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Dealing with a bully boss; one who I've told on and is trying to get me fired?


Shylight

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Ok, here is the story in a nutshell.

 

When I first started working at my place of business - my boss would humbly tease me a little bit about my eating habits. Comments such as "How do you keep your weight down, you eat so much!" or "Does your boyfriend lock you up in a closet and starve you to death?". Than he told me that my eating is keeping me from working properly (Note: I am not snacking anymore than any other associate, and it definitely is not interfering with my work), and forbids me to "Eat or Drink to much". I thought I solved the problem by just bringing my own food - but sure enough he is on me the next day, with more "Your eating prevents you from working!" Nonsense. At this point, I've had enough and go to his supervisor, and I tell her that I feel targeted, his attacks feel personal, and I remind him it is work policy that we are allowed to eat on the clock, and everyone else does.

His supervisor gets him off my back.

So here is my predicament.

My supervisor is in all likely hood very angry/embarrassed that I went to his supervisor - and he is now frequently overly rude to me, takes any chance to write me up - it is very obvious that he wants me gone.

My question is this - how do I deal with a bully boss; one I've told on and is trying to get me upset enough to leave? Quite Vindictive!

I am trying to move to a different department.

 

Besides this, here are a few questions:

-Should I have just obeyed him and quit snacking, even when company policy says I'm allowed too, and he was obviously targeting me?

-Should I have reported him to his supervisor?

-Best course of action for dealing with his new found goal to get me to quit?

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I remember when you posted about him before. I didn't have time to respond but I will now.

 

He has terrible skills and expresses himself in a very unprofessional manner. Unfortunately.

 

But I think you should listen to his message. If he says your eating during work hours is interfering with your work then you should listen to him. They are paying you to work, not to eat during those hours. You should be eating only during your formal break time and meal times, even if company policy states otherwise.

 

Sometimes it has to do with public image of your company as well, depending on whether you work with clients or the public.

 

When you do eat, make sure you have healthy snacks that are filling such as high protein snacks so you will not be so hungry all the time.

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Do you mind sharing what it is you do and an idea of where it is you work? It might help to give better answers. Also, I'm curious what workplace it would be with a company policy that you are free to eat during working hours which aren't breaks. And that in the beginning, it wasn't your food you were bringing yourself. The first thing that came to my mind was homecare.

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OK, sadly, some bosses are just jerks. And it is not illegal to be a jerk, though of course it is preferable that he doesn't make snarky comments.

 

I think the problem here is you went above his head. Bosses hate that. Did you ever actually tell him to his face that his comments about your eating were inappropriate and needed to stop? If you didn't have htat conversation with him and just went above his head, then he is never going to trust you and will wonder what other things you will talk to his boss about.

 

So, my advice in situations like this is just to look for another job and transfer if you can. You are a mismatch with your boss and don't like each other. And rarely do companies fire the boss unless he is doing something that specifically breaks a law that they can be sued for. They may reprimand him, but they won't fire him. So you've got to find a way to live with this (and potentially be fired and have that on your record if he is gunning for you), or you move on.

 

So in answer to your questions, how often did you snack? did you eat at your desk for 5 minutes once or twice a day, or did you spend lots of time in the snack room? If you're in the snack room all the time and using snacking as an excuse, or eating constantly all day long, then he might have had a valid comment. If you were snacking once or twice a day for a few moments, and he bugged you about it, you would have been better off telling him directly that you needed a snack a couple times a day to keep your blood sugar up and it was not really keeping you from working and was within company policy. That would probably have warned him off.

 

And it is never a good idea to go over your boss's head unless you are ready to deal with the consequences of his displeasure, or unless he is doing something really illegal rather than just annoying. For example, if i had a boss who did what he did, i'd just give it back to him and not take his comments seriously, as in saying, 'yeah, i have a high metabolism and can eat anything and not gain weight.' Then i'd offer him some of my snack! So you need to learn to roll with some comments and not take them so seriously.

 

But now you've upped the ante by going to his boss. So he probably does want you out so that was probably a tactical mistake on your part rather than just dealing with it yourself. So now your best bet given the circumstances is either to look for another job and leave, or go to his boss again and tell her you feel you are being unfairly persecuted for reporting him to her. But that ups the ante yet again, and you'd need to prepare yourself for a firestorm of 'he said, she said' and all kinds of trouble. Since you don't like this boss to begin with, your best recourse is to just get out as quickly as possible and get a job with a decent boss.

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I've studied workplace bullying and if this guy is a 'workplace bully', not just someone you have p*ssed off, it rarely ends until the 'victim' leaves with severe depression, depersonaliation or PTSD.

 

Because you've upped the ante, your best bet is to move on. This guy will NOT stop until you have been forced out so go before you are pushed. I know may say 'fight him, fight this bully' but at the end of the day its just a job, so dont let it interfere with your sanity or your future career. Once you leave because of depression or 'bullying' it is highly unlikely that you will get a good reference and future employers will have second thoughts employing someone who leaves because of depression or being bullied. Sad but true.

 

If its any consolation, if this man is a true ' workplace bully' you wont have been the first and you wont be the last. When you leave he will most likely pick on someone else for another trivial reason and the cycle repeats. Sickening but true.

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