I don't understand why guys are never attracted to me

[John John]

In response to your question exiledmuse, yeah, it's totally possible to attract men by dressing more conservatively. I actually think that's what most decent men prefer (the ones who aren't looking just to get laid). That's why I always said growing up...I would sleep with Britney or Christina in a heartbeat...but Mandy Moore was always (and still is, but she's married, dang it) the one I wanted to wife

[exiledmuse]

In response to your question exiledmuse, yeah, it's totally possible to attract men by dressing more conservatively. I actually think that's what most decent men prefer (the ones who aren't looking just to get laid). That's why I always said growing up...I would sleep with Britney or Christina in a heartbeat...but Mandy Moore was always (and still is, but she's married, dang it) the one I wanted to wife

That's nice to know. Unfortunately I don't have the attractive girl next door looks, which actually seems to be the most important part.

 

i have never in my life showed skin in an way or worn risque clothing or footwear to attract men.

 

If dressing conservatively is your thing, than dont change it. You can still look sexy fully clothed. It's about knowing your body, and how to accentuate your shape. Figure out what you like about your body---do you have a small waist? long legs? nice chest? nice bum? what colors look good on you? are you fair or dark, warm or cool skin tones?

Then what's wrong with me? Its so frustrating lol

I don't really know why I dress conservatively. I am uncomfortable wearing revealing clothing. It doesn't suit my personality anyway.

 

I dont care if she attracts guys at all- she is attractive, its about disrespecting "us" by looking like a stripper when im not with her. If she goes out with me, i dont mind a tight shirt that shows her cleavage or whatever, i've never really dated anyone who showed too much though. I used sit with my friends and i would watch my ex dancing alone and guys approach her, she would reject them when they wanted to dance, or just point at me when they tried to talk to her- they would walk away- with the music playing and her dancing by herself with all eyes on her - would turn me on like crazy (note, it was techno music, thor doesnt dance to techno music).

 

Tight top or bottom isnt too revealing to me. Its actually showing skin that i start to go like ???? am i getting that tonight, is that what she wants?

 

But, i am more of a face/ and thin guy when it comes to women, and i can see that easy on conservatively dressed women- so thats enough to attract me. I like small boobs, thin, and i would like a big butt, but its not a deal-breaker. So showing me skin will just make me horny because i SEE skin.

Umm...okay. I guess I understand.

Hey, I saw one of your posts in another thread and...I think I should totally forget about attracting guys. At this point I really don't think there's anything I can do about it.

I can only control what I do. I may be able to slightly control how people perceive me, but what they think of me, and whether or not they like me or are attracted to me is almost completely out of my hands. Especially since for guys it comes down to the looks over personality.

[happpybear]

Then what's wrong with me? Its so frustrating lol

 

nothing, honestly. And you do get attention, you have said so in a previous post, so it's not like you are invisible. I don't know what else to tell you other than just be who you are, try to work on your personality and confidence.

[exiledmuse]

nothing, honestly. And you do get attention, you have said so in a previous post, so it's not like you are invisible. I don't know what else to tell you other than just be who you are, try to work on your personality and confidence.

I pretty much only get attention from older men. It doesn't really matter if I get attention from men old enough to be my father because there's no way I'm dating one. I am invisible to the guys in my age range. Only one guy has ever shown interest in me, but then he lost interest all of a sudden. It was crushing because I felt that was my last and only chance. Well I couldn't really tell if he liked me as a friend or something more because I know very little about guys.

[exiledmuse]

I did a field study.

I had my hair down today and wore a slightly low cut shirt that I usually wear over a tank top/cami thing so it completely covers my chest.

Guys were a lot more friendly to me today. Lots of guys would look at me as I walked by.

I noticed guys standing closer to me than usual.

I even had more doors held for me because sometimes guys just let doors slam in my face but that didn't happen today.

There were a lot of glances at my chest by my male classmates, which made me so uncomfortable and nervous. Wow I don't see how girls do this daily.

Outside of my class there were a group of maybe 10 guys and at least half of them looked in my direction.

 

But still no one has approached me. So I guess they're attracted enough to take a good look at me and be nice to me but not attracted enough to talk to me.

[Thorshammer]

It comes down to looks more so for men, but there is general attraction also. I would date a less attractive women over a more attractive woman if she made me feel a certain way, but she has to be attractive to me.

 

And just because guys dont approach doesnt mean they arent attracted. I went for my break and saw this really beautiful woman walking by, i stared at her and she looked at me and smiled- a nervous 'oh hes looking at me, he thinks im pretty, what do i do' smile?'. I just let her walk by, to never be seen again - i would have worshiped that girl. Sometimes i dont approach- actually most times i dont, many guys can be this way.

[Blue Spiral]

I did a field study.

I had my hair down today and wore a slightly low cut shirt that I usually wear over a tank top/cami thing so it completely covers my chest.

Guys were a lot more friendly to me today. Lots of guys would look at me as I walked by.

 

I think we've discovered the problem. Most women figure this out when they're teenagers: they use it to get attention and boost their confidence during their insecure/awkward years, refine it in college, and then outgrow it entirely as adults, as they now have a decade's worth of self-confidence to build on. Some women do keep dressing/acting like that, either because they're a bit exhibitionist-y or because they have issues. (If you ever wonder why some men are so shy/insecure, it's because we don't go through a process like that. We don't have a thing we can do in our adolescent years that magically makes women pay attention to us. So, by the time a woman is in her mid-twenties, and sex/attention are old hat for her, a man at the same age can be both less experienced and way behind in terms of confidence.)

 

Have you been around men all that much? We're fairly obvious about the things we like, you should have figured this out long ago...

[John John]

Don't take it personally at all...be happy that you were getting looks I very rarely approach a woman in real life. I hate rejection, and hate it more when there's an audience.

 

I'll approach if we've made eye contact and if she has a friendly demeanor, because I know she'll at least turn me down gently. I also have to be in the right frame of mind and be in the midst of one of those "I look damn good" days.

 

Maybe you should be approaching the guys that are giving you these looks!

[exiledmuse]

It comes down to looks more so for men, but there is general attraction also. I would date a less attractive women over a more attractive woman if she made me feel a certain way, but she has to be attractive to me.

 

And just because guys dont approach doesnt mean they arent attracted. I went for my break and saw this really beautiful woman walking by, i stared at her and she looked at me and smiled- a nervous 'oh hes looking at me, he thinks im pretty, what do i do' smile?'. I just let her walk by, to never be seen again - i would have worshiped that girl. Sometimes i dont approach- actually most times i dont, many guys can be this way.

What is general attraction?

Okay so maybe the problem isn't that they aren't attracted, they just don't like me.

That's even worse.

 

I think we've discovered the problem. Most women figure this out when they're teenagers: they use it to get attention and boost their confidence during their insecure/awkward years, refine it in college, and then outgrow it entirely as adults, as they now have a decade's worth of self-confidence to build on. Some women do keep dressing/acting like that, either because they're a bit exhibitionist-y or because they have issues. (If you ever wonder why some men are so shy/insecure, it's because we don't go through a process like that. We don't have a thing we can do in our adolescent years that magically makes women pay attention to us. So, by the time a woman is in her mid-twenties, and sex/attention are old hat for her, a man at the same age can be both less experienced and way behind in terms of confidence.)

 

Have you been around men all that much? We're fairly obvious about the things we like, you should have figured this out long ago...

No, I have known that guys are attracted to girls in revealing clothing but I just didn't think it mattered that much for me personally because I do have a few things working against me.

 

Oh yeah, I'm around tons of men most of the time since my major is male dominant. There are only a few girls in my classes. Outside of school and work I am not around much of anyone because I'm not one of those people who have a lot of friends, plus I am an introvert and homebody.

'

Well dressing that way didn't make me more confident. It made me more self-conscious and uncomfortable. I did like that guys were being a little more polite to me but I didn't like what came with that (eyes falling directly to my chest).

 

Don't take it personally at all...be happy that you were getting looks I very rarely approach a woman in real life. I hate rejection, and hate it more when there's an audience.

 

I'll approach if we've made eye contact and if she has a friendly demeanor, because I know she'll at least turn me down gently. I also have to be in the right frame of mind and be in the midst of one of those "I look damn good" days.

 

Maybe you should be approaching the guys that are giving you these looks!

Yeah I wasn't making eye contact with most of those guys because I was too shy. Actually, I did make eye contact with one guy but he moved away. Maybe I made him uncomfortable.

I have approached guys before, several times, which isn't a lot but if you saw how shy I really am you would be impressed by that.

I want a guys to approach me and talk to me and treat me like a human being. Like they do plenty of other girls.

[John John]

Yeah I wasn't making eye contact with most of those guys because I was too shy. Actually, I did make eye contact with one guy but he moved away. Maybe I made him uncomfortable.

I have approached guys before, several times, which isn't a lot but if you saw how shy I really am you would be impressed by that.

I want a guys to approach me and talk to me and treat me like a human being. Like they do plenty of other girls.

 

You seem like you are nice, and I think your problem is that you're shy...perhaps you're shy to the point where you come off as standoffish to others? I know there was a girl in college who was really hot, but I was always afraid to approach her because she looked like she wasn't friendly. I will never approach a girl who doesn't seem friendly...as long as she's friendly which means she'd turn me down as kindly as possible, then I will approach. I remember during senior week, we were both drinking, and she loosened up and told me that she's painfully shy and socially awkward. She also told me she liked me throughout junior and senior year. I told her I thought she was mean. D'oh!

[Thorshammer]

What is general attraction?

Okay so maybe the problem isn't that they aren't attracted, they just don't like me.

That's even worse.

 

There is physical attraction, for me thats face and body lets say. Face and weight size being the most important.

Then there is personality which can be attractive. Its not about being COOL, i can keep this cool and interesting person friendzoned. Its attraction in her behavior, for me personally; being a bit flirty, being very feminine, being very weak that she needs my help (which triggers me to feel more masculine, this triggers a sexual attraction in both of us), knowing how to balance attention from pushing and pulling.

 

I dated a girl that pouted, wanted me to help lift everything, ran into my arms when she was scared, always said i was so manly- i would ravaged that girl 3 times a day until we were exhausted, i couldnt get enough of her. I am not saying to do this exactly, but there are other triggers besides looking good. I remember my cousin telling me he hated women like this, so it varies.

 

And a random guy in the street doesnt like you, he just found you attractive- he doesnt know if he likes you. As for people you know, maybe you are not giving them clues to your interest. Ive met girls i originally liked, then after the date i didnt like them due to them not showing interest, or forgetting how a date goes from a social meeting with a friend, they had this "it isnt me its them" mentality.

[Blue Spiral]

Oh yeah, I'm around tons of men most of the time since my major is male dominant. There are only a few girls in my classes. Outside of school and work I am not around much of anyone because I'm not one of those people who have a lot of friends, plus I am an introvert and homebody.

 

I'm the same way. I don't really have/want any friends, and I'm introverted and a homebody, as well--which made things difficult for me in my relationship days. My idea of a good time is...staying in and not doing anything, and for most people, that seems to get old quickly.

 

Well dressing that way didn't make me more confident. It made me more self-conscious and uncomfortable. I did like that guys were being a little more polite to me but I didn't like what came with that (eyes falling directly to my chest).

 

Well, if it made you feel that way, you shouldn't do it, obviously. We all have to engage in risk-assessment: I'm not comfortable with rejection, so I've avoided putting myself in situations where I could be rejected. I'm sure I've missed out on chances with women because of that. Likewise, if you feel more comfortable dressing conservatively, you should absolutely do it. Just keep in mind that it may make things a bit more challenging for you.

[happpybear]

Maybe you should be approaching the guys that are giving you these looks!

 

I agree with this. you are not going to solve this by wearing booby shirts. You are shy, you need to work through that shyness and breakthrough it, the thing is that shy chicks generally come off as standoffish...especially if you have b*itchy resting face (as I do...sucks), which means that most men are not going to approach you unless they are drunk.

 

I might try woring through your shyness first, than start building up your confidence so that you can approach a man, instead of waiting for one to come to you.

 

take baby steps: First start by making eye contact with everyone you pass. Do that until you feel comfy and don't think about it anymore. Then step it up, so that you make eye-contact AND smile at everyone you pass (this makes you look approachable and friendly). Then when you feel comfy with that, start approaching a few men and asking them briefly for the time/directions etc. whatever as long as you are going up and chatting.

[hotnspicychikn]

I think a lot of people rarely approach someone they are attracted to in real life anymore. It's so much easier to face the rejection behind a computer screen. I know many men who would probably never approach me in real life will approach me online. Try not to take it personal and remember confidence, a positive attitude and a genuine smile are much sexier than any clothing you can wear.

[mikejonesjr]

I think older men may have more of an appreciation of 'exotic beauty' which it kind of sounds like you are (without seeing any photos of you, of course). I think younger men can be quite superficial in who they date. I remember one young man on here said he was attracted to heavier girls but didn't want to date any because he didn't want his friends laughing at him! they might be trying to date their ideal, or what they think should be their ideal (thin, blonde hair, blue eyes, big boobs).

 

i think it also matters where you live - if you live in a racially diverse big city, finding a guy who wants to date a mixed race woman might be easier than in a small conservative town.

 

anyway- just be you!! it will work out.

 

I agree with annie. younger boys sometimes do not appreciate the beauty of an exotic beautiful woman. They are too caught up in what their peers will think while older men learn that beauty is not only physical but can be found in all aspects of a woman.