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we are attracted to each other but can't be together... what to do?


evalie

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I don't even remember when and how this is happened... But it did... We both married, have kids... He's a fine man, I would never put him in any trouble. For months I was trying to keep a distance from him, hoping that it would go away... But finally, during a normal conversation I told him what I feel... And yes, as I expected he also said he is attracted to me so I made a decision we should have contact base only on work - we work at the same place... Thought that would be better to both of us... He apologized saying it's all his fault, but of course it is mine too. But now I feel even worse... Really I don't want to loose his friendship. It would be so great if we could be only friends. We have so much in common. I don't know what to do...?

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You can't really afford to be friends with him, knowing what you both know, that you have feelings/attraction for each other. With that always there in your minds it wouldn't really be just friendship, it would be playing with fire. Difficult though it will be, if you truly don't want to 'get him into trouble' and if you don't want to jeopardize your own marriage and family, your only option is to give up the friendship.

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I would never put him in any trouble.

I don't know what to do...?

You do the right thing. You know what to do. Your own marriage and children should be your focus and your priority - not another married man who also has a family of his own. You have the potential of breaking up and destroying TWO families. Think about it. Is that what you want? If not, then you know what to do. Cut all ties with this man and do NOT encourage him (I get the impression that you do encourage him/lead him on). When at work, all that is needed is common courtesy (as in a greeting). There is no need to interact more than is absolute necessary.

 

You have a choice on hoe to proceed. Remember that. You can choose to mess with a married man behind your husband's back with the potential of destroying two families. Choice is yours. Your children deserve better than that.

 

Ask yourself one question: How would YOU feel if your husband was doing this behind your back?

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Agree with offplanet, you really can't be friends with him if you have feelings for him AND you know that you're playing with fire otherwise. It's sometimes fairly normal and fairly common to develop workplace crushes and if both of you have been married for awhile and/or are going through relationship woes the grass can look pretty darn green over there. But you both know it would open up a world of hurt and you chose to do the right thing, so keep choosing that. Starting something when you're married and your coworker is married will not only hurt you, picture his wife and kids and your husband and kids all standing in the room every time you're with him. Picture their faces and their reactions if they saw you kissing him. It will act as a cold bucket of water and a reminder to you that acting on those feelings or even allowing the tiniest crack in the door open to those feelings being acted on will have consequences that go well beyond just your own. And his own.

 

Focus on your own marriage and your kids and find out what it is you're missing and fix that. You'll come out of it much stronger, saner and everyone will be a lot happier.

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Thank you offplanet for your reply...That was my first thought too when I realized the relationship between us became more than a friendship.... Now I'm just not sure, because it seams like it would take months until we completely forget about our feelings... I don't know if I'm ready for that... I just can't get him off my mind. Feeling like drug addicted and put on the rehab.

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Does putting your marriage and your career reputation in jeopardy over a crush make any sense to you?

 

Make your job about being competent and keep your social life private--and away from coworkers. There are millions of people in the world to be friends with.

 

Think.

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Better to nip it in the bud before anything starts...than try to end things later when everyone's life is falling apart!

 

And yes, it is like a drug. Those happy, giddy feelings of infatuation/crush...is very addictive. You do have to quit cold turkey...and you will have withdrawl pains...but that is what it takes to get 'over' the 'drug'!

 

Believe me...i know...

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