How to Never Become Friend-Zoned with Girls

[Blue Spiral]

I definitely agree with Purusha. And besides, the only guys that experience a world where women hold the 'upper hand' in dating and have the final say in what happens are the guys that set themselves up for that kind of treatment. Plenty of guys go into every date only wanting to show their best side and hoping to meet someone cool, but without any expectations and fully expecting her to have to impress him enough to deserve a second date - not worrying about whether she'll give him a second date.

 

Right...and if the guy doesn't impress the girl, she can wait and choose from the other guys that are pursuing her at any given moment, whereas if the girl doesn't impress the guy, he can wait and...wait some more. You can be the happiest guy on the planet, but you'll still have to do more work than the girl will, unless certain rare requirements are met (fame, wealth).

[allcity]

That may be true for you and, if so, all that does is say a lot about you. One day you may wake up and realise that, but I very much doubt it.

[HeartGoesOn]

Moderator Note: Please keep postings at a respectful level.

[HeatherB]

Hahaha. Strange, my ovaries were prompting me to say something not particularly nice, yet I seem to have been able to override them.

 

Here's something I learned a while ago when I started giving advice online: Try to avoid saying "men think" this or "women want" that. Even though I meant well when I would say that men loved a certain type of behavior, it actually came accross as not respecting men very much. All men can't be or react a certain way uniformly. And neither can all women or girls.

 

I think it's much more polite (and accurate) to say, "I've found that" or "In my experience" or "Some women" or "Certain women" or "Many women" or "All the women I've dated" or even "Most women tend to."

 

We are all human beings first, gendered people second. First apply what you know about human nature, and only after that account for masculine/feminine differences, which are mostly cultural anyway. Attraction and courting behavior are unusually gendered areas of activity, but don't let that fool you into throwing out common sense...or common respect.

[Blue Spiral]

That may be true for you and, if so, all that does is say a lot about you. One day you may wake up and realise that, but I very much doubt it.

 

I'm afraid that you're a little late to the party. I've always acknowledged that I don't have the traits that women usually value, either because of my own choices or because of circumstances that can't be changed. Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, just as there's nothing wrong with women who don't have the traits that men usually value, whether it's because of their values and beliefs (i.e., choosing to be true to themselves instead of changing/softening their opinions or personality in order to get men to like them) or because of things that can't be changed (physical issues, etc.).

 

That said, I think my point relates to men in general. Your "everything is okay" argument doesn't sound very convincing to me. It's all well and good to work on improving oneself, but we don't exist in a vacuum--there's a dating market out there, and markets are never equal. It's great that you can get yourself enthusiastic about doing all the pursuit and paying for dates and not caring how it turns out, but the rest of us may not be quite down with that, for some strange reason. "Be the best version of yourself and it'll all work out" only works if "yourself" is something that other people want.

[oap81]

I can't believe in today's day and age people can't see men are severly the underdogs in the dating arena.Woman get hit on pretty much on a daily basis lol. Not many guys get this treatment.

[goodfoot]

I can't believe in today's day and age people can't see men are severly the underdogs in the dating arena.Woman get hit on pretty much on a daily basis lol. Not many guys get this treatment.

 

I would think it was obvious by looking at the state of this forum. Not many threads talking about involuntarily celibate women but they pop up from guys all the time. But I do think you are overstating it a bit.

[Slimpee]

It's pretty easy to sit around pointing fingers at one gender (or a piece of that gender's anatomy). In my opinion, it's just an excuse.

 

Guys and women can both be friendzoned and you have to allow yourself to put there.

 

How not to be: If you have/develop interest in dating, ask the person out or make your feelings known somehow.

[goodfoot]

It's pretty easy to sit around pointing fingers at one gender (or a piece of that gender's anatomy).

That sounds like a pretty fun date idea...I'll have to try that sometime, lol.

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course.