Do men have no self respect???

[if only]

I have been single now for 7 months and oh my god what an eye opener!!! I was with someone for 5 years and trusted him 100%... I was so naive I will never trust a man like that again!!!

 

In the last 7 months I have had several occasions were men with Girlfriends lie...

 

1) I met a guy and we started dating for a while but I thought something was a bit strange and then when he was on hol with who I thought was the lads!!! ended up being his long term girlfriend of 3 years!!! he told me on several occasions he was single!!!

 

2) My Ex hooked up with me one night (I know... shouldn't have happened) when he had been with his new girl for a few months!!

 

3) My friend found out her BF has been cheating on her for 9 months with a girl she used to work with!!

 

4) A guy friend I have known for years ended up having a one night stand with one of my friends when he has a Long Distance relationship and tells me he loves her!!!

 

5) My cousins husband is having a baby with another woman!!!

 

6) I met another guy who told me he didn't have a GF but then when asking me out he told me he did but we could still hook up!!!

 

7) And many more including my ex's friends trying it on with me!!!!

 

What the hell is going on here??? why do men feel the need to do this???? I know women do it too but I feel relationships are more important to women in the long run whereas blokes just seem to need to sow there oats all the time!!!

 

It makes me so mad and so doubtful about my future how can I trust someone when things like this keep happening!!

[Mun]

Hi there,

I was thinking something like this last night when I had an incident happen, but you know what? Some really nice guys came to my rescue and in the process restored my faith in men.

 

For every bad guy out there you will find a couple of good guys who would never treat a woman with disrespect. It's very dangerous to generalize and just throw all men in one heap and label them jerks.

 

These guys you are talking about are bad news. I'm sure if I started looking around I could point out all the bad guys I know and believe me my list would be pretty similar to yours. At the same time I could look around again and point out great guys, some of which are married to friends, my sister has one of them and my brothers are pretty decent guys.

 

There is a good side to this. Now you know what bad guys will say and do and it might be easier for you to spot them and hopefully to walk away when you feel something is just not right. I was naive too when I was younger ( still am sometimes ) but it gets easier to resist putting up with stuff as you get older--thankfully.

 

Like I said there are still great guys out there, too bad they are sometimes overshadowed by the jerks.

[JonnyG]

Sorry to hear about all of that. I guess u could blame nature for it in a way as many male species aren't ment to hang around the female. His job is just to impregnant females and move on from one to another. Luckily we have adapted and learnt to have feelings for one another and thereforeeee can love 1 single person and live with them for life.

 

Sounds like u have come accross more than your fair share of men related problems when it comes to trust. Remember its not just men, I think studies have shown that women aren't too far behind when it comes to cheating.

 

Try not to bundle all of us in to one category though. There are loads of guys out there who are trustworthy in relationships. Just keep on looking for the right 1.

[cleverme123]

All men aren't like that, or at least I hope. But I can tell you even being married there are a few comments my husband makes that gets under my skin and some men don't have guilt what so ever.

 

It just becomes more obvious when you are single because when your in a relationship you get the rosey colored glasses that make all ok. I too believe a good bit of men are dogs and at some point they won't be able to contain their urges. When I was single I dated a guy that had a wife! His excuse was that they were really trying to separate yet when he broke up with me it was because they were getting back together! Just be careful ask lots of questions and you will find a good one. Just don't assume they are cheating, running around and getting other women pregnant, until you see it with your own eyes.

[if only]

Thank you for your comments

 

I know it is dangerous to generalise and I also know it is not all men that do this and women can be just as bad too but the longer I am single the more I see.

 

I have tried really hard not to put all guys into one pot but when am I going to see the nice guys again??

 

My ex who I thought was amazing broke up with me to be single a week later he was with another women!! and still is. I never dreamt he could or would do that to me.

 

But I thought hey it happens.. I know nice guys but I was so wrong!!!

 

I thought this kind of thing happened when you are younger like 18-21 not people who are approaching there 30's I thought they understood the importance of trust but it just seems to me they are getting worse!!

[chanceit]

We're all terrible - no seriously we are.

 

If you're looking for someone who won't cheat/leave you find someone who doesn't big up themselves, treats you with the upmost of respect and has only had like 0-2 ex girlfriends and they left him for someone else and then they be with you forever... its easy....only problem is you don't get the "street cred" factor with these kinda guys they can be a bit how can i put it "geekie"....but its a small price to pay no?

 

I'm not one of those guys so don't ask me - i'm bad

[if only]

why do you feel the need to do this to your GF though?

 

If you care for someone more than yourself why would you care about street cred?

[RayKay]

We're all terrible - no seriously we are.

 

If you're looking for someone who won't cheat/leave you find someone who doesn't big up themselves, treats you with the upmost of respect and has only had like 0-2 ex girlfriends and they left him for someone else and then they be with you forever... its easy....only problem is you don't get the "street cred" factor with these kinda guys they can be a bit how can i put it "geekie"....but its a small price to pay no?

 

I'm not one of those guys so don't ask me - i'm bad

 

How is a good guy geeky? Because they were strong and confident enough in themselves to not worry about street cred? Because they value themselves and women more than the accolades of a few immature guys?

 

Sorry, but a REAL man - whom is someone who respects himself, others (including women!), keeps his promises and his values - is far from geeky.

 

To if only...it is true there are some dogs out there...and it shocks me as well that people can be like that and treat others like that. I can tell you any friend of mine who acts like that truly does not remain my friend for long unless he admits up to his mistakes and does work to improve himself and accept the consequences. I just do not have tolerance for someone who treats other people like garbage (even worse if that person is supposed to be their loved one!).

 

But, there are also some really really really good men out there...just know that you only deserve the best, and won't settle for anything less, and you will be rewarded. And here is a quote I like...from a Tim McGraw song..."I may be a real bad boy

But baby I'm a real good man"....I like that, because to me it means that you can still be a guy's guy, be that sexy, confident guy, and be true to your values and your woman too

[dirtbubble]

I think chanceit is trying to say that guys who don't get into any trouble with women are most often of the undesireable type. Many women find themselves repeatedly in the company of the type of men they desire only to find out they are players. What is it about a certain type of guy that certain women want to be with that he can't be trusted? I don't know, maybe it has to do with women throwing themselves at him from every direction.

 

Well, that's one rant anyway. The other thing I see is that you can't judge a man, and most men, based on the snapshot you get of their lives. Men, like women, go through stages of growth (or degeneration, true enough) where they learn what behavior and lifestyles and situations will or won't work for them. Men in their 30's are still very young, and in fact face enormous societal presssure to display virility, to get kind of nuts and bolts about it. They begin to sense that after 40 they better have money if they want to keep playing. Some act out, and some get over it. Also, it is very common for women not to admit their part in an unfaithful relationship because of social stereotypes: you know, a guy who gets around is a "stud", but a girl is a "ho." So you may only hear half of the story at any given time a girl complains about her unfaithful man. There are two sides to most stories. Some men never learn, but others never want to revisit the unpleasant consequences of a one-time mistake. Some value trust, fidelity, loyalty and bring integrity with them all the way, but most have to learn through bad experiences what is truly valuable.

[Day_Walker]

I believe that you have to be more aware of the guys you get involoved with. You need to develop some system where you are able to screen these guys and filter the ones that you feel have potential. Be aware of any feelings that you might have that this guy isnt the "good guy" you are looking for. It is also important to remember that you can never be 100% sure about a person that you just met, sometimes you are going to get burned and thats just a part of the process.

[DBL]

Not all guys are like that. I hold myself to a high standard of morals. I been separated from my wife since Feb, and have not attempted to date anybody. I have received phone numbers and all, but I have not called any of them. I will be divorced in Feb I think, I will worry about dating then.

 

Enough about me and my morals, I see it differently, no doubt that some guys are ignorant, but so are most women. Take a look at yourelf, you slept with your x knowing he is in a relationship.

 

If you can't set an example of morals why you would expect the men you meet to hold them?

 

DBL

[hoppy27]

well said............

im a "good" guy. have never pulled any of those things on your list.

im 27...........can count the number girls ive been with on one hand.

i can even tell you all the names. everyone was a long term girlfriend.

havent dated in almost two years. if all you girls are looking for the "good guy" why am i still sitting here single?????????? you never really notice the nice guy. girls love bad boys. it"s something about the challenge they receive. aften the "bad boy" is the very same boy with the wife at home, or the girlfriend.

ill just keep being the good guy..........sooner or later someone will notice.

[Double J]

There are a lot of good guys out there - looking for a relationship with the right girl. Just as there are also the jerks, you have your share of good and bad women. It's all about weeding out the ones you don't want.

[if only]

DBL said: Enough about me and my morals, I see it differently, no doubt that some guys are ignorant, but so are most women. Take a look at yourelf, you slept with your x knowing he is in a relationship.

 

At the time I was only aware of him going on a couple of dates with some girl it was after that I was told by another friend he was in a relationship for three months with her!!

 

It is a different situation to just sleeping with some guy who had a GF! I had a lot of feelings for him we were together 5 years!!! he finished with me which was very painful and at the time I saw it as a way of getting back together. I would have still been with him knowing about the GF as I was in a bad situation at the time. I think it is unfair of you to judge me as being ignorant by this when you too should no the pain I was going through at the time.

[cleverme123]

I found a good guy....Just had to search high low and under a few things to find him But his ex's feel the same as they all would love to have him back. As for them, so not going to happen.

[wlfpack81]

Like I said there are still great guys out there, too bad they are sometimes overshadowed by the jerks.

 

And why are they overshadowed by jerks!? B/c you females keep running to these guys while the nice guys are considered push-overs, too clingy, weak etc. Hey you get what you seek.

[Ceema-k]

Topics like this really sadden me. There is such an innate disparity between how men and women operate.

 

This is how the way things are, as unfortunate as it is. And until there is a more time allowed for evolution, new world order or some great social engineering experiment takes place, this is what we all have to live with.

 

The whole cliche of dating being a numbers game really takes on a whole new meaning. Most people do end up having to sift through dating partner after dating partner after one failed relationship after another before they get what they want.

 

In the end we're all looking out for number one.

[Scout]

Well, people may think they are looking for their "soulmate" but I believe we have become a society that is simply always on the lookout for "something better" - like a greedy kid with his fist stuck in the cookie jar.

 

It's both genders.

[DBL]

In all fairness...regardless of how great a guy is, if there is no attraction by the female it does not matter how nice of a guy he is. Maybe some of you nice guys should go after the "nice" woman. I think most guys are jealous that a real fine woman will not date you. Maybe you should drop your standards a little bit and go after woman that actually may like you and are probably nice as well.

 

DBL

[Mun]

This is my opinion, so you may not agree.

 

I don't think it's necessarily correct that women fall for bad boys ALL the time. I think that these guys have some personality traits that are desirable like confidence and a strong personality. Unfortunately sometimes they also have bad qualities like being unfaithful, selfish and liars but these traits don't usually surface until later on in the relationship.

 

So then we find out these guys are jerks. We were not attracted to them because they were jerks, we found that out later. Unfortunately by that time alot of us have invested too much in the relationship and it's not so easy to walk away. They treat us good sometimes, they treat us Not so good other times and it becomes like a drug--we hang on waiting for the next time they will be good to us ( like the next high) because when they are it's like getting a reward. ( and yes it is very disfunctional and emotionally draining )

 

I think that there are just as many guys looking for a quick lay as there are guys looking for something real. Too bad it takes us awhile to learn to spot the bad guys.

 

I think women are naive in this sense--not vicious as some tend to believe. Luckily you have already identified some bad ones and you can stay away from them.

 

We have to love a few bad boys before we can appreciate a good man.

[wlfpack81]

In all fairness...regardless of how great a guy is, if there is no attraction by the female it does not matter how nice of a guy he is. Maybe some of you nice guys should go after the "nice" woman. I think most guys are jealous that a real fine woman will not date you. Maybe you should drop your standards a little bit and go after woman that actually may like you and are probably nice as well.

 

DBL

 

DBL is telling the hones truth. However, it is hard for those to drop their standards (myself included) as we feels it's unfair we've been slapped in the face by God and can't have that hot girl in the corner. But hey life isn't fair.

 

From a personal standpoint I do have to be somewhat attracted to a girl but I won't go for hot girls b/c I realize I have no chance w/them. However, I won't totally drop my standards as I'm not really attracted to overweight women since I'm a slim guy myself.

 

We have to love a few bad boys before we can appreciate a good man.

 

Haha seems some girls like to love bad boys and then it's too late for that good man b/c most have attempted to become morons themselves or have just given up.

[DBL]

One way I look at it Wolf is those girls that date the so called jerky guys, aren't the girls I want to date in the first place. Why date somebody clueless.

 

DBL

[Mun]

What you need to take away from this Wlfpack81 is the confidence and strong personality characteristics of the jerk guy. Not become a jerk yourself. That's the key to being successful with women.

 

I don't know if you noticed but there are plenty of not so good looking men out there who have great looking women... and they don't have alot of money and such. They just know how to treat themselves with dignity and their woman with respect. They have confidence in themselves and don't let anyone push them around.

 

Good luck to you.