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Need advice, mixed signals


Evil

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Hi,

 

I've been dating someone for a little over a month now and there's something I'm struggling with. One and a half week ago I asked some probing questions about her ex and it opened up some old wounds. She felt very sad and expressed it felt like mourning over one's death. (He's out of the picture for along time now, there's no still-have-feelings-for-ex scenario). The next day she agreed to see me. We have already been intimate and that day was no exception but she was very adamant that she needed to be alone that night.

 

We talked about it the next day and reassured her that I understood and she didn't have to feel guilty. Frustration grew when she became withdrawn when talking to her online. She flat out lied saying she was going to sleep but stayed online instead. I didn't confront her about her avoiding contact. The past couple of days things seemed to get better. She still didn't initiate contact but conversations didn't feel like having your teeth pulled anymore. It went smoother.

 

Yesterday we went on our Valentine's date. It was a wonderful romantic evening and we made love. This morning however it felt a tad weird again. She didn't want to be kissed and our parting felt akward, though she responded positively when I asked her if she wanted to come over to my place next week. When I messaged her when I got home there was no response. I should mention that I'm very sweet to her and our online contact has been very intense prior to last week, and in that regard she may be experiencing "overload". I'm a bit lost. I don't want to analyse every date nor create "drama" with questions that reflect my uncertainty where I stand but I do want us to be able to talk openly.

 

What is your read on the situation and how do I proceed ? I really like this girl and don't want to push her away.

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Someone who gives mixed signals has mixed feelings. If you are fearing "pushing her away" you are already walking on eggshells - which is not at all healthy. I am an advocate of not trying to date someone who gives mixed signals that you have to "walk on eggshells" around.

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I asked some probing questions about her ex and it opened up some old wounds.

 

You've just learned why this is not a wise thing to do. Allow people to raise and speak about intense things in their past on their own, without probing. They may not do it according to your calendar, but if you tread where you're not welcome, the stuff you stir up may come with a side of resentment.

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Is it really that black and white ?

 

In my experience yes. I've never ended up dating someone who was sending mixed signals. Ultimately it just gets frustrating and goes no where. And I don't know of anyone who has succeeded with someone they were interested in who sent mixed signals. Obviously it's not going to be true %100 of the time. But I believe strongly it will be most of the time.

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Yes. Every successful relationship I've had never had any mixed signals. Conversely, every time I've gotten lukewarm or mixed reactions from a girl, things ended sooner than later. You can hang in there if you'd like, but don't expect a stellar outcome.

 

I stand corrected. Your law applies. She indicated not wanting to date anymore.

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