IAmFCA Posted August 19, 2014 Author Share Posted August 19, 2014 Folks, I am just going to post here over and over again because I can't possibly ask anyone else to listen to this. Once again, more wow moments. "When it comes to kids I want to make absolutely sure that we make the right decisions..." and "I am honored that I passed the initial screening. I am serious about that." (There has been no introduction, just conversation at home, where my two govern the pace of conversation about my dating life. If they don't want to know, they don't. If they do, they do (keeping appropriate boundaries, of course. We have high regard for self-respect in our house.). They are unusually relaxed and open about my Ginger. I am so Wow, all the time, inside in my personal space. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 20, 2014 Author Share Posted August 20, 2014 An end of day text telling me of his day and happy hour plan. Of his still smile from weekend. Of his appreciation for how I think. I get one wow after another. I am enjoying it so. Instincts are strong. Time is necessary. I know it is. Honestly, it's time for exploring thoughts, problem solving, vulnerable areas, responsibility. Time to make ways of being familiar like spring air. Time doesn't negotiate,. What I will learn tomorrow I can not learn today. Details. The big picture is so very promising, i am in a state of comfort and excitement together, always. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 There will be a day, common sense says so, when we regret the other's flaws and minimize our own, when we feel love and no desire, when the commitment feels like a trap rather than a gift. When such a day arrives, let's remember now and be grateful for the challenge that we are then facing. It will be the challenge that shows us that this connection is worthy of our respect. Shape, edit, develop. .. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 The idea I went to bed with: It feels like home when we are together And this morning: so much to learn doesn't feel right, so much to prove feels closer Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 Shifting into Make this workable into part of real life. How? Custody on opposite schedules. Well, whatever, it just will sort itself out. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Maybe the idea is... When life throws us challenges and we redirect our energies to meet them, perhaps turning away for a moment from one another, let's remember to be grateful. The challenge tests our mettle, the pain we accidentally cause the other a reminder to each of us of our importance to the other, and the moment of distance is an opportunity to reconnect. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 He played chess and studied with kids. He texted after I was asleep a pic of dog son and dad crashed on top of the duvet. and the pic hit me just right. there is a vibe that is the same frequency as my vibe. What does that mean ?? but it is what I mean to say. I work with a music fan, like I am and like my guy is as well. I wrote a list of music for my guy to bring sailing. We ended up discussing Hummel and Handel and Mozart last night. I read my - wildly eclectic - list to my colleague today and he didn't get it at all. My guy? Thought the list was dead on. I know, its just stuff. But it keeps connecting. I said "Why didn't you ask to escort me to my senior prom? I never could figure that out." (we didn't know each other, though we lived and schooled in each other's neighborhoods.) He said, "biiiiiiiigggggg mistake" Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 I have not been able to sleep or focus for the week. Either meds need a boost or sleep needs an aide. Going to focus on that tonight. I am dysfunctional again. In some serious love-feeling like, and that is awesome, but not enough to make me overlook the fact that my brain feels like it has a static fuzz. ARGHHGHGHGHGH Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 24, 2014 Author Share Posted August 24, 2014 The melancholy feeling grew, in truth, intensified as the result of me letting my crush go, in my head. He's still mine, nothings changed, but we have little hopes of having a normal dating life with opposite weekends. My exH is home with his gf this weekend, yet gives no response to my emails about switching weekends. He can be such a prxxx. Then the G sent me emails and texts of his race this morning, complete with pics of the hotel he took me to last VDay, a view similar to the view from that hotels bedroom window, a view of the street where we wandered. After I told him expressly in an email that he acknowledged that I wanted no contact. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 So, I ran 5 miles, I chanted "faith" to myself over and over, and I got an email from my guy mid run and one tonight. "I miss you bunches. Just wanted you to know." Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 So, I ran 5 miles, I chanted "faith" to myself over and over, and I got an email from my guy mid run and one tonight. "I miss you bunches. Just wanted you to know." Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 If I know where he is and who he is then I just need to let it come to me... Dang I woke up missing him something fierce. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 I have a date tomorrow!! My darling ex stepped up to take the kids early, leaving me one night that overlaps with his one night of no kids. Yayyyyy! We remain on opposite weekends for custody, so how we do this I've no idea. His answer to his friends' query, "we make it work". I am so excited to see him. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 I woke up excited to see him tonight and found three three texts from him. I am happy I am bringing him to my company party in December. I cant wait to do it. Thats never happened, with anyone ive dated. Just ... happy. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Observations from our date: (1) We said 7ish and we were both ready at 9. (2) We made it as far as having a glass of wine in his kitchen... our conversation was completely braided: he asked for a recommendation, the one I gave was his quess too. My #2 recommendation was withheld until he queried, and he asked about exactly who I was withholding. Then I said why, and it is exactly what his faather said. Then I asked does he know this particular fellow, and he did, and gave me exactly what I needed to know. The work overlap is fabulous. Dinner was deferred due to our willingness to succumb... (3) We walked out to get food at 10 something? 11? and split a great burger, hung out there till almost 1 (drinking water/2 beers -- it was not at all a drinking thing). (4) We came home, hung out for a bit, and got ready for bed like normal people. Then we were teenagers all over again. Tore myself away this morning to tackle my work day. What is normal when there is no dating plan, nearly no overlapping schedule? Compatible? Yes. How to take it deeper? Time? Challenge? Don't know. Its absolutely compelling, no question. Now, I want substance. I feel comfortable leaving space between us now, and letting him fill it. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 I am so full of it. "I feel comfortable leaving space between us now." Like hell I do. I want his attention. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 OK I recognize I am obsessing today. Posting here relentlessly so as not to post anywhere else. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 And. the saying I will remember today Do not snatch defeat out of the mouths of victory. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 remember when we fell hard for each other, and then several months in we discovered we had a religious difference? we couldn't tear ourselves apart, and we couldn't make ourselves stay together either. and i didn't get over you for years. even through my marriage. you showed me what I wanted to feel. once I had it, i didn't believe I would find it again, and i wanted it badly. am i in this spot now? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 link removed OK this is good. I have fear, that is normal. Let it be for the moment. Back up. Make the cookies like you normally would. Still be your natural happy vulnerable generous self. Focus on your path. He may be processing the same information -- just relax for a minute and trust in the process. Geezo flip this is hard sometimes. Remember when I was first meeting RJJ? He was seeing that woman, and I was driving with my hands on my steering wheel, coaching myself to let it be let it be let it be, and so I did. He took care of things and loved me for years. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 Its just all about hanging back and seeing what comes of it. I wish I had heard from him today already, but that isn't like him. I hear from him when the work day is over. I will say nothing and wait. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 the key is, be ready to let it go, always, even 20 years from now, and so, okay. i have me, and that is the key. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 LOL I am such a basket case sometimes. He just sent me a funny text. I sent back a lighthearted response and added "I am wanting your attention today something fierce. It's pitiful." His answer: "I am thinking the same thing. I wish my attention could be fully given to you today. I mean it!" It is clear that I am struggling to believe that someone who wants me is telling me the truth. Is it from being divorced? Is it from falling for the wrong guy before? Is it from my youth? Helpful to see the path that my insecurity follows. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 I am happy. I want to record that. No wonder I was so insecure. He runs around constantly multitasking like I do. His visit this morning was only 30 minutes long, as planned, but a universe of connection was in those 30 minutes. So many visits cause us to say Wow, and we did again today. Wow, lucky, and I made my luck, I see that. happy. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 Still happy. Note that I am.needy. stop that. Link to comment
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