Doc Blaze Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 has she ever text messaged you first to say good morning? Link to comment
johndoe13 Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 has she ever text messaged you first to say good morning? Yes she has many times. I don't think it is the relationship, I think it is me the problem that is why I am not pulling the plug. I love this girl, I think she is georgeous and know she is patient with me despite being so needy compared to most guys. My problem is that I am sabotaging my relationship...I have a feeling I may be a narcissist. I told myself last night that if I don't get my grip and control my emotions and improve my relationship I will pull the plug on purchasing something with her and possibly on the relationship. I don't think she has pulled the plug yet but I think I have to chill! By the way we have plans to go to europe in 2 weeks, plans to go to concerts, in two weeks we will deposit for a house...Still I am ****ing insecure...I know I am pathetic for a 38yo; so kudos to her for putting up with me. And yes, I have an appointment with a new psychologist this friday; I have not gone to one in 4 months... By the way any actual behaviour changes would be welcomed; I know I have to step back emotionally and focus on my self a lot more... I do want to work it out, and obviously the way I act is killing the attraction she has for me. By the way she is attracted to me I am tall and handsome according to many women (including her) with but major self-esteem issues! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 You need to stop criticizing her, even just in your head. She is 100% right and you should try to emulate her behavior. Don't think she's not committed etc. she is, just in a healthy way. In fact I'd say she's more committed than you for tolerating your bad behavior for so long. Link to comment
johndoe13 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 You need to stop criticizing her, even just in your head. She is 100% right and you should try to emulate her behavior. Don't think she's not committed etc. she is, just in a healthy way. In fact I'd say she's more committed than you for tolerating your bad behavior for so long. I agree, last night I was zen, I told myself to stop expecting so much from the relationship and do whatever makes me happy. I think she is starting to get worried because she mentioned this morning that I am acting different. She told me this because I told her that same morning I had to leave before her (1st time it happens) while she was preparing her lunch; she said that I should have told her so that she could time her morning differently so that we can have coffee together... I was not playing games, I was quiet because many time she does not talk to me too much in the morning so I just watch tv and I though she would not care If I left before her... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I don't talk that much in the morning either. It does not mean I do not love my husband. I am not a morning person and I need my cup of Java before my brain can operate. I DESPISE mornings in fact. It has nothing to do with my husband. I would not be talkative in the morning no matter who I was with. even my son knows this and does not take offense. Maybe she is not a morning person. Not everyone is. I have never been a morning person in fact, not even as a kid. So do not take her not talking to you in the morning as a sign that she does not care. Man if my husband took offense to that we would have been divorced 53 million times by now. Why not ask her if she is a morning person? Link to comment
johndoe13 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 I don't talk that much in the morning either. It does not mean I do not love my husband. I am not a morning person and I need my cup of Java before my brain can operate. I DESPISE mornings in fact. It has nothing to do with my husband. I would not be talkative in the morning no matter who I was with. even my son knows this and does not take offense. Maybe she is not a morning person. Not everyone is. I have never been a morning person in fact, not even as a kid. So do not take her not talking to you in the morning as a sign that she does not care. Man if my husband took offense to that we would have been divorced 53 million times by now. Why not ask her if she is a morning person? Yes she is not a morning person that I know so I don't talk to much. But it is funny that this morning she got worried about me be silent...actually I broke our routine of having coffee on the sofa together (1st time) and of her getting out of bed before me (1st time)... Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 You really do overanalyze everything. I don't think she was "worried" -- she just noted the change. And commented. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Nothing funny about it. She is observant so she noticed. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 You really do overanalyze everything. I don't think she was "worried" -- she just noted the change. And commented. I think that is all it was too. I notice when my husband changes his routine. I just wonder why is all. I would not say it "worries" me. I am just curious because I am naturally a curious and observant person. So if he is not gone to work by the time I wake up I know something different is happening. Link to comment
johndoe13 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 You really do overanalyze everything. I don't think she was "worried" -- she just noted the change. And commented. Trust me she was worried...she told me: Something is ackward (with a worried voice), You know when you usually tell me i'm quiet, I feel you are not talking this morning...and you did not tell me about the course last night...I could have woken up earlier so we could have our coffee together...why is this overanalyzing...? Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I once woke up at bf' house and he was gone. Hadn't heard/felt him get out of bed. Turns out he had early appointment and forgot to tell me -- saw no need to wake me up to tell me he was leaving. Wasn't worried --- just confused!!!! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 She noticed because she is observant and cared to ask. That SHOWS caring. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Trust me she was worried...she told me: Something is ackward (with a worried voice), You know when you usually tell me i'm quiet, I feel you are not talking this morning...and you did not tell me about the course last night...I could have woken up earlier so we could have our coffee together...why is this overanalyzing...? Again, she noted the change. You were quiet, you left early without telling her. And you did it to make a point --- games. Mentioning something that is different --- is not worried. It is mentioning. And questioning. It must be exhausting being you! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Do you know the 5 ways in which love are given? 1.Words of affirmation 2. Acts of Service 3. Giving and or Receiving Gifts 4. Quality time 5. Physical Touch People value those to different varying degrees. It could be that you are huge on words and affirmations and physical touch and she is big on giving acts of service for example. But because she is not draped over you like a curtain and talking a blue streak you consider that not loving you. Read the book The 5 Languages of Love. Just because she is not speaking YOUR language of love does not mean she does not love you or care. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Trust me she was worried...she told me: Something is ackward (with a worried voice), You know when you usually tell me i'm quiet, I feel you are not talking this morning...and you did not tell me about the course last night...I could have woken up earlier so we could have our coffee together...why is this overanalyzing...? your doing it wrong... Link to comment
johndoe13 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 your doing it wrong... I think you are right, I texted her at work that i was thinking of her work also telling her that this morning I had an urge to kiss her and to let me know for tonight because I wanted to do something nice and she replied with this. Ok i'll text you later. Sorry, I'm in a hurry to leave. Love you. It feels weird because usually she will write Hi honey...plus she will say miss you too or thinking about you too... I hope she was really running to a client; because honestly it takes max 1 minutes to write something nice. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 your worrying too much again..your not learning ... Link to comment
johndoe13 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 your worrying too much again..your not learning ... I am starting to believe I had GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) or (an attachment disorder), it took me that e-mail she sent to through me off! I have this constant feeling of worry/fear that it will end any minute and that she is planning to leave me! It's really annoying! tomorrow I have my appointment with the Psyc. maybe I'll have to go with some sort of anti-depressants if this does not stop...I can't focus at work! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I am starting to believe I had GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) or (an attachment disorder), it took me that e-mail she sent to through me off! I have this constant feeling of worry/fear that it will end any minute and that she is planning to leave me! It's really annoying! tomorrow I have my appointment with the Psyc. maybe I'll have to go with some sort of anti-depressants if this does not stop... Are you like this in other contexts or just your relationship? Consider understanding the root cause of your feelings rather than hoping a pill will make you understand relationships better. Link to comment
johndoe13 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 I'm like this at work as well. For example I have a feeling they will fire me and they just want me to leave...With friends if the don't give me proper aknowledgement I think they are mad with me and sometimes I think i'm always out of the loop about things...so yes. BUT my girlfriend is definitely the avoidant type (at least with me) so it makes things worse; I just try to hide it with her! Help! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I'm like this at work as well. For example I have a feeling they will fire me and they just want me to leave...With friends if the don't give me proper aknowledgement I think they are mad with me and sometimes I think i'm always out of the loop about things...so yes. BUT my girlfriend is definitely the avoidant type (at least with me) so it makes things worse; I just try to hide it with her! Help! I think she's the healthy type, not avoidant. Def go see the psych, but try CBT instead of meds. You need to understand why it's irrational to always have these fears. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I have to ask...how did you two ever get together? Link to comment
johndoe13 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 I have to ask...how did you two ever get together? I'd like to know why you ask? But we met via an internet dating site. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Because you don't seem very confident, so I was wondering how you connected in the.first place. Link to comment
johndoe13 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 Because you don't seem very confident, so I was wondering how you connected in the.first place. I wasn't this bad when we met! I was not mr.confident but I was ok. I had two dates to two girls I liked before her and I had similar reactions of fear and qustionning and I just went out 2 dates... It seems like all dates/relationship has trigerred the anxiety! It's crazy I still get nerveous when I call her, when I get to the house, ...yet she is my girlfriend...that is why I came to the forum, see a psy tomorrow, and considering taking meds...because everyone is telling me i'm crazy...and I feel I can't talk about this anymore with her because I think I've asked for too much reassurance at this point and one more episode of questionning any time soon will probably be her breaking point! With my ex I did not have this problem though at least that I could remember. Probably her leaving me by surprise has something to do with it... Link to comment
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