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Does the quality of guys/girls that message you reflect your attractiveness?


Abc90

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In all seriousness....if the only guys that are messaging you on online dating sites are wayyyy below your standards physically, does that reflect your physical attractiveness negatively? Like if you don't get any higher than 5's that message you, can you basically consider yourself a 5??

 

I know there are other things to consider....personality etc. etc. but let's be real and very shallow for a minute and just base it on looks....Lol the truth can be harsh!!! I was just wondering. Thoughts??

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There are way more men than women on dating sites from what I hear. Maybe men that are your "number" don't use the site that much? Maybe all the men try to take a step "up"? To speak shallowly, perhaps the men that are 1's go for women that are 3's. Men that are 5's go for women that are 7's and so on.

 

It could also be a reflection of the photos you post. I remember "link removed" was popular when I was a teen & my friends and I would post photos of ourselves to get rated. I could get drastically different ratings depending on the photo I used.

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I think that in general, just like women, really hot guys probably have the pick of the litter. So, a hot guy will likely have to message less girls to get dates. Less attractive men may have less options and may therefore have to message more women. I'd bet that statistically, there are more messages sent from less attractive men than from really hot men. So... you are bound to have more messages from less attractive men than from attractive men. It's just mathematical odds.

 

BUT - if ALL the men who message you are "waaaaaay below your standards" - yes - maybe your standards are a little too high.

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In all seriousness....if the only guys that are messaging you on online dating sites are wayyyy below your standards physically, does that reflect your physical attractiveness negatively?

It probably has more to do with what checkboxes you checked off, rather than your actual attractiveness. For example, hypothetically, suppose you're a super attractive overweight woman (which does exist, by the way), and you (honestly) checked "overweight" as body type. Only some men, but not all, will include "overweight" in their search parameters. Superficial men will exclude anyone "overweight" from their searches. Some men who value fitness will also exclude you. However, it's probably rarer for people who are out of shape themselves, or people who don't care excessively about women's attractiveness, to exclude overweight women from their search results, so you might get more messages from these men.

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I usually go by the highest guy you get. So, everyone who messages you is at your level or lower. If every single guy that messages you is very unattractive, you might have to rethink your standards.

 

The guy I'm currently dating is super hot. But, the majority of men who contacted me on online dating websites were creepy older men offering me money and people I didn't find attractive.

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  • 2 weeks later...
I think that you can take the average of people who message you first and those who respond to your messages as a ballpark indicator of where you lie on the looks scale.

 

Ouch, so the fact that I only get messaged by overweight or obese women means that, despite being very fit and muscular, that I am somehow still on the same "level" as those women, physically?

 

did you consider that maybe things are a little "skewed" on these dating websites to favor women over men, to the point where even attractive men only get messaged by unattractive women?

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Ouch, so the fact that I only get messaged by overweight or obese women means that, despite being very fit and muscular, that I am somehow still on the same "level" as those women, physically?

 

did you consider that maybe things are a little "skewed" on these dating websites to favor women over men, to the point where even attractive men only get messaged by unattractive women?

 

I guess it depends on how long you've been doing it. And I'd like to modify my original statement - I think a good indicator of "physical attractiveness" in terms of online dating would be the best looking women that either email you first or who respond to your emails. I've had plenty of uglies hit me up, so those would obviously bring the average way down. So we can ignore those extreme outliers. I also had dates with many attractive women, and got to at least kiss all of them. Granted, they never became anything else, but I believe I know my ballpark range of what I can realistically attain, all things considered.

 

And yeah, I do believe online dating is skewed. One girl (a former FWB) is average looking, and she gets hit up a lot. She even scored a really good looking dude (yeah, I can admit when another guy is good looking) as a FWB. He was SEVERAL notches about her (as I believe I am, as douchey as that may sound). They do get hit up a lot more. It is what it is! So glad I'm on sabattical!

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