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Am I being selfish?


beautiful fool

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Long story short I'm bipolar, very recently diagnosed. I've brought nothing but confusion and a lot of hatred to everyone around me for the last 5 years, in the last year before I got diagnosed it got so bad that I lost the friendship of my best friends and from the things I've done to them over the years I don't blame them.

 

Another long story short I'm now getting an MRI and a CT scan to check for lets say 'irregularities' in my brain, I was planning on letting my friends be and let them get on with their lives but with my latest view on life I feel the uncontrollable need to mend the bridges that I well and truly burned. I have no intention of telling them about the things I'm going through, honestly don't think I have the right. I want to apologise and if it doesn't sound too selfish have them on good enough terms with me that if worst does come to worst they're there for me.

 

So, try and sort things out? With the possibility of bringing them back down with me or them totally shooting me down when I attempt to. Or leave them be?

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What do you mean "if worse comes to worse"?

 

I think that if you want to apologize and simply tell them that your behavior...while by no means justified... was caused in part by a mental illness that had not been diagnosed and that you are currently taking steps to rectify.

 

You should not bother if you are doing it with the intent to garner pity and/or try to get them to sign up for round #2.

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What I don't understand is your post implies that the problems between you and your friends were caused in part by your undiagnosed disorder.

 

Is this true or not?

 

I could understand the blame and self-sacrificing attitude more if these problems were despite your disorder and because you were a right turd. But if you weren't, the blame in your post just sounds over-the-top and a little affected.

 

I think your friends are only going to come back if they know you're bipolar because would might explain things. I wouldn't expect them to come back otherwise - cause there doesn't seem to be a reason to. And I wouldn't expect all of them to return even if they find out.

 

I'd probably just tell the ones who stuck by me the longest and I hurt the most.

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I don't expect anything from them, I don't even expect them to forgive and forget because if I'm honest I don't think I would forgive in the same position, I'm not saying I wouldn't be happy if everything sorted out. As I said I done a lot to hurt them so I want to genuinely apologise, they all know about the bipolar, you know how people talk. Just cant decide if its cruel to rehash old stuff for them?

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You can say sorry, but don't expect to be on good terms. And don't say sorry if you have the expectation of getting something in return. That is not the point of saying sorry.

^ THIS. I agree. It is never wrong, and never too late to apologize to people you have hurt in some way, but don't do it expecting things to change. Say sorry and then leave it be. If they want to reconnect, it it up to them.

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I think you should continue with your treatment. They will see the change in you when they run into you in public and you look calm, put together and "in your right mind" so to speak - not acting manic and being well centered. People will know how you speak that something has changed. I don't think you should apologize right now only to backslide. Get a longer handle on your treatment.

 

You might make new friends in the future. The only way i would apologize right now is if you did something - a specific incident = and not just general bad treatment of them. But i agree saying "i did it because i an bipolar" is not the way to go. maybe only confide in your very closest friend right now or two and leave everyone else be.

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I think that's sound advice. Let things go naturally instead of trying to force them, just wait till I bump into them. I will make sure its clear how sorry I am when I get the chance. The bipolar is a little to blame but I don't think anybody can blame anything on something like that, its just passing the blame off. I have no intention of telling them, the post was about if I should genuinely apologise. The medical thing was only there to explain why I feel the need to say sorry.

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