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Masterbation/Porn

Tearsbegone

By Tearsbegone
in Relationship Advice

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Tearsbegone Collaborator

Tearsbegone

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Hi all,

 

Looking for some feedback here. The guy I'm seeing used to be a porn addict. He says he worked it out in therapy and is over it. He does not watch it now that we are seeing each other. He does however still masterbate. I know this is a hot topic for a lot of people and everyone has different views on this. Every guy I have been in a relationship with has not had the need or desire to do this. This guy has done this is all of his relationships and says it helps give him a sense of independence, basically for him I feel like it's a selfish way for him to keep distance, not connect emotionally due to past hurt, and to maintain his autonomy and not experience full intimacy. We aren't an item yet, so I don't feel it's right for me to be telling him what to do at this point or my feelings on it. If we were I'd want to talk about it. Any input? I don't think he's doing it for the regular reasons guys do- I think he is doing is as a way to fully avoid connecting with someone. Thoughts?

 

Thanks

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Tearsbegone Collaborator

Tearsbegone

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I would think that masturbating would be a better release for him as opposed to sleeping with multiple random women to get off.

 

I just don't see the need to do that in a relationship- if you have your partner you get off with them. Doing it alone seems like you are hiding something or not fully engaged with your partner because you choose do take that intimacy and do it alone. I wouldn't care if it were once in awhile but on a steady weekly basis- it just seems like more than getting off. It seems like it's about something else with him- not fully emotionally connecting and wanting to be selfish.

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pl3asehelp Apprentice

pl3asehelp

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I just don't see the need to do that in a relationship- if you have your partner you get off with them. Doing it alone seems like you are hiding something or not fully engaged with your partner because you choose do take that intimacy and do it alone. I wouldn't care if it were once in awhile but on a steady weekly basis- it just seems like more than getting off. It seems like it's about something else with him- not fully emotionally connecting and wanting to be selfish.

 

Masturbation is selfish. It's a quick way to feel good without the time energy or concern for the other person that is sex. I don't see a problem with that at all. It would be a problem if you never had sex. Most men do it every day, possibly several times. Any woman who thinks her man doesn't is not living in reality.

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Edmund Exley Contributor

Edmund Exley

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Every guy I have been with has had no need at all. Nor did they want too. Like I said once in awhile fine, but on a consistent weekly basis?

 

I've jerked it regularly in every relationship I have been in. Not once have I admitted to it. Its not that I am embarrassed by it, its because women tend to see it as a reflection of my interest in them. Its neither. even with a very active sex life I still enjoy handling it myself a few times a week.

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Cheetarah Mentor

Cheetarah

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Every guy I have been in a relationship with has not had the need or desire to do this.

 

You believed them?

 

Honey, 99.9% of men masturbate. And it's perfectly normal and fine, even in a relationship.

 

Not to um, overshare here - But I do it every single day, as a woman, even in a relationship - It doesn't change. It's like a nightcap or something. And if someone told me "Please stop touching yourself because it makes me feel insecure" or throw a bunch of psychobabble at me, I would just seriously have to end the relationship.

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shellyf62 Proficient

shellyf62

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I don't understand how someone can think that they can tell someone else what they can & cant do with their body.

 

Seriously, you aren't with your guy 24/7, so how on earth can you police this request? The ones that told you they weren't masturbating were lying to your face. At least this guy is honest with you.

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BigKK Collaborator

BigKK

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I'd appreciate his honesty and not bug him for masturbating on a "weekly basis"

 

 

it doesn't take away from your two intimacy, unless he does it too much and is uninterested in sex...then it's a problem...

 

 

but then again, the masturbation then would be a symptom and not the cause.

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pippy longstocking Grand Master

pippy longstocking

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In all seriousness op , I hope you can see from your replies that the majority of both sexes find it acceptable to masturbate , in a relationship or not .

 

None of us find it a problem because we view it differently to you , and you are not alone , there are plenty of men and women who do not like their partners to masturbate , but it is the minority .

 

You are putting the act of self pleasure and love and devotion with another person in the same sentence and they are two very different things . You are believing that if a man really wants to connect with you and be with you then they wouldn't need to masturbate . I imagine the men in your past have basically just humoured you for a quiet life , and if one of them had stood up to you before now and reassured you that it has no bearing on your relationship then it may not have turned into the drama in your head that it has.

 

We all too often fall into the trap of thinking we can dictate to our partners , and we can't , and what you are essentially doing is telling a man what he can do with his own penis and his own time , and making them go by your rules to prove how they feel for you.

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