back to pain

[dereitis]

I haven't posted here in a while. This is the first night in a while I've felt down. After LC/NC and almost 5 months after the breakup, I told her I can't speak to her right now or remain friends. When we don't see or talk to each other I feel healed...the minute we start talking I get that feeling in my chest. She wanted to remain friends and I said I could be okay with that, until she ignored me again and I got hurt. She came to me with some question about something she thought I said about her new boyfriend a week after she ignored me and was actually angry with me for ignoring her. We talked and I told her how much she had hurt me. I finally told her I just can't speak with her unless she either breaks it off or I have moved on more. Even though I KNOW did the right thing, it's painful for me right now. I feel like now I know she wont be contacting me and it kind of set me back again. I'm just ready for all of this to be over.

[Twidom]

Hey I know it's hard but 5 months that's a very long time...Keep it up you're doing great My ex broke contact with me a few days ago and I know how it is...

 

Keep your head up. You're a very strong person.

[sharky988]

She's selfish and delusional if she expects you to continue to be there for her as a friend immediately after a breakup, to hold her hand and be her *buddy* while she moves on with a new boyfriend.

 

You did the right thing for YOU.

 

She's been putting herself first all this time.... it's time for you to put yourself and your healing first. It's painful right now, but like ripping off a band-aid all at once, you'll be feeling better much faster in the long run.

 

As for her.... she's been getting the best of both worlds, and now she'll finally have to live with the consequences of her decisions.

[Lambert]

You did the right thing. It's really hard to choose yourself when you love a person and want to have them in your life. Try not to take it so seriously. I know that sounds crazy when you are hurting. But really you don't know what is going to happen in life. Not that I'm giving hope of a recon... I am saying you just don't know. I am sure there are other people in your life that you have gone on from and it doesn't bother you anymore. In some ways you see that it's better. You meet new people. Life moves on. You just need to give yourself that chance to move on.

[SooSad33]

I agree with Sharky & Lambert ^...

 

It is VERY hard to 'accept & move on', from someone you came to love. This is not easy. I understand.. am on 7 mos of it myself-from a 5 yr relation. It has been unbearable. I've been on anxiety med's, but at least I have now gained back the 15 lbs I lost back in the beginning. And Im also seeing a therapist. They can help!

 

In time.. it will start to be NOT as heavy on your heart- yet I find the pain goes on.. the sadness and missing them.

Takes time for it all to 'go away'. We dont 'stop loving' over night. Very hard to let go- I know.

 

Best thing though, is the LC or NC in order to try getting over them. Less the better, yes.

Do your best to have basically nothing to do with her, not even 'friends'. You can't until those 'feelings' are gone, which can be at least a year, until you can try and accept them as a friend..

At that time you may NOT even want to admit you knew them.. with all the emotions/ pain etc.

 

Anyways.. do as you're doing- good for you, thinking of YOURSELF now. No one else can do that, except you.

 

tc

[dereitis]

Thank you guys. I thought I had let go. I hardly think about her when we don't talk. She'll just pop back up in my phone and I get mad more than anything. I do agree, she wants to have me around AND have a boyfriend. It's a win win for her and a lose all together for me. I have been to the other side of healing and it's great. I was there until I had to contact her again.

 

Soso sad, we've been at about the same time frame and it seems like you're still hurting quite a bit. I know that after 2 or 3 days of not speaking with her I will be back to myself. I don't really feel pain any more but actually telling her I need to not talk to her, I felt as though it was even more finite so it brought me pain. She now won't be begging to speak to me and all of that. I'm doing much better today. My question to you is, what anti anxiety meds are you on? Non narcotic or something like xanax? I would suggest trying to take a few days off if they are narcotic. I struggled with thinking they were helping but they were most definitely making everything way worse for me. I was clouded with depressive thoughts constantly post-med. Once I dropped those and alcohol I began feeling amazing.

[dereitis]

I didn't feel like starting a new thread but I just wanted to state in writing how I've been feeling lately. I feel like right now I won't be speaking to her for a very long time. I'm okay with this. Last night I laid in bed just thinking about how grateful I am that we're split and I can do what I want to do. I'm not under her spell anymore and I'm free to start building my new life. However, today I woke up feeling a little low. I'm thinking all of the outcomes of our relationship are pointing towards me. The ball IS in my court, not for reconciliation but as far as how we stand. I feel I've been responsible for the break up as well as not being able to remain friends or possibly reconcile. All of this is not true. She has made the mistakes and been an awful person through all of this but I still feel like everything is my fault. In her manipulative ways, she is probably trying to suggest it is my fault. She's the one who basically cheated, she is the one who left me, she is the one who ignored me for a month, she's the one who still says negative things and isn't mature enough to actually communicate with me; yet I still feel like everything is my fault.

[mhowe]

Since you know that doesn't follow logically, nothing anyone says to point that out to you will change the way you feel.

It is an internal tape playing in your head -- that is out and out not true.

 

Instead of rehashing --- get out and "do"....the first day of the rest of your life.

[dereitis]

I agree. I've been doing so well lately. Most of my days are pure bliss. Staying busy, working out, school, but it's those random sprinkles of lonely mornings where I get in a fog and start rehashing the past. I know it's normal I just had to write it out today to get it off my chest a bit.

 

I'm really just hoping in the future I will find someone I love just as much if not more who treats me right. I'm content being single right now I just wish I could peek into the future to stop my over analysis.

[mhowe]

Writing it out always worked for me --- somehow it gets it out of your head and you can move forward.

Good luck.