kelsmcq Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 I've been friends with this guy for a few years and a few weeks ago we went for a catch up over a few drinks, which turned into going back to his to watch films. I stayed at his- in his bed- nothing happened! Since then he's been acting really distant and giving me the cold shoulder! I have asked him what's up and he says everything is cool. However, recently, I had to attend a + e , and he asked if I was ok on facebook- to which I replied I was fine and on the mend. The next day I received a text from him asking if i was okay etc! Nice to know he cares! The rest of the time I get the cold shoulder. Also, he has this friend thats a girl that he hangs out with every weekend- even though he says they are just good friends- when I ask whats going on with them two- I don't get a response. I want my friend to be happy with who ever he is with, but hes clammed up, we used to be able to talk about anything. Now I feel like I'm loosing a really good friend and its upsetting. Any thoughts or ideas as to why he's being like this? Thanks Link to comment
DancingFool Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Staying in his bed kind of crossed some boundaries. Either he was wanting more and was disappointed that nothing happened or he doesn't want for anything to happen, but either way he decided to put some distance and boundaries up. Might be a good idea to honor that and let this blow over. Link to comment
kelsmcq Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 It was his idea that I stayed in his bed- i was all up for crashing on the sofa or sleeping top to tail in his bed! Link to comment
DancingFool Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 It really doesn't matter whose idea it was. If he pushed it and you went along, you failed to maintain boundaries just as well. The outcome is still the same in that he decided to distance a bit from you for his own reasons and all you can really do is let this blow over. The more you push, the more he'll distance. Leave this alone for a bit and likely you'll be able to resume your friendship as it was faster. Link to comment
toby17 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 You need to stop stressing about this. This guy sounds like he's mad with you because nothing happened. He displayed poor communication skills then and he's displaying poor communication skills now. Let him get over his issue on his own and in his own time, and stop letting him guilt you into feeling like you did something wrong. Link to comment
Chalk Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 I suppose none of us know the answer and are just guessing. I think you've already asked and he will let you know if he wants to. Could be he liked you and felt rejected, could be he likes this other girl, could be you were wanting a relationship with this guy to grow. Not knowing sounds frustrating as is loosing a friend. Link to comment
Snny Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 It was his idea that I stayed in his bed- i was all up for crashing on the sofa or sleeping top to tail in his bed! He's playing the friend zone and has feelings for you if he is pressuring you to climb to bed with him. Stick up for yourself. If he doesn't respect your decisions to sleep in separate areas... He's not a friend and has crossed the line. Link to comment
kelsmcq Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 He's playing the friend zone and has feelings for you if he is pressuring you to climb to bed with him. Stick up for yourself. If he doesn't respect your decisions to sleep in separate areas... He's not a friend and has crossed the line. Nothng happened though- I could see it if he was acting weird because something happened! he didn't try anything either. so im confused by his behaviour. Link to comment
kelsmcq Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 I suppose none of us know the answer and are just guessing. I think you've already asked and he will let you know if he wants to. Could be he liked you and felt rejected, could be he likes this other girl, could be you were wanting a relationship with this guy to grow. Not knowing sounds frustrating as is loosing a friend. i asked him if everything was ok between us- he said everything is cool. When i had to go to a + e recently he asked if i was ok on fb and i replied i was ok; the next day he text to see how my recovery was! nice to know he cares i guess.A few days ago I asked him if he was still going to this girls' NYE party and said it will be nice for him to spend NYE with this girl and meet her friends i got no reply! i was only making conversation with him, as i normally would, and hes always said that he doesnt see her in that way! yet why does he spend every weekend with her? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 Even though nothing happened, sleeping in his bed with him may have sent the wrong message, and somewhat changed the dynamics of the friendship. i got no reply! i was only making conversation with him, as i normally would, and hes always said that he doesnt see her in that way! yet why does he spend every weekend with her? It doesn't matter. If you truly want your friendship to continue, you have to separate his personal life from the friendship you have together. Link to comment
Snny Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Nothng happened though- I could see it if he was acting weird because something happened! he didn't try anything either. so im confused by his behaviour. That's what you think. But that is not what a single, heterosexual man agrees with. Sleep in a bed side by side without any cuddling? Come on, don't be naive. I shared a bed with three guy friends in college where "nothing happened" except for cuddling. It was a big mistake that led to mixed messages and hurt feelings. Lemme put it this way- I am no longer friends with any of them because none of them were seeking a friendship with me. They wanted the vagina and were playing the friend zone to get it. And when they were denied... They reacted the same way your guy friend is now by moving on to the next girl. Sadly it took the third person for me to understand because like you, I was incredibly naive. Link to comment
kelsmcq Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 He didn't make any move on me at all!! Even when we were face to face; and talking! That's why I'm confused! Link to comment
kelsmcq Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Had a talk with him and he says he didnt realise he was being distant as he had alot on his plate , but I was still one of his good friends. Link to comment
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