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Last Night


rahulg

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Hi, I recently got married ( Just 1.5 months). My wife is very sensitive and easily take things to heart. For some reasons, she doesn't like my mother anymore and doesn't talk to me/ behave normally after she chats with her. And many times I don't even know why is she sad and upon repeated requests, she doesn't tell me anything, but the argument always goes out of hand.

 

Last Night she started to say bad things about me like I am just mother's boy etc. I got annoyed and asked her again and again about what happened. She didnt answer. I tried to explain to her that the communication is the key., but she didnt answer. I was so annoyed of being kept in the dark. She tried to tell me something, but then stopped almost like saying that I am hopeless and no point talking to me. I don't know what went through my mind but I hit my head against the wall and then suddenly went to the window to throw myself out.....

 

This step of mine was so so wrong... I lost control of myself..Now she is saying that she wants to leave me because she doesn't want to live with a mad guy. I never ever scared her. I love her a lot. I don't know what went through my head. I want this marriage to work. I really want this to work. What should I do ? Please help..

 

Rahul

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Not really sure why you think she is sensitive. Going simply by what you wrote, she is mean, demeaning, and utterly disrespectful and punishing to you. She is the definition or a passive aggressive person and I can see how her behavior is slowly driving you nuts. Of course that doesn't excuse your own behavior, but treat it as a wake up call to yourself in terms of how you are being treated by her and who she is. Right now you are trying to excuse her unacceptable behavior as "sensitive", which it's not. Bottom line is you both need to seek immediate marriage counseling if you want to get past it and work out how to live with each other in better harmony.

 

Also, realize that some people, when they are annoyed about something really need to be left alone. You immediately badgering her about what is wrong and demanding answers may be equally driving her crazy. Instead of getting into arguments, maybe just give her some personal space to process whatever just bugged her and leave her alone for a bit. Regardless, I'll emphasize again that you need to seek whatever marriage counseling is available to you. It seems that when it comes to communication or being aware of the other person's needs, you are both clueless.

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Have you asked your mother what has transpired between herself and your wife, since your wife won't say?

 

But yeah, hitting your head against a wall isn't going to do anything except put a knot on your head and give you a headache.

 

I think you need to say to her that you also don't want to live with a passive-aggressive wife who will not open up to you about what issue she had with your mother so that you can set your mom straight if she did/said something insulting to your wife. That's a two way street.

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Sounds like she is just frustrated and venting and you should not engage her if she is just going to be passive aggressive and childish. Don't even talk to ther when she is like this...let her have her moment of frustration and then talk to her when she is able to move on.

 

I'm concerned about your behaviour in response...that seems impulsive and scary. Please just don't engage with her about this kind of thing...it's just not going to end productively...

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Why do you want this marriage to work? She doesn't sound like someone that is worth wanting to stay with. Anyway, your call but I suggest that you get YOURself some personal councelling so that you know how to deal with a passive aggressive shrew that appears to be your wife. At least if you know how to control your reaction(s) to her particular brand of crazy, you'll fair better then you did as discribed in your opening post.

 

If she leaves you, where do you think she will go? I suspect she's just using this incident for another fuel source in the discontent that is now your life. Work on yourself if you want this to work so that you can handle her more efficiently.

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Why do you want this marriage to work? .

 

I have the same question. My opinion, let her leave. If things are this bad this soon, I don't foresee your marriage having much of chance.

 

It sounds like you two made a mistake getting married. Better to get annulled now that put yourself through years of this. You don't sound right for each other and clearly this marriage isn't working.

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Saying you want to leave someone when they're at the wall with their frustration over the fact that you won't open up and communicate with them is the first salvo accross the bow of the ship that is the marriage. Granted, OP's display didn't help, but the fact is: wife is using passive aggressive tactics to control her husband instead of being a got damb adult and expressing exactly what it was her MIL said to her that set her off. It does not sound like OP was jumping to his mother's defense, which a lot of chicks come on here complaining about. Instead of trusting in her husband, she instead chose to attack and snipe him verbally, which does nothing but make the situation worse than it needed to be. Too much damb drama when a clear declaration of what the problem was was all that was needed from her.

 

They both need to be in couple's therapy and she needs to be in some anger management courses because at the rate she's going, she IS going to be divorced. No one is going to put up with that kind of stupid, childish nonsense from a grown damb woman.

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