Is it possible for people NOT to be turned off by too much contact/interest?

[justagirl2]

Assume he is thinking "I am glad we cleared the air and she knows where I stand. I enjoy talking with her and flirting with her but I know it's better this way so she can move on". Is he? Who knows. It's possible he's just thinking about what to do this weekend. But I'd assume that because it's the most positive and realistic scenario and allows you to move on.

 

Honestly, my fear is, "is he just relieved?". Sometimes I did get a feeling that I was overly pushy (look at the title of this thread). So sometimes I wonder if he used to talk to me and hangout with me just to be nice? Then I remember I did give him a lot of "outs". Like, are you sure you are not too busy this weekend? Not talking to him for a few days and even in New Years and waiting for him to talk to me. I don't know.

 

Then I go to the what is going on "hopeful" scenario. International people talk via "whatsapp", it's a chat on iPhone. My Americans friends really don't use the app at all and just text. Z and I used to talk via "whatsapp". When I met up with his friend they were both going on about how they don't use the app and just text and Z said he only uses the app to talk to me. There's a "last seen" stamp on this chat program that shows last time the person logged on to the phone. Z would log on at most 3x a day exactly when he would reply/text me. These past few days he has been logging in every hour. Like yes, I shouldn't be checking. So I wonder, is he curious if I spoke to him? If he thinking of saying something? I know it problem means nothing, can't help it.

 

Thirdly I keep thinking if I "nagged" him too much or put too much pressure on him that he freaked out. I specially just went over our conversation at dinner and I'm just a really honest person. I tell it like it is. Our conversations are usually pretty deep. It's weird but we talk a lot about meaning of life, how we are feeling, pressures. He was telling me how he's insecure, self-conscious, don't know if people like hanging out with him etc... Then he asked if I have insecurities. I told him that I'm not that self conscious and am outgoing, that I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately about what a woman should be doing at 26-7. I told him I'm genuinely very happy to be single, which I really am, but that I feel this pressure of being in a serious relationship/marriage because of all my friends, etc... Did this freak him out? I mean, I was being honest, this is legit my only big insecurity right now and he asked.

 

I dunno. Just mind goes crazy. Been holding on though. I'm going out tonight hope to have some fun and maybe start to slowly get back in the dating game?

[justagirl2]

Ugh tough. I miss him. I just know it will take a little while to get over this and be into someone else and I just hope time would fast forward.

[sophie274]

I agree not to read into his whatsapp activity. Maybe stay off whatsapp for a bit so you're not tempted to "stalk" him there? But also, who cares if he's relieved? It doesn't matter because you're done trying to get his attention, and you'll never know anyway. There's just no point creating anxiety and torturing yourself by worrying about that.

 

It'll get better. It's always hardest not talking to someone you've been talking to a lot at first. In a couple weeks you'll be used to it.

[Batya33]

Agree with Sophie. The more you check up on him the less you can tell yourself you're done with chasing unavailable men and ready for a healthy relationship.

 

I don't think you were too intense with Z. I think he wasn't interested in you for a relationship from the very beginning and didn't change his mind. I don't think anything you did or didn't do would have made a meaningful difference.

I think it's best if he is relieved to have cleared the air because then he'll be less motivated to contact you in some casual way which you will then overanalyze most likely.

[justagirl2]

Thanks girls. Yes, I need to NOT overanalyze. Nights are harder but I feel better in the morning. Haven't talked to him in 5 days and in all honesty, I was sad and I do miss him, but it hasn't been hard at all not to contact him. I know this is what I have to do and I'm glad I got closure on Sunday so I can feel good and confident about not talking to him.

 

I honestly think what annoys me the most is this age thing. Going to be 27 soon and I'm not even into anyone. I'm starting from square zero. I don't even talk to T anymore and don't really miss him so I think he's not really going to be an option. Z is not an option either. The guys I briefly went on dates last quarter were just meaningless to me. I'm literally starting over, from scratch and this scares me so much as I am going to be 27 in 3 months.

[sophie274]

Omg M you need to calm down about the 27 thing. I'm turning 27 this year too (though not for another 8 months lol), and we all know I'm not exactly shopping for engagement rings. 27 is so young! You have plenty of time to meet someone.an s honestly I don't think you've been ready yet. You have no trouble meeting guys at all. I think when you are more ready to commit to a serious relationship and not have this grass is greener thing going in, you'll have no trouble finding someone you like. But seriously, where are you getting all this pressure from? I do have friends getting engaged and married but also tons of single friends. You're not abnormal or pathetic at all!

[Justnotsure]

Yes, seriously. Especially people who are on your path - in graduate school, career-focused - I think the average age for marriage is above 30 at this point. At any rate, you can't be ready before you're actually ready, so focusing on age/a number is going to do nothing but make you unnecessarily anxious. And I hate to tell you - you may be at "square zero" - but putting all of your energy into an unavailable guy is like being at square negative 10, so you're ahead!

[sophie274]

. And I hate to tell you - you may be at "square zero" - but putting all of your energy into an unavailable guy is like being at square negative 10, so you're ahead!

 

Could not agree more!

[justagirl2]

You guys are so right. I don't know why I feel so much pressure. It is related to the fact that I had such an amazing boyfriend (T) who would have been a great husband and who I could get realistic married in the next year or two. Would have been perfect... married at 28/29. What did I do? Break-up to be at square zero? It's really hard for me to get over this. I don't miss him. I have to keep reminding myself that. But, I do think I could have tried to be happy with him.

 

I agree that square zero is a LOT better than square -10. That's where I was with Z for sure! I'm trying to stop with the whatsapp stalking. He has still been on a lot and I wonder if he was less on because of me to avoid me? I keep having negative thoughts.

 

Also, there are a few things that I would love to tell him. For example, he loves my little sister who just started college in the US. Our life is so full of coincidences. For example, what are the odds my sister is going on dates with Z's cousin in college. REALLY? I mean, we knew they would be in the same college but that is a little too crazy. Z's family has strong ties to my country and this guy went to the same type of prep school as my sister and they already had a lot of mutual friends. And it's not really that much of a coincidence because in the end of the day, it's a small world in top schools, with the NY/Miami/LA/International crowd. Still, really? I wish we could talk about this but of course I won't. My sister also does not want me to talk about it yet since it's very new.

[justagirl2]

Ok, tonight I ALMOST caved and texted him a picture or the weather. How stupid would that have been. I don't know what kept me strong. Probably you guys and Ms Darcy's:

You keep telling us about how smart you are and I am waiting for evidence of this.

 

Need to be smart. 5 days after everyday for 6 months. It's tough. But I have to keep going!!!!!

[justagirl2]

I keep going back to our first official date. You know. We were in NYC. It was SO perfect. There was clearly such a build-up for that first kiss. Over 1 year of close friendship and we were finally there and I was finally single. We did dinner and then went for drinks. Things were perfect. Best night of my life in a few years. I did not initiate ANYTHING then. He invited me out that day. He texted to confirm plans. We went for dinner and drinks. My favorite country song replays in my mind: "Yeah, our first date, girl, the seasons changed, It got washed away in a summer rain". Exactly what happened. We got out of the bar and it started raining. So he hugged me and took me accross the street for us to stand below a bus stop. Then he looked at me and said we had a perfect night...he said that. He used the word "perfect". Then he said: "So to top it off..." and kissed me. An amazing, perfect, mind blowing, passionate first kiss. I remember looking at him and he was smiling all the time during the kiss. He WAS happy. So then he put me in a cab and texted me "Thank you so much for such a great date. Not one of those nights we have often". He said the word date, he kissed me. He promised me he would be better with his phone and downloaded whatsapp to talk to me. The next day though, he had other plans with his friends. The other day I went to Europe with my friends. That's when we started talking daily. Everyday I'd send him a pic, he would ask me where I was, we'd chat. This is when I started this post.

 

Then I go to Brazil in first week of November and the LEAST "I only like you as a friend" thing happens. We both go to an annual Halloween Party in a big club with our own friends. We meet up there. I try to act cool, he has to come up to me. So he does. He comes up to me. HE 100% came up to me. I'm not crazy. I was avoiding him like the plague actually at that party because I had just talked and ended things with T and one of T's friends were at the party. The last thing I wanted was to kiss Z. But, Z comes up to me, all charming. Knowing exactly what he wanted. So he kisses me out of the blue. And keeps kissing me. In Brazil it's weird but people are very PDA'y in parties. Like couples make out in the dance floor and it's totally normal. So Z and I were just totally making out, dancing, kissing. He initiated it totally. After a while PDA is getting stronger/more passionate so I get worried about T's friend. Z asks what's up, if I'm "ashamed" of being seen with him. I said of course not but my ex's friends are here and I'm not 100% comfortable with the situation. I actually start feeling super guilty and decide to leave. Z doesn't understand, he says he wishes I could have stayed there with him the whole night. Friends? Next day we were supposed to go for "quick" drinks instead he takes me this really special restaurant that he had made reservations in advance. We again have 4 hours of the most amazing time together EVER. We get a taxi to go home, since we both live in the same apartment, and HE again can't contain himself and starts kissing and making out with me on the Taxi. FRIENDS? We go up to my apt, he's making out with me in the elevators, everywhere. Super passionate and into it. Friends? Then we get to my house and after some heavy make-out he slows down and says all those things about not thinking we should go farther.

 

But excuse me? Friends? We see each other in Brazil before xmas, he's very tired but says he really wants to see me before he leaves to NY. He comes up at 12am on a Monday, dead from work. Yes, we don't kiss them. He lays down and rests his head in my lap and we chat for an 1 hour until I tell him he has to leave because he's exhausted. Ok... this could have been friends. He leaves saying: "When am I going to see you again? I need to see you again soon". Friends?

 

Xmas and NYE we both spend with our families. We talk everyday. He spends me pictures of his xmas tree, his bahamas vacation. On NYE I "test" him to see if he'd say something at midnight if I didn't. I don't I'm strong. At 2:30am my time, 12:30am ET he texts me Happy New Year. He then says I was the first person he sent Happy New Year to. Ok. Just friends?

 

Then I go to NY a few weeks later and he takes me to dinner at the Jane Hotel. Dinner is probably our best one yet. Everything was so nice. The first thing he said to me was: "You look amazing, this diet must be working, You look stunning". I tell him he looks tanned and he says I look like I just got back from a tanning salon and my skin looks perfect. Then I take my jacked off and every 2 seconds he checks on me to see if I'm cold. He orders wine for me and chooses the most expensive from the list. I tell him to chose the least because I really don't see much difference in wine and don't think it's fair for him to pay for a 200 wine. The Din is amazing he seems to be in such a happy, good place. I tested him again. I told him that even though all my job prospects are in NYC I'm actually starting to think if going back home to be closer to family would be a better idea. He gets clearly defensive and say that I won't be alone in NY, that I will have him. So then we are talking about what to do next and he says he wants to introduce me to his best friend from college. So we go in the taxi together, he kisses me and hugs me in the taxi. We walk COMPLETELY hand in hand until we get to the friend's table. The first thing the friend say is: so, you're from Chicago... then he quickly changes to "are you?" He was making it clear that Z had spoken about me. Then it was cute because the friend and I kept teasing Z about his mannerisms, like the fact he doesn't have an iPhone, only orders fish in restaurants... etc... it was a cute moment. Then, of course, the friend kicks me out and all the drama ensure.

 

I think we would be in a very different place if this friend hadn't interrupted things. We'd go to the party, we'd probably make out. I would not be mad at him and wouldn't have ended up confronting him and being in the situation we are now.

 

I AM NOT CRAZY. Z HAS NEVER TREATED ME AS A FRIEND. I AM SHOCKED BY HIS RESPONSE ACTUALLY, AFTER ANALYZING THE FACTS.

[missmarple]

There's one little detail you're forgetting. Words don't mean the same to everyone.

A friend to you may be someone you go shopping with, talk about your day, maybe a little flirting here and there. A friend to him (obviously) is someone he feels comfortable with and it may include taking her out to dinner, kissing her and just drawing the line at making love.

Is he a jerk for leading you on? Yes, he is and I remember I had told you the same thing months ago, after that Halloween party.

DON'T blame the friend. There was NOONE present after that party when he decided he didn't want to take things further. That should have been your clue right there that there's no future with this guy..no romantic future.

Instead, you overanalysed everything because you wanted to believe that he feels more than he does...and you're still doing it. You just can't accept that, to Z, you're a friend he likes as a woman but not enough to want to be in a relationship with her.

You are not crazy. You just can't understand that there are many different kinds of people out there and that someone may like you, may want to kiss you, may flirt with you..but it doesn't mean he wants to BE with you.

[justagirl2]

And now when it got interesting and the situation was reversed. I had a boyfriend and was in the start of the end. Of course, Z is into me because I was unavailable. How weird that these things work. Look at this:

 

I wrote:

 

"Just a heads up - I'm actually going to be in Brazil longer than expected this week! Will be there from fri to tues! Fri I am probably going to hang with the girls (welcome to join) and sat I have my family's event! Maybe we could do our regular Sunday Funday pizza night?

That is if you are in town in the weekend and not busy, of course! What do you think?"

 

Him: "Great! I've gotta be in Rio for a meeting on friday, and was thinking I'd try to stay there an extra day - still hammering out the details tho. Once I've figured that out I'll let you know what the deal is - it would be great to meet up!

Also FYI - my phone went for a bit of a swim last week, so has unfortunately been out of commission. My mom is coming down to SP in a few weeks and is bringing a new one, so I'm basically gonna be shoe-stringing it till then. In any case, let's keep this chain going and I'll do my best to respond quickly!

Hope you're having a great week!"

 

Him: "Yo yo - about to blast off, been a crazy day! What's your plan? I want to see you!

Copied my work account so can answer from my berry.."

 

Me: "Z, I had the worst flight ever, it was so cold and I didnt stop coughing and sneezing. I'm feeling very under the weather so am currently cuddled in bed with my parents on their hotel room! They are staying at the hotel accross from Alucci Alucci and I was going to meet the girls there for drinks but I'm not feeling well and have my cousin's bat mitzvah tomorrow so need to rest!

We are going to Baleia for the party tomorrow and I get back Sunday lunch time! Can we hang Sun? Afternoon? Dinner? I am staying at our apt Sun so even if you can't go out will come give you a hug! I really want to see you!

 

SEE, I totally stood him up here.

 

Him: "Sem problems! Let's definitely meet up on Sunday - I hope you feel better in the meantime. Hope the bat mitzvah is a success tomorrow, save me a party favor..see you soon!"

Me: "Woke up feeling 80% better! Feels good to be able to breathe again. It's a Jewish party not sure how many party favors there will be! hah

What time works for you tomorrow? I'll be home around 4:30pm and have nothing planned! Maybe get your work done early in the day so we can have some drinks to celebrate our late bdays at din? I'm being very bossy!! haha"

 

Him: "Excellent, I'm glad you're feeling better! Sadly I've been recovering all day from last night..

I've got a call tomorrow afternoon that'll determine how my night's looking - let's plan to get pizza for dinner tho? There's a chance I'll have to go back to the office to finish things up, but I don't wanna miss the opportunity to catch up! Would sometime earlyish work for you? Like 7pm or so? Let me know - have a great time tonight!"

 

Me: "Yo yo - Back in the hood! I can do earlier today if it's better for you too w/ your work obligations. 6 or 7 works fine for me!"

 

Him: "Legal, you wanna shoot for 630?"

 

Me: "Running 5 mins late!"

 

Him: "Me too! Sorry will be down in 2 mins"

 

Me: "Muito obrigada for dinner! Had an amazing time as per usual. I was going to complain about your work but maybe not a good idea in this email? haha! Wanted to watch a movie with you though... That's how Sunday Fundays are supposed to end! "

 

Him: "Haha that sounds like a much better way to end the weekend. I had an awesome time at dinner in any case, so thanks for the company! I like these pizza sundays with you and am getting used to them! Sleep well tonight, hope the new week starts well!"

 

Months go by and I'm back for my Summer Internship in Brazil:

 

Him: Hey - sorry for being out of touch, things unfortunately haven't let up much on my end. I got back from peru on saturday and have to head back up this sunday - pretty nuts considering I went there at first thinking I was only gonna be there for 6 days! Are you starting at Ambev next week? Hope you're excited to be back! The next few weeks are a little hazy given how busy things have been, but I was able to wrangle two weeks of vacation in july. After this past stretch I'm really, really looking forward to it.....In any case, I should be in SP for the rest of the month of july and am looking forward to hanging out - do you have any travel plans before your big trip? My phone's back in business - it just doesn't work when I'm in peru. Funny how the timing worked out so that I couldn't use it basically right after I got it. Enjoy it up there in Bahia, see you soon!"

 

Him: "Haha toppy com certeza. I'm at GRU about to fly out on this trip to asia - ended up being a total sprint to the finish. Needless to say I'll be happy to be on the other side of the world for a little while away from this insanity.

 

I'm sorry we haven't even gotten a chance to slap five since you got back - the return trip to peru left literally zero time back in SP. I'm hoping (and praying) that things will be quieter when I get back tho, so we'll make up for it then. I hope you have a great weekend - I'll be rooting for brazil from dubai!"

 

Him: "Just got back, am glad that flight's over! You have a good weekend?"

 

Me: "You literally just got back? I swear I thought I saw you from afar near the gym Thursday or Fri! Haha

Weekend was great!! It's been so nice to be back in Sampa! Tell me about the trip... Or maybe when you get some rest!!

Gym at 7am tomo!! You in?

 

Him: Yep just this evening, must have been an impostor. Glad to hear things are good down here - my trip ended up being awesome, but I'm also happy to be back in SP too. It'll be nice to be in the same place for a little while!

Haha I'm shooting to make it down there tomorrow, hopefully readjusting the sleep schedule won't be too much of a drag. It'll have to be a quick session anyway so at least there's that. See you there!

 

Him: Okay cool – haha yeah I had a bit of a challenging night last night. Hopefully I’ll have a smoother time sleeping these next few days.

Things are ramping up pretty quickly here, but it’d be great to catch up. I’ll let you know how things are looking! Hope your week’s started well in the meantime.

 

Me: "I miss BSchool and all the nap time. Spent the day at supermarkets checking our products and just got back to the office. So tired.

I might go home this weekend for my mom's bday but maybe we can grab some drinks nearby or even at home later in the week. Keep me posted, we'll catch up eventually!"

 

The e-mails he used to send me when we were just friends. The cutest one. He wrote me at 6:30am on my bday. I mean, I really think at this point since the push/pull was reversed, he really liked me. For his bday? I send a "Happy Bday" on his Facebook wall.

 

6:14 AM, "Z" wrote:

 

> Happy Birthday M! Hope your day's off to an awesome start up there - you gotta take advantage and go all out this weekend. I'm sure you've got some fun stuff planned, but I wanted to send a birthday abraço (hug) from Brazil!

>

> I'm glad you had a great time out in Colorado, couldn't agree more on the comparison w/ places in Europe. It's crazy to me that they legalized weed out there - was it all over the place, or have they kept it at least a little under control?

>

> Thanks for the dicas on mountain places to visit, I've heard of Campos do Jordao but Itaipava hadn't crossed my radar. I thought it was just a beer! It's gotten much colder here, so the mountains are sounding much better than the beach at this point.

>

> Anyway, have a great day and save me a piece of cake. Enjoy it!

>Zach

[justagirl2]

I understand that now. You explained it really well. So just as a friend can be kissing and making out but not sex? He basically doesn't want to have sex with me or a relationship. But everything else is up in the air. I think that is just weird. I went out tonight with 2 of my best guy friends from school. I would NEVER kiss them, go on one on one dates with them, make out with them. They ARE my friends. I think the better answer for Z would have been: "I've seen you as more than a friend at times, but I don't see us in a relationship". That's a much better answer than "I only see you as a friend" when no, he didn't.

[justagirl2]

Ok I think Z is confused. I think he'll contact me in a few days. I actually really do.

 

Which is going to be bad because he's confused and is going to confuse me more.

[Deciduous]

Crikey! No wonder you are confused. I tend to disagree with Miss Marple. My gut tells me that Z is one damaged and confused individual. Lets face it his behaviour over the last five years hasn't been normal. There is a massive secret that lies at the heart of his behaviour and you will never find out what it is.

 

What-ever it is, it comprehensively prohibits Z from having a relationship - and that isn't going to change. Even if he does contact you in a few days, it won't be becuase he has healed the issues within and is ready to have a healthy relationship.

 

It is because he has decided to start the whole disfunctional circus again. He isn't capable to anything more than this bizarre relationship, but will fight not to be rejected.

 

We all fight not to be rejected. It's a knee-jerk reaction, that signifies nothing. This man caused deep pain and confusion - BECAUSE - he is in deep pain and confusion.

 

Many of his actions were contradictionary. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with this person, until he has done the work on himself -

Look what he has done to you, Justa. He has driven you crazy.

 

He will continue to bring you down, confound you and ultimately make you feel so terribly, terribly rejected.

 

This is a damaged psyche. You cannot heal him. You can only stop him from inflicting his damaged pysche on you.

 

Deci

[bluebell29]

Here's what I think (having had a somewhat similar experience, actually!): he felt lonely when he was in your country and wanted to enlarge his network of friends through you (not saying he totally wanted to use you, he did genuinely like you as a friend and also felt it would be great for his social life generally). He really wanted to be part of your circle and therefore very easily forgave your standing him up at times. He then thought that he might like to explore something physical with you (again, he's not even thinking about a relationship with you at this point, just his own sexual needs) but then got the vibe/impression from you that you would take things too seriously if you guys went all the way and so he pulled back at the last moment. But he still kept up the contact and all the kissing stuff to keep you close - his insecurities and wants being the motivation more than his feelings for you.

 

For what it's worth, when I was involved in a similar situation, I later realised the guy checked-out on most of the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Such people try to keep you mentally/emotionally tied to them for their own selfish needs. It seems odd to normal people because we would never do and say certain things to another person if we didn't want to convey certain feelings to them - i.e. normal people don't lead other people on intentionally and to ridiculous degrees, but these kinds of people do because they're only ever thinking about themselves.

 

P.S. and my guy was an investment banker too! Not judging the whole profession (only because that's an entirely different topic ) but just saying...

[missmarple]

To be fair, it's not all Z's fault.

For example, some other girl might have told him from the very first kiss 'hey, hold on a second..what are you doing? does this mean you want something more from me than just my friendship?'. I've said that in the past.

But exactly because that conversation never really happened, he was able to continue his confusing behaviour until the 'you're a friend to me' text when he couldn't avoid the issue any more.

 

Whatever the case is (damaged individual, just weird, sees you as a friend he occasionally messes with, a jerk, whatever), I'm adamant that you can't expect anything from him. Not even his friendship because, in my book, friends don't lead other friends on and then break their heart.

[Deciduous]

To be fair, it's not all Z's fault. For example, some other girl might have told him from the very first kiss 'hey, hold on a second..what are you doing? does this mean you want something more from me than just my friendship?'. I've said that in the past.But exactly because that conversation never really happened, he was able to continue his confusing behaviour until the 'you're a friend to me' text when he couldn't avoid the issue any more.

 

True. There was something very off and confusing about his behaviour from the very start, which was never addressed, despite consistent urgings from posters on this thread.

 

Justa hoped for the best, which we tend do when we are young and bit inexperienced in acting upon major red flags. We bury our head in the sand, hoping the Red Flags will just go away, as the person gets to know us.

 

Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.

 

Whatever the case is (damaged individual, just weird, sees you as a friend he occasionally messes with, a jerk, whatever), I'm adamant that you can't expect anything from him. Not even his friendship because, in my book, friends don't lead other friends on and then break their heart

 

Also very true! My point was, this isn't typical behaviour of a man who "just isn't interested." Justa need not torture herself and think she is going mad, by mistakenly reading his signals. The signals may well have been there, but a healthy psyche capable of acting on them in a consistent and emotional nourishing manner, is not.

 

Justa needs to stop doubting herself and recognise that this man did indeed lead her on a bewildering goose-chase, because,

 

(a) key questions were not asked.

(b) He is not pyschologically capable of giving more than he did.

 

And whatever signals he may give her in the future, whatever interest he may demonstrate, he is still unable to provide a healthy relationship. It is beyond his capabilities and that will not change.

 

Anyway, Miss Marple, thanks for the comment. I do get what you are getting at.

 

Deci

[lady00]

I don't think the situation is particularly complex. I have been in situations before where a guy seems interested in me, god on "dates" with me (to me a date is going out with a guy I don't have a established friendship with) and kisses me and ultimately has no interest in dating me. It happens. I think it is confusing but initial interest often goes nowhere and sometimes it evolves into a friendship.

[justagirl2]

I think the situation is very simple. I have to stop over-analyzing it and accept the reality.

 

What made the whole situation more confusing is the fact that Z is a complex person. That he is. It's much easier for me to accept when a guy is not into me and is going on dates and interested in other girls. I know Z is not. Maybe he will in a few months but he has a big "block" when it comes to woman which made me confuse the reality: he's just unavailable. The thing is, that doesn't really change anything, does it? He's unavailable. The more "available" I appear the less available he becomes because he just gets more and more scared of getting closer to somebody.

 

I need to move on and I'm trying very hard to do so. Today he texted me. I changed the picture of my "whatsapp" to a picture of the city I live in freezing and he sent me: "This looks beautiful! And absolutely frozen." I mean, WHAT? Is that all you have to say after 1 week of no contact? The annoying part is I don't want to be that dramatic either. I don't want to say: "WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME". I just basically sent another picture of the city and didn't reply at all. ZERO words. Just the picture.

 

This is annoying because I keep thinking, "am I doing the right thing"? Should I play the "friend" card? Be the emotional "crutch"? I know the best answer is not to and not to talk to him though. I mean I still like him a lot so I can't say "I won't ever speak to him again". But for now and even in that small hope that we might workout in the future, I have to keep my pride and my sanity in check. I need to live without him in my life. Who knows in 3 months or 6 I'll be ready to just be friends? Now I am not.

[sophie274]

"Z is a complex person" - haha, aren't we all? I know what you're trying to say, that you thought there were attenuating circumstances, but still. To be fair though, I too would probably have been confused if a guy had taken me on those dates and then behaved the way Z did. I think what really indicated his level of interest was that he chose to pass up on multiple opportunities to "seal the deal" with you, ie to cement things in a romantic way with you (by saying yes, we're dating, not by getting into a relationship or anything).

 

I wish you hadn't even sent him a pic on whatsapp. Stay away. You're just going to get sucked into talking to him which can only lead to pining after him more.

[justagirl2]

Soph - nope we are not talking. I feel like it's ok for me to ignore now.

 

I hungout with a guy last night. Nothing happened and nothing will happen. It was the first year "I don't date classmates". I think he's adorable and we have pretty good chemistry but... That's about it.

[sophie274]

So glad to hear that! Ignore ignore ignore.

 

This is the guy you had a thing with before Thanksgiving?

[justagirl2]

Not doing well. I'm just... feeling lonely and miss Z and kind of realizing he doesn't like me. I also hate to feel like we are starting NC all over. Ugh. We haven't talked at all anymore still there was a little contact and not good.

 

Yeah, that's the guy before Thanksgiving. It was awkward at best, to be honest. There was something there when we first met but definitely nothing. I text him when I get lonely though which is ridic.