Husband views naked woman daily.

[bblue89]

I am sure most people will disagree with my point of view, however I would like to hear everyone's opinions.

 

I feel when you are in a committed relationship, constantly viewing porn.. is in a way, cheating. My husband of 5 years has been viewing this particular website for months on a daily basis, throughout the day of real naked woman posting "selfies" Some of them are real raunchy pictures. These are real girls who get comments on their pictures and respond. I have confronted him and I told him it bothers me, and he said he doesn't really look at it often. But he does.. Every single day, and then tries to hide it. I don't think he comments on the pictures, but who knows..

 

I know most will disagree...but i am not jealous, I am not possessive, a prude, religious or anything of the sort. I know I am beautiful, just as I know there are many woman much more prettier than I am. I feel him doing this is SO disrespectful to ME and our marriage and what it is about. I don't expect my husband to turn a blind eye when he sees an attractive woman. They are everywhere. I don't care if there is a brief nude scene in a movie. Heck, I don't even think I would care that much if he viewed "regular porn" every once in a blue moon. i can't really say where I would draw the line, All I know is that it's the fact that it is everyday thing and real girls that really bother me. He just stares and..gawks? at these woman, and that really bother me.

 

Everything else in our marriage is wonderful. We have a great sex life. We have great communication about everything else. It's not even just the fact he looks at it, he lies straight to my face It's like his dirty little secret. Marriage and love is supposed to be about trust, honesty, and loyalty. I feel like him doing this takes all of that away.

 

I've heard everything. "Guys need variety or they will cheat" -If you need variety, don't get married! "Men are visual creatures" -Look at pictures of your beautiful wife! "It's the same thing as a woman reading a romance novel" -I could care less if he visualized a hot vixen in his head"

 

This world has just become such a sex crazed obsessed society and it makes me really sad. I only mentioned it to him once that it really hurts my feelings and i feel it's wrong. I don't want to keep mentioning it and be a nag. So he can just hide it more from me. it really turns me off of him. He is at work all day looking at these girls and then comes home and wants to have sex with me. It makes feel feel like he is a pervert.

 

I would like to hear everyone's thoughts. Guys who are in a relationship or married..do you look at porn daily? Why? Is your S/O not enough?

[mhowe]

It has become an addiction to him.

And because it upsets you, and he cannot stop himself, it has become the daily lie.

 

The problem is twofold: his addiction, and the fact that he is lying about this --- and eroding your trust in the relationship.

 

You may need a third party professional to make him see that he is eroding a great marriage because of his addiction.

[bblue89]

It has become an addiction to him.

And because it upsets you, and he cannot stop himself, it has become the daily lie.

 

The problem is twofold: his addiction, and the fact that he is lying about this --- and eroding your trust in the relationship.

 

You may need a third party professional to make him see that he is eroding a great marriage because of his addiction.

 

I'm not sure if I would say it has gotten as far as an addiction. I think it's more of him not caring about my feelings, and wanting to stare and naked woman all day. the lying about it is the worst part. It makes me not trust him.

 

the past 6 years we have been together, I know he would look up naked celebrities every once in awhile. Call me naive, but that was really the extent of it. He never hid it. He maybe watched porn twice a year. he is probably one of the few or only LOL man in the world that doesn't masturbate. He has a few times in the past, but he really doesn't like the feeling when he does it! All of this was one of the many many reasons I fell in love with him. He wasn't your "typical" male always looking at porn. Now all of a sudden he's looking at it everyday and it makes me feel really bad.

[mhowe]

If he HAS to do something daily, if he lies to cover that activity, if he knows how you feel about it and does it anyway --- that is an addiction, or it is a husband

who has zero respect for his wife.

 

Either case needs to be addressed.

 

This activity did not go from zero to all day ---- in a week or two. You are in denial, and he is a liar.

[PaintWithLight]

But is it a great marriage? Clearly something is not working for him. Clearly he is not 100% honest with you. And clearly, you want to control his wandering eyes.

 

I agree that both of you need to talk and be completely real with each other. Talk openly and be exactly clear on what you expect and where your boundaries are and let him do the same. There are some sub-issues here with you clocking him and monitoring what he views while he is away from you and his feeling that he cannot be honest with you because you are so disappointed in him. How are you managing to keep such close tabs on what he does?

 

Too many wives fall back on the statement "we have a great sex life and everything else in our marriage is wonderful". This may not be the case. He needs and wants outside stimulation. For all you know, he could be feeling trapped and hopeless in a dead end marriage. Both of you need counseling where you can clear the air in a safe and guided manner.

[bblue89]

If he HAS to do something daily, if he lies to cover that activity, if he knows how you feel about it and does it anyway --- that is an addiction, or it is a husband

who has zero respect for his wife.

 

Either case needs to be addressed.

 

This activity did not go from zero to all day ---- in a week or two. You are in denial, and he is a liar.

 

The website he was on he told me about and was viewing it daily. It has SO many sections. He was browsing it everyday all day. funny pictures etc.. Then he found the "post naked pictures of yourself section" and now that is all he looks at.

[mhowe]

Thanks for the added info --- but it changes nothing.

[bblue89]

I don't want to control anyone. But I do want respect from my husband. I only mentioned it once. I never forbad him. I don't give him orders. I told him that it hurt my feelings and that alone should be enough to make him stop doing it ...at least daily.

 

Do we have a perfect marriage? Of course not. Nobody does. But besides this, we are best friends and lovers, and I know he doesn't feel trapped. he tells me everyday how much he loves me and how happy he is. He tells me I get prettier everyday. Honestly, we laugh everyday and are genuinely in love. Sure, we have had ups and downs, but we have a special connection which makes this so very hard to understand.

 

I didn't monitor him. He signed up for the site to look at funny pictures and stuff and gave me his username. I would go on it too. I had no clue until I signed in what he looks at.

[The_Alchemist]

I see your pain dear. Watching pictures of normal naked girls is much different to me then watching naked celebrities. He has become sex crazed. The naked pictures give him a different kind of thrill and its because they are of real day to day woman.

When one masturbates watching porn, there is a short term end to this process, there is a built up but then there is an end. After this one does not watch porn for sometime and then watches again. But there is a break. To some of them, its even followed by a sense of guilt...based on their religious/spiritual upbringing. But when one is not over with masterbation, then one can watch porn for hours. This is what is happening with your husband. He is never over with it. Never finished with it.

 

To me all this is infidelity. All of it. But what is the cure ? You do not do any favor by calling a drug addict a drug addict. The cure lies in somehow making him realize that what he is doing is totally wrong. That there is a different way of life, that it is all utterly useless.

This is why i favor religions, spirituality and all that directs a man to live a good moral life. Not your religion or mine, all of them are the same. One needs to have morals and ethics in this life. One needs to know the highest and nobalest man who lived on this earth.

 

Unfortunately following all this is considered old fashioned these days.

[Unreasonable]

I've heard everything. "Guys need variety or they will cheat" -If you need variety, don't get married!

 

I would not say there is a need, but there is a VERY strong biological basis for this and it shouldn't be dismissed offhand as easily as you are. Some men look at porn to satisfy this urge, and some actually cheat. The man who does neither is a rare creature and I think you need to realize that. Monogamy is a social and cultural construct. If anything, THAT's unnatural, but it can also be a wonderful and fulfilling thing, so I support it.

 

"Men are visual creatures" -Look at pictures of your beautiful wife!

 

Puh-leeze. No man jerks off to his wife unless he's stationed in another country. Why would he? You supposedly have a great sex life and he can get it whenever he wants. Masturbation and sex are NOT the same things! Men ARE visual creatures and don't underestimate that. There's a reason Playboys don't feature the same exact woman on every page and every issue, because they'd lose subscribers very quickly. Masturbation is totally natural, even in a monogamous relationship.

 

He lies because he knows you're going to get all hurt and shame him. if you were okay with it, he would not lie about it.

 

Now, I am not going to say that your feelings on this subject are at all unusual, women get hurt feelings all the time from porn. They feel like they're not good enough, not attractive enough, while to the man it has nothing to do with that. That's why there's a crapload of married men hiding it. I also would not be comfortable about any type of interactive porn, and it sounds like these women are not your typical porn stars and are soliciting responses. I'd start with asking him not to look at that kind of porn.

[bulletproof]

Is the reason that you know he's lying about it because you are checking up on it every day?

 

My advice to you is to stay off the site. I am not sure why it matters if these are "real" girls or not. The women in professional porn movies or magazines are also "real."

 

Is he interacting with these women, i.e., holding a conversation with them in chat or otherwise?

 

If I were you, I'd be more concerned that he is a liar and that he conducts himself this way at his job. What kind of job allows him to do this all day, as you stated?

[bblue89]

Like I said, I don't snoop on him. We have always had trust and access to eachothers accounts. Never read his emails or anything. He's been open about things like this before now the lying is what gets to me. Regular porn is not the same as girls posting pictures from there cell phones and commenting telling guys the things they want to do to them. I don't think he comments but its a lot different then professional porn.

[Lonewing]

It's all the same and it's all about the same thing - things he doesn't get out of hi marriage, things that honestly have no place in a marriage. Porn is not about sex or love, it's about the object that is the naked body. In the old days it was just magazines, now we have the internet.

[bulletproof]

Like I said, I don't snoop on him. We have always had trust and access to eachothers accounts. Never read his emails or anything. He's been open about things like this before now the lying is what gets to me. Regular porn is not the same as girls posting pictures from there cell phones and commenting telling guys the things they want to do to them. I don't think he comments but its a lot different then professional porn.

 

I didn't say you were snooping. I said you were checking it every day to see if he was looking at it. Is that what's happening?

I am also still not sure I see the difference between this and "regular" porn, beyond the commenting feature.

And again, what does your husband do? How is he able to do his job if he's actually looking at this all day?

[bblue89]

It doesn't matter what he does. But he has a lot of free time at his job.

 

The difference is this is just everyday girls posting and interacting with users. I see it as a big deal. And the real issue is his need to look at it everyday.

[Lonewing]

Regular porn is real girls posting pictures of themselves, or selling themselves through photographers. Honestly, at the end of the day they're naked bodies and nothing more.

[Lester]

For the addicted husband:

It's a warping of the natural/unique drive men have to procreate and enjoy its lifelong benefits into mindless/endless drain of time/money to hidden parasites of the family.

 

For the confused wife:

It's hand-wringing, self-incrimination, self-reproach, fears of possessiveness, being prudish or someone finding out they are religious.

 

 

If you don't want porn to destroy your marriage; you must stop being a pop-culture robot and tell hubby it's his bits and bytes or you.

 

If able to overcome your fears… you will find happiness. Although, it may not be with him but at least you won't have wasted the prime years of your life denying yourself and the life you deserve.

[bulletproof]

It doesn't matter what he does. But he has a lot of free time at his job.

 

The difference is this is just everyday girls posting and interacting with users. I see it as a big deal. And the real issue is his need to look at it everyday.

 

I asked about his job because I sensed some exaggeration on your part regarding him looking at it all day, every day. And also because it could have a very detrimental effect on your marriage if he were to get fired for it.

 

And you would not know if he was looking at it every day if you were not checking up on him every day.

 

Are the women actually interacting with users, then? As in, holding conversations with them? And is that something he is engaging in or not?

 

If in fact he does have a "need" to look at it every day, I would agree that is an issue. But if it is just something that he does every day (minus the "need" part) then that is a different story. There are many websites I go to every day, like this one. Doesn't mean I'm addicted to it.

 

What is basically happening is that you have asked him to stop doing something, and he disagrees that it's an issue. Therefore, you are at an impasse. However, nothing about this makes it seem that he is doing something inherently wrong by looking at pictures of naked women. If that is a dealbreaker for you, then of course you are free to leave the marriage if he doesn't stop.

[bblue89]

I get that many if not most men look at porn. My husband never did though. Maybe a hand full of times a year and I was okay with that. Now he looks at it everyday and lies and deletes his history. That is the bigger problem. It's like he's turning into the typical perverted male and I'm not okay with it. Everyone says "oh that's what guys do it has nothing to do with your marriage.it does though l. It has everything to do with my marriage. I know he doesn't want anyone to see my naked body, but maybe ill just post my pictures be side I want to. It has nothing to do with our marriage. -in not serious. It's just the point.

[bulletproof]

It has everything to do with your marriage, but only in your opinion. You are stating it as though it is fact, but it is only fact for you. According to what you've said about him, he thinks it has nothing to do with your marriage. So, again, you are at an impasse. All you can do at this point is tell him that if he doesn't stop, you're done with the marriage. But simply staying in the marriage, wishing he would change, and checking up on him every day seems pointless. Decide whether this is big enough to end your marriage over.

[Lester]

You said, "I get that many if not most men look at porn."

- Not true and just another mass media pushed lie.

 

Did you ever ask yourself why you never hear anything negative about porn in the mass media? It's because they make/own it now.

 

You can test this for yourself.

 

Best to you!

[bulletproof]

You said, "I get that many if not most men look at porn."

- Not true and just another mass media pushed lie.

Do you have an actual statistic for this?

[Lonewing]

I get that many if not most men look at porn. My husband never did though. Maybe a hand full of times a year and I was okay with that. Now he looks at it everyday and lies and deletes his history. That is the bigger problem. It's like he's turning into the typical perverted male and I'm not okay with it. Everyone says "oh that's what guys do it has nothing to do with your marriage.it does though l. It has everything to do with my marriage. I know he doesn't want anyone to see my naked body, but maybe ill just post my pictures be side I want to. It has nothing to do with our marriage. -in not serious. It's just the point.

 

He's always been this man, he didn't just turn into this. You just didn't see or, it thought somehow he'd be different.

 

I know of not a single man [male, boy, whatever you want to call us] in my personal life who does NOT look at porn or enjoy porn. Except maybe Lester...

[bblue89]

He's always been this man, he didn't just turn into this. You just didn't see or, it thought somehow he'd be different.

 

I know of not a single man [male, boy, whatever you want to call us] in my personal life who does NOT look at porn or enjoy porn. Except maybe Lester...

 

Haha that made me laugh. He really hasn't always been this man. Sure, he watched the occasional porn and viewed naked woman Once in awhile. I'm not saying he hasn't and that's fine. Of course he finds the female body attractive. It's just the sudden need to look at it every single day. Then yesterday he came into the bedroom when I was butt naked and he didnt even give me a second look. Just talked to me like I had clothes on looking at me in my eyes. I know he thinks I'm beautiful but it really hurts when he's looking at these girls all day and then sees me naked and hardly flinches. When we have sex he focuses on my body and he does tell me everyday but he looks at all these girls all day and its so hurtful

 

I love him with all of my heart. I'm not going to divorce him for this. I feel if I bring it up again he will just tell me what I want to hear. Do you think it's just a phase? Do guys go periods where they need to look at it more and then not so often? Or at least a guy like him that never really cared too much about it?

[Blue Spiral]

I know of not a single man [male, boy, whatever you want to call us] in my personal life who does NOT look at porn or enjoy porn. Except maybe Lester...

 

The lamestream media conspiracy has gotten to you too, eh?

 

Now that I'm no longer actively pursuing FWBs, I've become porn-only. No doubt my addiction will destroy my life at any moment. (OK, I actually forgot to look at any, this weekend, as I was watching football.)