Meeting best friends new boyfriend...again

[soulsista29]

My best friend was dating a guy for 3 years and recently ended it with him because he wasn't ready to get married and settle down. She's 32 and he's 26. The guy was really nice, a really good guy.

Within a week of breaking up, she was already dating a 20 year old. I thought he would be a rebound guy and nothing would really come of it. She has now been dating him for 6 months.

Her father (who met him) told her not to date this 'player'. From what she has said about him and from what her father thinks I also don't agree with her dating this new guy. I have yet to meet the new guy. I told her at the beginning that she should have stayed with her ex. Does she really think this 20 year is ready to settle down? She has not told some of her close friends about the new boyfriend as she knows they really liked her ex.

My best friends bday is coming up soon and I know I'll have to meet her new guy but I don't really want to. I guess I (and my husband) are tired of meeting her new temporary boyfriends. At her next bday she'll prob be dating someone else. What should I do?

[Clio]

I have trouble understanding why it bothers you meeting this guy so much. You keep meeting new boyfriends of hers. So what? Sounds like you need to clear within you where your real royalties and priorities lie. Is it to your friend or her ex? Is it supporting your friend or being 'right'? I may be wrong, but to me your post comes off somewhat self-righteous and judgemental; she seems to be stuck in dating the wrong people while you were the 'mature' one (or lucky one?) who got married and is leading an 'adult' life and that makes you feel somehow entitled to judge her personal life. What does it matter if you spend a couple of hours with him? For all you know, he may be fun to hang out with even if he is not an 'appropriate' choice for her. Your friend does sound lost. However, your job as her friend is to support her, not to judge her. Coming out of a 3 year relationship like that and in that age can be very painful and stressful for a woman who wanted to get married. As wrong as it may seem, your friend is probably doing the best she can to deal with this pain and all the fears involved. And she probably has some unresolved childhood issues that are holding her back if she keeps picking the wrong people. That makes you no better than her (you were just delt with a different set of cards in life and/or better coping skills). Judging her for her personal life like that is not your role as a friend. You are not in her shoes and you are not her mother.

[lerenard]

She is 32 - she can date whomever she wants.

If you don't want to meet him - don't meet him. You said she was dating a guy for 3 years before that, so what are you talking about with you and your husband meeting her temporary boyfriends? Mind your own life.

[person100]

'My best friends bday is coming up soon and I know I'll have to meet her new guy but I don't really want to. I guess I (and my husband) are tired of meeting her new temporary boyfriends. At her next bday she'll prob be dating someone else. What should I do?"

 

Why does it bother you to meet him so much? How does it affect your life? I understand you want the best for your friend, but she's an adult as well and is clearly happy with the choice that she made.

[missmarple]

I agree with the others. I'm not sure what your problem is. You're judging this guy solely because of his age, you haven't even met him and you don't want to. I'm confused as to why you seem so annoyed by her dating him.

[regular joe]

Sounds to me like your friend is a cougar.

[bulletproof]

From what she has said about him and from what her father thinks I also don't agree with her dating this new guy.

 

Isn't that a little presumptuous considering you haven't met him? You're basing this on secondhand information, not on who he actually is in person.

I think that your job as her friend is to be open and supportive, not judgmental and closed off to anyone new in her life. What's the real issue here? Why does this bother you so much?