Tearsbegone Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Hi all, Looking for some feedback here. The guy I'm seeing used to be a porn addict. He says he worked it out in therapy and is over it. He does not watch it now that we are seeing each other. He does however still masterbate. I know this is a hot topic for a lot of people and everyone has different views on this. Every guy I have been in a relationship with has not had the need or desire to do this. This guy has done this is all of his relationships and says it helps give him a sense of independence, basically for him I feel like it's a selfish way for him to keep distance, not connect emotionally due to past hurt, and to maintain his autonomy and not experience full intimacy. We aren't an item yet, so I don't feel it's right for me to be telling him what to do at this point or my feelings on it. If we were I'd want to talk about it. Any input? I don't think he's doing it for the regular reasons guys do- I think he is doing is as a way to fully avoid connecting with someone. Thoughts? Thanks Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Every guy I have been in a relationship with has not had the need or desire to do this. Unless they were in a coma, they're lying. What he's doing is normal, and has nothing to do with his feelings while in a relationship. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I would think that masturbating would be a better release for him as opposed to sleeping with multiple random women to get off. Link to comment
Tearsbegone Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 Unless they were in a coma, they're lying. What he's doing is normal, and has nothing to do with his feelings while in a relationship. They really weren't. They just didn't do it in relationships and had no desire too. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 He has the right to masturbate, as does any human being. If its an issue for you, you have the right to find someone who doesn't........ (good luck). Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 basically for him I feel like it's a selfish way for him to keep distance, not connect emotionally due to past hurt, and to maintain his autonomy and not experience full intimacy. That's quite a subjective conclusion you have drawn. May I ask how you came to it? Link to comment
Tearsbegone Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 I would think that masturbating would be a better release for him as opposed to sleeping with multiple random women to get off. I just don't see the need to do that in a relationship- if you have your partner you get off with them. Doing it alone seems like you are hiding something or not fully engaged with your partner because you choose do take that intimacy and do it alone. I wouldn't care if it were once in awhile but on a steady weekly basis- it just seems like more than getting off. It seems like it's about something else with him- not fully emotionally connecting and wanting to be selfish. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Every guy I have been in a relationship with has not had the need or desire to do this and I just shot a unicorn out my ass I would be more concerned if he didn't honestly Link to comment
Tearsbegone Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 That's quite a subjective conclusion you have drawn. May I ask how you came to it? From learning about his issue and his past. Link to comment
Tearsbegone Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 and I just shot a unicorn out my ass I would be more concerned if he didn't honestly Every guy I have been with has had no need at all. Nor did they want too. Like I said once in awhile fine, but on a consistent weekly basis? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Every guy I have been with has had no need at all. Nor did they want too. Like I said once in awhile fine, but on a consistent weekly basis? they probably said it to humour you because of your distaste for it . Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 From learning about his issue and his past. But that doesn't explain why he was a chronic masturbater and porn user before. I think your trying to draw a connection to something that can only be explained by some guys like to jerk off. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I just don't see the need to do that in a relationship- if you have your partner you get off with them. Doing it alone seems like you are hiding something or not fully engaged with your partner because you choose do take that intimacy and do it alone. I wouldn't care if it were once in awhile but on a steady weekly basis- it just seems like more than getting off. It seems like it's about something else with him- not fully emotionally connecting and wanting to be selfish. Masturbation is selfish. It's a quick way to feel good without the time energy or concern for the other person that is sex. I don't see a problem with that at all. It would be a problem if you never had sex. Most men do it every day, possibly several times. Any woman who thinks her man doesn't is not living in reality. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Every guy I have been with has had no need at all. Nor did they want too. Like I said once in awhile fine, but on a consistent weekly basis? I've jerked it regularly in every relationship I have been in. Not once have I admitted to it. Its not that I am embarrassed by it, its because women tend to see it as a reflection of my interest in them. Its neither. even with a very active sex life I still enjoy handling it myself a few times a week. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Every guy I have been in a relationship with has not had the need or desire to do this. You believed them? Honey, 99.9% of men masturbate. And it's perfectly normal and fine, even in a relationship. Not to um, overshare here - But I do it every single day, as a woman, even in a relationship - It doesn't change. It's like a nightcap or something. And if someone told me "Please stop touching yourself because it makes me feel insecure" or throw a bunch of psychobabble at me, I would just seriously have to end the relationship. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 It doesn't change. It's like a nightcap or something cheet I am breakfast dinner and tea Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I don't understand how someone can think that they can tell someone else what they can & cant do with their body. Seriously, you aren't with your guy 24/7, so how on earth can you police this request? The ones that told you they weren't masturbating were lying to your face. At least this guy is honest with you. Link to comment
BigKK Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I'd appreciate his honesty and not bug him for masturbating on a "weekly basis" it doesn't take away from your two intimacy, unless he does it too much and is uninterested in sex...then it's a problem... but then again, the masturbation then would be a symptom and not the cause. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 In all seriousness op , I hope you can see from your replies that the majority of both sexes find it acceptable to masturbate , in a relationship or not . None of us find it a problem because we view it differently to you , and you are not alone , there are plenty of men and women who do not like their partners to masturbate , but it is the minority . You are putting the act of self pleasure and love and devotion with another person in the same sentence and they are two very different things . You are believing that if a man really wants to connect with you and be with you then they wouldn't need to masturbate . I imagine the men in your past have basically just humoured you for a quiet life , and if one of them had stood up to you before now and reassured you that it has no bearing on your relationship then it may not have turned into the drama in your head that it has. We all too often fall into the trap of thinking we can dictate to our partners , and we can't , and what you are essentially doing is telling a man what he can do with his own penis and his own time , and making them go by your rules to prove how they feel for you. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 There is a lot of over sharing going on here folks! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 There is a lot of over sharing going on here folks! hahahahahahahaahahahahahahah I know and we are not even on first name terms edit to say I can't stop chuckling at the oversharing ....hahaha mhowe it's the way you tell 'em Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Hey, I'm on first name basis with star. I am excused. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Lol...your "night cap" comment...I thought..."whatever happened to having a drink?" Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Hey, I'm on first name basis with star. I am excused. well saved there cheet hahahaha Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Lol...your "night cap" comment...I thought..."whatever happened to having a drink?" I had a real nightcap until I quit drinking. One dirty habit for another Evidently star never gets anything done though - lol. Link to comment
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