

 

Good Luck!

 

Onder

[Man with Dog]

I can also add that I was 52 when my first book was published and 35 when I became a dad.

[H8Reality217]

l feel like since I turned 25, I have been going through quarter-life crisis.