A very useful link for online daters

[Hoagy]

Found this on the BBC News website. I've lost count of how many times I've seen girls say these things

 

link removed

[missmarple]

I'm glad to say I've never used any of those things on my profile...except one.

 

Don't get in contact if you don't know the difference between "your" and "you're"

 

I find the writer's reasoning about this requirement wrong. She says People are trying to attract someone who is educated, someone who has a distaste for bad grammar, but there are many people who are not educated who know the difference between your and you're.

Ok, then, those people wouldn't have a problem with the above requirement, would they? It's not like it's asking for a college professor!

 

When I had first started online dating, it hadn't even occurred to me to talk about correct spelling/grammar on my profile. BUT, after countless cases of men who couldn't spell to save their life, I had to say something. Very few men have seemed annoyed by that and it's usually men who can't spell so, fine by me!

[hodgeheg]

Same here. I think it just shows that I would like my partner to have a certain level of intelligence, not necessarily education. You only need a basic education to know the difference between your and you're, I teach children who know the difference! Plus, I would like a guy to put some effort into his message, a basic check of spelling and grammar shows that he has made some effort. It doesn't mean that if a guy puts thought into a message but makes a slight grammatical error I won't reply though!

[SapphireNoir10]

I'm a pretty smart person with a good education and a good job and am generally thought of as very intelligent but oh my gosh I am so rubbish at their/there/they're and your/you're. It's always been one of my downfalls yet I have good qualifications in English. So If I saw that on a mans dating profile I wouldn't respond due to the fact I find it quite judgmental and harsh. It's not because I lack intelligence it's just because when I write sometimes I write fast and don't necessarily think my grammar through 100%.

 

Isn't it easier just to ignore the messages that are written poorly?

[missmarple]

Isn't it easier just to ignore the messages that are written poorly?

 

In my case, because I'm on a site where people send friends requests, the first contact is usually through IM..and after the first 20 times of having to delete someone who couldn't spell, I thought I'd better put it on my profile!

[SapphireNoir10]

I remember when I online dated if they wrote in full words that was a plus! Most people wrote like 'Hw r u? U r really pretty' AHHH ok that is a turn off.

[Kendahke]

I cannot abide bad spelling. I block bad spelling. Yeah, I'm a snob. By one's mid to late 50's, they should have command of the language.

 

It's real easy to go to the library, pick up a published book and read it--that is where you will find the correct way to write English.

 

With regards to "your, you're; there, their, they're; it's its; would've/could've/should've", there are plenty of grammar sites online that will explain contractions. It drives me nuts to read "would of". Did you not pay any dash darn attention in class? Must have been pushed through by a lazy teacher (see that--"must have", not "must of").

 

I don't see how the lot of them graduated grade school with the way they write.

[John John]

I cannot abide bad spelling. I block bad spelling. Yeah, I'm a snob. By one's mid to late 50's, they should have command of the language.

 

It's real easy to go to the library, pick up a published book and read it--that is where you will find the correct way to write English.

 

With regards to "your, you're; there, their, they're; it's its; would've/could've/should've", there are plenty of grammar sites online that will explain contractions. It drives me nuts to read "would of". Did you not pay any dash darn attention in class? Must have been pushed through by a lazy teacher (see that--"must have", not "must of").

 

I don't see how the lot of them graduated grade school with the way they write.

 

I'm the same way. I'm a grammar Nazi myself, but really only as far as profile content goes. It's easy to misspell something when texting someone (especially on an iPhone) or misspell things when you're in a hurry. But when it comes to the profile itself (and, to a certain extent, the first couple of emails), I can't stand bad grammar.

[Kendahke]

oh, yes, texting is its own beast. How I hate auto correct!!!!!

[John John]

oh, yes, texting is its own beast. How I hate auto correct!!!!!

 

Yeah, but auto-correct fails are always a barrel of lolz

[mfan]

On a similar subject, what do you think of this one? In answer to OKCupid's "things you can't live without" question, lots of women list stuff like "cell phone, laptop computer, NetFlix, the gym". Do you think this is a mistake? To me, it sounds like a relationship with such a woman would be boring. She'd be spending most of her free time at the gym then come home and you'd spend all evening every evening in front of the TV, not talking, just her playing Facebook games on the computer and texting six friends at the same time and you probably doing the same out of boredom.

[shes2smart]

On a similar subject, what do you think of this one? In answer to OKCupid's "things you can't live without" question, lots of women list stuff like "cell phone, laptop computer, NetFlix, the gym". Do you think this is a mistake? To me, it sounds like a relationship with such a woman would be boring. She'd be spending most of her free time at the gym then come home and you'd spend all evening every evening in front of the TV, not talking, just her playing Facebook games on the computer and texting six friends at the same time and you probably doing the same out of boredom.

 

Air.

 

I can't live without Air.

 

Food. Can't live without that (although, I could probably live with a little less of it....)

 

Water. That's a necessity.

 

The rest is optional.

 

Personally, if I saw that list of "can't live without"s, I'd be inclined to pass. Those are "sheeple" answers -- the same answers most of the non-thinkers in today's society are going to give.

 

I'd be more interested in contacting someone who gave a more smart-assy, original, interpret-the-question-in-a-different-way-than-most-people kind of answer. At least a first meet up with someone like that has a chance of being entertaining.

[mfan]

I've also concluded that people who train for marathons (10-K races, etc.) have a lot of trouble finding relationships. After all, a small percentage of people in real life participate in these, but it seems like 80% of the women's profiles on dating sites mention that they're training for one, or brag that they've completed one, etc. My advice: If you want to be successful in your love life, stop running marathons!

[Glowguy]

Don't get in contact if you don't know the difference between "your" and "you're"

 

From a guys perspective this one bugs me a lot. I'm pretty intelligent and I mix that one up pretty often although OL dating has corrected that to some extent. I just don't understand the fixation on grammar. I'll admit that I'm a little lazy when it comes to grammar but it says nothing about my command of the language or my intelligence (both are at least above average). Everyone makes mistakes. I can see women being turned off by 'text speak' messages, but mine are generally well thought out and if a gal is going to next me for one grammar mistake, which in the grand scheme of things is a pretty small mistake, then what is she going to do when I actually start dating her? I don't want to be around to find out.

[missmarple]

if a gal is going to next me for one grammar mistake, which in the grand scheme of things is a pretty small mistake, then what is she going to do when I actually start dating her? I don't want to be around to find out.

 

We're not talking about ONE grammar mistake. Everyone makes mistakes (hell, I'm a teacher and I make the occasional mistake!). I wish I could copy paste some of the chats I've had online so you could see how awful some people are at spelling even the simplest words..and when your first impression of someone is a text full of spelling mistakes..well, it's not good!

[quirky]

I haven't used any of them !! But have read them all in a plethora of profiles and all of them put me off apart from the one about sunday roast in the pub and bric a brac shops. I honestly like maybe 1 in 50 profiles at the most.

 

My advice: If you want to be successful in your love life, stop running marathons!

 

Funny !

 

My male friend said he saw a lot of profiles with yoga lovers.

[Throwaway999]

Haha, great article.

 

I recently started looking online again. It is BRUTAL! On the plus side, I read these profiles and I feel much better about being single.

 

I don't know how ND40 does it, because I live in a large city and there were only maybe a dozen women I even want to talk to on OKC. I emailed those, figure at least half of them weren't attracted to me because I never heard back, exchanged messages with the other half and things fizzled out, and I'm down to TWO where we seem to have any possibility of anything happening!

[Throwaway999]

Oh, and while I liked the article, given the title of this thread I thought I'd mention that the most helpful link for online daters is this:

 

link removed

 

Google image search!

 

If you pick a photo from somebody's profile and do a google image search with it, 9 times out of 10 they'll use it for twitter, facebook, or linkedin too. Then you can see some of their other photos, see what they DIDN'T write in their profile, and generally get a better idea of what they're REALLY like before you waste too much time on them...

[Throwaway999]

Personally, if I saw that list of "can't live without"s, I'd be inclined to pass. Those are "sheeple" answers -- the same answers most of the non-thinkers in today's society are going to give.

 

I'd be more interested in contacting someone who gave a more smart-assy, original, interpret-the-question-in-a-different-way-than-most-people kind of answer. At least a first meet up with someone like that has a chance of being entertaining.

 

I soooooo agree with this. It seems like so much of what I see are these "sheeple answers" as you termed them. Such a turn off!

 

(And in response to the other posts - I am also a grammer-nista! You know what also bugs me? When people don't capitalize the first letters of sentences or the letter "i"...)

[mfan]

I'm the same way. I'm a grammar Nazi myself, but really only as far as profile content goes. It's easy to misspell something when texting someone (especially on an iPhone) or misspell things when you're in a hurry. But when it comes to the profile itself (and, to a certain extent, the first couple of emails), I can't stand bad grammar.

 

I look for good grammar too, and it's not because I'm judging the person's intelligence. If someone took the time to reread their profile (and whatever messages they send me) and make sure they speled stuf riht, it probably means they're responsible in other ways too; reliable, not flaky, and other good qualities like the ability to concentrate. It's weird that "I'm reliable and can be counted on" got boiled down to the cliche "I can tell 'you're' from 'your", but regardless, I'll bet if you do a search for all profiles containing the phrase "you're and your" or "your and you're", you will get a lot of high quality profiles.

[hodgeheg]

Oh, and while I liked the article, given the title of this thread I thought I'd mention that the most helpful link for online daters is this:

 

link removed

 

Google image search!

 

If you pick a photo from somebody's profile and do a google image search with it, 9 times out of 10 they'll use it for twitter, facebook, or linkedin too. Then you can see some of their other photos, see what they DIDN'T write in their profile, and generally get a better idea of what they're REALLY like before you waste too much time on them...

 

This is also useful for checking if the person is real! If you don't want people to find you though, cropping the image will mean that the google image search doesn't work. My online dating picture is my facebook profile picture (cropped) and when I google image searched it all I found was 2 other profiles using my image

[quirky]

I do appreciate good grammar only because I tend to like eloquent and intellectual guys but I am not too strict on it. This guy I was seeing for 3+ months had good grammar to start with and then I saw a whole new language unravel in front of my very eyes but we were compatible in many ways soo...it doesn't matter hugely. I get ditzy moments too and wouldn't want to be judged on that alone.

 

Also, I have never used google image because I think it might spoil the mystery! Plus I assume people have their profiles hidden on fb.

One guy looked at my linked in profile and I didn't know what to think. Was both flattered and slightly spooked out..

 

When I hear people chatting/meeting lots of people, both ND and missmaple do as illustrated in their journals, I honestly think something is wrong with me..lol It is an epic event to get a good message from someone I find intriguing and semi good looking. I could be making more of an effort and messaging people but I don't want to, if I like what I read I rate him highly to give the green light if he wants to contact.

[Throwaway999]

Also, I have never used google image because I think it might spoil the mystery! Plus I assume people have their profiles hidden on fb.

One guy looked at my linked in profile and I didn't know what to think. Was both flattered and slightly spooked out.

 

You'd be surprised how many people use the same pictures for everything! Or, use the same screen name as their twitter handle or something like that. I've been able to find so many of the people on OKC on FB or Linkedin. Of course, usually what I find ruins it for me, but I guess that's preferable to wasting a bunch of time exchanging messages with them!

 

When I hear people chatting/meeting lots of people, both ND and missmaple do as illustrated in their journals, I honestly think something is wrong with me..lol It is an epic event to get a good message from someone I find intriguing and semi good looking. I could be making more of an effort and messaging people but I don't want to, if I like what I read I rate him highly to give the green light if he wants to contact.

 

Same here. Attempts at online dating just seem to reinforce the fact that there's nobody out there that I'd be interested in. I don't think I'm that weird but some of the answers to questions people give really make me think that we wouldn't be compatible at all! I used to think smoking was a deal breaker, but geez, I'd date a smoker before I dated somebody who thought creationism should be taught in schools for example.

[Glowguy]

if I like what I read I rate him highly to give the green light if he wants to contact.

 

Ha this is kind of funny because that's what I assumed it was for but I almost never get a response back when I send a message in that situation. I get a better response rate on normal messages. I've been on so many OKC dates that I've lost count. I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me because they never seem to go anywhere. I'm pretty bad about fading out though. I find that most of the girls I date there don't make much of an effort to keep contact going in between dates so I often assume they aren't interested. I also notice that many women deactivate their profiles immediately after going on a date or two with me. It's happened four out of the last five times I'm not sure why.

 

I think the number 1 pet peeve of mine with OL dating profiles is phrase "work hard play hard".

[quirky]

You'd be surprised how many people use the same pictures for everything! Or, use the same screen name as their twitter handle or something like that. I've been able to find so many of the people on OKC on FB or Linkedin. Of course, usually what I find ruins it for me, but I guess that's preferable to wasting a bunch of time exchanging messages with them!

 

Actually that's how that guy found my Linked in profile, I have the same pic, maybe I should change it.

 

If it ruins it for you don't look!

 

I have thought about the answers too and I wonder if I am too strict..apparently some people don't think about the questions too much. The ones I instantly dismiss is if the sex compatibility is below 75-80%, dunno why but if this is low I assume he won't 'get' me.

 

I would meet 3 guys a month if I make slight effort and they all say you must get so many messages etc and I actually don't, maybe 3 a day, 5 at most if I am active. So I conclude either I am less pretty than I think or my profile is too much for most. Most say it's refreshingly genuine and down to earth but I start to wonder maybe I look too easy going, not enough of a challenge.

 

 

I also notice that many women deactivate their profiles immediately after going on a date or two with me.

 

That's hilarious..lol. You must make quite an impact glowguy 8) If you go on a good date don't you message the lady on the night or next day? Or do you mean you send a message and they don't reply?