paperboy48 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 If you could only pick one...as in you chose to have a relationship with someone where the Sex is fantasic and the relationship is kind of mediocre a relationship where the relationship is Fantasic and the sex is mediocre? Just curious! Link to comment
becomingkate Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 To just pick one would be settling, and I don't do that anymore. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 If I had one choice it would be great relationship. Life does not always present one choice though. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I would pick a great relationship. I've gone without the great sex for a while now, no biggie really. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 If I had to pick ONE, it would obviously be great RELATIONSHIP. But kate said it best, if you apply this to realistic circumstances, it would become "settling". Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I would pick a great relationship. I've gone without the great sex for a while now, no biggie really. I agree. My husband takes medication that totally inhibits his sex drive. I do not see myself as "settling". I see myself as someone's who's relationship is better than it ever has been and we connect on so many levels and I am with the man I have been with for 25 years. He needs the medication to be functional. You can get sex any place, you do not get a good relationship anywhere. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 The relationship, easily. Sex is welcome but it's not all-consumingly important to me, it doesn't have to be great or plentiful. Link to comment
Godless_Heathen Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 If the sex is mediocre, it's not a great relationship for me. That aspect would always be a painful spot. Before you say "oh, sex isn't that important," what about a relationship where your partner doesn't want to touch you, and won't express affection. Isn't that a pretty strong indicator the relationship isn't good, let alone great? That's the way I view a relationship where the woman I'm with isn't enthusiastic about sex with me. And frankly, sincere enthusiasm and a modicum of empathy is all that is necessary for me to have a great sexual relationship. I don't need gymnastics, just desire. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Some people can have lots of intimacy even without the sex. My husband hugs me all the time. I hug him all the time. He tells me I am beautiful all the time. He DOES want me it is the medication. I realize that. However if someone is not affectionate and not close and does not want you of course that is not a good relationship. You can have intimacy without sex though. Link to comment
goodfoot Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 No such thing as a great relationship without great sex Link to comment
EssexMan Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Before you say "oh, sex isn't that important," what about a relationship where your partner doesn't want to touch you, and won't express affection. Oh yeah, physical closeness is extremely important. But sex as in the X-rated bits less so. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 As long as the sex was mediocre and not terrible or non-exsistant.... I'd choose the great reationship any day. Link to comment
Natasha24 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 For me, you can't have one without the other. Sex isn't great unless I'm in a relationship. Relationships aren't great unless we're having awesome sex. Link to comment
MJWasHere Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Id keep looking. I think its possible to have both. But If I had to choose a GREAT relationship with good sex vs a problematic relationship with AWESOME sex, i chood the great relationship. I think sex can be improved more easily than relationship, especially from a female perspective. Mening, guys are usually down for trying/doing most things or having sex more often if i girl wants it Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I couldn't choose. I've tried before and it didn't work. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I'm sure everyone can guess my answer, but for 90% of people, the answer should be both. A long time ago, when I was in relationship-seeking mode, I came accross a girl that seemed like a great girlfriend candidate. And then I heard her say that sex wasn't that big a deal to her. In my opinion, that's the reddest of the red flags. If someone is willing to say that when the relationship is tentative and both parties should be putting their best foot forward (the early stages), what are they going to be like once they've "got you" and don't have to work/pursue quite as hard? Unsurprisingly, she's been through several failed relationships and a marriage that didn't last long (it's always the guy that leaves her), and she can't quite seem to figure out why it keeps happening. Link to comment
Godless_Heathen Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 And then I heard her say that sex wasn't that big a deal to her. In my opinion, that's the reddest of the red flags. This is exactly how I feel. Though I imagine if both people feel sex isn't important emotionally, then it's not a problem. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 A great relationship. You can have close intimacy without great sex. Link to comment
HeatherB Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Both options sound equally awful. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I have to have both, I'm sorry... I don't think either option, without the other is appealing. I think good sex, and a good relationship go hand in hand. If I were not having good sex, I would not be happy in a relationship because I'm a sexual person. On the other hand if all we had was good sex and nothing else I would not be happy either because I was an emotional connection. Link to comment
paperboy48 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 I appreciate all of the feedback...to be comepletely honest the sex is not really bad, and she is very willing to have sex (actually encourages it quite a bit). The truth here is I have been seeing her for over four months, I think she is really pretty and her personality is great...its just that I'm not as attracted to her body as I should be. In my previous relationship, the attraction was much greater to my ex's body. I think I would really miss my girlfriend, if we were to split. I'm just not sure I can get past this issue... uggh! Link to comment
lostnscared Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 What about her body do you not find attractive? I mean why did you date this girl if you weren't attracted to her? Link to comment
quirky Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Her body? Were you more attracted to her at the beginning? Or did you just like her personality and decided to go with it? And then I heard her say that sex wasn't that big a deal to her. In my opinion, that's the reddest of the red flags. Same. This is more alarming to me than someone with somewhat bad hygiene. And it's not even about the orgasm, it's about what it's gonna do to myself esteem and how it will limit my freedom and self expression. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 If you could only pick one...as in you chose to have a relationship with someone where the Sex is fantasic and the relationship is kind of mediocre a relationship where the relationship is Fantasic and the sex is mediocre? Just curious! Give me good sex any day. I'll put up with some pretty nasty stuff if the sex is good. I suspect others would too. Love to have a forum lie detector. Link to comment
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