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"taking it slow" with ex update


bison67

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So me and my ex have been taking it slow for 4 days now. We first saw each other on sunday and things were slightly awkward at first but eventually that worse off. Over the past few days it has been an emotional mix of high's and low's a true roller coaster. So monday night we watch a movie and talk and hangout and get to cuddling and stuff and things feel great, that was a true high. Then the past two nights it has kinda gone low as we just hungout in my room and poured out to her to much and she is sick of it, she says she knows how i feel about her right now and is sick of me being a broken recored, she has feelings for me but is emotionally unavailable right now to be back into a relationship, but she wants to take things slow and date and see where they lead. A big part of why its been so hard is cause she is currently using another guy for sex, her buddy as she calls him. It bothers me im there for her emotionally and he is physically, she offered to sleep with me and replace him but that it would lead to nowhere in our relationship. She said for us to workout we have to put the physical aside for awhile and just rediscover and get to know each other again. She really got sick of me pouring out to her last night and texted me this morning saying that maybe we need time off if im not ready to just be a friend for now, although it could lead to something in the future. She wants to just have fun and date again and let it naturally build without me being an emotional wreck to her, which i get. She really cares for me and is really confused and im scared that im doing things the wrong way to get her back. She is giving me the shot to show her when she didnt owe me anything or have to. She promised herself she would never consider me again after she dumped me but now is back giving me a chance to prove to her. Just so hard to not get emotional right now when she is in my bed and i look her in the eyes and feel so much love!!! I tried to kiss her and she told me it was to soon, but if we take things slow we will get back there. I know she just isnt ready and that when we do get physical she wants it to means something, she said i could be that other guy she is sleeping with if i wanted, but it would be emotionless sex. I slept with another girl last weekend and i hated it, only wanted my ex so badly, made me feel 10 times worse. I know i gotta get her back, i can see it when i look into her eyes. We still care alot for each other i just gotta get my emotins in check and go slow and not pressure her! She tells me i have dead puppy syndrome, loving her so much and suffocating her and squeezing her till she dies.... I want it to workout, any tips on going slow in my situation? I want it to work.

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How can you still want a person like that.. Clearly she doesn't "love" you enough if shes sleeping with someone else....

 

I hate to say this but drop her and move on. Taking it slow means to start everything right from the beginning. Which begins with just talking. To be honest this girl and these emotions are just a waste of your time, you WILL find someone much better. Just remember there are 6 billion people in the world, you will find the perfect girl for you one day.

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anytime anyone tells you're they're confused it's because they're juggling you and someone else that they don't want to give up.

She is no more confused than she's the Queen of England.

 

She is an ex for a reason and you need to remember that reason. Leave her alone and let her go have her other eff buddy. You need to get your head put back on straight and go find a woman who wants what you have to offer. This woman doesn't and all you're doing is wasting time trying to be something she's not interested in you being.

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Did you not read any of our comments in the last post???

 

 

 

Your being an emotional baby. Come on! She's giving you the chance (many for that matter) of a lifetime and all you're doing is harping on about your relationship. She has EXPLICITLY told you how to get back together with her. Have fun!!! It's so easy, meanwhile you cry and act like a baby without his pacifier. You as a man should have enough emotional control to not be a bleeding heart. Take her on dates, that's what any girl wants.

 

Also get the hell out of you bedroom, talk about a downer. You're trying to get intimate with her by boring her to death in the boredom of you bedroom. Im pretty sure when you first started dating you didnt bring her straight to you bed and start crying like a child looking for some coddling by your surrogate mother. It screams desperation. Snap out of it and look at what your doing, and realize that is the quickest way to have run away from you faster than Usain Bolt. And of course she's going to this other guy for sex, when you're acting completely emasculated. Please for the love of humanity, MAN UP!

 

I'll spell it out clearly because I cringe reading your threads.

 

1) STOP STOP STOP talking about your relationship

2) Dont forget rule #1, seriously you're blowing it if you do

3) Man up, think of interesting things to do to take her on dates and have fun

4) Stay the F away from your bedroom, it's a cesspool of boredom until she's ready to bed you

 

 

Basically, it sounds like you can rekindle this if you simply do steps 2 and 3. Yet it's not getting through to you.... It couldnt be any simpler.... Up to now this behaviour of yours is definitely 100% responsible for you getting dumped.

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she says she knows how i feel about her right now and is sick of me being a broken recored …..

 

she is currently using another guy for sex …….

 

she offered to sleep with me and replace him but that it would lead to nowhere in our relationship …….

 

She really got sick of me pouring out to her last night

 

She tells me i have dead puppy syndrome, loving her so much and suffocating her and squeezing her till she dies

 

Oh she sounds like a real catch!

 

She really cares for me

 

Really? Because from what you said above I can't see it!

 

….. and texted me this morning saying that maybe we need time off if im not ready to just be a friend for now, although it could lead to something in the future.

 

This girl is using you to hang out with but she isn't interested in anything more. She is telling you what she thinks you want to hear to keep you hanging on. She is using you and manipulating you plain and simple.

 

I tried to kiss her and she told me it was to soon, but if we take things slow we will get back there.

 

This makes no sense at all because she has already said that she is happy to have sex with you. This has nothing to do with taking things slow. She wants to use you for whatever you are willing to give. However if you can't give without the emotion (whether it be friends or sex), she would rather not be friends with you or have sex with you which is why she wanted "time off" .

 

She is sleeping with another guy for goodness sake!

 

I honestly don't know what to say because I just cannot fathom out why you want to work anything out with this girl! Getting back with this girl would be like putting a mouse in a snake pit!

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This is so sad and pathetic.

 

Taking it "slow" is spending 4x in a row together?.

And she is having sex with her f*** buddy?

 

You need to find your balls and see if they can be re-attached.

 

I told him the exact same thing in his other thread. I'm thinking this is his first real relationship.

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If you consider yourselves to be taking it slow, what is fast? 4 days in a row...it sounds like she goes out for sex with her buddy and then comes back to you to cuddle?!?! Gain some self respect dude. If she isn't giving you what you want, move on. She sounds immature. You both sound young too.

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If you have to work at convincing someone that a relationship with you is worth it, that you, are worth it, then a relationship with them is not worth it. You should never have to try to convince someone and if you do then the relationship is never going to work because the other person will never be able to put forth their best efforts because there'll always be reservations about it. A relationship cannot work (and be healthy) if one of the partners is emotionally unavailable or holding back or feeling emotionally manipulated into being in the relationship. I know I wouldn't want to settle for a relationship that I had to convince the other person to be in; I'm worth more than that and so are you.

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Hum... I'm going to sound pretty cynical in my post but believe me, if you ever want to move on and make any progress, just try this :

1 - Instead of harassing her with words, cuddles and anything like this, kiss her right away and have sex with her. She seems okay with this idea so go on... It probably won't be so difficult... there are worse torments on this earth...

2 - After that, dump her 1 or 2 days later. Without making any fuss and without TALKING ANYMORE.

3 - If she has no feelings for you, then you'll know. She won't give a cr** about you dumping her in this case. Worst case scenario if this is the case : you'll probably be able to have more sex with her and eventually, you'll move on knowing how she REALLY stands (even if I personaly have no doubt about the fact that she is using you as some kind of emotional blanket...). IF she has ANY feelings for you, then you'll also know. It's a WIN-WIN scenario, man !

Pretty straightforward

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This is brutal, i know how pathetic and it seems. Like as bad as it gets i know that, i talk with my therapist about it alot and he has gone over the texts and emails with her very carefully and thinks she does want it to work, this girl needs sex, she is excellent at seperating emotion from sex, always has been. But she does want emotional sex and all that good stuff back but just wants to see if i have really changed and improved myself like she hoped i would, which i have and done it for myself and im very proud of, i had to change to be a better guy simple as that. She is happy im back in her life as im the only one that cares about her, no family or anything there for her. She knows i wanna just be friends for now, she gets that. And as far as im concerned the sex she is having is purely recreational, which is not what i want but she offered to me. She just wants to get to know each other again slowly to see if its there, and it is, im the only one who knows what its like when were together. Just gotta stop acting so damn desperate.

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Your therapist is only telling you what you want to hear.

 

Agree he should have his credentials yanked.

 

Totally agree. She's sleeping with someone. She could not possibly be less interested in you as a person or in having any kind of mutually fulfilling relationship with you. You're simply being used as an ego boost - you will take the worst treatment she can throw at you and still come back - makes her feel irresistible. You're just her toy - poor velveteen rabbit. If you were healthy, you would hate her.

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Your therapist isn't doing his job properly. It isn't really for him to judge whether she does or doesn't want you back. He has no idea if she is being genuine or not.

 

Anyway you say she knows that you just want to be friends .... The thing is you don't and judging by what you say it seems she knows you don't either.

 

So it's acceptable is it that she is having sex with another dude while stringing you along with her "maybes"?

 

There's so much denial here.

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its a ty situation without a doubt, but its all i got to keep her. I moved to this town to be with her, and i finally am acting and living like that man she wanted the whole relationship, and i feel better about myself then ever, she just wants to be friends till she can see it and believe it. Im still seeing other girls as well, not like all my eggs are in one basket, although they may be emotionally. I know she wouldnt wanna see me everyday if there wasnt a chance, she just has to heal cause yes i did hurt her. And yes she still has feeling, maybe not commitment worthy feeling but they are still there, just gotta have fun with her and be friends and see what happens, thats how our relationship started, no expectations no promises.

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its a ty situation without a doubt, but its all i got to keep her. I moved to this town to be with her, and i finally am acting and living like that man she wanted the whole relationship, and i feel better about myself then ever, she just wants to be friends till she can see it and believe it. Im still seeing other girls as well, not like all my eggs are in one basket, although they may be emotionally. I know she wouldnt wanna see me everyday if there wasnt a chance, she just has to heal cause yes i did hurt her. And yes she still has feeling, maybe not commitment worthy feeling but they are still there, just gotta have fun with her and be friends and see what happens, thats how our relationship started, no expectations no promises.

 

No expectations/no promises = no future.

 

It's such a sad relationship cliche to hope a FWB arrangement will develop into a REAL relationship someday. But they don't.

 

And for you to have your therapist pour over this girl's text messages..... and then expect us to believe you DON'T put "all your eggs in one basket" -- really? Your therapist is reading her text messages and helping you decipher them??

 

There's no way this girl is going to have strong feelings for you *some day* if you continue to allow her to use you. She knows perfectly well you're settling for scraps, as does everyone here. The longer you allow this to continue, the less respect she has for you and the less attracted she becomes.

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