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Who broke up with who??


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People ask, are you the dumper or the dumpee? And the answer is, I feel like the dumpee but I think I am the dumper??

 

My bf of 2.5 years and I hit a rough patch for about a month in September. We took a break (I asked for the break) though we stayed in contact the entire time and talked about our relationship and how we would fix it. Two weeks later we were back together and spent a great weekend away together. The following weekend I get a call from his ex. She tells me that during those two weeks we were on a break they were together. Beginning the DAY AFTER I told him I wanted a break. They were together every day. Sleeping together. EVERY DAY! I flip out and send him home. Unlucky for him he was at my house when the call came. It was not pretty. We are basically broken up at that point without me really needing to say the words.

 

He leaves, tries to come back. I don't let him in. He sits outside of my house most of the night. He calls and texts all night long. At the same time I am getting taunting texts from the ex, so that was fun. She shared some texts that he sent her which said he loved her and always had and always will! He said he went crazy and thought I broke up with him when he asked for a break and ran straight to her. For the next three weeks there was a lot of begging, a lot of back and forth, a lot of tears. I couldn't see him. I could not agree to take him back. But we were talking. He kept telling me how grateful he was that I was still talking to him because that gave him hope. He tells me I am the only one he ever wants to be with and that he loves me and can't live without me. He apologies a lot but certain things he says set me off. It was an emotional roller coaster. I was feeling so sorry for him and HIS suffering that I was so close to taking him back.

 

Then...he said something that pissed me off and I asked him to please leave me alone. I got two more really sweet texts telling me how much he wanted me and knew we would work it out if I would please try with him. That was the last time I heard from him. This Thursday will make it one month. Happy Thanksgiving! Ugh!

 

Anyway - I had no idea he had a FB page but my friend searched and found one and showed it to me and I was like w.t.f.? His profile pic was him and some woman! And his "About" section said in a relationship with said woman since...the same exact day that I go that last text!!!

 

I did try to contact him via emails a few times after he disappeared but got no reply. I haven't contact him since the 14th and it was an ugly email. But I had to say what I said.

 

I am just so confused at how he abruptly just stopped caring and jumped into a relationship. That fast?? He just said I was the only one. What?? Help!

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It doesn't matter who dumped who. Congrats on not taking him back. He's a "love the one you're with" kinda guy. Yuck!!

 

True it doesn't. I am still just trying to help myself understand because I cannot move on until I do. I know I most likely never will but still... oy!

 

And I am afraid you are correct. He just cannot be alone and will love hard no matter who the person is.

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My last 2 ex's cheated on me and I was the dumper but felt emotionally dumped and totally betrayed. So I say "I was the dumper" with absolutely no consolation or belief that I had the "upper hand". But it needed to end and they were users so that was what I needed to do.

You did what you needed to you....and I'm sure there's no solace in that.

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Yep you are correct. It sucks. I could smack that smile off his face that I saw in that photo of him and random new girl. Clearly he was lining her up during our reconcilation period. I said no and he said, next!

 

That's how guys like that are. Can't be alone and aren't really happy alone....kinda sad, really. Imagine always having to chase, lie, mislead, line up the next thing, apologize to one while complimenting the next. It truly sounds exhausting and a lot of my healing has been through finding compassion for them--they can't relax or just be themselves or sit alone with themselves. They don't experience anything beyond the infatuation phase and they're missing out. My 2 cents.

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No, I'm sorry to say but this guy is someone who has women lined up long before anything happens. You already know he lies through his teeth with whoever he's with after the texts you got from his last ex. Who is probably feeling like you are right now IF, and it's a big IF, he isn't still stringing her along and she thinks they're together now too. The guy is a classic serial cheater/I can't be alone for five seconds. After you get over the inital shock you'll be fine. Just be prepared for the fact he may show back up at your door one day begging for yet more chances, because chick number whatever has the same smarts you did and tosses him to the curb. At that point there's nothing left to do, but shut the door in his face and be glad you found out sooner rather than later what he really is like.

 

It sucks, but go full NC and heal.

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You should feel sorry for him. He sounds like the type who can't be alone and who cannot handle the end of one relationship unless he has someone to immediately replace his ex. It's pretty sad.

 

I would say you were the dumper but who really cares. I mean I know from being the dumper that sometimes, although it is you who ended it, it was the others actions that really ended it so it's not really important.

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