She's getting comfortable and settling in a bit' - Weight gain

[Fudgie]

Haha, I think most of the weight gain in women as well as men happens because you go out a lot in the beginning of a relationship. Simple as that. It's not all her in that regard.

 

That being said, if what you say is true and you're not hyper focusing on the negative, then I understand why you feel a bit tricked. I imagine it must be really upsetting to be really into fitness and think you've found a partner who values it too, only to find out that they don't value it as much and it's not a priority.

 

I am thinking it's more of an incompatibility. If you want a lady who puts 100% effort into how she looks all the time, by all means, go for it! There are women out there like that. Heck, my grandma was one of these women. She wore make up to bed and never let her husband see her without her dentures. I saw her without them as a child and she was MORTIFIED that I saw. I didn't see the big deal, haha.

 

Look, I'm not going to sit here and slam you for being shallow. It's pointless. You could get slammed all day but it doesn't change your preferences. I'd honestly rather tell you to seek someone else and have you go find someone who makes you happier. And your girlfriend can do the same. You're not doing her any favors by staying.

 

Personally, I am against any person having a facade. Go to the gym because you want to, not just for a potential mate. Wear make up because you want to for many occasions, not just a new boyfriend. People need to learn that it's not good to get into a relationship acting one way that you're more. Because it's not you and you'll always always always revert back and that's when problems happen.

 

I'm very, very low key and it has served me well. Everyone I've been with, I've been with for a year or more. What you see is what you get. I have a long hair hairstyle that doesn't change, dress conservatively at all times, am obese, like walking but not super into fitness, and I HATE HATE HATE make up. Obviously I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I haven't had issues finding quality men who want to be with me as-is either. My current boyfriend loves me the way I am and I've been this way long before we started dating. There is a comfort to be found in that, when you are consistent.

[paperboy48]

Do you have a link to this article? I don't believe it.

 

I typically lose weight at the beginning of a relationship.

 

 

link removed

 

 

wait - just reading your thread you posted 3 weeks ago. so you got back together with her? what's the story?

 

my reason would be what he wrote about in his past thread, how he and his therapist have decided that he always focuses on the negatives, not the positives.

 

i am really wondering what's changed in the last 3 weeks since you got back together with her? you said you loved her and wanted this relationship to work for the long haul....

 

I still love her... she is truly my best friend. Why all of a sudden as we got back together she decided she would stop exercising...I have no idea! She did tell me this morning, she needs to get back to more vigorous exercise, not just walking.

[metrogirl]

Do you take her out a lot to eat?

[Realitynut]

Yep...i always gain weight when i'm in a relationship. Going out to eat. Cooking for him. Etc. etc. The most exercise i got was from all the sex!

 

When relationships ended, i lost weight cuz i was in a funk. Plus, eating isn't as fun by yourself. Unless it's jamming food in your mouth every night in front of the tv or computer!

 

So yeah...i'm on a diet trying to attract a mate. AIN"T WORKING. And i am one of those people who always wear make-up. And heels when i go out, etc. etc.

 

Ex bf told me he liked that about me and his new gf doesn't do that....and i could tell he was quite disappointed. But she had money to make up the difference.

 

Plus, i saw pics of her when they started screwing...i mean...dating...and i saw pics of her on fb last wk...and boy did she get FAT!!!

 

I was so happy!

 

So yeah. People gain weight when in relationships because of eating alongside their partner...and sometimes the same amount! YIKES....(What i did!)

[paperboy48]

Yep...i always gain weight when i'm in a relationship. Going out to eat. Cooking for him. Etc. etc. The most exercise i got was from all the sex!

 

So yeah...i'm on a diet trying to attract a mate. AIN"T WORKING. And i am one of those people who always wear make-up. And heels when i go out, etc. etc.

 

 

So you're available then

[superfan]

Is the problem that you feel she had similar values to you and now you are finding out that is not the case? Or is the problem that you are afraid the weight gain will continue and you don't want her to get fat? I ask this because there IS a difference.

 

If you felt you were both very fitness oriented and that you liked that she valued her appearance and seemed to want to take care of herself then I can understand if you feel like you have been a bit led on. If you are just worried she might get fat and you don't want to be with a 'fat girl' then you might need a bit of a reality check.

 

I say that because at some point when you both get older it will be difficult and in some cases impossible to maintain a specific lifestyle. People gain weight when they get older....it's a fact of life and 15lbs ultimately is not that much.

 

As for the makeup, that really is a personal preference. I am the type of person who almost never wears makeup. It's very likely I wore a bit more at the beginning of my relationship than I do now, but my husband is fine with the fact that I almost never wear it. Now I haven't gained weight since we got together - if anything I have lost weight. However, my husband and I are aware that someday we will get older, and become less attractive. It's life.

 

If you want to bring it up with her, do not phrase it as a criticism. Rather, ask her if there is something bothering her. Tell her you have become concerned that she has not been working out as much and ask if there is something wrong. It will sound more like you are concerned about her health and mental well being and less like you are harping on her for gaining weight.

[Realitynut]

So you're available then

 

H-E-L-L- YEAH!

 

I was thinking about this today....musta been a slow day....and i remember, i told my ex bf..you can talk about ANYTHING but my weight. He said, you mean i can't tell you when you are getting fat? (he may have said, 'gaining weight..I dunno....all i heard was 'getting fat")

 

I said, NOOOO, don't you think i know when i'm gaining weight...duh.

 

Instead, just say, "lets go for a walk", and then when we'd be walking, i might suggest power walking for a bit.

 

Or say, 'lets ride bikes' ...then we might race for a bit.

 

Whatever, just make it fun. Don't say...hey i think you need to hit the gym.

 

But it sounds as if she's come to that conclusion on her own

[pl3asehelp]

H-E-L-L- YEAH!

 

I was thinking about this today....musta been a slow day....and i remember, i told my ex bf..you can talk about ANYTHING but my weight. He said, you mean i can't tell you when you are getting fat? (he may have said, 'gaining weight..I dunno....all i heard was 'getting fat")

 

I said, NOOOO, don't you think i know when i'm gaining weight...duh.

 

Instead, just say, "lets go for a walk", and then when we'd be walking, i might suggest power walking for a bit.

 

Or say, 'lets ride bikes' ...then we might race for a bit.

 

Whatever, just make it fun. Don't say...hey i think you need to hit the gym.

 

But it sounds as if she's come to that conclusion on her own

 

Sounds like you expect exercise to be fun. That happens occasionally, but it's mostly unpleasant hard work you do for later enjoyable benefits.

[Realitynut]

Yeah, yeah, whatever....I'm 58....and if i'm gonna exercise...it better be enjoyable! I'll do the gym thing...but it's more during the winter months. I'd much rather be hiking trails than walking on a damnnn treadmill!

 

When i was a youngster, you never heard of people always going to the gym!

 

Some people are just overly concerned with 'looks'....as far as I'm concerned.....I'd much rather have a chubby guy with a wonderful sense of humor...than a hardbody who's a 'bore'.....snooze

 

In a perfect world, we'd be both! But alas....it's not Thank God for smilies!

[Fudgie]

Realitynut,

 

You need to find a treadmill with a TV attached. My gym has those. Walking on a treadmill is so boring so I like to watch documentaries or whatnot when I use it. Makes me forget that I'm bored, haha.

[petite]

I don't think you're shallow because you want your partner to put the effort she used to in the beginning. The way I look at it, if I put effort into my looks before then it is only reasonable I continue to put the same effort after, just because you have a partner doesn't mean you stop taking care of yourself. If she only took care of herself externally to get a partner, then she was deceptive.

 

I realize things change and people can and do change and get, but to put on weight simply because you're no longer single is a lame excuse in my book. Just because one cares about their appearance does not mean they never go without makeup, or whatever. Some people just like to look nice® and not necessarily always bare faced and plain. I suggest you speak to her and voice your concern, just try and be tactful but honest.

[pl3asehelp]

Yeah, yeah, whatever....I'm 58....and if i'm gonna exercise...it better be enjoyable! I'll do the gym thing...but it's more during the winter months. I'd much rather be hiking trails than walking on a damnnn treadmill!

 

When i was a youngster, you never heard of people always going to the gym!

 

Some people are just overly concerned with 'looks'....as far as I'm concerned.....I'd much rather have a chubby guy with a wonderful sense of humor...than a hardbody who's a 'bore'.....snooze

 

In a perfect world, we'd be both! But alas....it's not Thank God for smilies!

 

The reason regular exercise is recommend is not because of how it makes you look, but rather the health benefits. Our understanding of health has certainly changed over time. It was once thought smoking was ok. If you can make it fun, that helps, but if not, you still need to get regular exercise or you're neglecting your health similar to having a poor diet, not getting enough sleep, smoking, etc.

[HeatherB]

I still love her... she is truly my best friend. Why all of a sudden as we got back together she decided she would stop exercising...I have no idea! She did tell me this morning, she needs to get back to more vigorous exercise, not just walking.

Then support her in this. Offer to set out her workout clothes and shoes and start the DVD if necessary. Make sure there's a nice cold water bottle ready for her before she starts working out. The more important this is to you, the more you'll be willing to do in exchange for getting what you want. (This is how I get my husband to take care of our yard according to my schedule and standards, rather than his.)

 

I just wonder whether this girl is the right type for you, ultimately. There are plenty of high maintenance women out there who will continue to exercise for hours a day and go the whole nine yards with the matchy matchy accessories and eyelash extensions, relationship or no relationship. Many men find that level of devotion to appearance a turn off, so I'm thinking one of those ladies would be thrilled to have her efforts appreciated by you.

 

Maybe you initially thought your girlfriend was that higher maintenance type, but she's turned out not to be. You will have to work pretty hard to get what you want from her. So I'd recommend committing to that now if you want to stay with her. Sticking around and being disappointed or disapproving, or always having one foot out the door is not acceptable.

[Stay_home]

Relationships are such a ripoff these days to all of us...

 

Men go into it hoping that things never change, while women go into it hoping things will eventually change.

 

The end product is usually either one or both parties end up feeling frustrated and disappointed with the turnout. The only way to possibly intercept that is if you remain original. Sure, change is inevitable, but be who you are always. If you ain't a gym rat, don't try to be one just because you think it'll make me happy to see you in shape. If you're not a very sexual person and don't prefer it often, fine. I just wouldn't like it if as we begin dating your putting out and then after a year or two and you get comfortable it becomes once a month. If you've got a bad temper or a short fuse, I'd rather know that now then later on down the road.

 

One thing men and women can both agree on: Neither of us like suprises...

 

That's why you should always be who you are. If everybody was honest with one another than certainly we would have much better relationships!

[Realitynut]

Men go into it hoping that things never change, while women go into it hoping things will eventually change.

 

 

words were never spoken!

[Fudgie]

Yep, just be yourself. I've never had a man complain about my weight or my complete lack of make up because I'm the same now as I was in the beginning! The men who wouldn't enjoy me have never even looked at me as a possibility and that's how it should be.

 

Stop trying to attract more men and start attracting just the men who are right for you.

[Realitynut]

Fudgie...I'm just trying to attract ANYONE!!! lol

JK....sorta.

 

I'm always myself...emotional and clingy! Gotta love me!

 

So where is the OP?? lol

[paperboy48]

Fudgie...I'm just trying to attract ANYONE!!! lol

JK....sorta.

 

I'm always myself...emotional and clingy! Gotta love me!

 

So where is the OP?? lol

 

I'm here...and you're gorgeous btw