I don't understand why guys are never attracted to me

[exiledmuse]

Well guys who are much older than me seem attracted to me. They will tell me I'm beautiful and approach me, but unfortunately I have no interest in older guys.

 

Guys my age don't seem like they are attracted to me. Its not like I look older than my age, if anything I have been told I look like I'm much younger than my age (I am 24 but people have said that I look 16 and I have even had someone think I was 13). I feel like I don't interest them at all. I have never kissed, I have never been on a date, I have never been any guys romantic interest, I have only been hugged by one guy, I have only had one guy ask me for my number and none have given me theirs (I have given my number to 3 guys and only 1 contacted me), I have only been approached by 2-3 guys close to my age ever, while most girls I know get approached at least once a week (usually more).

 

I personally think I'm not cute but my roommates ranked me as 7.5/10 and a 8.5/10 if I actually dressed stylishly and did something with my hair. I have had a lot of people tell me that I should model (I'm fairly thin and 5'8" and mixed race so I think that's why). I have had 2 photographers ask me to model for them. One of which chased me down so he could tell me how interesting and beautiful I was and how he'd love to photograph me (maybe just a pick up line?). I have had people say that I was ugly (mainly guys my age) but I have had more people say I was beautiful (girls and older guys). Its either one of those extremes so I think maybe I am an acquired taste.

 

I am shy but I know tons of shy girls, some of which who are more shy than I am, who have boyfriends or get attention from guys. I am a bit reserved and social awkward but very nice.

 

Honestly I just want a nice boyfriend. I don't really care if not many guys are attracted to me, but I can even attract one singular guy.

Please offer me your comments and suggestions.

[Loriana]

Hello

 

I totally understand where you're coming from, you sound a lot like me, I couldn't believe how similar we are!

 

I also have been approached by older guys that I have no interest in, one begged me for my number and followed me home once which was a little freaky haha! I also look younger than what I am, I'm 20, but most people think I'm 18 or a bit younger, I've learnt there is nothing wrong with looking younger as every woman wants to look younger so we should count ourselves lucky!

 

I've never been kissed or on a date or anything, I've been hugged a lot, but that's as far as it has gone, probably because I'm a little shy and awkward.

 

I also know people who are less confident than me who have boyfriends,there are also people who aren't very nice that I know who have boyfriends, I often ask myself why I can't seem to find a boyfriend and honestly, I think I try too hard or put too much pressure on myself to find one.

 

I think you just need to grow more in confidence and not put too much pressure on yourself to find someone, I like to think there is someone out there for everyone and hopefully most likely when you're not looking someone will come along and want to start something special with you. Your time will come, I'm sure of it!

[KarenC]

I am not trying to be harsh but if you are as beautiful as you say that you are then you should have guys forming a line around a building to get to you so I feel that you might need a makeover.

 

Oh, and BTW, mixed girls are sometimes extremely beautiful so I don't think that that's the case at all, however; it just depends on the man and what he likes.

 

I feel that everyone has beautiful...Some just need to find the right twist to bring it out.

 

Don't worry about guys or anyone else calling you ugly because for someone to call another person ugly to their face I find it to be flat-out rude, mean, disgraceful, and cruel.

 

Bless your heart because I feel bad for you after reading your post, however; I feel that you should consult with a makeup artist, a hair stylist, and a wardrobe artist because I'm sure that something will work for you.

[alli]

The type of man who approaches you might have less to do with you and more to do with them. The older men began dating in a time where men typically made the first move, so they still do it. The younger ones have only been dating for the past decade or so, so they started dating in a time when women began taking more of a lead. I think the younger guys aren't approaching you because they are used to women approaching them.

 

You know, I've very rarely had a guy approach me and ask to buy me a drink cold turkey. In most cases, I've met guys that I subsequently dated via mutual friends or in situations that brought us together such as in classes or at a gathering. I do have a friend that said she made eye contact with a stranger while driving her car. He followed her to a clothing store, found her inside & said "I don't normally do this, but..." flattering? maybe a bit. But it's creepy.

 

Your best bet is to meet guys in your social circle and strike up a conversation in those circumstances. If you are attracted to them, you have to at the very least let them know with your body language, prolonged eye contact, laughing & joking together. If you wait for the right guy to make the first move you will probably be waiting for a while. I know you said you gave out your number a few times, but really 3 times isn't that much. And you will probably have better luck giving your number to guys whom you have already chatted with and felt like there might be a spark.

[20sgal88]

I suffer from similar problems. I’m not biracial, but like you I’ve been told numerous times I’m attractive just not so much to the people I’m attracted to!

 

I’ve had one boyfriend and I feel he settled for me. That relationship has since ended and I am again alone and feel discontent about that.

 

I recently made an online dating profile and have gotten literally hundreds of emails. I feel the same way: older men tend to be attracted to me but also young men my age I’m not interested in. I recently had an experience with a young man I’m attracted to (there’s a big old thread on it here) that resulted in a flop.

 

I thought it was too good to be true. He seemed attracted to me and he was…to a point. We had sex twice but he wanted absolutely nothing more than that. I’m shy too and kinda awkward.

 

I honestly don’t know what the answer is. I think perhaps you and I are picky with who we like and the people we’re attracted to are also picky. I don’t think it has as much to do with looks as it has to do with compatibility. It takes a lot to be a true match with someone I’m beginning to see.

 

You have to be in the same emotional space, have the same wants and needs, outlook on life, life goals and similarities in ethnic, cultural, religious, philosophical, personality doesn’t hurt either. I find it seems virtually impossible to meet up with another person on these levels. It is very difficult to find someone on the same page with a mutual physical attraction.

 

I feel like having a preoccupation with this “problem” doesn’t help very much either. I notice that people who are already happy without a relationship tend to attract that happy relationship. Conversely, folks that feel like they’re lacking or “need” that special person to complete them have trouble finding that person or attract the wrong type of people and situations with dissatisfying results.

 

I think the best approach is to learn to love and nurture yourself. Don’t worry so much about others’ approval. Eat healthy, exercise, read spiritual material. I suggest Eckhart Tolle and similar teachers. I’ve heard the advice given from an older woman to a younger woman once, “If you can’t love yourself, who’s going to love you?”

 

And anyway, relationships are rocky, unstable ground. Even if you found that person to be with, there are no guarantees you will stay with that person or they will enrich and fulfill you the rest of your life. Divorce rates are at an all-time high, few people tend to stay together and I just don’t think it’s a good idea to derive your sense of self-value and worth from external factors. Sure, it feels great to be loved by someone but there are intrinsic dysfunctions in “love”.

 

I don’t know…I hope my post helped you. At least you know you’re not alone, as the name of the website suggests. Lol

[SA_Guy99]

How much older are the guys who approach you? As you get older, age means less and less when trying to find a partner. That's not to say I think you should go out with the next pig grandfather who asks you out, but everyone should have a window acceptable to them that is bigger than "my age only".

[annie24]

I think older men may have more of an appreciation of 'exotic beauty' which it kind of sounds like you are (without seeing any photos of you, of course). I think younger men can be quite superficial in who they date. I remember one young man on here said he was attracted to heavier girls but didn't want to date any because he didn't want his friends laughing at him! they might be trying to date their ideal, or what they think should be their ideal (thin, blonde hair, blue eyes, big boobs).

 

i think it also matters where you live - if you live in a racially diverse big city, finding a guy who wants to date a mixed race woman might be easier than in a small conservative town.

 

anyway- just be you!! it will work out.

[exiledmuse]

Thanks for all of the thorough replies. I wasn't expecting this many

 

Hello

I totally understand where you're coming from, you sound a lot like me, I couldn't believe how similar we are!

 

I also have been approached by older guys that I have no interest in, one begged me for my number and followed me home once which was a little freaky haha! I also look younger than what I am, I'm 20, but most people think I'm 18 or a bit younger, I've learnt there is nothing wrong with looking younger as every woman wants to look younger so we should count ourselves lucky!

 

I also know people who are less confident than me who have boyfriends,there are also people who aren't very nice that I know who have boyfriends, I often ask myself why I can't seem to find a boyfriend and honestly, I think I try too hard or put too much pressure on myself to find one.

 

I know of all of these girls online who are 20-something who haven't had boyfriends but in real life it seems to only be me who has this problem.

Wow, its crazy that you got followed home by a guy. That's never happened to me but just today a man who seemed to be in his 50's or something followed me around in the grocery store.

 

I personally don't feel like I'm putting to much pressure on myself about it. Its not like a daily thing that I worry about. Its just that every now and then I'm smacked in the face with the reality that I'm getting up their in age, and haven't had a single romantic experience. It isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but when you see couples and stuff how can you not feel a little bad about it? Only people who have the same circumstances understand how it feels.

 

 

I am not trying to be harsh but if you are as beautiful as you say that you are then you should have guys forming a line around a building to get to you so I feel that you might need a makeover.

 

That's not harsh. I just never said I was beautiful. I do not think I am physically beautiful for that exact reas (a line of guy of any length has never formed for me). I think I am very average. Its other people who tell me that I am beautiful. Some people have said that I am ugly as well. I have never heard anyone describe me as cute or so-so. Usually one of those two extreme.

 

I agree that I probably need a makeover. I am not in any way stylish. I actually dislike the fashion industry for the most part, which is kinda ironic considering how many people have told me that I should be a fashion model. I do not like showing skin at all, which seems uncommon for a girl my age.

 

 

The type of man who approaches you might have less to do with you and more to do with them. The older men began dating in a time where men typically made the first move, so they still do it. The younger ones have only been dating for the past decade or so, so they started dating in a time when women began taking more of a lead. I think the younger guys aren't approaching you because they are used to women approaching them.

 

Your best bet is to meet guys in your social circle and strike up a conversation in those circumstances. If you are attracted to them, you have to at the very least let them know with your body language, prolonged eye contact, laughing & joking together. If you wait for the right guy to make the first move you will probably be waiting for a while. I know you said you gave out your number a few times, but really 3 times isn't that much. And you will probably have better luck giving your number to guys whom you have already chatted with and felt like there might be a spark.

 

I think its probably normal that most girls get approached by older men. What I think isn't normal is not getting approach by guys one's own age. I see guys my age approaching girls. Even in just a classroom setting I will see guys strike up conversations with a girl they don't know. Guys don't do that with me. Whenever I am with my cousin, she gets approached at least once I am there to witness it. She is not any more approachable than I am. In fact, she'll reject a guy very harshly. Even when she was pregnant, guys overlooked me, and approached her.

 

Also I am not against approaching guys. I will and have done so in the past and I am usually met with complete disinterest or awkwardness.

 

I don't really have a social circle. One of the guys I gave my number to was a really hot guys, one of the only guys who approached me humself, initiated conversations with me nearly everyday for 6 months, and asked me out on several dates. I thought that was the spark but I guess he really didn't like me.

 

That relationship has since ended and I am again alone and feel discontent about that.

 

I recently had an experience with a young man I’m attracted to (there’s a big old thread on it here) that resulted in a flop.

 

I honestly don’t know what the answer is. I think perhaps you and I are picky with who we like and the people we’re attracted to are also picky. I don’t think it has as much to do with looks as it has to do with compatibility. It takes a lot to be a true match with someone I’m beginning to see.

 

You have to be in the same emotional space, have the same wants and needs, outlook on life, life goals and similarities in ethnic, cultural, religious, philosophical, personality doesn’t hurt either. I find it seems virtually impossible to meet up with another person on these levels. It is very difficult to find someone on the same page with a mutual physical attraction.

 

I feel like having a preoccupation with this “problem” doesn’t help very much either. I notice that people who are already happy without a relationship tend to attract that happy relationship. Conversely, folks that feel like they’re lacking or “need” that special person to complete them have trouble finding that person or attract the wrong type of people and situations with dissatisfying results.

 

 

I just don’t think it’s a good idea to derive your sense of self-value and worth from external factors. Sure, it feels great to be loved by someone but there are intrinsic dysfunctions in “love”.

 

I don’t know…I hope my post helped you. At least you know you’re not alone, as the name of the website suggests. Lol

I recently had interest in a young man I was attracted too as well. That too resulted in a flop.

 

Maybe I am more picky than I should be. There's only 2 things I require from a guy, but maybe I shouldn't have any requirements or standards. I may not have that luxury. I don't even think I am too picky when it comes to looks. As long as the guy is not overweight, have any obvious physical defects, and has decent personal hygeine, and close to my age I'm 9 times out of 10 going to be somewhat attracted to him, especially if he likes me. I do have preferences but it really doesn't take much for my preferences to change. I wasn't into hairy guys until I met my crush and now I don't find a lot of body hair unattractive. I also didn't care for big muscles before I met him but now I'm attracted to it.

 

I do however think others are very picky. Like you said you have to be in the same emotional space, have the same wants and needs, outlook on life, goal and similarities in ethic, cultural, religious, etc. I am not picky when it comes to those types of things as I have no culture, I don't really have "beliefs", I have a lot of interests so its unlikely for me to not have at least one shared interest with someone.

 

I wouldn't say I am preoccupied with this. I don't think of this daily. Usually I don't have the time to think about this kind of stuff, but I have a lot of free time being that I am on summer break from school. I don't "need" a romantic relationship to have a good life. I am working on myself so that if a guy never comes along I will still have a fulfilling life.

 

I would have to disagree with you based on my experience. Most people that I personally know who are desperate for relationships have been in many relationships and have no problem attracting partners. As soon as they leave one relationship they are onto the next one with no trouble.

 

I may not be of much value to others but I am valuable to myself. Why do you get the impression that I don't value myself, and I am not working on any other areas of my life just because I would like a little romance in my life? Is that really so bad?

 

 

How much older are the guys who approach you? As you get older, age means less and less when trying to find a partner. That's not to say I think you should go out with the next pig grandfather who asks you out, but everyone should have a window acceptable to them that is bigger than "my age only".

 

Most of the time maybe men who look like they're in their 40's (my father is also in his 40's) with some guys in their 30's sprinkled in. My window is 23-29. It is a small window but I am not too attracted to guys who are well into their 30's and beyond. I'm not super rigid on that as I can imagine that some guys I could make exceptions for. It just depends really but I find that I have a strong attraction to guys who are very close to my age, ideally 1 or 2 years older than me.

 

 

I think older men may have more of an appreciation of 'exotic beauty' which it kind of sounds like you are (without seeing any photos of you, of course). I think younger men can be quite superficial in who they date. I remember one young man on here said he was attracted to heavier girls but didn't want to date any because he didn't want his friends laughing at him! they might be trying to date their ideal, or what they think should be their ideal (thin, blonde hair, blue eyes, big boobs).

 

i think it also matters where you live - if you live in a racially diverse big city, finding a guy who wants to date a mixed race woman might be easier than in a small conservative town.

 

anyway- just be you!! it will work out.

 

I live in the United States in the South. There are mostly Caucasians where I live, so maybe most guys my age, who just so happen to be white don't see me as their ideal type, or fear their friends and family's thoughts towards me. However, I do see many interracial couples and I am a product of one.

[rachopin77]

Your mindset and vibes are all wrong. That's what's going on. You are too focused on what you don't have, and what you think should be happening for you. You're projecting that to everyone else. You might be really pretty, but if you give off negative, closed off, or desperate vibes, guys won't find you attractive. How you come accross to people has a HUGE bearing on whether or not they find you attractive. People can be average, but they give off so much happiness and positive vibes that people think they're adorable. You need to figure out what it is you have to do to get rid of some of your negativity and just be open with everyone. It's got to be a conscious decision. You need to banish the complaining and insecurity from your brain. You probably have a tendency to scowl or look unhappy in some way as a result. That pushes people away and turns them off and makes you unapproachable.

 

I used to constantly tear myself down and wonder why I had no guy friends or normal non creepy guys my age who found me attractive and why I had such a hard time connecting with people. But then I just made a decision to stop thinking that way. I promised myself I would just be a happy, friendly, open person when the school year started up again at my college. All it took was for me to make that decision and I'm already seeing a HUGE difference in the way people treat me in general.

 

I've changed the way I talk to people. I speak louder and with more animation. I also make sure I remember names and greet EVERYONE I know when I see them either by genuinely smiling and waving, or going up to them. I start conversations with random people whenever I have the chance. If I sit next to someone on the shuttle I'll introduce myself and ask them about their day. I compliment people. Just this afternoon I saw a guy that I've thought was cute and had nice eyes, so I went up to him and told him I thought he had really pretty eyes and asked him his name. He had a HUGE smile when he thanked me and I could tell I clearly made his day, and we talked for a little while. Before I never would have done that. I consciously try to listen carefully to everything people say. I hold eye contact. And so on and so forth. The trick is, you have to make people feel good about themselves when they're around you. From your post, I can tell you probably don't do that, and if people don't feel good around you, why would any of them want to date you? Make it your daily goal to make the people around you feel appreciated and worthy. You have to radiate happiness and not insecurity. People can pick up on insecurity, even if it's just subconscious. Doing things for other people will make them feel good, but it will also make you feel good. When you feel good, it shows.

 

Since I've made it my goal to be as nice and friendly as possible to everyone I meet, learn their names, and act like I genuinely care, people have been acting more like they care as well. I was walking accross campus with a friend, and by the time we got to where we were going, she said "Dang... everyone wants to talk to you today." A girl told me "Oh my gosh, you're just so sweet!" earlier out of the blue when I was talking to someone else. I notice people smile at me way more. I talk to guys a lot more now, and they have been making more of an effort to get to know me lately. It's only been like a week back in school and I've seen this much of a change.Things like that boost your confidence, and it's easier to act lively, assertive and open when that happens. That helps you connect with even more people. Seriously, if I can make the decision to change how I come accross to people, so can you. I used to have horrible approach anxiety, but then I just decided "Really. Get over it. Talk to people." Now I'm honestly not afraid or nervous to talk to most people I come accross.

 

Honestly, I think your problem is you just don't make people feel good when they're around you if they don't know you that well. Make it your goal to do that, and people will show more interest. And stop thinking about all that you don't have.

[20sgal88]

rachopin77 brings up really good points.

 

 

 

Well, that’s good you’re working on yourself and don’t feel like you need a guy. And I understand wanting some romance in your life. That’s a natural desire all of us have. It’s just that I assume if someone feels motivated enough to find this website, “e-not-alone” and make a post, they’re desperate somehow. They’re reaching out. Something has bothered them that much to prompt them to try to do something about it. At least gain insight through strangers’ perspectives on their own situation.

 

I guess another reason I got the impression you don’t value yourself is because I’ve had issues with self-value and also struggle with romantic relationships. I assumed the reason you’re struggling must stem from the same issues I have.

 

Yeah, some people can’t stand to be alone. I believe they are referred to as “relationship-hoppers”.

 

Desire, attraction, love, sex, etc…are very powerful and universally sought after experiences. At the end of the day we’re all animals and so I figure we have these inclinations inborn in us for reproductive purposes. But they can make us miserable as well. That’s good you’re not preoccupied with it and are just thinking about it a little bit more because you are on summer break. I know how that is! Again, I was projecting the preoccupied thing because I find this to be true of myself in my own situation. At any rate, I hope you have derived the advice you were seeking and maybe got a couple constructive ideas about your plight.

[Notagoodninja]

Hmm idk aside from showing us your pic in a PM lol I don't know what to tell you because I can't see you

if you have bad skin make sure you're taking care of it with a good dermatologist

Make sure you go to the dentist for cleanings and such

Join a gym, sounds like youre thin but make sure you're FIT too...

are you dressing attractively...........cute little skirts and tops? you sound young and cute you should be wearing short ruffly cute skirts that show off ur long legs and little tank tops and t shirts with cute boots or flip flops....

guys like hair......if it is too curly use a flat iron on it

if its too straight use curling iron for some volume....

 

go to Sephora at the mall and have them give you a makeover...have them write down what foundation, eye shadow, blush etc to use...get some lip gloss

 

and to be COMPLETELY honest with you, unless you show skin nowadays guys WONT look twice, thats the truth

Before I get yelled at, I am not telling you to go look like a ...but I am just telling you that girls nowadays barely wear clothes so guys have all that eye candy 24/7

You WILL find a man who loves you for who you are, but you are not going to get checked out nowdays without dressing cute, and thats the truth even if I get yelled at on here lol

 

everything in moderation

are you TOO tan? lay off

are you too WHITE- lay out in the sun a little for a tan

 

And listen, I did not get asked out on my first date til I was 19

Then by like 24 I started getting asked out all the time, but I started to change my style...

[happpybear]

I agree with this entirely. appearance will only get you so far, you need to have personality. So what about your interests and hobbies? what are your passions? do you talk about your passions when you meet a guy, do you remain positive and warm,are you comfortable with yourself or do you get nervous and fidgety?

[exiledmuse]

I am pretty fit. I'm not skinny-fat. I work out nearly every day-well I run nearly everyday. I don't really do gyms.

There is no way I'm showing my pic on this site. I don't even have pictures on facebook.

I go to the dentist regularly. I have a slight overbite that no one but me and my dentist seems to notice. I get complements on how straight and close together my teeth are (no gaps).

I suffered from moderate acne in the past that left me with acne scarring. No deep scars, like icepick scars, only hyperpigmentation, which is easy to cover with concealer.

I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl. I will even go sweatpants every now and then. I don't wear skirts unless its a special occasion.

I am biracial so yes my hair is probably what you would describe as "too curly". I do straighten it sometimes but I'm in the process of growing my hair long (its already a decent length but I would like it longer) so heat is not good for it. Especially the type of heat required to get my hair straight.

Foundation breaks me out. There's just no way around it. Even concealer will break me out if I use to much. Eyeshadow is overpowering on my features. I thought that guys hated makeup anyway.

 

Yeah I figured that guys don't pay attention to girls that don't show skin. People will say that you don't need to show skin, but my observations say otherwise.

 

Again, I am mixed with black/african-american so I am dark tan always, and I will even if I never go into the sunlight.

 

How did you look before you changed your style? How much do you get asked out now?

 

 

 

Having a good personality and/or good looks are both good and I think both will get you pretty far. Yes I talk about my passions. I either keep things neutral or positive. I don't really share the struggles in my life unless I know a person very well and obviously I don't want to run that person away.Yes I do get nervous and fidgety.

[The_Seeker]

Some guys are intimidated by you or some guys want some better.

 

It varies from different individuals.

 

All I know is keep doing you. Whoever the guy is will take notice and be brave enough to want to be with you and secure.

[John John]

and to be COMPLETELY honest with you, unless you show skin nowadays guys WONT look twice, thats the truth

Before I get yelled at, I am not telling you to go look like a ...but I am just telling you that girls nowadays barely wear clothes so guys have all that eye candy 24/7

 

Not true really. I actually prefer women who are more conservative. Showing too much skin is nice for us guys to look at, yes, but I think if you want to attract more genuine guys, a more wholesome look is preferred (i.e. something like Mandy Moore, and NEVER trashy like Xtina).

[rachopin77]

I feel like it's not a good habit or approach to think of your attributes as being "too something" like your hair is too curly or you're too dark. Those are features you're born with and its much easier to just go with what you've got instead of trying to go through a lot to change how you look to fit what you think people will like. Everyone has different preferences. Some people lie straight hair, some like curly. You can't predict what everyone will like. So work with what you've been dealt, and people will appreciate your confidence in yourself. I could easily say I'm too tall. I'm 6 feet tall. But that's not going to change anytime soon, so I just go with it. I keep myself happy about it and see the benefits that come with being really tall. No one can accuse me of being insecure about my height.

 

And with makeup, my philosophy is its best to wear it when you want to, but not so much that people are used to your makeup covered face more than your natural face. I always find it to be better for people to be pleasantly surprised when you decide to put a little extra effort into your morning routine and wear makeup, than if you don't wear it one day and everyone's like "Dang... what happened?" If you enjoy wearing makeup, by all means, wear it, but a lot of the time it's really not necessary. And with guys, if you do your makeup right (like keeping it pretty natural and not caked on.) they will notice you look really nice, but they won't be thinking a ton about what you did with your makeup. Keep it natural and just use it to enhance what you've got every now and then. I've never really known a guy who "hated" makeup though. They probably just don't think about it as much as girls do.

 

And guys do pay attention to girls who don't show a ton of skin. It's best to leave a little to the imagination. You attract more genuine guys that way anyway. When girls dress in really skimpy clothes, most people, guys and girls, sort of assume they're pretty ty. I don't think that's what you want. Dress nicely, but you don't have to be half naked for guys to notice you...

[Thorshammer]

Not true really. I actually prefer women who are more conservative. Showing too much skin is nice for us guys to look at, yes, but I think if you want to attract more genuine guys, a more wholesome look is preferred (i.e. something like Mandy Moore, and NEVER trashy like Xtina).

 

I agree with this, i dont want to see skin if i plan to develop things further. I dont mind if she shows off what she has when shes with me, but before we meet- its a turn off. Cute dresses and mini-skirts drive me wild. In my head, I guess the badboy on the outside, wants the goodgirl on the outside.

[Notagoodninja]

I agree with this, i dont want to see skin if i plan to develop things further. I dont mind if she shows off what she has when shes with me, but before we meet- its a turn off. Cute dresses and mini-skirts drive me wild. In my head, I guess the badboy on the outside, wants the goodgirl on the outside.

 

how dare! just kidding

[Silverbirch]

Hey, I don't need to see your pic to tell you I don't think you should change how you are. When I was a teenager, I had the same issue. I used to consider the men as older guys when in fact a lot of them were only in their late 20's. I saw them as "way too old" for me at that time. Whereas, the "boys" who I wanted to attract, I now see as very unsophisticated (Bogan is not inaccurate) and immature.

 

I am MUCH older now, but I think it's probably accurate to say that my type of looks which I was born with - a mixture of celtic and meditaranean were not considered "the in look" in those times.

 

I don't think you should worry too much about not attracting guys your age at this point in time. I hope you pursue any legitimate modelling offers you get and make the world your oyster. You sound beautiful to me.

[Notagoodninja]

LOL I just realized something...DUH...

she said she looks 16

and we wonder why guys don't approach her? LOL der....its prob a good thing they dont if they think she's 16!

[exiledmuse]

No that isn't my mindset. I was just using Notagoodninja's terminology of "too curly". What can I say? My hair is very curly and most people would consider it "too curly" that's just the way it is. There's really not much I can do to change my hair and skin color anyway.

 

I was exaggerating a bit when I said "hate". Guys "prefer" natural. Or at least that's what they say.

 

I don't know. I'd say these days its becoming more acceptable to wear skimpy clothing. No one is really that judgmental about it anymore, unless its super skimpy. You should see the kind of stuff I see like 60% of the girls my age around where I live wearing. Not saying that i will start dressing like that though.

 

 

Do you think that girls who have a "wholesome" look come off as boring to guys in their 20's?

I get the feeling that I come off as too old-fashioned and boring, yet weird to guys.

I think I was too much of a "good girl" for my crush

 

 

How should I dress then? How conservative is too conservative?

And how good is too good? Because I notice you said "good girl on the outside" but how about on the inside?

Also, why is it a turn off if she shows skin before you meet, but its suddenly okay for her to show skin after you two are already together? It seems like it would make more sense the other way around.

But what do I know...?

 

 

I think I look a few years younger than my actual age, but I don't personally think I look 16, Its other people who say I look 16. I think its a combination of my awkwardness, personality, and feautures from my Asian side that are making me seem 16 rather than solely my appearance.It doesn't stop old men from being interested in me so I don't think that's the reason. Besides, if I'm on campus and such taking classes and participating in events at my university its unlikely that I'm 16. I'm around tons of guys during the school year and none of them have noticed me except 1 or 2.

 

 

I do not want to be a model lol. Its tempting but I know I would not be good at it because I am way too shy and like I said, I pretty much hate fashion. Yeah maybe I just don't have "the in look". I have an unconventional apperance, which I'm proud of in a way but I also see it as a disadvantage. When I went out to dinner last night the waiter was calling me "Miss America" and "beauty" and all kinds of things. I understand that he probably wanted a good tip but, older men aren't shy about giving me compliments like that, and guys my age think I'm hideous (I have been called ugly to my face by a young guy).

I am not a teenager. I'm well into my 20's. That's why its weird that I have never had a guy my age seriously interested in me. I don't think a guy who is in his late 20's is old, but early 30's is getting into too old territory. I had a 34 year old guy with 2 daughters try to get with me. I have no idea why. I don't think 34 is old but as a romantic partner 10 years older is way too much of an age gap for me. Not only because of my younger appearance, but also because I am a bit more innocent than most girls my age. I haven't reached some milestones that most girls have reached while in their teens. Also, I had to grow up early (my parents left me) so I'm still kinda clinging onto some things from my childhood so there is a child-like quality about me.

[Thorshammer]

I look bad (supposedly), so i attract bad girls (cocky arrogant, club goers who brag about men staring at them), talk bad about other women, are all about looks and power. I am not like them inside, i am a geek. I want a nice girl, those are the ones i fall in love with. Dressing and show so much looks like shes screaming for attention, and it sets off stereotypes like the above.

 

My ex was classy, and she dressed classy. Tight skirt to her knees, blouse, actually i dont know what kind of clothes, lol, just no skin being revealed. If i see my gf walking out the house showing side boob and a skirt showing cheeks, sorry... i would tell her not to come back. Unless shes walking out with me, and is doing that for me to turn me on the whole night (i dont mind if guys look when i am there, or approach her when i am not standing by her- that actually turns me on), but im 32 years old, i am looking for a gf that may one day be my wife or mother of my children, not a good temporary lay anymore.

 

Plus, i had enough women to know what a boob and booty looks like. I can tell through clothes, i dont need it jiggling in my face.

[exiledmuse]

^^ So tight clothes?

Tight clothes are also what I consider revealing but I don't think guys consider tight revealing. My idea of revealing isn't necessarily the extreme boobs and butt hanging out.

Okay I see what you're saying, but you don't mind that she would also be attracting other guys by dressing like that?

I don't want to be a "temporary lay". If I could just attract one guy who will be my husband I would be happy with that. I don't need tons of dates and boyfriends but that I can't even interest one guy.

[Thorshammer]

I dont care if she attracts guys at all- she is attractive, its about disrespecting "us" by looking like a stripper when im not with her. If she goes out with me, i dont mind a tight shirt that shows her cleavage or whatever, i've never really dated anyone who showed too much though. I used sit with my friends and i would watch my ex dancing alone and guys approach her, she would reject them when they wanted to dance, or just point at me when they tried to talk to her- they would walk away- with the music playing and her dancing by herself with all eyes on her - would turn me on like crazy (note, it was techno music, thor doesnt dance to techno music).

 

Tight top or bottom isnt too revealing to me. Its actually showing skin that i start to go like ???? am i getting that tonight, is that what she wants?

 

But, i am more of a face/ and thin guy when it comes to women, and i can see that easy on conservatively dressed women- so thats enough to attract me. I like small boobs, thin, and i would like a big butt, but its not a deal-breaker. So showing me skin will just make me horny because i SEE skin.

[happpybear]

i have never in my life showed skin in an way or worn risque clothing or footwear to attract men.

 

If dressing conservatively is your thing, than dont change it. You can still look sexy fully clothed. It's about knowing your body, and how to accentuate your shape. Figure out what you like about your body---do you have a small waist? long legs? nice chest? nice bum? what colors look good on you? are you fair or dark, warm or cool skin tones?